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 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 1051
Grown men don’t need approval to go DutchPage 43 of 74    (34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74)

Guess what, no matter how you slice it, men will have to cough up $ to get a relationship/sex w/ a quality woman. She will be in demand, & if a man is too cheap or broke, she will choose another man instead. The cheap/broke man will have to pick a less in demand woman.


So who would win in a competition between a good-looking, broke man and an ugly, rich man? For a short-term fling I think it would be the good-looking, broke man. The good-looking, broke man could very likely end up siring offspring.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1052
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You're gonna get friend zoned
Posted: 5/17/2018 10:08:59 AM
Endless, I don't think my gf gets much for her son. I call him the million dollar kid. He plays sports, and it costs a lot. What happened to the gf that went to DR with you? My gf has a house there and wants me to go with her sometime. How did you like it? My vacations are mostly in the Caribbean, Hawaii and Mexico.

Kiss, would the good-looking poor guy be you?☺ The way you phrase it, it sounds like the good-looking guy would be the choice, but not necessarily so. The guy with money emits power, and that's an aphrodisiac, and he could be confident and charming.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 1053
Grown men don’t need approval to go Dutch
Posted: 5/17/2018 2:32:42 PM

with someone I was dating for a few months

Well, a few months, I wonder WHY?


I think divorced women end up doing much better than men financially. Say each parent makes $100K. Roughly $67K take home after taxes. But, the guy gives up roughly another 33% for child support so his take home drops down to $33K while his ex is back up to $100K. I have kids so I know there are child care expenses but you can see the difference. Most of the women I date have a decent income, own their own home and rarely have kids under 18. And if they do, they are still doing okay.


Get ur head out from up ur A$$, I am 59 yearss old & NEVER have heard of the scenario you describe above...NEVER!

https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/04/the-divorce-gap/480333/

The Divorce Gap
There’s a common perception that women siphon off the wealth of their exes and go on to live in comfort. It’s wrong.


A 38-year-old woman living in Everett, Washington recently told me that nine years ago, she had a well-paying job, immaculate credit, substantial savings, and a happy marriage. When her first daughter was born, she and her husband decided that she would quit her job in publishing to stay home with the baby. She loved being a mother and homemaker, and when another daughter came, she gave up the idea of going back to work.

Seven years later, her husband told her to leave their house, and filed for a divorce she couldn’t afford. “He said he was tired of my medical issues, and unwilling to work on things,” she said, citing her severe rheumatoid arthritis and OCD, both of which she manages with medication. “He kicked me out of my own house, with no job and no home, and then my only recourse was to lawyer up. I’m paying them on credit.” (Some of the men and women quoted in this article have been kept anonymous because they were discussing sensitive financial matters, some of them involving ongoing legal disputes.)

She is far from alone. Despite the common perception that women make out better than men in divorce proceedings, women who worked before, during, or after their marriages see a 20 percent decline in income when their marriages end, according to Stephen Jenkins, a professor at the London School of Economics. His research found that men, meanwhile, tend to see their incomes rise more than 30 percent post-divorce. Meanwhile, the poverty rate for separated women is 27 percent, nearly triple the figure for separated men.

Women like the mother in Washington, who leave the workforce for several years, will likely see their earnings stunted when they resume working. The main reason women suffer the brunt of divorce’s financial burdens, according to Jenkins, is that during marriage, they are more likely than men to stop working in order to raise kids. “The key differences are not between men and women, but between fathers and mothers,” he told The Guardian.


On top of that, divorce proceedings alone can pose a serious financial burden. According to Divorce Magazine, a trade publication, the cost of divorce varies wildly, from as little as $8,500 to well over $100,000. An accurate average is hard to nail down, but estimates usually fall within the range of $15,000 to $30,000. And if the split is relatively amicable, costs can sometimes be as low as $250 to $3,000, according to Lee Borden, a divorce lawyer in Alabama.

These burdens tend to fall disproportionately on women, and, in its usual way, the market has recognized that: A handful of firms have started providing loans—some of them for hundreds of thousands of dollars—to women so that they can properly argue their case in court. The loans’ interest rates can be high, but one firm estimates that applicants typically win assets worth three times the amount of their loan.

