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 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 876
Paying for a datePage 36 of 73    (33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73)

You should only offer to pay for the first meet if you initially asked them out, or said you'd take them out initially.


Huh. I never thought of it that way. I always offer to pay on a first meet because I genuinely don't have a problem either way. BTW, I do not agree to go for dinners or anything else that may be expensive or drag on too long, time wise. A coffee or a drink is good enough.


Did you find it "different" / "odd" that he let you? You shouldn't.


Not at all. I only meant that out of numerous first dates, he was the only one who accepted my offer to pay. That makes him different, not necessarily in a bad way.


Okay, unless you asked to Take him out on the next date, yah -- that's Weird of him. Even still weird if you Did ask to take him out on that 2nd date (but just softening the blow).


At the end of our first meeting, he asked for my phone number and said he would like to see me again. I said I would like that and gave him number . He called a couple of days later, and when we were on the phone we kicked around a couple of possible places to go since it was winter. I honestly can't recall which one of us said the Falls, or which one came up with the Ferris wheel idea.


Now, with that said -- never play the Silent Game. You paid for the 1st date.


It seriously never crossed my mind to mention who would pay for what--it seems a bit crass. However, I really thought he would pay, since I paid for the first date, and he definitely initiated the second date.

[quote ] Did you say that? Just a side tip. You brought him over to your friend's house -- nothing wrong with him inviting you to his. It's the 4th date, not the 1st or 2nd

I did not tell him I would rather go out to eat. Firstly, the reason I wanted to go out is because I am a lousy faker. I mean, I like to think I am a tactful person, but if he made food and it was awful, I would't want to eat it. I also hadn't been to his home, and although he was decently groomed, if his kitchen was filthy, I wouldn't want to eat there. Also, as I said, I was beginning to think he might not have much money. I didn't want to put him in the position of having to say going out for dinner was out of his budget, and at this point, I really didn't want to pay for another date. I never said there was anything wrong with him asking me to his home; I only said I would prefer to go out for dinner.


Only offer to pay for a date unless you truly Prefer and Want to pay for the date.


That's what I did. On the first date. On the Ferris Wheel date, I didn't offer...LOL. He just stood there, and didn't take out his wallet, so I paid. I wouldn't do that again.
 Aprilikeswhiteroses
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 877
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 4:15:30 PM


It is a sad future just think to live with a man who for 2 dollars that he spends in a woman IN A FIRST MEET, thinks this way...I mean, just for a (yuck)Coffee?


I think you need to explain why it's wrong to expect to hear the 2 words on a first meet.



Okay, before I answer your 2 dollars question, I am going to explain to you, what kind of person I am.

First, I always keep in mind this:..."Don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing." But this time, I will talk a little to prove my point about your 2 dollars coffee date Expectation.

Each year at Christmas, I (we) go to my country, and I do hire 3 ladies to come to my house to prepare 100 meals and 100 fruit cupcakes.
Then, my family and I go to the park of the city where the homeless are, And we feed them all, sometimes there are more than one hundred people there,(it happened last year) and this is why this year I hope to make 200 meals and 200 cupcakes for them.
Just so you know, These people take the plate of food and not even look at us in the face, but we know that they are happy that someone feeds them.
We do not "expect " gratitude from them, Nor we "expect" that they look at us as if we were God only because we are giving them ONE MEAL and a Fruit CUPCAKE..


Now, regarding to your "2 dollars coffee meet expectation", I know It is rule of education to say thank you for everything that ANY person does for us. But it seems that only because you paid for ONE coffee, You "EXPECT" that the lady will THANK this gesture as if it were something great, awesome, out of the ordinary that you are doing..............OH PLZ.!!
Do you also expect that she look at you as if you were a God after that cup of coffee?.....It is only a coffee ( I don't even like coffee, but whatever).



If it were someone else I'd let you have at it, but setting someone up who may have some cultural differences and maybe not that articulate for an ambush is not proving your point, but it certainly will make one.


