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 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 751
Paying for a datePage 31 of 74    (17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57)

Younger men need to know that Unless they want to end like these forum posters, single and alone

... hey, you're a forum poster! :) Just because someone argues against a male-female unwritten rule doesn't mean they're single and alone, nor does it mean that they're not rolling with such unwritten rule. Forums are to question (or defend) such things. If anything, it's Less likely they're doing it To a date (lol) -- as they have an outlet (forums).

I am sad for my daughter and next generation, they will have to deal with all this "men changing roles".

I know, right? Who let the women out of the kitchen? Obviously those who don't value tradition. There's fools out there who don't understand that tradition is good because it's Tradition! And some men are like women -- they're not going to put a woman in her place, or heaven forbid do anything minor and physical. Unfortunately these non-traditionalists changed the man's role! These women don't just get jobs, but Careers making high $. It should be the MAN's job to do that -- to provide! The woman helps focus on providing for the children and on the non-financial side for her man to please him, as he takes care of her! And when the kids are grown up enough, she can get a job and all -- but don't make a woman wear pants -- actual Careers are for men. She's a woman, not a man... what has this world come to?? Next you're going to hear about a woman wanting to be a head of a big tech company -- or even President? Our country is falling apart! Where have our delicates gone?! ;)

The man IS the one who needs to show HER that he IS financially Independent, NOT the other way around.... Talking about men changing roles...My goodness.!!

Okay, setting aside the sarcasm now... Umm, no. He could show her a bank statement and that would take care of it. It really isn't about that, otherwise that'd solve it in an instant. We live in a huge over-spending culture. Paying for a buddy's hockey tickets or a gal's feed in a restaurant isn't at all a good method of showing financial independence. I did that long ago when living with parents making little. Plus, dates are (SLOWLY unfortunately) migrating where a guy does not Prove Himself to a gal and it's Mutual. Women are rightfully more independent. That's not what a date is Defined as anymore -- for a guy to "prove" himself and the woman to be a panel of judges, like a game show -- unless the situation's explicitly like that (Ex: Sally knows Bobby has a crush on her; he's OK, a nice guy; OK, she'll give him a chance). It's more of a two-ways street, as it should be. It still strongly carries the motif of the guy being the guy, and the gal being the gal. It really does. But it has changed. Gals will work. Even have (gasp) careers as a Norm -- not just money to get their hair done like the "good old fashioned times that gives me warm fuzzies". :)

A TRUE MAN, PAYS FOR THE FIRST DATE.No matter what.!!

Even if she asked him out? And what about the 2nd,3rd,4th, etc -- when they're both financially fine & independent individuals? I have a sneaking suspicion you don't mean merely a 1st date. :)

Basically, you feel Entitled to be the Panel of Judges, and the man is the Contestant, no matter what. Wash away the stuff of the historical & recent traditions over millenia that doesn't work in a gal's favor, keep those that do -- while still falling back on "tradition" argument. Nice. Prove yourself to a lady dammit!! You have to pay for her feed & entertainment to show her you can provide! You, Mr Pathetic Male -- are the contestant! YOU are to prove yourself to her! Not the other way around! You should be graced by her presence no matter who she is, no matter what! A Real woman is in no position to fend for herself -- that's the Man's Role to fend For Her! Can't do it? Hasta La Vista, Baby! Next! Oh wait, I can't say "Next!" That's too New! Oh, and I can't say "Hasta Lavista, Baby!" That's from a Terminator movie in the 90s -- that's still too new! ;)
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 752
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 1:56:24 PM

IN fact I know a woman who has actually paid for herself and the guy on a first date but that is going too far and I would not respect the guy that allowed it.


Then maybe women should just make less money than men (for EVERY job, not just salary based positions that the average person isn't working) since guys aren't supposed to actually let a girl take the bill. They don't need as much money, so why make as much?

Now that almost every woman makes the same (since odds are, you're working hourly at a job that has their pay based on a union, corporate rules, or a pay scale made clear in their handbook, and there would be thousands of class suits every year over this if they weren't being paid the same) it's not that crazy to think that they can take the bill once in a while. If she wants to pay, she should be allowed to pay. It's her money, if she wants to use it to buy me dinner, that's her choice.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 753
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 2:31:27 PM

IN fact I know a woman who has actually paid for herself and the guy on a first date but that is going too far and I would not respect the guy that allowed it.


