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 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 851
Paying for a datePage 35 of 73    (33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73)
I have had many first meets, and I always offer to pay, and they have ALL said no but one man. I always make a point to say thank you for the date but also for the coffee/beer/ice cream , whatever. The only guy who accepted the offer to pay was a little different. We met for a drink ( I had one, he had two), and I offered to pay. He said "Great. Thanks." I didn't think much about until our second date. It was for a ride on the giant Ferris wheel (expensive in Niagara Falls!) for which I paid...he was slow to reach for his wallet. Afterwards we went for hot chocolate. Having paid almost $25 for the first part of the date, I expected him to graciously pay for my hot chocolate. I ordered mine and then stepped aside without paying. Then he ordered, and did not reach for his wallet. I waited him out! LOL. Finally, he paid. He paid with all change and took his sweet time counting it out. Despite the early clues, I was mindful that he might not be cheap, but maybe he just didn't have a lot of money. On our third date we attended a party at one of my friend's houses, so there was no money involved, but I brought a bottle of wine for the host. On our fourth date he invited me to his home for dinner. I would have much rather gone to a restaurant, but I liked him and I wanted to see him. His house was gorgeous ! It was much more valuable than mine, and it was filled with all the toys...hot tub, big screen tv, stereo. I had brought a side dish, since I am a good guest, and he made dinner. He made ONE steak, and cut it two pieces...not HALF, btw. A big piece for him and a small piece for me. LOL. Oh, and a potato. That was it. No wine, no dessert. No more effort than if he had been home alone, I am guessing. If I didn't know he was a cheap **** by then, his conversation about the expensive things he routinely did with his pals ( NHL games, casino, golf) would have let me know he didn't mind spending money on himself , just not on me. It was a total turn off, and the next time he asked me "out" ( to go see his son's baseball game) I declined.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 852
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/19/2015 6:32:51 PM
^^ Excellent. Now we wait for the manchild fuddy duddy club to come and explain this behaviour. I suspect none of them will say a peep, and if they do, the story will somehow be distorted to allow their defence of him with all the venom they typically spew, and blame it on newoldgirl.

Newoldgirl, Did the man squeak when he walked? I don't blame you for being turned off. This was one of them "meal whores" that the manchild fuddyduddy club makes reference to. If it helps, many of the men I dated were like this as well. Ironically, when one of them came back into my life after making it big in his career, feeling remorse for what he had done to me (much like this guy you dated), and wanting all of a sudden to shower me with gifts and money and jewellery and a luxury car, with a very persistent invitation for me to live in his big, beautiful home, I declined. Ain't nobody got time for that. :D
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 853
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/19/2015 7:14:42 PM

It was a total turn off, and the next time he asked me "out" ( to go see his son's baseball game) I declined.


Awww shucks and just when he was probably gonna see if you'd buy his sons team all new uniforms. :D
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 854
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/19/2015 7:28:05 PM
I like my woman just like I like my coffee:
Light, sweet, and with a delicious fragrance.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 855
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/19/2015 9:01:22 PM

^^ Excellent. Now we wait for the manchild fuddy duddy club to come and explain this behaviour. I suspect none of them will say a peep, and if they do, the story will somehow be distorted to allow their defence of him with all the venom they typically spew, and blame it on newoldgirl.


Why would we defend him? Entitled behavior is entitled behavior, regardless of which gender perpetrates it. I don't excuse his behavior, nor will I excuse a woman with the same behavior despite her claim of tradition.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 856
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/19/2015 11:59:15 PM
Okay, I'll bite. Only if you're paying, though! ;)

I have had many first meets, and I always offer to pay, and they have ALL said no but one man.

You should only offer to pay for the first meet if you initially asked them out, or said you'd take them out initially.

The only guy who accepted the offer to pay was a little different.

Freeze frame. Side-question: Did you find it "different" / "odd" that he let you? You shouldn't. Nor should it insinuate that he's cheap. Then you'd just be playing games by that offer. Most gals will offer to pay their share or contribute roughly a portion. Some will game-play and not really mean it as something they'd prefer, some will truly mean it. But offering to pay the whole thing when not even asking the guy out on the first meet? That'd be the thing sticking out as "different" -- not so much a guy saying "okay".