LOL.!!
Hey Mr. Sweet man, is this the way how you defend people? Please Love Me, but not that much, To much of that love will make me cry....:-)
Anyway, Thank you Sr, but I am grown up, strong, and a confident woman, even with my non articulate Accent and cultural differences as you said, I can handle these small questions, sarcastic or insulting answers with a smile in my face..:-)
This is only a forum that I use it when I am bored on my days off, and/ or when it's too early in the morning, and I don't want to get out of bed to make noise and wake everyone up...Lol.



Sure she may have some cultural differences, but she doesn't seem to understand that people from other places may not share her view of dating. The entire world is not like the macho latino culture. She refers to all men who won't pay for a woman on a date as "not real men."


Did you know that Men and Women are all MADE the same in any part of the WORLD.?
The ONLY difference is the language.

PS,
On the first page of my secret book says: "Men should behave as MEN On the first date"


Note:
I don't know why this post is all white and black, did try to fix it, but Couldn't find the mistake. Sorry.!
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 878
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 6:06:56 PM

Do you also expect that she look at you as if you were a God after that cup of coffee?.....It is only a coffee ( I don't even like coffee, but whatever).


No, I just expect a simple 2 word sentence to show that she actually appreciates the gesture, not that I bought her a cup of coffee because I'm the man, and I have to. It's no different from thanking someone for holding the door open for you, or for picking something up that you dropped.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 879
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 6:12:47 PM

Now, regarding to your "2 dollars coffee meet expectation", I know It is rule of education to say thank you for everything that ANY person does for us. But it seems that only because you paid for ONE coffee, You "EXPECT" that the lady will THANK this gesture as if it were something great, awesome, out of the ordinary that you are doing..............OH PLZ.!!


How does your charity work pertain to whether you should thank a man for buying you a coffee? When one of my female friends or coworkers picks me up a coffee, I thank the person. What sort of message are you sending when you can't say a simple "thank you" if a date buys you a coffee?
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 880
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 6:17:52 PM

Did you know that Men and Women are all MADE the same in any part of the WORLD.?
The ONLY difference is the language.


No, there are also cultural differences. In the middle-east, Latin America, and many countries in Asia its considered the man's job to pay the bill. I live in Canada where it is considered acceptable for a man to split the bill with a woman, or how you say- "mita y mita."
 Aprilikeswhiteroses
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 881
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 7:23:59 PM
I wrote this:VVVVV

I know It is rule of education to say thank you for everything that ANY person does for us............ But it seems that only because you paid for ONE coffee, You "EXPECT" that the lady will THANK this gesture as if it were something great, awesome, out of the ordinary.........


Please read again what I wrote bold please.
I did not mean that I do not say thank you, or that the lady should not say thank you.
It's the way in which he expects the lady Thanks him for a simple cup of coffee.!!


His words:VVVV

Now, I'll buy you that $2 cup of coffee... But there's 2 words that come after that are going to play a big part in my decision on if there's going to be a second.


Maybe he expects the lady to say:
Oh thank you, thank you, thank you for that awesome cup of coffee, you are such a wonderful man, such a gentleman, so handsome,.....my goodness I can't thank you enough for this date and for this day, I do hope you invite me again, I will pay for your dinner next time. Thank you, thank you again.



Done with this nonsense.
bye, bye
April
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 882
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 7:28:45 PM

People only complain about the money thing because dating hasn't worked out for them.I don't understand where all these crappy dates are coming from.
"I had an awesome date last night, but they didn't offer to pay, so I'm never going to see them again."
said no one ever.


I don't think there is entirely true. As mentioned before, if a woman didn't offer to pay anything on the first date /meeting and the rest of the date went well, I wouldn't make a big deal about it. However if we went on a few more dates and she still didn't offer to pay anything, then it could become an issue. I might say something like "I get the bill this time" and "you can pay the next time". If she still was unwilling to pay for anything, then I might stop seeing her at that point.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 883
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/20/2015 11:01:41 PM

Huh. I never thought of it that way. I always offer to pay on a first meet because I genuinely don't have a problem either way.