But without such outside help, many find themselves trapped, and it’s not just women who can experience divorce’s ill financial effects. Bari Weinberger, a family-law attorney working in New Jersey, says that while child support and alimony can cause hang-ups in court, it’s also the case that many people simply cannot afford what they’re ordered to pay, and end up defaulting because they are out of options. “You now have two households and one check to make ends meet. And it’s not easy,” Weinberger said. “When men come to us looking for advice on how to handle this support, we can’t create the funds that aren’t there.”
-------------------------------------------

Guys don't have to go all the way to NV to possibly get some lovin'. Some areas have AMPs (Asian Massage Parlors). $200 for a massage and a happy ending then away you go. Or they can find a decent escort for a few hundred. Of course they are just paying for her time :) There's a saying for guys - We pay... either way... we pay.


Legal & regulated in Parumph, NV
ILLEGAL & non-regulated everywhere else.
 Endless_Summer_Nights
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 1054
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Grown men don’t need approval to go Dutch
Posted: 5/17/2018 4:19:07 PM

Endless, I don't think my gf gets much for her son. I call him the million dollar kid. He plays sports, and it costs a lot. What happened to the gf that went to DR with you? My gf has a house there and wants me to go with her sometime. How did you like it? My vacations are mostly in the Caribbean, Hawaii and Mexico.


We went to the Lifestyle Holidays Vacation Club Resort in Puerto Plata. A couple I'm friends with have a membership there so we were able to get the same benefits as them (helicopter from the airport to the resort, we each received a bottle of alcohol each day, access to all of the beaches and restaurants, limo back to the airport plus a lot more). Awesome trip!!! There might be some nice areas of the DR but I didn't see them outside of the resort. Your girlfriend might be able to provide details of how it's like in her area. The friends we went with are looking to buy a house down there so it can't be that bad. As for the gf I went with, she was nice and fun to hang out with but I just wasn't feeling it on a deeper level. She wanted more but I couldn't feel what wasn't there.


Well, a few months, I wonder WHY?


See, it wasn't because of me :)


Get ur head out from up ur A$$, I am 59 yearss old & NEVER have heard of the scenario you describe above...NEVER!

https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/04/the-divorce-gap/480333/


Sorry, my head isn't up my A$$. It doesn't smell good up there.

Everyone's situation is different. As I type this, I'm trying to think of women I know that had a really bad financial situation after their divorce while their ex lived good. One is fighting her ex for about $30K in back CS, another doesn't get the CS that she should based on what her ex makes. She doesn't want the stress of going back to court. But each of them have good jobs. They could use the money but they aren't hurting without it. Other divorced friends get what they should. Generally about 25-35% of the father's income based on the number of kids and the formula. I know a few men that struggle financially because they take home about 1/3 of what they make. Women wonder why they end up in their mother's basement. Even if they are making an average of $52K per year. That's $1k per week with a take home of about $350. Rents in my area are $1000-$1500+ per month. A mortgage would also be in the same range or higher. I did a quick Google search so I'm not pulling numbers out of the air -

The average salary of 45-to-54-year-olds is $962 per week, $50,024 per year. That’s the highest average salary of any of the age groups the BLS tracks.

I had a number of tough years in the beginning.

The story you posted is about a woman that didn't work for years so I can understand how she'd have a tough time.


She is far from alone. Despite the common perception that women make out better than men in divorce proceedings, women who worked before, during, or after their marriages see a 20 percent decline in income when their marriages end, according to Stephen Jenkins, a professor at the London School of Economics. His research found that men, meanwhile, tend to see their incomes rise more than 30 percent post-divorce. Meanwhile, the poverty rate for separated women is 27 percent, nearly triple the figure for separated men.