If he didn't offer to pay, yes that would be rude for his part. But if he offered to pay at least his share ( or more ) and she insisted on paying, then I don't think it is a bad thing.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 754
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 2:41:46 PM
Some people are so confused concerning what-is-what in the dating and relationship world and their attitudes about it all, that I sometimes even run into profiles which say some form of this:

"I don't want a relationship. They hold you back. I want a best friend I can sleep with, make love to, hustle with, travel with, shop with, chill with & live with. I want a partner in crime, a life partner. Someone I can laugh with & build with.
Somebody I can trust with my heart, my money, & my life. Somebody I'm not afraid to lose because I know they will always be there. Relationships aren't for me but a partnership, I'll take that."

Exactly what in the hell does this person think that a relationship is?

...and, OT, I wonder who'd-pay-for-what on the first few dates of this ^ ? I personally wouldn't even want to make a guess. This is already so nonsensical all by itself that my brain almost blew up just from reading it. I'll be damned if I'm going to try to figure out how to proceed from something like that ^.
 coderedjulia
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 755
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 3:44:24 PM

If he was financially cruising just fine, I can understand that. However, he doubled down in givings -- driving 2 hours to see someone after they moved away And to pay for them. Obviously a relationship's not going to work out for social individuals, but that'd be enough of a giving to get some fooling-around benefits.


Ummm wrong. First off, that was a one time thing. I drive over there all the time to see him. And I pay for my stuff. He's the best relationship I had in years. And I've dated plenty of guys that lived close to me. He's not a friends with benefits. He's my boyfriend. And 2 hours is not far
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 756
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 4:01:11 PM

If he didn't offer to pay, yes that would be rude for his part. But if he offered to pay at least his share ( or more ) and she insisted on paying, then I don't think it is a bad thing.


Had a few times where it went like that and they paid the full bill, but they WANTED to because they were using their work/business expense account so it was a matter of bragging rights actually. Here women and men will often jump at the opportunity to show off and use their expense accounts. Who am I to deny them such pleasures?(yes had guys I have drank with do the same thing)



If you think a woman sounds “greedy,” you don’t respect her.


If she was greedy, sure I wouldn't

He probably didn't respect her then. He should be able to go home and have a good nights sleep now with the new acquired knowledge , knowing he dodged a bullet. Of course maybe he will still continue to pursue to get the one night stand. Since he doesn't respect her now I am sure he will do what comes natural :)


For those who demand to be paid for and cry Marsha Marsha Marsha when others point out the flaws in such notions? Yeah... :)


With all the judgmental adjectives often used here I think we could come up with an appropriate acronym :) Any takers what PPP stands for? Because according to Oleuban they are one of the biggest problems out there!
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 757
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 4:01:56 PM

Then it’s not a “date.”

Actually, that's incorrect. Just because a guy didn't explicitly Ask to Take said gal out on the date, doesn't mean it's not a date. It's not a on/off switch where someone has to ask to take the other person out -- you know that. Just the same concept as a guy who has a girl's number didn't necessarily Ask Her For Her Number *to* get it. They could be bantering, and agree to go out -- whether it's a 1st date or a 10th date. Point being, no Asking-to-Take-Someone-Out is required for a date.

Many people ask to take someone out, or don't ask to take someone out for a "meet", which is a hardly a date but still is (otherwise it'd be fine if someone had a bf or gf), just as much as what could be better described as a date.

If you think a woman sounds “greedy,” you don’t respect her.

If she was greedy, sure I wouldn't (and vice versa). I was pointing out the PC-lingo talk. Much like a "fake offer", when they'd be turned off as if it's accepted. Childish. :)

MOST men pursue women for dating

I never argued that. Many men will pursue women and then not want to date. Or not have to Ask to Take Them Out. Or to To Ask to Take them out. Or pursue them for a roll in the hay. Or for their friend's sake for being a good wingman, etc. Sometimes, he doesn't have to pursue / chase a woman to land a date -- good, bad or indifferent. Lots of different possibilities.

will date them any way the woman wants to date. That’s reality.

Yeah, if a guy really likes a girl, whether it be for short-term porking, or she's a great catch -- yes, that is reality. Of course. The philisophical discussion is -- how one-sided is it, how it is good/bad/etc.

Well let’s see….whiney, resentful, bitter, cheap, selfish…

For those who demand to be paid for and cry Marsha Marsha Marsha when others point out the flaws in such notions? Yeah... :)

I don’t know why anyone, especially a woman, would put themselves through online “dating.” What a waste.