We met for a drink ( I had one, he had two), and I offered to pay. He said "Great. Thanks." I didn't think much about until our second date.

The reason I focused so much above is because of this tidbit. You're implying it's bad for him to say that -- as if it's a red flag that you didn't catch. I disagree. Just because a guy says "No I got this" or "No, you don't have to... here, just throw down $5, I'll get the rest" and ends up confessing he dresses as a woman or has a cricket collection doesn't mean it's a bad answer. Same goes with "Great... thanks," as his response. Your offer was the "different" thing if you didn't ask him out, but he rolled with it. That in and of itself shouldn't be odd -- he's allowing you to go with your Offer.

It'd be like after a first date, walking to the parking lot, the gal gets inside his car, and after a kiss before he starts the car, her saying "Hey, can I give you a BJ right now?" and the guy going "Umm, yeah, sure!" and then the gal going "Uggh. Seriously?" The guy's going to say "I didn't expect that offer, it is odd, but why did you offer if you didn't Want to?" Obviously paying for an ice cream is far from being such a treat... but the point is -- why offer something if you think it'd be even a slight oddity to say yes? I would hope you Did Want to pay the whole thing, just as much as you'd want a guy to pay. Otherwise, don't offer -- otherwise it's just playing games. :)

It was for a ride on the giant Ferris wheel (expensive in Niagara Falls!) for which I paid ... Afterwards we went for hot chocolate. Having paid almost $25 for the first part of the date, I expected him to graciously pay for my hot chocolate ... I ordered mine and then stepped aside without paying ... I waited him out! LOL. Finally, he paid.

Okay, unless you asked to Take him out on the next date, yah -- that's Weird of him. Even still weird if you Did ask to take him out on that 2nd date (but just softening the blow). The guy counting change (it was just a hot chocolate; mine as well get rid of one's change) -- that's just bad game taking so long. Change in and of itself for a hot chocolate isn't a bad thing. Taking a long time doing so? Bad game. Doing that while allowing you to pay yet again, after the 1st date and the ferris wheel ride? More than bad game -- it's at least partially fueled him being a cheap guy.

Now, with that said -- never play the Silent Game. You paid for the 1st date. The first part of the 2nd date you paid for the Ferris Wheel. Afterward, you should have easily said "Here, get us each some hot chocolate." Would have been Zero awkwardness to say something like that. In fact, if you didn't ask him out on the 1st date but offered & paid for it, and you didn't ask to take him out for a 2nd date -- you could have still easily have said, "Here, get us tickets for the ferris wheel, I'll get us some hot chocolate afterward." If that's too awkward -- then dating's too awkward for ya, and one should have no sympathy running into a guy with bad game and/or weird cheapness. :)

On our third date we attended a party at one of my friend's houses, so there was no money involved, but I brought a bottle of wine for the host.

That in of itself isn't bad one bit. That's your court with your friends at their place that you invited him to. Now... when you include stuff from before, it would be a good opportunity for him to make up for his past idiocy... like at least saying "Hey, let me get something at the store to bring over... what do you recommend?" But if there was no weirdness beforehand, what transpired wasn't weird at all.

On our fourth date he invited me to his home for dinner. I would have much rather gone to a restaurant

Did you say that? Just a side tip. You brought him over to your friend's house -- nothing wrong with him inviting you to his. It's the 4th date, not the 1st or 2nd.

His house was gorgeous ! It was much more valuable than mine, and it was filled with all the toys...hot tub, big screen tv, stereo. I had brought a side dish, since I am a good guest, and he made dinner. He made ONE steak, and cut it two pieces...not HALF, btw. A big piece for him and a small piece for me.

That was bad game on his part and/or bad cooking/prep procedures for doing dinner for 2 at his place. Him being a cheapskate doesn't help, but if he was aware of matters and had some (common sense) experience, he wouldn't let that happen. More of a contributing example of him being retarded in the dating scene, not a 'cheap' thing. I'm assuming the steak wasn't an over-sized Huge one and you also not being a small 110lb gal, when you're bringing over a side-dish too. If that were the case, it'd be more understandable -- but him not having wine & beer available is still a sign of his dating retardation.

