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 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 726
Paying for a datePage 30 of 73    (16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56)
Been a card carrying nerdie all of my life. In high school I was friends with jock guys only because I helped do their homework and coached them through finals. When we were getting ready to graduate and everyone was all hyped on the upcoming prom, not one of those four guys asked me, so I asked each of them. Same answer, "um...sorry Deb, I already have a date".
Disillusionment at the age of 16 :(
 tgif111
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 727
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/7/2015 4:47:41 PM
yeah but if they could see you now Deb, you'd turn THEM down!
bet they don't look too athletic now while you are beautiful.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 728
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/7/2015 6:51:02 PM

yeah but if they could see you now Deb, you'd turn THEM down!
bet they don't look too athletic now while you are beautiful.


Awww thank you! High school reunion is coming up, who knows!
 coderedjulia
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 729
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/8/2015 11:07:31 PM
I don't think there's really an answer to this question. Some men and women prefer to go Dutch. Some men insist on paying, and some women allow them to. Either way, there's nothing wrong with whoever decides to foot the bill. The date itself is what matters.
 Softpillow1
Joined: 3/12/2015
Msg: 730
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/9/2015 12:23:51 AM
lol at first world problem.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 731
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/10/2015 11:32:42 AM

Some men insist on paying, and some women allow them to.

Most men move forth to pay, some men insist on paying, some men don't insist. Some women allow them to, most of which weren't truly honest 'offers' as mild disappointment formulated when he allowed her to do so.

Either way, there's nothing wrong with whoever decides to foot the bill. The date itself is what matters.

There actually is something wrong for the general population, otherwise it wouldn't be such a hot topic. :) When there's no Explicit asking to Take a girl out on a date .... many gals will (erroneously) believe that it's the Same as if he asked to take the her out, if She didn't explicitly ask him out -- hence, he is "supposed" to pay. Some will recognize this difference, although small difference to them, and will still be at least disappointed and will knock the guy down in 'points' ("matchability" to avoid feeling greedy). And a small % of gals will recognize & honor that difference, and won't care.

In the end, the if the guy likes the gal and sees a potential chance with her, IMO, he should as most men do -- move forth/expect to pay, and if she goes to pay her half or asks about how much she owes, say 'no I got it' -- and if she Insists After that, tell her that he wants to take her out, but she can get the tip if she really wants to.

When he's "ehh maybe" at best about her and/or sees little or no chance with her, he should move to split the bill if she wasn't already known as being a broke single mom or something. Again, he didn't Ask to Take her out in the first place. The only exception would be if he felt bad for her or something while being "ehh" about her, doing the same thing as the above.
 coderedjulia
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 732
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/10/2015 1:14:56 PM
I met my boyfriend on this site. It's actually a funny story, because we spoke years ago on the site, but never went beyond a few messages. I found him again last year, but I decided to give him my number so we can actually pursue things further. Unfortunately during that time I also moved to an apartment 2 hours away from him. I told him how far I lived and that I was looking for work. And if the distance is a problem, then I understand. But he decided to come see me and asked me out. It was his treat to take me out cause he knew I have been struggling and he wanted to get me out of my apartment. I allowed him to pay because he wanted to, but I still brought money with me just in case. I never really expect anyone to pay for me. But I appreciated his generosity. I think as long as both people are on the same page, then everything should be fine.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 733
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/10/2015 2:40:49 PM
^ Hey! We're samezies!
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 734
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/10/2015 3:01:48 PM
I'll take a pair of those please:)
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 735
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/10/2015 3:09:31 PM
^ You can have them - my back is killing me.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 736
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/10/2015 3:10:41 PM
On second thought, I'm already suffering from manopause and high estrogen.

No thanks.

Go get some black eyes!
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 737
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/11/2015 2:00:11 PM

The date itself is what matters.


Which means that there shouldn't be this automatic assumption that the guy isn't worth dating if he doesn't pay for you on that first date.

It SHOULD be about the date itself, but in today's society, it's only about the date itself once the guy pays for it.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 738
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/11/2015 4:24:26 PM
rockin trucker

I appreciate it if a guy offers to pay on a first meet but would insist on going dutch especially if I felt I would not see him again. I know many women who feel the same. In today's society women do contribute financially on a date much more so than previously when a man was expected to buy the meal, even on a blind date.

IN fact I know a woman who has actually paid for herself and the guy on a first date but that is going too far and I would not respect the guy that allowed it.

Up to you to suggest just a drink and a half hour the first time. Saves all the awkwardness and financial outlay.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 739
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/11/2015 5:02:27 PM
She would not respect a guy who allowed a woman who wanted to pay for a whole date. That is going too far.