They don't say why the incomes go up and down. For the men, is it because they have to work more to try to survive? They have to pay child support and sometimes alimony. The more they make, the more they take. So for every extra $100 the guy makes, he still only goes home with about $35 of it. I don't know why the woman's income would go down. Again, every situation is different.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 1055
Grown men don’t need approval to go Dutch
Posted: 5/17/2018 4:35:01 PM

Kiss, would the good-looking poor guy be you?☺ The way you phrase it, it sounds like the good-looking guy would be the choice, but not necessarily so. The guy with money emits power, and that's an aphrodisiac, and he could be confident and charming.


I never claimed to be good-looking. I consider myself average, and I’m starting to loss my hair. I rarely get attention from women. I don’t buy that money is an aphrodisiac for all women. A lot of women wouldn’t jump into bed with a man they found physically repulsive, even if he was rich.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1056
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/17/2018 6:09:38 PM
Endless, wow, what nice perks with that trip! I've heard of Puerto Plata. I know people go there and south to Punta Cana. I like Virgin Gorda, been there twice. They picked me up from Beef Island with a huge catamaran, drinks at the ready, with no one else aboard. It makes you feel spoiled. At the the resort, you can schedule to be picked up by boat and brought anywhere around the island, so I chose landlocked beaches that had no one on them and brought a picnic lunch.

My gf had to assume part of hubby's debt that had her name on it from co-signing. He wouldn't pay his part of the mortgage on their house on time, so all of this ruined her credit and she couldn't refi her house and lost it.

Kiss, you may be a little rotten on the inside☺, but you're a nice looking guy. If you think hair loss will be a negative, maybe it would be a good idea to put a push on dating, maybe lock someone down.
 Endless_Summer_Nights
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 1057
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/17/2018 7:50:46 PM

Endless, wow, what nice perks with that trip! I've heard of Puerto Plata. I know people go there and south to Punta Cana. I like Virgin Gorda, been there twice. They picked me up from Beef Island with a huge catamaran, drinks at the ready, with no one else aboard. It makes you feel spoiled. At the the resort, you can schedule to be picked up by boat and brought anywhere around the island, so I chose landlocked beaches that had no one on them and brought a picnic lunch.

My gf had to assume part of hubby's debt that had her name on it from co-signing. He wouldn't pay his part of the mortgage on their house on time, so all of this ruined her credit and she couldn't refi her house and lost it.


That trip was the first time I've been to an all inclusive resort. I got used to it for the week we were there. Then I stopped for a sandwich after leaving the airport at home and thought "Why do I have to pay for it?". :)

Sorry to hear about your friend. Hopefully she was able to rebuild her credit after that. Credit is one of my hobbies. I always know what my scores are and try different things to see they will effect them. If she hasn't tried rebuilding her credit, I can give you some suggestions to pass along that will help. I recently guided a friend from the mid-500s to the low 700s. She just refinanced her car from 17% to 2.74%.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 1058
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/17/2018 10:58:54 PM

My gf had to assume part of hubby's debt that had her name on it from co-signing. He wouldn't pay his part of the mortgage on their house on time, so all of this ruined her credit and she couldn't refi her house and lost it.

I had the inverse happen because of my Ex. Filed for bankruptcy to protect keeping my own place. Rebuilding credit has been slow and aggravating. Funny thing is, I haven't had a need for a credit card for more than five years. More proof that my financial behavior has been a lot more sound than when I was hitched.

But for the most part, nobody cares. Judgements up front are made on quick assumptions and conclusions are drawn more from past experience than the truth in front of us. No different than making that 'safe' bet pursuing the tall, athletic and attractive instead of something in the 'average' range. We don't want to work at it. Assuming someone has a generous soul is made from a $12 purchase of candy and popcorn, not from watching them patiently work with a juvenile baseball team or playing Bingo with the elderly.

Character and compatibility are discovered over time, and usually with some trial and error. I make the mistake on a lot of dates of not making the woman feel precious, special enough... but in many cases, there has been next to zero motivation to do so - because I'm being judged at face value, in fifteen minutes, and that decision is final, no matter what may be said or done over the next couple hours or couple drinks. I loathe the idea of having to buy an expensive watch or wearing my $150 dress shoes almost everywhere to make an impression, but that is exactly what gets noticed. It's not even subtle anymore.