All in all -- something to learn from it: Only offer to pay for a date unless you truly Prefer and Want to pay for the date. It's more fitting when you choose the place and/or ask them out... and only expected when you ask to Take them out. If/when you do pay for a date, there's nothing wrong with motioning them to get/pay for the 2nd one... in fact, there's something wrong with Not doing so at some point, if they don't. It'll also save you from sitting in line at a coffee shop and thinking "I already paid for two separate instances for him, and he's hanging back on paying for even his own on this small but 3rd instance. Wtf?" It's weird/odd to allow that to happen.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 857
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 5:36:06 AM
Am I the only one who automatically assumes that the inviter should pay for the invitee? You probably shouldn't be doing the inviting if you aren't planning on paying, regardless of your gender. As it turns out, in my entire history of OLD, I can't recall a single instant in which I wasn't the one who initiated the meeting, so naturally I just assumed I'd be the one paying in every case, and not really because I was a guy, but because I was the one doing the inviting. If my female best friends invite me to do something with them, they usually pick up the tab, because they were the ones doing the inviting, so I figure if a potential date ever initiates the meeting, then she'll probably offer to pay (and I won't let her, because I'm the man). But I can't understand why in cases where a guy invites a woman to do something, he's going to act all broken d!ck over her expecting him to pay, when he's the one who did the inviting! I mean, you don't invite a bunch of people to a party at your house and then collect "entry fees" at the door, do you? You shouldn't be inviting women to meet you at expensive places if it's going to damage your finances or your pride. Maybe you shouldn't be dating at all. Maybe you should let me date these women you're treating like crap and let me show them how a real man treats them. (Now if the woman invites you to do something and then stares at you when the bill shows up... that's a little different.)

"Ever since you have been back, it kind of feels like EVERYBODY is paying for your pain...."

I was starting to think I was the only person who noticed that.
 Grl_next_door
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 858
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 7:03:03 AM
Good gawd, people...there is SO much anger here! Maybe it would be good for some to consider if this venue has become unhealthy... If it's gonna do this to you and affect your well being...what's the point?

"Ever since you have been back, it kind of feels like EVERYBODY is paying for your pain...."


 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 859
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 7:12:35 AM

Am I the only one who automatically assumes that the inviter should pay for the invitee?


Hawk: If a buddy invites you to hang out at a bar or go to a sporting event with him, should it be a free night for you while he pays for everything, since he's the one who invited you? When a woman gets together with her female friends for a night out, would the one who did the inviting be expected to pay for everyone else?
 Aprilikeswhiteroses
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 860
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 7:21:04 AM

Now, I'll buy you that $2 cup of coffee... But there's 2 words that come after that are going to play a big part in my decision on if there's going to be a second.


It is a sad future just think to live with a man who for 2 dollars that he spends in a woman IN A FIRST MEET, thinks this way...I mean, just for a (yuck)Coffee?



so I figure if a potential date ever initiates the meeting, then she'll probably offer to pay (and I won't let her, because I'm the man). But I can't understand why in cases where a guy invites a woman to do something, he's going to act all broken d!ck over her expecting him to pay, when he's the one who did the inviting! I mean, you don't invite a bunch of people to a party at your house and then collect "entry fees" at the door, do you? You shouldn't be inviting women to meet you at expensive places if it's going to damage your finances or your pride. Maybe you shouldn't be dating at all. Maybe you should let me date these women you're treating like crap and let me show them how a real man treats them. (Now if the woman invites you to do something and then stares at you when the bill shows up... that's a little different.)


EXCELLENT.!!

I'm going to repeat this phrase because it is HOT.!...;-)


so I figure if a potential date ever initiates the meeting, then she'll probably offer to pay (and I won't let her, because I'M THE MAN


Mmmmmmeow.!!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 861
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 7:29:36 AM

Now, I'll buy you that $2 cup of coffee... But there's 2 words that come after that are going to play a big part in my decision on if there's going to be a second.
----------------------
It is a sad future just think to live with a man who for 2 dollars that he spends in a woman IN A FIRST MEET, thinks this way...I mean, just for a (yuck)Coffee?


