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 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 51
Paying for a datePage 3 of 74    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)

I don't mind paying for a romantic dinner for 2, but if she all of a sudden decides..Hey!! I'm gonna supersize my fries, or get the 10 nugget meal instead of 6, that's where I have to draw the line. The nerve of some wimmen

For a 1st meet, I think it would be funny/cute to do that! (Fast food)

I think when people post in here, their meanings of 1st date varies- is it 1st meet? That is note a DATE IMO.

I think the dinner spread sheet thing is not nice.

If I ever had to do OLD, I would want a 1st meet to be in a pleasant environment for an inexpensive beverage & would keep it to 30 mins.

IF the gentleman was so inclined, & wanted to extend it into a real date, that is an option.

I don't pursue men, I have allowed myself to be pursued, so I would not pay, initially.

However, if a man asked for a real date, not just a meet (which is not a date IMO) & was kind enough to pay, I'd prob offer him a picnic of sorts or buy some tickets to a show & invite him. When it turns into a relationship, I buy concert tickets, gift cards to restaurants, tickets to shows, etc.

When I go out to eat, I do not order alcohol. I also prefer a smaller meal or an appetizer (I have a lap band in place) so generally, my part of the meal is fairly inexpensive- I rarely eat beef, pork or lamb (Used to be a vegetarian, now eat fish, poultry & dairy & eggs)

I have no problem w/ a nice chain restaurant & or coupons. I also like a pricier place, but it is not mandatory.

I wouldn't want to have dinner w/ a bunch of men, or a man I was not attracted to.

My personal experience, no one has ever asked me to pay or hesitated, etc.

BUT after knowing a couple of women IRL who did OLD & seeing their ads & how they mis-represented & kinda thinking they USED/duped/manipulated men, I have more compassion for men in general. He was expecting to meet the woman in the picture, not her 20-25 years later, 40 lbs heavier & white haired instead of blonde, etc. I also think it is tacky for such a woman upon just meeting a man to order several alcoholic beverages (not cheap) & a full meal knowing he is going to be paying & knowing at the back of their mind there will be no real date again.

If I had a brother & he was doing OLD, I would tell him to meet her for coffee, period. If I had a brother who was looking, there are at least a dozen forums women I would want to introduce him to, bec. I have seen many good women in here.

If I were single & looking & lived elsewhere, there are many men in here I would be thrilled to have coffee with.

People spend $$$ on what is a PRIORITY to them, so a man NOT WANTING TO SPEND SOME $ on me initially (after knowing me from either IRL or a coffee meet) is very telling to me. Notice I say “some”…And money does matter & it is naive to think there is 100% equality in this world.

I think of it this way:
Splitting the tab: tacky
Taking turns: sexy

Many of us forget about the competitive nature of dating in the 21st century. Unlike in the past, the number of people we can meet and date now is abundant due to OLD.

If a man meets a woman he's wild about and doesn’t remain competitive by showing generosity with regard to his time, money, and heart, he will lose out on courting her.

If she has two gentleman callers, both of whom are attractive, funny, and smart, and both of whom share wonderful chemistry with the woman, guess which one she’ll go for most? The one who values generosity, security, and “investing in the best.” Let’s face it, money is not bad at all. It is not filthy lucre. It provides freedom and flexibility. Who doesn’t want that?

I recently realized that the reason many men were against paying for dates was because they were dating women that weren’t right for them-they were not into them, as I used an example above...

If that man meets an awesome woman that he is attracted to & falling for, I bet he would GLADLY drop $50-100 on a date.

If he meets a nice woman who’s a time-filling distraction with little to no chemistry he will may resent both her and the price of the one cup of coffee.

A nice lady I know from a woman's club told me she did match & met many nice men who she found just "mediocre", a variation of what I just said: a time filling distraction.

I'd rather spend time w/ friends or family, or my cats & be alone than be a "place-holder" for a man. I respect myself too much.

I would HATE to be a woman on a date w/ a guy THAT WAS NOT INTO ME…my take on online dating is so many people meet so many people but very few make a connection & many people seem to have “filler” dates/relationships. I’d rather have LESS dates & only w/ men who really were digging me!
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 52
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 7:01:44 AM
Here's to hoping that each and every one of us are so excited to meet a possible friend/lover and best of all... both.....

That who's paying is the furthest thing from your mind!!!!

It could happen, ya know. I know I'm feeling lucky! :)
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 53
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 7:09:57 AM
KJ521...way to keep a positive mindset! Good for you.
Who knows, it could be the gentleman in line at the Publix grocery, or the snappy-looking chap in his British sports car stopped in the adjacent lane while driving in traffic.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 54
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 7:20:31 AM
Ooooh Eric.....

I just LOVE those traffic light rom-com moments!