I've never worked anywhere that a suit and tie were required uniforms. I grew up in a middle income family that changed to things like powdered milk and bulk wholesale oatmeal when things got tight. We lived within our means. Extravagance is not part of my vocabulary.

I keep meeting divorcees that can keep a full time job or a home business, live in HUGE houses, send kids to college or to participate in expensive extracurriculars, make $150 hair appointments and pay for their own boob jobs. They are showing themselves to be fiscally sound and more. So the thing that puzzles me the most - is still this constant idea of finding an upgrade - someone who is actually doing BETTER than they are. There's a point where shaving fractions of points off the top just isn't possible anymore. And yet they try. And try. And ignore everything else. It that a security thing - like finding a taller guy - or is it being done as a survivalist decision - finding a guy that can help dig out their slowly growing mountain of debt? That kind of truth is rarely ever revealed easily - or honestly.

A fiscally sound person who can take care of their own expenses, regardless of income, is an asset to making a couple. But not being in the same social circles, the same church, keeping up the same appearances - are all strikes against. We limit ourselves constantly because of this insane fear of stepping outside our comfort zone. Meeting manipulators that lie and play the system to appear like the perfect match works all too easily - because we filter our potentials down to a list smaller than a typical bowling team. We become desperate for a match because of our own vanity - and it IS vanity. We can't all be above average - but apparently, spending like we are is almost a necessity. That's not about buying candy and popcorn - it's about faking it til we make it.
 Endless_Summer_Nights
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 1059
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/18/2018 8:50:53 AM
/\/\/\/\ Great post/\/\/\/\


No different than making that 'safe' bet pursuing the tall, athletic and attractive instead of something in the 'average' range.


That athletic quality can change. Going to the extreme, Bruce Jenner comes to mind.


I keep meeting divorcees that can keep a full time job or a home business, live in HUGE houses, send kids to college or to participate in expensive extracurriculars, make $150 hair appointments and pay for their own boob jobs. They are showing themselves to be fiscally sound and more.


This has been my experience. Not everyone but a good number of women that you describe (only one with a boob job). A good friend recently starting dating a woman who seems very nice. Decent job but she isn't rich, owns her own home, she's laid back, no need for a 5 star restaurant, a pizza or burger is fine. He has a great job and doesn't mind paying more often but she'll grab the check too. They like each other for who they are.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 1060
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Grown men don’t need approval to go Dutch
Posted: 5/18/2018 2:37:35 PM

This is why in the beginning stages, I prefer little to no money is spent at all.


Works for me.


Guess what, no matter how you slice it, men will have to cough up $ to get a relationship/sex w/ a quality woman.


Actual "quality" women do not make personal relationships about money.
They make personal relationships about the things money cannot buy.
They make business relationships about money.


A 38-year-old woman living in Everett, Washington recently told me that nine years ago, she had a well-paying job, immaculate credit, substantial savings, and a happy marriage.



Seven years later, her husband told her to leave their house, and filed for a divorce she couldn’t afford. “He said he was tired of my medical issues, and unwilling to work on things,” she said, citing her severe rheumatoid arthritis and OCD, both of which she manages with medication. “He kicked me out of my own house, with no job and no home, and then my only recourse was to lawyer up. I’m paying them on credit.”


Actually, that woman only had the "illusion" of a happy marriage.
She just didn't know it at the time.


She is far from alone.


Indeed she is far from alone.

Another woman makes a poor choice.


My gf had to assume part of hubby's debt that had her name on it from co-signing. He wouldn't pay his part of the mortgage on their house on time, so all of this ruined her credit and she couldn't refi her house and lost it.


And ANOTHER woman makes a poor choice.
It's getting to be an epidemic.


The guy with money emits power, and that's an aphrodisiac


Funny, but wrong.
The guy that SPENDS money on people who base human value in dollar and cents and have self-entitlement issues rather than self-reliance, is the aphrodisiac in their mind.


A fiscally sound person who can take care of their own expenses,


My ears are burning.


I loathe the idea of having to buy an expensive watch


Me, too.
So....I've never bought one.


We lived within our means.


Always a sound choice.