So what is the minimum price you charge before a guy can use those two words?
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 862
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 7:31:39 AM
I don't know why people think that what they do is what everybody else should do. If people have different opinions on who pays for a date then they shouldn't be dating each other.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 863
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 7:37:24 AM
I do believe that is the first time in my 8 years on this site I got a compliment from a woman about my attitude.

"If a buddy invites you to hang out at a bar or go to a sporting event with him, should it be a free night for you while he pays for everything, since he's the one who invited you? When a woman gets together with her female friends for a night out, would the one who did the inviting be expected to pay for everyone else?"

I suppose it would depend on how the invitation was extended -- usually in cases like those, it ends up being more of a "Hey, a bunch of us are hanging out at the Green Iguana on Friday. Feel free to come!" which hardly makes a case that the "inviter" is expected to pay. Similar situation with the sporting event with a guy, because often that's a case of "Hey, I lucked into two tickets to the Lightning playoff game -- want to come?" as opposed to "We should get some tickets to the Lightning playoff game -- what do you think?"
 Aprilikeswhiteroses
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 864
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 8:26:41 AM

So what is the minimum price you charge before a guy can use those two words?


At your 60 years old, You are denigrating yourself speaking this way, Sr.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 865
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 9:23:42 AM

Am I the only one who automatically assumes that the inviter should pay for the invitee?

As you point out, "invite" is left up to interpretation. That can happen between girls & guys, too. But sometimes it's not so vague & left open to interpretation:

"We should get some tickets to the Lightning playoff game -- what do you think?"

So if a girl says this, does that mean she's paying for the game? Good luck in that; she isn't implying she's paying with that line. I think the gray-area controversy would be whether if you the guy should pay for all, or you two should split it since she brought up the idea.

If my buddy said to me "Hey, what do you think about going to the Red Wings game on Friday?" he's Not implying he's going to be paying for them. If a guy asks that to a girl, unfortunately, she WILL assume you're paying by merely bringing up the idea. If a guy says that, he's not "inviting" me to anything. He's throwing out an idea and seeing if I'm game. If I was like "Ehhh, I dunno man..." *then* he may say something like "Dude, I'll buy you some beers when we get there. I'm dying to go," or something like that. Then THAT would Change into what is more like an invite & asking me to go.

As it turns out, in my entire history of OLD, I can't recall a single instant in which I wasn't the one who initiated the meeting

It's happened to me on several occasions. But when she has, nothing changed in terms of paying -- her expecting me (the guy) to pay was the same. Initiating to meet up isn't an "invitation". But when a guy does it to a girl, unfortunately it's twisted to mean that. :)

You shouldn't be inviting women to meet you at expensive places if it's going to damage your finances or your pride.

If there's actually Invitations, this controversy drops like a rock. Much much fewer guys, if any, are going to Actually give a gal an Invitation to go a place, and not pay. If you want to change/strongly-stretch the definition of "invite" to mean bringing up the idea -- then on 2nd/3rd dates, you'd commonly be pointing the finger at women to pay because many times they Do bring up the idea. Happens less on 1st dates, but on 2nd or 3rd dates, the gal will bring up the idea -- or even invite the guy (a gal to bring guy to house-warming party of one of her gal-pals; see previous post).
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 866
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 9:43:56 AM
The only statement coming from me that would fit the "I am inviting you so I am going to pay the entire bill" scenario would start with the words "I would like to take you to _fill in the blank_." Otherwise, you pay your own way.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 867
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 9:48:23 AM
If a fellow can barely swing the cash for a first date, how's he going to be paying for condoms during the duration of the relationship--or is he just hoping for the Grand Pullout to be enough?

the nice thing about cheapie first dates is, you don't get distracted by the fancy surroundings--you only have a good time if your partner has a good personality. its a clear cut case of whether or not the two of you are compatible, if you can literally stand the person or if you need the date itself to rock.

i'll admit, I barely date from this site. I suppose if I met a whole bunch of losers, I might be upset not so much about them being cheap, or being loud, but the fact that I had raised my hopes so many times to be let down so many times. maybe that's where the real anger comes from, not the spending of time or money or energy, but the lack of any results from all of our searching.
 Whistle_Stop
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 868
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 9:52:00 AM
Listen...why do some women want to rant and rave about paying their own way?
Boggles my mind...why anyone would want to feel obligated to anybody.
It just seems to be a problem with a few here....if you can't afford to date, get off the site.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 869
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 11:01:39 AM

Mmmmmmeow.!!