I hope if it happens... I am not singing loudly and off-key to a sappy country song! And if I am....hope my windows are up!


And Publix would be good, too. It certainly would make my shopping a pleasure! ;)
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 55
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 7:22:03 AM
KJ if you can't find a suitable date, we're all doomed! :)
 nocrapzone
Joined: 1/10/2015
Msg: 56
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 7:27:33 AM

And Publix would be good, too. It certainly would make my shopping a pleasure! ;)


every time I have seen a "Publix" store, my mind somehow fails to register the "L"..

and I think.." Whaaaa.." ?

do you think they picked the name deliberately for that reason, a subliminal come-on??
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 57
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 7:33:28 AM
Forumsfella....

Way too kind! But thank you for that! Where do you live? ;)




"do you think they picked the name deliberately for that reason, a subliminal come-on??"


I hope so! Wouldn't that be fun!
 OneKewlDood
Joined: 5/21/2014
Msg: 58
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 9:01:08 AM

When it turns into a relationship, I buy concert tickets...


A girl after my own heart. Hitting a concert tonite with a date, actually. 90's "Hair Metal" band Extreme is playing locally. :o)
 Supersoulson
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 59
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 9:11:42 AM

Whoever puts the finger up the ass shouldn't have to pay.


I thought that was after the date. But now that I think about it, it does make more sense to put the finger *before* dinner...


I prefer the direct approach, as we open the menu I simply ask " who is getting the finger in the ass later , me or you ? " ..... and go from there. Never good to assume .
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 60
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 9:54:00 AM
This topic again?


Supersoulsun...

Whoever puts the finger up the ass shouldn't have to pay.


You definitely shouldn't pay if you have to smell the finger...


Never good to assume.


I love the irony...
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 61
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 9:56:55 AM
OP if you live close enough to Mohegan Sun, you prob have seen some good shows!
 Supersoulson
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 62
Lessons in modern dating, Chapter 9 : Finger in the ass
Posted: 1/16/2015 9:58:03 AM

You definitely shouldn't pay if you have to smell the finger


I agree, but if smelling the finger results in me passing out then all she has to do is grab my wallet
 OneKewlDood
Joined: 5/21/2014
Msg: 63
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 10:47:41 AM

OP if you live close enough to Mohegan Sun, you prob have seen some good shows!


That's actually where we're headed tonite! I've seen Van Halen, Fleetwood Mac, Yes, Skillet, Alice Cooper, Motley Crue, Marilyn Manson, Smashing Pumpkins, Cyndi Lauper, Queensryche and a bunch more I can't remember off the top of my head up there, both at the Wolf Den and in the arena.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 64
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 11:46:10 AM

As others have said they both got very heated. They were very vigorous exchanges with a plethora of strong opinions.


Are we going to discuss coupons this time?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 65
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 11:48:05 AM

Posted by OneKewlDood:
"... I've seen Van Halen, Fleetwood Mac, Yes, Skillet, Alice Cooper, Motley Crue, Marilyn Manson, Smashing Pumpkins, Cyndi Lauper, Queensryche and a bunch more I can't remember off the top of my head up there, both at the Wolf Den and in the arena..."

We could be concert pals! I have highlighted the same shows (just from your list) that I have seen recently. Wow.
 TALL_IQ2
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 66
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 11:55:13 AM

Are we going to discuss coupons this time?


Yay! For coupons! We all can appreciate a bargain!

Those coupon naysayers may someday come to realize they don't have to try soo hard to impress anyone, because it usually backfires... Just part of the complexities of human nature, power plays and ridiculous cultural rituals.
 Supersoulson
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 67
Lessons in modern dating, Chapter 9 : Finger in the ass
Posted: 1/16/2015 11:58:32 AM
I knew a guy who was so cheap that he'd meet his social group at a coffee shop in the morning, drink half his coffee , bring it home , then bring it back to the same coffee shop later so he wouldn't have to buy another coffee.

Here's the thing that makes you scratch your head :

He wasn't poor !

WTF ????
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 68
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 12:17:31 PM
Fresh material, finally! (rolling my eyes)

I offer Dutch if we're not exclusive after 3 dates.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 69
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 12:21:25 PM

That who's paying is the furthest thing from your mind!!!!

Yes, but in order for it to be the furthest thing from his mind, it has to be the furthest thing from Her mind, too... and it's not the furthest thing from your mind, as you said:

On this recent adventure, however, I was rather grateful that this man was a gentleman in all ways and graciously paid.

Which = you're not being a gentleman and not being gracious if you don't pay the whole bill (in your scenario where you drove out to meet him). Regardless of one's POV on whether that's good, bad, or somewhere in-between -- it's not "the furthest thing from your mind". :) The furthest thing from one's mind would be the color of the napkins (pure white or off-white?) at the table you're sitting at.