Very very very few women who didn't initiate asking the guy to go out will make a move to pay for the whole bill on a 1st date. There's nothing wrong with it, especially if you were more the person carrying the torch to have that 1st date. It's just that later in your post you essentially said there was a red flag because he Did accept it. If you can't help but to feel differently now about it -- don't offer to pay for the whole thing (offer to split) -- or offer to pay the whole thing if things went well and say "Here, I'll get this one, you can get the next one." Saying the latter's always good, as it'll take away from the guys' fears of "masculinity" -- especially when the 1st date is a small one, and you're already setting the stage for the 2nd one (and showing Like), which would usually be bigger by default for him to handle.

I honestly can't recall which one of us said the Falls, or which one came up with the Ferris wheel idea.

No, that's quite common. Many times nobody is the "go to" person. People many times mutually come up with ideas batting them around. Sure. In those cases, to make a college basketball analogy, the "possession arrow" isn't pointed to any individual -- nobody's Set to be responsible for it, in and of itself. However, it certainly can point to someone due to Past situations -- like someone else paying for the whole previous one.

It seriously never crossed my mind to mention who would pay for what--it seems a bit crass.

It's not crass if said right. I think it's more nervousness. If you knew they would have NO problem paying for something, would it really be? Would it be crass with a gal-pal? There are certain times where it can be a bit odd, especially when you haven't done it before. Especially when you got the 1st date! It's certainly not crass at all to say "Here, you get the Ferris Wheel tickets... I'll get us hot chocolate afterward." You got the first date bill, and you'd be getting hot chocolate afterward. It should be no more awkward than saying "Here, we'll go on the Ferris Wheel at 7 -- can you pick me up at 6?" I would only see nervousness in that situation if you strongly felt he was poor or something.

That's what I did. On the first date. On the Ferris Wheel date, I didn't offer...LOL. He just stood there, and didn't take out his wallet, so I paid. I wouldn't do that again.

I think you brought this on, though. It's an experience to learn from. He shot himself in the foot, but you let him keep grabbing for more ammunition. :) Especially as a woman who paid for the 1st date, even a small one, it totally clears the air to be more comfortable to say "here, you get this, I'll get that", for an upcoming event. I don't see how that's crass. For a guy it can be more sensitive territory.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 884
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/21/2015 12:51:03 AM
Based on the replies in this thread from both men who whine about paying and women who whine about them being cheap, I've concluded that both groups are just two sides of the same misanthropic bad penny.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 885
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/21/2015 6:48:37 AM

I think you brought this on, though. It's an experience to learn from. He shot himself in the foot, but you let him keep grabbing for more ammunition.


It sounds like another case of "I wonder if the guy can read my mind. I will not say anything, in order to test his mind reading skills."
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 886
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/21/2015 7:38:50 AM

Oh thank you, thank you, thank you for that awesome cup of coffee, you are such a wonderful man, such a gentleman, so handsome,.....my goodness I can't thank you enough for this date and for this day, I do hope you invite me again, I will pay for your dinner next time. Thank you, thank you again.


I don't get what you're trying to say here?
If someone does something for me, I say thank you.
I don't sarcastically add on thank you thank you, you are so wonderful, I can't thank you enough etc.
WTF?
Manners go a long way.
Simply say "Thank you" and smile.
If someone else chooses to read something into that...it's on them.

Why do we make these things so difficult??
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 887
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/21/2015 8:23:54 AM

Why do we make these things so difficult??


because .......



Based on the replies in this thread from both men who whine about paying and women who whine about them being cheap, I've concluded that both groups are just two sides of the same misanthropic bad penny.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 888
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/21/2015 8:39:51 AM
Are some of you guys actually meeting women who DON'T say thank you when you buy them coffee? (or any other beverage)

I can't say I've had this happen, myself, but if it ever did, I believe I'd say something like "you're welcome!"

