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 naysaying_knicktwist
Joined: 11/19/2009
Msg: 101
Lessons in modern dating, Chapter 9 : Finger in the assPage 5 of 73    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)

As Mr Mackey would say ...

Not paying for your date is bad .... mmmmkay ?


Haha SuperSoulSon. You so often crack me up. :-)
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 102
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/17/2015 12:32:16 AM
One could save a lot of time with these litmus tests if people just said up front what the expectations are.

As for changing anybody on this, not happening, not worth the effort. It never was a problem for me. I just moved on if we disagreed about anything really.

It gets brought up here as a red herring for "it isn't fair, women are taking advantage, and having a better time dating", add some GPS, dinner whore, gold digger misogyny, sexual frustration barbs...

People never tire of it, the cheapskate stories, the time they were financially taken and got cuckolded, etc.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 103
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/17/2015 5:11:00 AM
Yeah, know a woman, middle aged, who boasts about never paying a dime for her meals, holidays away and every other thing with a guy she is seeing regularly. That she and her sisters have been reducing men to jibbering wrecks since their teens with their seductive powers. Seems to think that is a testament to her desirability that she is being bought. I say with that, comes control on his part. I wonder how much input she gets into where they eat and vacation etc. But wait, gives him some business advice occasionally in return.
 OneKewlDood
Joined: 5/21/2014
Msg: 104
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/17/2015 6:10:00 AM

Yeah, know a woman, middle aged, who boasts about never paying a dime for her meals, holidays away and every other thing with a guy she is seeing regularly.


She is a prostitute. Pure and simple. He buys her trinkets (pays money), she gives him sex. That's prostitution. He's buying sex from her.

Next time she brings up her wonderful super-powers, feel free to reduce it to what I said above for her.

Currently, we swap paying. Last night we went to a concert, and she payed for the quick meal (only had time to hit Johnny Rocket's) and after the show I paid for Ben & Jerry's. But when we go out on Sushi Tuesdays, I pay one week and she pays the next.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 105
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/17/2015 8:23:25 AM
If someone wants to pay for the entire date. That's cool. But I don't think a person should be expected to pay because of traditional gender roles or because (s)he asked. Regardless of who asked, both people agreed to it and had some input ( at least on my dates ) about the details of the date.

This has rarely been a problem for me though. Most women on my dates offered to contribute. Sometimes it was just the tip. Or they bought me juice / soda after I had paid for a relatively more expensive item. That was fine. Some women ( not a large percentage of my dates though ) have asked me out on a date. Only one of them offered to pay for the entire date because of that specific reason. That didn't bother me.

If 2 people have different viewpoints, then either compromise. Or if neither person is willing to budge, then they are simply not compatible with each other.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 106
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/17/2015 9:34:36 AM
I guess I'mold fashioned in that I like to pay. If my date wants to split, my usual line is, "I like to pretend to be a gentlemen once in a while to throw people off."
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 107
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/17/2015 11:41:02 AM
^^^south city. Agree. It's up to the individuals. We all come to relationships with a variety of backgrounds, expectations.

I am traditional.

I rarely just go out to eat...I go out 'on a date'. Perhaps once a week. My boyfriend arranges it, calls me up, picks me up, pays for it. I don't use my brain except to spend a zillion hours wondering what to wear and getting ready. Doing it this evening...dancing. I like feeling like Cinderella going to the ball.

Then, at least once a week I make him a nice meal at my house...his favorites, etc. or, get him what I hope is a thoughtful gift.

I've been out with men previously and have offered to pay. Never been taken up on it. Splitting a bill is something they would be aghast at. Perhaps it's more of an older generation thing and to do with honor. Never in a zillion years would my mother have paid at the end of a meal when she was with my father.

I just wouldn't go out with a male over the age of 40 where it was the actual few dollars that mattered...I expect a man to be financially secure by then. If 50 dollars is an issue the they should be going for a walk instead and putting the money in the bank.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 108
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/17/2015 11:41:22 AM
She is a prostitute. Pure and simple. He buys her trinkets (pays money), she gives him sex. That's prostitution. He's buying sex from her.


...which makes him...................a john
The name calling works both ways !
So you can call him a gentleman who pays for the lady's way or a John who pays for the prostitute.
Which is it?;
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 109
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/17/2015 11:53:10 AM
No this doesn't make a woman a prostitute.

My guy is well off. Has no children. I have never paid for our vacations or much of anything. He buys me gifts.

He is the most important person in my life...he says the same about me. We love each other to pieces. Why would he not want to do things that make me happy? Why would I not want to do things that makes him happy?