But lost on those with champagne tastes and a beer budget.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 1061
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Grown men don’t need approval to go Dutch
Posted: 5/18/2018 5:37:28 PM
Wow. Things always get so out of whack.

I'ma try this again, even if it helps only one person who pays attention:


...who pays for first dates is not a matter of equal financial burden or equal gender treatment. Conversations about it deteriorate into that, because they're not 'getting' it, but it's about something else. This correlates with what someone's after, and that's why it applies to some but not others because different people are looking for different things. However some of the ones that this does apply to don't realize it and that's why they have difficulty:

For people who want a serious long term relationship with mutual interest and a 'deeper connection'...and they're not looking for something wherein one person 'takes care of' the other or is a housewife or househusband...or neither is any form of male or female chauvinist...or aren't treating gender-relations or dating as power-plays...the first few dates should be for the purpose of getting to know each other in those initial areas. You decide to go on some first dates because you have an interest...you see a possibility, but of course you don't know. You're not trying to 'win' the other, or impress them, or 'make them like you'. Neither of you have decided prematurely that you already want the other...you're going on the first few dates to find out. You've made no foregone conclusions. You're not putting the cart before the horse. You go on first dates to begin finding out, both of you...not going on those first dates because you think that you already know when you don't even know each other yet. That is, if any kind of logic and honesty are at play.

So, both people are interested - because a situation wherein one isn't really interested and the other is...doesn't make any sense and should be an insult to the one to even go on a date. You shouldn't agree to a first date if you're not really interested and the other is there to 'win you'. It shouldn't even matter who asked who...they asked you because they're asking if you're interested - interested in finding out the possibility, interested in finding a relationship with someone. When you agree to go on a first date, that's what you're agreeing to in an unspoken way...if not, then you're being dishonest or deceptive.

And if both people are there on the first few dates for this reason, not having made any foregone conclusions about each other...there is no basis for the ritual of one paying for the other. It's in fact bizarre. To do so implies exactly the opposite of what I've described here. It implies that you're there for some other reason, or are lying somewhere. It may seem like it's not a 'big deal', and in real life practice it often isn't...it doesn't have to all go down this way literally. But it's still important to know what the other's mindset is. It's an important step in finding out about them and their intentions - which, again, is the whole point of the first few dates. Even that $2 coffee...isn't about the little-ole 2 bucks, and isn't about being petty and keeping score. It's about finding out what kind of person you are and what you're after...what's your purpose in going on the first dates with someone. It's about whether or not you have the expectation of the other paying, and how it does or doesn't change how you see the other person for wanting to go completely dutch. This tiny thing, right at the very beginning, can reveal a lot about who you are and what you're looking for. People who value and are looking for this kind of real relationship are keen to tune into this.

And all of the catch-phrases and counter-remarks against how this works...is just from some women basically being players, dishonest and manipulative, even if they themselves don't realize it. They know, even if unconsciously, that there will always be men who cater to the idea of always paying on first dates because those men know that is their in-road to dating that woman when she's refused by others for this. And of course those men will continue to legitimize this wrong thinking and those women will continue to do this way...on and on and on. Never having the spine and strength to see how they're sabotaging themselves.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1062
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Grown men don’t need approval to go Dutch
Posted: 5/18/2018 8:07:13 PM
Endless, you just reminded me, she mentioned potentially filing bankruptcy. What are your ideas for her?
 Endless_Summer_Nights
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 1063
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Grown men don’t need approval to go Dutch
Posted: 5/18/2018 9:11:41 PM
NewYorker, that's an option and it isn't the end of the world. Good way to clear out a pile of debt that she won't be able to pay off. Bankruptcy (BK) stays on credit reports for 10 years. For Equifax, an early exclusion (EE) can be requested after 9 1/2 years. TransUnion and Experian will usually do it two months early. If she does file for BK, I suggest she start rebuilding as soon as it's discharged. Depending on what her reports currently look like, her scores will probably be in the 500 range. She might have to start with a secured card. Capital One is a good bank to deal with for things like that. The card can become unsecured after a year or two. She can also work on getting other cards as her scores increase. It's not about applying for cards and running them up, it's about using them responsibly and paying them off. At some point she might try to maximize her scores apply for better cards or get a loan. The best way to do that is to only have one card report a balance that is less than 9% of the available credit. For example, say the card has a $10K limit. Have less than $900 post to the account when the statement closes. All other card at zero. Having all credit cards report a zero balance can cost a person 12-15+ points. It's not good to have them all report zero.