Interesting.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 740
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/11/2015 6:22:52 PM


She would not respect a guy who allowed a woman who wanted to pay for a whole date. That is going too far.
Interesting.

Shoe, meet other foot.
 coderedjulia
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 741
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/11/2015 11:41:05 PM


The date itself is what matters.


Which means that there shouldn't be this automatic assumption that the guy isn't worth dating if he doesn't pay for you on that first date.

It SHOULD be about the date itself, but in today's society, it's only about the date itself once the guy pays for it.


Christ, no wonder why so many people can't keep a long term relationship. They are fighting over stupid meaningless crap like a bill
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 742
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 12:19:51 AM

But he decided to come see me [2 hours away right after moving] and asked me out. It was his treat to take me out cause he knew I have been struggling and he wanted to get me out of my apartment.

If he was financially cruising just fine, I can understand that. However, he doubled down in givings -- driving 2 hours to see someone after they moved away And to pay for them. Obviously a relationship's not going to work out for social individuals, but that'd be enough of a giving to get some fooling-around benefits.

I allowed him to pay because he wanted to, but I still brought money with me just in case. I never really expect anyone to pay for me. But I appreciated his generosity.

Well, if a guy Says outright before going out that he's going to Take you out -- you should expect him to pay. No sense in politically-correct talk. It's the same as if he says he's going to pick you up at 7:30. You'd expect that until said otherwise. The issue is whether a guy is going to be more to a new gal's liking if he Doesn't pay her way, when he didn't ask to Take her out. Many who say that plays basically no role in anything are either exaggerating or unaware -- as it Is at least somewhat a factor to those who say that -- whether they respect that a guy doesn't, or not when he didn't ask to Take her out.

I think as long as both people are on the same page, then everything should be fine.

Well, a decent amount of people aren't, underneath it all -- whether they act as if it's no big deal or not. It certainly is Rarely a big deal when a great match occurs... but it becomes a more silent frustration to at least a lower-level when one experiences a handful of dates that doesn't spawn enough ROI in return. If both people are on the same page underneath it all -- sure, No said subject is going to be an issue lol. It's obviously When -- and when it is, should it be an issue, etc.

It SHOULD be about the date itself, but in today's society, it's only about the date itself once the guy pays for it.

Yep, I agree. That can be called a 'crude' way of putting it -- but that's because it's clear and direct. If a guy doesn't pay for hers when he didn't really ask to Take her out, many gals wanting to avoid sounding greedy and want to claim to 'respect' that, will still be negatively affected by it -- just not on a "wtf" level, but claim it as a "full compatibility" thing. If a gal really doesn't care -- then it'd be on the same scale as whether he ordered a Coke or a Sprite for himself. That is rare, as most do directly or indirectly do care. And again, it doesn't take it to be a "wtf" to have a negative effect if he motions to split the bill when he didn't ask to Take her out.

It Is about the date to them -- assuming the guy shows up for the date, right? And assuming the guy is who he says he was online, right? And assuming the guy does the "decent thing" and pays for it, right?

I appreciate it if a guy offers to pay on a first meet but would insist on going dutch especially if I felt I would not see him again.

I think if there was to be a social "semi-revolution" where the dating scene shifted a bit on a compromising scale -- that would be a Key thing. If the gal isn't that interested, unless he specifically Asked/Said to Take you out in the first place While Also Clearly denied your motion to split the bill -- you Happily split the bill. As in you'd want to. I agree that's a good way to roll.

In today's society women do contribute financially on a date much more so than previously when a man was expected to buy the meal, even on a blind date.

I don't think it's changed on a blind date that involves going out to a restaurant. It's pretty much the same as far as expectations/assumptions that are had -- the guy's expected to pay. The End. You'll find more exceptions -- like the one you pointed out right above -- or fellow poor college students rolling that way on a low-key 'date' in which it's not so much a date but there's expenses, OK. But it really hasn't shifted it much at all for a Real/Substantial First Date, even when blind, as far as who-pays is concerned.

IN fact I know a woman who has actually paid for herself and the guy on a first date but that is going too far and I would not respect the guy that allowed it.

Wow. No, that's not going too far. Especially if the gal motioned for the first date to happen. Many times it's "Here I got this, you can get next". A way of splitting, in the sense that you're putting money down on going out again. A gal can do that when the two click and has confidence they'll see each other again to let him know that she's financially Independent and isn't about a guy buying her stuff. Not respect a guy "that allowed it"? What, are women adult children? LOL.

I would say he shouldn't allow it if he isn't into her and he's pretty sure there won't be a 2nd date. Otherwise, one should Respect the guy to allow it, and to then Take Her out to a nice place after to strongly return the favor.
 Aprilikeswhiteroses
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 743
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 6:16:04 AM

A way of splitting, in the sense that you're putting money down on going out again. A gal can do that when the two click and has confidence they'll see each other again to let him know that she's financially Independent and isn't about a guy buying her stuff.