Yeah, it's a turn on to be given that kind of attention and gratuity -- but what if YOU turned out to be a real jerk? Being 'The Man' doesn't mean we have to put up with a date who insults anyone and everyone, or gets drunk, or wastes huge amounts of time rambling about themselves and doesn't let a true conversation take place. There are plenty of people who think getting invited out to a date is a blank check, a 'Get Out of Jail Free' card, and try to exploit it as much as possible. The truth is I don't know any better than you do what we're getting into. All I can do is control my own actions and try my best to keep unpleasant surprises to a minimum - which involves discussing payment and possibilities ahead of time.

The idea of automatically 'He who plans, pays' in an age where women are heads of households and often have jobs that make more than guys they are dating is prehistoric at best. All a woman has to do is keep her trap shut and let the guy make all the plans every time, right? If women truly want to be equals, then EVERYthing is negotiable. Some women nowadays actually fester to pay their fare share of the ticket, which is awesome.

I don't mind being generous and paying for a date that's within my budget, but I also make sure Ms Internet Stranger knows there's going to be limits to my generosity.

If you don't discuss who pays ahead of time, it's your own damn fault when things get uncomfortable financially. Never assume anything for a first date.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 870
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 11:55:32 AM

It is a sad future just think to live with a man who for 2 dollars that he spends in a woman IN A FIRST MEET, thinks this way...I mean, just for a (yuck)Coffee?


I think you need to explain why it's wrong to expect to hear the 2 words on a first meet.

Nobody else help her, I want to hear her explanation.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 871
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 12:16:05 PM

Nobody else help her, I want to hear her explanation.


If it were someone else I'd let you have at it, but setting someone up who may have some cultural differences and maybe not that articulate for an ambush is not proving your point, but it certainly will make one.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 872
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 12:23:28 PM
^^^^ I agree. It’s juvenile, rude, and shameful not to mention ironic since he’s displaying such an ugly lack of manners himself. SMH
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 873
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 12:39:18 PM

Yeah, it's a turn on to be given that kind of attention and gratuity -- but what if YOU turned out to be a real jerk? Being 'The Man' doesn't mean we have to put up with a date who insults anyone and everyone, or gets drunk, or wastes huge amounts of time rambling about themselves and doesn't let a true conversation take place. There are plenty of people who think getting invited out to a date is a blank check, a 'Get Out of Jail Free' card, and try to exploit it as much as possible. The truth is I don't know any better than you do what we're getting into. All I can do is control my own actions and try my best to keep unpleasant surprises to a minimum - which involves discussing payment and possibilities ahead of time.


Where are you meeting these people?
I don't even know anyone like this.

So many angry, disillusioned people on this site.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 874
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 12:44:32 PM

If it were someone else I'd let you have at it, but setting someone up who may have some cultural differences and maybe not that articulate for an ambush is not proving your point, but it certainly will make one.


Sure she may have some cultural differences, but she doesn't seem to understand that people from other places may not share her view of dating. The entire world is not like the macho latino culture. She refers to all men who won't pay for a woman on a date as "not real men."
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 875
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 12:56:54 PM

I wonder how many people have ever had a day that was so fun, they didn't bother to keep track of how much $$ they were spending? be like that on a date, and maybe no one will count up the bill paid.


I think this is true.
People only complain about the money thing because dating hasn't worked out for them.
I don't understand where all these crappy dates are coming from.

"I had an awesome date last night, but they didn't offer to pay, so I'm never going to see them again."
said no one ever.
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