I don't know the details about her financial life. It sounds like she has a bunch of negative accounts from the past, the house was foreclosed on and possibly drowning in current bills. If there are only a few cards with balances totaling about $5K. I'd work on paying them off. If I had $25-$50K in debt and no way to reasonably pay it off in a few years, then BK might be right for her.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 1064
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Grown men don’t need approval to go Dutch
Posted: 5/19/2018 9:11:49 AM

It's not about applying for cards and running them up, it's about using them responsibly and paying them off.


A concept that I have successfully practiced since day 1.
 Endless_Summer_Nights
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 1065
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Your gonna get friend zoned
Posted: 5/20/2018 10:55:34 AM

Endless, what are you going to do when she tells you what she'd like to do? How are going to break it to her that you'd like her to pay for the date or part of the date? You guys are so funny. I'm laughing as I'm typing this. I take it that you're not that fond of her. Well, good luck, but I would friend zone you in a NY minute


Date #5 update - She picked where we were going last night. That was to dinner then to a local venue to see a band. She took care of dinner and I took care of drinks later. A simple, easy and fun night.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 1066
Grown men don’t need approval to go Dutch
Posted: 5/20/2018 11:08:02 AM
I can say why my income went down post-divorce. After we separated I could no longer pick up extra hours and overtime due to lack of childcare and I had to switch positions to make my work schedule work with childcare better so I lost money there too. Most shifts I am offered are last-minute and I can't find a babysitter on time. Also, I feel guilty picking up more hours because my kids are already coping with one parent gone and I can't be absent as well too much. A third reason I work less is because now that I am alone I have to do all the household stuff on my own so I need more time for that as well. And now that I'm going to permanently be a one-income household its gonna be harder to make ends meet. Luckily now that I'm single my Canada Child Tax Benefit increases which does help.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1067
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/20/2018 11:49:40 AM
Endless, thanks for the info. Her and hubby were late with house payments, he wasn't giving her his half and the house was under water. I told her, keep it, house prices are rising, then sell when you're ready to move to then have profit to use to move with money left over, so that's what she did. The people that bought her house flipped it by doing very little and made over $100,000 on it. She wasn't happy about that, but she could have done that too.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 1068
You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/20/2018 12:22:25 PM

I can say why my income went down post-divorce. After we separated I could no longer pick up extra hours and overtime due to lack of childcare and I had to switch positions to make my work schedule work with childcare better so I lost money there too. Most shifts I am offered are last-minute and I can't find a babysitter on time. Also, I feel guilty picking up more hours because my kids are already coping with one parent gone and I can't be absent as well too much. A third reason I work less is because now that I am alone I have to do all the household stuff on my own so I need more time for that as well. And now that I'm going to permanently be a one-income household its gonna be harder to make ends meet. Luckily now that I'm single my Canada Child Tax Benefit increases which does help.


What you describe here is the NORM, not the exception, yet in this thread a male posted a very exceptional scenario that I refuted w/ facts & no one but you responded to his income fantasy post.

Actually, July, you are prob. faring better than the avg. single mom of 3 !!!
 Endless_Summer_Nights
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 1069
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/20/2018 4:02:46 PM

What you describe here is the NORM, not the exception, yet in this thread a male posted a very exceptional scenario that I refuted w/ facts & no one but you responded to his income fantasy post.

Actually, July, you are prob. faring better than the avg. single mom of 3 !!!


Seeing that I'm probably the male you mention, I posted real world situations that I've seen and experienced. And as I've said before, everyone's situation is different. A woman who is doing it on her own with no financial help from the father, no family to help with the kids and who didn't have a decent job before the divorce is probably going to struggle. Sorry if that ends up being the norm.