I wasn't going to saying anything, but this is too much^^. Some forum posters are cynical. Younger men need to know that Unless they want to end like these forum posters, single and alone, then they will follow or not their advice.
Men are behaving like women now days. I am sad for my daughter and next generation, they will have to deal with all this "men changing roles".

The man IS the one who needs to show HER that he IS financially Independent, NOT the other way around.... Talking about men changing roles...My goodness.!!

Because It WAS, it IS and it will always be. ..........A TRUE MAN, PAYS FOR THE FIRST DATE.No matter what.!!

If he doesn't, then THAT's a huge Red Flag any woman should pay attention .!!

Here is why:

If he is young man -40 and is metro sexual, then he needs that money to pluck or wax his eyebrows, legs, and do the nails of the hands and feet before going to the first date......Red Flag....He would never pay for your nails to be done but only his..lol

Now,if he is older 40+ with back pain or other problems, then he needs that money for medicines because it has no stable/ full time job to support himself.......Red Flag.!!

If he is none of the above then he has to pay child support, meaning he needs that money and maybe yours too, to help paying.......Red flag.

It will be a problem and decision of the lady to accept or not the red flag, or to show him right there the White Flag saying, Good Luck, Farewell, HASTA LA VISTA, BABY.

Have a nice sunday.!!
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 744
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 7:33:10 AM
^^^^^^^^ +1

Spot on, April.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 745
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 7:49:15 AM

The man IS the one who needs to show HER that he IS financially Independent, NOT the other way around

Someone's willingness to pay for themself isn't about proving their financial independence. Nor is it about everyone being equal, generally speaking. It's about something very different.

A TRUE MAN, PAYS FOR THE FIRST DATE.No matter what.!!

That's comedy right there.
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 746
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 7:58:53 AM
Meal whores do exist, but I have found plenty of women are just used to the way it used to be, the man pays...I am old school too, I feel more comfortable paying...BUT, I was asked out last night to see a play , she bought the tickets, I asked how much I owed her for the ticket, she said it was her treat...very thoughtful I thought...as far as squabbling over who pays for a simple coffee though...that's just looney, you shouldn't even be dating if $2 breaks your bank.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 747
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 8:13:42 AM

Meal whores do exist, but I have found plenty of women are just used to the way it used to be, the man pays.

You know, back in the early 1900's men were just used to the women staying home and cooking meals, cleaning the house, not being able to vote, and being fairly subservient. Yet women don't cling to these old traditions/roles like they do with the man pays/provides. How odd.

vvvvvvvvv

My point wasn't that I wanted any of those outdated traditions/roles, it was that women want to only eliminate the traditions/roles that adversely affect them and keep those that are advantageous. My mother had a long term hearing problem, and would turn off her hearing aids when she no longer wanted to hear opposing arguments; we called it selective hearing. Women appear to want selective equality.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 748
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 8:18:29 AM
^ Well there you have it. If you want a subservient woman, you're going to have to pay.
 stormy2728weather
Joined: 4/3/2015
Msg: 749
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 8:23:31 AM

The man IS the one who needs to show HER that he IS financially independent NOT the other way around...


Really. The days of getting by in the world and having someone support you just because you have a vagina are long gone. If I was a man I would want to know that YOU are also financially independent. Sure, a man can pay for the first date, maybe a second or third but if it forms into something the woman should be prepared to dust the cobwebs off her wallet otherwise she's no better than a meal whore or whore and to me that's a "Hasta La Vista Baby".

I want to share a life, not be "kept".
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 750
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 12:33:29 PM

Yep, I agree. That can be called a 'crude' way of putting it -- but that's because it's clear and direct. If a guy doesn't pay for hers when he didn't really ask to Take her out


Then it’s not a “date.” It’s a “meet,” you’re meeting a total stranger and who the heck wants to go on a date with a stranger. Not me. I wouldn’t eat a damn thing with someone I don’t know.


..many gals wanting to avoid sounding greedy and want to claim to 'respect' that


If you think a woman sounds “greedy,” you don’t respect her.

You’re hilarious…you really think women need to make excuses for how they date? No. If you haven’t noticed, MOST men pursue women for dating, and will date them any way the woman wants to date. That’s reality.


…but claim it as a "full compatibility" thing.


Well let’s see….whiney, resentful, bitter, cheap, selfish…yeah, that would be an “incompatibility thing” for me. Again, women don’t need to “claim” anything when dating.

I am referring to dating, with a real live man, not meeting a total stranger off the internet for the first time. I don’t know why anyone, especially a woman, would put themselves through online “dating.” What a waste.
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