Not much different than if you mingle with someone you don't know at a bar or event, while getting a ticket or drink and continuing to banter then exchanging #s. They start as a stranger, you mingle, they're not a total stranger, you exchange #s (many times) and go out on a date or low-key one. The one from online with pictures and all could be Catfishing ya, but that's rare. More often it's that he/she Ate too may catfish and put on a good 15-20 pounds, but they're still the same person -- just more of them! ;)
 coderedjulia
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 758
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 4:34:24 PM
I believe in the concept that the financial responsibility can be shifted back and forth over a period of multiple dates. However, there is also a flaw in this when men get paid more than women. That's not fair and needs to be changed. You should do what works for you and not care what everyone else does. A man who wants to pay isn't being controlling. He's just being a gentleman. Norwegian guy, I am restricted from replying to your post so I will just add this here. My profile is inactive. I use this site just for the forums. Nice try though.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 759
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 4:54:28 PM

He's the best relationship I had in years. And I've dated plenty of guys that lived close to me. He's not a friends with benefits. He's my boyfriend. And 2 hours is not far

Yeah! Your profile sure shows that, doesn't it? :) It sure shows he's not FWB, but the best relationship you've had in years! What does he think of your awesome POF profile? :)
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 760
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 5:23:16 PM
If he offered to pay for his share but she insisted then he could counter with the offer to pay next time. That is fine. I get that a lot of women are earning good money and often more than the guy but I still would never to offer to pay the whole bill, as a woman, only my share. Call me old fashioned.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 761
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 5:27:23 PM
Coderedjulia

How often does he drive two hours to see you?? Two hours is quite a distance but if things are hot then sure I would probably do it. I imagine you stay over rather than make a four hour round trip. I wonder if he feels that you are not FWB??? Time will tell.
 coderedjulia
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 762
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/12/2015 5:59:06 PM
He drives often. I haven't kept track though. We spend the weekend together. Which is really no different than if I dated someone nearby. We all have priorities during the week like jobs and kids that restricts our free time. Really it's an hour and a half drive, but with Houston traffic it takes a bit longer for me. But it doesn't bother me. 2 hours isn't a problem if hes worth it. And he's also willing to do the same. So he values me as much as I value him. I can easily waste my time with someone that lives nearby and not get anything in return besides dissappointment. A 2 hour drive for someone you WILL meet is a much better investment. There certainly isn't a shortage of females in the Houston area. And yes, we have discussed our exclusivity.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 763
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/16/2015 5:46:57 PM

The man IS the one who needs to show HER that he IS financially Independent, NOT the other way around.... Talking about men changing roles...My goodness.!!

Because It WAS, it IS and it will always be. ..........A TRUE MAN, PAYS FOR THE FIRST DATE.No matter what.!!

If he doesn't, then THAT's a huge Red Flag any woman should pay attention .!!


Some women will say anything to try to shame men into paying for the first date.


Younger men need to know that Unless they want to end like these forum posters, single and alone, then they will follow or not their advice.


That is not a concern of mine, why should it be a concern of yours? I don't know about where you live in Latin America - I guess gender roles are more traditional there - but where I live in Canada there are plenty of single women in my demographic who are willing to go Dutch. I know that I won't end up alone just because I can't afford to wine and dine women.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 764
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/16/2015 8:27:04 PM
Guys, either pay for your dates or don't pay for them, but either way, stop whining about the results of whatever you choose to do.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 765
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/16/2015 8:37:05 PM

Any takers what PPP stands for? Because according to Oleuban they are one of the biggest problems out there!


Plainly Pretentious Parasites.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 766
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/17/2015 6:51:46 AM

Guys, either pay for your dates or don't pay for them, but either way, stop whining about the results of whatever you choose to do.


It's not just men that "whine" about this. There are women that call men "cheap" or "not a gentlemen" because he prefers to split the bill.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 767
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/17/2015 7:34:13 AM

Because It WAS, it IS and it will always be. ..........A TRUE MAN, PAYS FOR THE FIRST DATE.


For some

Have you looked around lately? Even though the man, on average, is paid a higher wage than women, there are now more than ever women perfectly capable of financially supporting themselves. More than ever, there are women in high paying occupations. Top of the ladder positions as well. More than ever and this will continue.
More now than ever women CAN pay for the date.
I know of gfs who alternate with their significant other the cost of their dates, who spilt the cost of living between the two.
I know of women who make more than their SO.
I know of women who are the provider in the household.
I know of Sugar mommas lol.
I know of men who are stay at home dads.
More now, than ever.