I find this whole issue hilarious and pathetic at the same time. I'd rather just pay for the drinks, and have that be the end of it instead of all the unnecessary debating or trying to figure out what's "fair".
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 889
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/21/2015 9:26:42 AM

I don't get what you're trying to say here?


I think she misinterpreted his use of the words "I expect".

She acknowledges the use of polite responses involved with manners, but
appears to equate his usage of those words in her religious views.

I may be wrong but when I saw her initial response I felt that was the reason why. Hence the ambush comment. ymmv
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 890
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/21/2015 11:41:36 AM

She acknowledges the use of polite responses involved with manners, but
appears to equate his usage of those words in her religious views.


What??

I thought her post was very clear, in response to the condescending “if she doesn’t thank me the way I want her to, I’m not dating her again.”

It’s what’s known as “sarcasm” and made me laugh. It does help if one follows the thread.

I’m not trying to speak for Aprilikeswhiteroses…that’s what it looked like to me. I sure didn’t see any “religious views” and the “ambush” seems to be directed toward her.


In the middle-east, Latin America, and many countries in Asia its considered the man's job to pay the bill. I live in Canada


So of course you are the expert on what’s considered a “man’s job” in the Middle East, Latin America, and many countries in Asia. SMH
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 891
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/21/2015 12:11:29 PM

I think she misinterpreted his use of the words "I expect".


Okei, I must have missed that.
I think most people "expect" to be thanked, and I don't think it's too much
to ask.
Apparently, there are people on here that are meeting other people who don't
even say thank you.
This is like misfit island here.
We're like a bunch of social outcasts who can't even rally enough to engage in
normal social discourse.

I just accept the fact that a lot of people have put up with a lot of bullshyte in here
and are simply tired of it...so they bring their angst to the threads.

Better here than IRL I guess.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 892
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/21/2015 12:26:12 PM

This is like misfit island here.


Lol. You got that right.

Moaning over a two dollar whatever, if you reject me I NEED to know why, I can't understand how I can email so many people and get no replies, any attractive woman is stuck up and she should acknowledge me even though my mother's the only person who ever said "I was a good looking guy" but they did'nt hear the part where she said "in your own way".

Certainly makes me appreciate my apparently undramatic social life.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 893
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/21/2015 12:27:12 PM
If you ask me there nothing wrong with a woman who wants to treat a man to dinner. She's not letting herself be taken advantage of- she's being a gentle lady. Men have been given the opportunity to show off their wealth and power for ages by paying for women. IMO women should be given the same opportunity.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 894
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/21/2015 12:35:33 PM
Here's a shady tactic one gal told me about.

She said this guy offers to split 1 meal with her and picks up the tab.

Thoughts?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 895
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/21/2015 12:39:10 PM
^^^I've heard of people using coupons, etc.
I'd probably share an appetizer or something
along those lines.

If it was a fisherman's platter, I'd probably share,
because it's impossible to eat the whole thing.

What sort of meal I wonder?
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 896
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/21/2015 12:46:30 PM
Not sure Boo.

Apparently that was this gents M.O.

I'd rather spring for drinks and an appetizer versus offering to split 1 meal.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 897
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/21/2015 2:23:41 PM

Here's a shady tactic one gal told me about.

She said this guy offers to split 1 meal with her and picks up the tab.

Thoughts?


LOL...I don't know what to think of this!

What's the point?
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 898
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/21/2015 2:25:16 PM

She said this guy offers to split 1 meal with her and picks up the tab.

Thoughts?

Sounds like a good diet plan.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 899
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/21/2015 2:34:46 PM

She said this guy offers to split 1 meal with her and picks up the tab.

does it mean he only wants to put it half way in???
is he taking more than half of the french fries.... i'll stick a fork in his hand.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 900
Paying for a date
Posted: 4/21/2015 2:55:42 PM
Oh, and then there's the ol' McDonald's buy one get one free trick. You go with the 2 for 1 Quarter Pounder special. You get one, she gets one. You tell her you got the free one, and she owes you $2.50 for the one she got. Anyone else done this?

Or just me?
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