If a man does something for a woman that is not a necessity and she accepts it...she is a hooker? If a woman likes to satisfy her guy in a sexual way she is a hooker?

In contrast, I believe people do these things out of love, caring.
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 110
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/17/2015 11:54:13 AM
I agree John, I never felt comfortable allowing her to pay..and I defenitely would never ask her too pay!!... Sometimes they insist, and I say well you pay the tip. One lady insisted on paying for everything, every time, even grabbing a timmies coffee in the drivethru, kinda felt icky
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 111
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/17/2015 2:23:41 PM

So you can call him a gentleman who pays for the lady's way or a John

Well, according to my drivers license, I already am a John...
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 112
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/17/2015 2:28:51 PM
*slaps (lightly!!) John on the arm*
 Supersoulson
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 113
Lessons in modern dating, Chapter 9 : Finger in the ass
Posted: 1/17/2015 3:22:58 PM

Supersoulson - I am super hungry... I'll take you up on your offer😃how about Le Crocodile?


Sure but only because you have such a dazzling smile !

lol
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 114
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/17/2015 4:02:15 PM

If you don’t think a woman is “worthy” of special treatment, WHY in heck are you asking her out on a date? Hm??

Well, if you ask to Take Her Out on a date, you Are saying you'll pay. Even if I ask to take a (visiting) cousin of mine out, "Here, let me take ya out. There's this sweet restaurant downtown...," I'm implying I'm covering it, because *I'm* Taking YOU out. I don't think that's really where the heart of the "who pays" debate comes into things.

But, with that said, I could ask to take a woman out -- but aside from just generally taking her out -- she's in no position, off-the-bat/by-default, to be given any "special treatment".

A date goes BOTH ways Equally in figuring each other out. It's not a guy takes a gal out to "prove himself" to her, while she's the panel of judges who says Yay or Nay. Well, not unless it's one of those isolated incidents where the guy knowingly has a crush on her, and he convinces her to let him take her out. If it's one-sided where one party is campaigning or "trying out", while the other is being treated & being the panel of judges -- without some special circumstances as to explain why -- that's just plain WEIRD. The gal is to prove/show herself to the guy, just as much as the guy is to prove/show himself to the gal.

After all, in those first-few-dates, typically speaking, you don't know them enough to shower them with expenses or to "win them over" in a one-way direction. Oddly enough, one would say that would be more applied AFTER the initial dates, when he has gotten to know her sufficiently -- but that's actually when it becomes more PC to split some of the bill (guy gets the whole dinner tab; gal pays for a few drinks post-dinner, etc). Now, why is the lady going to be more comfortable post-initial dates paying for a few drinks, or getting some tickets when he gets a bulk of stuff (assuming she's financially comfortable in general)? Because she knows him; she knows it's worth it.

I don't think (most) women are greedy or anything like that when they have a greater affection to guys who pay her way every date. I think that Can play a role, and does with some... but for the most part it's just Taking Things For Granted.

There are women out there who have never paid for a date in their life and they never would. I know this because they post it in on these forums and places like this. When they are single and looking why don’t they post in on their profile??? You guessed it. They know that it would count against them.

Yep. That's true, and very understandable, just as you pointed out that it's very true and understandable for (most) guys not to whine about always having to pay or bringing up the subject about paying, to their dates.

In my opinion many of them don’t have a bloody clue and would do well to heed your advice and take it in. Before any knickers get twisted I will pre-empt the objection that yes this applies to men too.

I agree. I think it's not limited to the "who pays" argument when it's not a clear-cut situation of a guy formally Asking to Take a gal out on a Date -- but in many other aspects of the dating/relationship world. There are more things that are NOT "what every woman wants" when it's claimed to be so VS concrete guy-girl things that ARE, generally speaking, what almost all women want.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 115
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/17/2015 5:57:03 PM
Ok I know a man who married a woman he met on POF. He used to buy her stuff cuz he said she deserved it- she never asked, He said one time they were on vaca & she saw sandals & said they were too much money. So after they left, he went back alone, got them for her.

I used to get gifts like flowers, candy, stuffed animals once I was given a Barbie doll on a 1st meet- Another time, nice perfume- White Linen. I didn't ask for that stuff. Some old-fashioned men like to do that to prove their sincerity.

If some guy is meeting a bunch of women for coffee buy the dozens, he gives off a way diff vibe that a man who wants to take a woman out & also gives her roses, or a stuffed animal or a Barbie or some good chocolates. The man who gave me the perfume left the receipt in the bag & he paid cash. I felt he was sneaky & refused to see him again (this was around 2001) but I went to the store & returned it, & used the cash to buy extra groceries for the kids.