In your situation, would it be Equally the same with guys & gals out there -- if the guy drove out a bit of a ways to meet up with the gal "friend" -- and she pay because he made the trip out to her city/town? I don't think a high % of ladies would think so, unless it was a long, arduous task for him to come "all the way out there" (like, say, a 2 hour trip in bad weather for an extended dinner).

If one wants to stick to "Tradition" -- that's fine. But one thing rests upon the other. What I mean by that is, if the girl Asks The Guy Out, she can't expect/wish/desire him to pay for Her outing costs. Why? Because she already cut "tradition" out from the base by Asking Him Out. Heck, even for non-traditionalists that's outside-the-box.

The concept of the "man paying, don't think about it" -- is because it stemmed from women not working, having only a part-time job, or very financially tight if living on her own -- where the guy supports himself reasonably well, especially if he's single -- WHILE it being a no-brainer that He Asked Her Out. Of course he's going to pay in that scenario -- or back in the day when that was assumed by "a woman's place" in society, sure. No thinking required!

But in more modern times, the guy's not always going to (explicitly) ask the girl to go out and await a Yes/No. Although that will still be a majority, often times nobody Asked the Other per se, it was assumed post-exchanging-numbers-after-mingling... then it was decided to go out, much the same as two friends deciding where to eat. One doesn't Ask the other for it, etc. And on top of this, what you will also have at least showing up on the radar in today's day and age is the gal asking the guy to go out. It's not a super-duper-rarity by any means after they're conversing a bit. Especially in the online age.

So when the guy doesn't ask the girl out -- but they are going out -- you're already side-stepping Tradition. However, as a guy, if you really Like the girl and you feel that she very well may like you or may like you soon with good probability, even if you didn't Ask her out -- you should pay, and insist in a friendly way you got it if she "offers" -- not because it's Fair (it's Not) -- but it's to maximize your chances of garnering her Interest -- because for many gals (without them thinking about it too much), it Does Matter to her if you Don't.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 70
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 12:22:56 PM

I knew a guy who was so cheap that he'd meet his social group at a coffee shop in the morning, drink half his coffee , bring it home , then bring it back to the same coffee shop later so he wouldn't have to buy another coffee.

Here's the thing that makes you scratch your head :

He wasn't poor !

WTF ????

Was he a hoarder? Just wondering.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 71
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 12:26:34 PM
I have never been to Mohegan Sun for a concert, it is generally The Capitol Theatre, Tarrytown Music Hall, Bethel Woods(Woodstock), Albany (I 4got the name of the arena), The Bardavon & The Towne Crier.

Seen some very good performers, including some of who you named. It is great when you live close enough to some really good venues.

Have fun 2nite!

If you like the blues, only a little bit & The Myles Mancuso Band is playing local to you, or Slam Allen, GO! You will be blown away!
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 72
Lessons in modern dating, Chapter 9 : Finger in the ass
Posted: 1/16/2015 12:42:12 PM

I knew a guy who was so cheap that he'd meet his social group at a coffee shop in the morning, drink half his coffee , bring it home , then bring it back to the same coffee shop later so he wouldn't have to buy another coffee.

Here's the thing that makes you scratch your head :

He wasn't poor !

WTF ????


And that's why he WASN'T poor.

Reminds me of a story about the Hunt brothers back in the 1980s.
You remember the Hunt family, big oil billionaires, tried to corner the silver market at one time.

Anyway, there was a story told about them regarding a negotiation on a multi-million dollar deal. They were down to $20, ooo apart, and the guy on the other side of the deal tried to close the deal by saying, "Come on, what's $20, 000 to a family like the Hunts?"

And the reply was ,
"How do you think a family like the Hunts got to BE a family like the Hunts?"
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 73
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/16/2015 12:44:42 PM
I offer Dutch if we're not exclusive after 3 dates.
^^^
Why not go dutch until the third date?
Because, you know by then you are gonna get some... in return. Heh heh ;P




Might catch hell for that one
*ducks
 Supersoulson
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 74
Lessons in modern dating, Chapter 9 : Finger in the ass
Posted: 1/16/2015 12:47:37 PM
True dat Fullmoonguy, PIERRE Trudat !

Some rich people drive fancy cars but some would be surprised at how many rich people drive economy cars for the same reason.



Was he a hoarder? Just wondering.


Haha , I don't know, never knew him that well .... probably not a bad thing, lol
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 75
Lessons in modern dating, Chapter 9 : Finger in the ass
Posted: 1/16/2015 12:51:18 PM

Why not go dutch until the third date?


You remember how this works, don't you?!

I'm supposed to prove myself so I can express my libido!

:)
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