For me, I had a management position which doesn't really mean much when it comes to money. It was just "okay". There were nights that I slept in my truck at work because I couldn't afford gas to go back and forth.. My kids and I had a couple of Thanksgiving meals there were offered by a local restaurant to people that couldn't afford to buy them. Do you know you can have a meal at Burger King for $1.06? Just carry one of their cups to refill. That and a cheeseburger is a decent meal. I could go on but you get the idea. It's not all amazing for the guys. Meanwhile my ex was (and still is) living in a nice house surrounded by 35 arces, multiple vehicles and trips each year. It took many years for my situation to improve. It's not perfect and no where near how my ex lives but it's much better than before
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1070
view profile
History
You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/20/2018 5:15:16 PM
Endless, that was harsh! I don't want to pry into your finances, but if things got split 50/50, why is she doing so well?

 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 1071
You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/20/2018 5:20:34 PM
I know a few female divorcees that are living quite well, they work part time but get decent child support payments. I can't identify with them at all.

A major reason I didn't leave my ex is because of a co-worker I had in the same situation as me. She had a husband who barely worked because he couldn't seem to keep a job and he cheated on her at times too. She left him but he went to court, got primary custody of their kids because he claimed he was a stay-at-home dad (often he had his parents look after the kids when she was at work but they lied for him) and she ended up having to pay him child support. Despite the fact that she basically did almost everything for those kids. Gradually over time the kids spent more and more time at her place until she had them 95% of the time but he told her if she told the courts and quit paying the child support that he'd take them back for most of the time giving her only visitation again.
 Inicia
Joined: 4/12/2015
Msg: 1072
Pay for your own whine
Posted: 5/20/2018 5:33:30 PM

p.s. - I Have never, not once in my entire life, ever done the "dinner date" thing to gain a woman's interest. The women I "date" have their own money and don't give a shit about mine.
(love it!!!) If no interest prior why would it develop with dinner/date???

does who pays/shares cost of entertainment matter any more: apparently yes- I looked and read a few too(guilty)-still a debate-
i am old: dating or not dating over the years-i have sent men flowers received flowers-bought dinners- ate a free meals- made dinners typically too much stress and prep-I am really tired of relationships or dating +$$$ determining values of perspective partner- feelings of debt/obligation/services (romantically or sexually) Are we so used to whoring for the all mighty dollar(employment-etc) can we not differentiate in our personal relationships..
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 1073
Pay for your own whine
Posted: 5/20/2018 5:56:39 PM
I have a done a few meet-and-greets (I don't call first meetings with guys dates) and I have said ahead of time that for meetups we will pay dutch. This way I don't feel bad if I don't like the guy. However, on official dates I do expect the guy to pay. The date costs me enough money as it is because I pay a babysitter (the going rate is about $50 for 5 hours) so I can actually go on a date so I don't think its an unreasonable expectation. Sometimes I might volunteer to pay for extras like popcorn and drinks at a movie. And I don't expect to go anywhere extravagant or anything. The point of a date is just to go out and have a good time and it doesn't matter how much money is spent.
 Endless_Summer_Nights
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 1074
view profile
History
You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/20/2018 7:54:45 PM

Endless, that was harsh! I don't want to pry into your finances, but if things got split 50/50, why is she doing so well?


I owned my own business and was very successful for many years. That went downhill with the economy 10 years ago. We separated around the same time. I was barely getting by while her attorney told the judge I was still running a business and making close to what I did before. I even had my income in black and white. The judge believed her (she's good at lying) so I ended up paying more than 33%. for a long time. In the meantime, my ex ended up moving into her parent's house which is worth well over a million $. They bought another house out of state. Her parents also helped her set up a company doing what I used to do so she's all set financially. Good thing is the kids are well taken care of.
 Inicia
Joined: 4/12/2015
Msg: 1075
You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/20/2018 8:22:24 PM

just to go out and have a good time and it doesn't matter how much money is spent.


If so- spend 20 on a babysitter for two hours and pay for the whole date pick something you can afford- two hour walk in the park sharing a coke...
or saying does nt matter how much he spends?
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