In our current time, the roles are indeed a changing.




^ Well there you have it. If you want a subservient woman, you're going to have to pay.


Ha! Quite true :P



Meal whores do exist


Women and men
Not as many as women but there are male meal whores.



If I was a man I would want to know that YOU are also financially independent


Along with the current change in roles, I'm finding via this very site that men do have this criteria.
These men recognize that women nowadays CAN make the money to support themselves. Tired of women taking them for everything after working so many years to build what they have simply because they feel entitled to it and.........can. I've seen so many good men struggle to rebuild.
Yet still, there will always be men who's ego are built on being the "provider".

Whatever floats their boat. There's a man for each woman and a woman for each man, me thinks.
Just gotta know who you are and what you really want. Be honest.
And... don't be stupid :P
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 768
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/17/2015 7:58:08 AM



Some women will say anything to try to shame men into paying for the first date.



There are plenty of POF broken bottles with nary a concern for their lack of self respect, who won't mind wasting her mascara and time on another broken bottle for a two-hour coffee meet. Hell, she'll even pay for the coffee -- AND -- the first date.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 769
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/17/2015 8:00:01 AM

If I was a man I would want to know that YOU are also financially independent


I have been since 16 years old. It doesn't mean I'm going to lower the bar and accept a broke, low-hanging piece of fruit who wants to waste my time and move in with me after the first week, and the ****er won't pay for a $2 cup of coffee. Screw that shit.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 770
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/17/2015 8:01:31 AM


It's not just men that "whine" about this. There are women that call men "cheap" or "not a gentlemen" because he prefers to split the bill.


He wants to invoke the crass idiom of "going dutch" because he's cheap. Feminism? Only when the woman pays and he doesn't.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 771
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/17/2015 8:46:52 AM
It's not just men that "whine" about this. There are women that call men "cheap" or "not a gentlemen" because he prefers to split the bill.
------------------------------------------

Why do you care what someone else thinks? Make a decision and take charge, whatever you do. What she thinks about it not something you can control.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 772
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/17/2015 9:51:02 AM

There are plenty of POF broken bottles with nary a concern for their lack of self respect, who won't mind wasting her mascara and time on another broken bottle for a two-hour coffee meet. Hell, she'll even pay for the coffee -- AND -- the first date.


A woman who wants to treat a man to a coffee is not a broken bottle with a lack of self respect. I've had a woman buy me a coffee. I offered to pay her back the $2.00 the next day but she didn't want it- $2.00 was not a big deal to her.


He wants to invoke the crass idiom of "going dutch" because he's cheap. Feminism? Only when the woman pays and he doesn't.


What a bunch of crock you just wrote Eternity. I don't expect a woman to pay anything for me - I'll pay for myself - even though I don't make much money. But I also know that I'm not obliged to pay for a woman. Sure it's just a $2.00 cup of coffee, but if that's the case she shouldn't have a problem paying for it herself.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 773
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/17/2015 10:58:26 AM
Attention, forums crime scene cleanup crew: please report to post #794 of the "Paying for a Date" thread. And bring your heavy duty galoshes and thickest gloves.

---

I rarely ever step into these threads, because I mostly agree with the women on this topic, and what’s the fun of debating with men? For God’s sake, just pay for the damn food and be done with it, dudes. (Of course, I might feel differently if I had to pay for food/drinks at several meetings/dates a week instead of once every 8 years... hey, look at that, my 8 year anniversary was yesterday, yaaaaay...)

Despite all the venom in these “who pays” threads, I’m probably about as disinterested in this topic as I could be of any topic in the POF forums. I’m far from broke, far from cheap and rarely does the opportunity to pay for a date’s meal come up.

So, carry on.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 774
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/17/2015 11:31:53 AM
I think someone should set up one of those GOFUNDME things.
People can donate money and use it like a pool for when the date
doesn't go well and people want to be reimbursed.

Otherwise, just carry on as before.
Pay...don't pay. Whatever works.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 775
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/17/2015 12:08:35 PM


People can donate money and use it like a pool for when the date
doesn't go well and people want to be reimbursed.


Let's put a knife in MGTOW and have them fund this puppy.

The 'I Told You So' fund...
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