No I did NOT sleep with him.
When I did that years ago, it felt CATHARTIC after all the silly crap I heard & saw, it felt good...

I know the economy is not as good right now, but guys, don't offer to take a woman out if u r not into her, I'd say do coffee meets. But if u meet one that knocks your sox off, by all means, spend a little $$$
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 116
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/17/2015 7:17:31 PM

Well, according to my drivers license, I already am a John...


I am, too. We are a euphemism for a guy who pays for prostitutes or a toilet.
 Supersoulson
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 117
Lessons in modern dating, Chapter 9 : Finger in the ass
Posted: 1/17/2015 9:15:21 PM
Something on the subject of paying and stuff like that.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 118
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/17/2015 9:48:29 PM

 We are a euphemism for a guy who pays for prostitutes or a toilet.


I structured that badly. Let me rephrase...

All of us guys named John are a euphemism for a guy that pays for prostitutes and/o a euphemism for a receptacle that gets pissed and crapped in/on.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 119
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/18/2015 6:24:02 PM
Recently met a guy from POF. We had a fun first meet and continued to date. I shared the bills as we went out. After about a month, I needed a ride to pick up my car from the repair shop. He picked me up at home, and took me to the shop. Then we went to a nearby restaurant. We live near each other, so his driving was only a few miles. At the restaurant he said "Let's split it" when the bill came, so I agreed. Actually I paid a bit more than half, but my meal was a more expensive choice, so that was ok with me. During the meal he asked me why I don't dye my hair. So I asked if he thought I should dye my hair. He said most women do. I just told him I used to, but don't want to anymore. For clarification, my hair is sandy blonde, and going grey.
Then 2 days later on the phone, he complained to me that I didn't pay the whole bill in return for him giving me a ride.
WTH, if you want me to pay the whole bill, don't offer to split it! Don't expect me to be a mind reader. He also asked me again why I don't dye my hair.
So we aren't dating anymore after that phone call.
It all seems too difficult lately, even when I consistently share the date expenses. I have no idea what the solution is.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 120
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/18/2015 6:30:46 PM

It all seems too difficult lately, even when I consistently share the date expenses. I have no idea what the solution is.

If a man wants you to share the expenses at the beginning, it reflects a certain attitude he has.
My advice, don't date men who want to go Dutch on 1st 3 dates & who critique your looks.

He was RUDE.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 121
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/18/2015 7:12:04 PM
I never really think about it. I always pay when out on a date. I don't analyze it or lose sleep over it. Women have often offered to contribute but I politely decline.

Women tend to be thoughtful in other ways. They do little things that more than compensate for a few dollars on a date here and there. Usually they arrange social get togethers, parties, etc. Christmas season just passed and my partner does a dozen things I never have in my 'to do' thought process. She got a nice bouquet for my mother...made the cranberry sauce.

Also, we appreciate being with an attractive woman. I'd guess my partner often spends more on make up, her clothes, hair and such things than I do on the date itself. She tries to look gorgeous for me and I appreciate it.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 122
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/18/2015 7:25:52 PM

never really think about it. I always pay when out on a date. I don't analyze it or lose sleep over it. Women have often offered to contribute but I politely decline.

Women tend to be thoughtful in other ways. They do little things that more than compensate for a few dollars on a date here and there. Usually they arrange social get togethers, parties, etc. Christmas season just passed and my partner does a dozen things I never have in my 'to do' thought process. She got a nice bouquet for my mother...made the cranberry sauce.

Also, we appreciate being with an attractive woman. I'd guess my partner often spends more on make up, her clothes, hair and such things than I do on the date itself. She tries to look gorgeous for me and I appreciate it.

Thank you- it is obvious not only do you like women, you love them too.

And thank you for appreciating women who makes efforts w/ her grooming etc. Some men call it high maintenance, you just appreciate it.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 123
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/18/2015 8:47:56 PM
^^^^^ High maintenance is more about attitude and entitlement than whether they keep their appearance up.

I'm not into splitting the check. I have no problem paying for the date, but I'm also going to be sensible enough to not break my budget.

Give and take isn't about equal numbers (dollars), but a feeling of fairness from both sides. It's not rigid, but fluid. Ying and Yang.
 Supersoulson
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 124
Lessons in modern dating, Chapter 9 : Finger in the ass
Posted: 1/18/2015 9:02:53 PM

Something on the subject of paying and stuff like that.


Spot on !
 TALL_IQ2
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 125
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/18/2015 9:06:36 PM

High maintenance is more about attitude and entitlement than whether they keep their appearance up.

That sounds like the start of a whole new topic. Maybe a thread on that.
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