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 Endless_Summer_Nights
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 1276
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You're gonna get friend zonedPage 52 of 73    (33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73)

Right- and then accept responsibility for how it turns out, good or bad.

Accept responsibility if you are one of the "Walking Wanting Head"!


People try to find someone they are compatible with. Who pays for what is another way of being compatible. If a guy wants a woman who will financially contribute to some dates and he finds the woman he's dating rather have him pay for everything then that might be a deal breaker. Just like some people want a mate that likes to play golf or enjoys watching horror movies. What's important to one person isn't important to someone else.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 1277
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You're gonna get friend zoned
Posted: 5/29/2018 7:20:23 PM

Just like some people want a mate that likes to play golf or enjoys watching horror movies. What's important to one person isn't important to someone else.

What's important isn't just about what people enjoy - it's also about the negatives as well. We want to find someone who follows our own traditions and beliefs. The rough part lies in the zone of flexibility we allow ourselves to have with another mate. It seems both the turn-ons and the turn-offs keep getting pushed to polarizing extremes.

Asking to split a first drink bill doesn't have to mean they will be neglectful with mortgage payments over the next 30 years. Wearing jewelry our clothing outfits in the $1000 range is no promise they are good with money. Explaining a head cold or sniffles from allergies doesn't mean they are a hypochondriac. Being ten pounds heavier than their profile photo doesn't mean they are on a mission to turn into an 800 pound slug. Smelling like the office or the gym for quick unscheduled meet doesn't mean they don't know how to clean up for a good time. Making some amazing lasagna or some sort of gourmet homemade feast doesn't mean they can handle thanksgiving dinner for the next 20 years - or even do it once.

Of course we want first dates to be an enjoyable experience. What seems the problem is that we seem way, waaaay too focused on being entertained and informed, and not so much on being the entertainer or the person willing to reveal anything. I am absolutely weary of the "Impress ME" attitude. It's not needed, it's not realistic, and a lot of the time it's based on past baggage or a false standard than virtually any stranger would have trouble attaining, even if they wanted to. Big deal if everyone else is doing it - if they are still single, then they are not doing it any better.
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 1278
You're gonna get friend zoned
Posted: 5/29/2018 8:11:17 PM
I have no problems splitting the bill. Sometimes I have offered to pay for the entire first date. A few cases below

Case in point # 1. We went to a place that was literally 2 miles from where I live and about 30-35 miles from where he lived. That was over a hour round trip drive for him and about 10 minutes for me.

Case in point # 2. I needed to reschedule a date and he was very gracious about it.

It had nothing to do with me being desperate. Only 1 man that I had a date with was offended because I offered. Some accepted my offer. Others politely turned it down. The only time I think splitting the bill is tacky is when a man ordered something that was $35 as an example and I ordered something that was $5. He suggests each of us should pay $20. If the situation was the reverse, I would offer to pay the whole thing.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1279
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Posted: 5/30/2018 11:53:53 AM
Every single guy who has paid for me anything has not had expectations that he projected onto me, in fact i got the vibe from many that he was enjoying my time and company and felt a need to 'reward' me for that, it may be that he sees himself as having nothing to offer me other than money and so was being reciprocal by paying or that he thinks it's nice to treat people that make him feel good about himself (i more suspect it's the latter). Idk why and don't ask them but initially i refuse, if they offer again i let them. Just because i am able to pay for myself doesn't mean there's anything wrong with letting someone pay for me if they enjoy doing that. I've even had freebies and discounts while shopping just because the person making the sale enjoys chatting with me, one guy on the market always offered me brews so that i'd stay and chat with him longer and when i had the time i took him up on that.

The guys who feel entitled will usually show it well before the date itself or well before paying for anything. I've even had one guy offer to take me out for meal and then retract that on the night to ask if he could come round for sex instead, this is not uncommon (from talking to other women) and many guys even state they will only take women out on dates if they're guaranteed sex and then decline to take them out when told this won't be happening. Yeah there are the few who rely on old fashioned standards to get them laid and so don't ask outright and hope the woman will feel pressured to give them sex in exchange for things they've bought them but more guys are very upfront about this thing.

The women who expect to be paid for during a date are showing their entitlement right from the beginning also. They're being clear on what they expect too, and as it used to be a societal norm it's been a lot easier for them to be upfront about it than it has for men to about paying for sex.

I think if someone is looking for exclusivity though then they should invest in that. And you don't have to do it with money, but people with the same values will attract each other and they can work this stuff out between themselves.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 1280
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Posted: 5/30/2018 5:16:51 PM
And now for some entertainment:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbqH1ThEwCA
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1281
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Posted: 5/30/2018 7:42:36 PM
I think there are many men (at least the men I know) that are willing to pay. But don't like when a woman expects him to pay. There is a difference. For example Amy offers to pay her share and man appreciates her offer. But said he will pay for the date. Beth does nothing when the bill comes out. There might be a small percentage of men that were upset because Amy offered to pay. But overall I think more men would probably have more respect for Amy.

Most women on my first and/or second dates have offered to pay something. Like a few posters have said, it can be the tip or a drink / snack after I had paid for a more expensive item. That was fine.
 Endless_Summer_Nights
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 1282
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Posted: 5/30/2018 9:00:17 PM
Some people have mentioned a guy expects sex if he pays for dinner. I had a good conversation about this with a single male friend tonight. He said he doesn't expect sex if he pays for the first few dates but... he should be getting some physical enjoyment (okay, he said he better be getting laid :) ) if he's still paying for everything after 4-5 dates. If not, he could go out himself or with a female friend and still have a good time. He also pointed out he could hire and escort if he wanted to always pay for a female companion.

Men and women look for physical attraction when they are trying to find someone to date. That's what draws people together with OLD. It's all about that profile picture. When it comes to dating, we're not just getting to know the person for who they are. Most people want to experience their body too. Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. So, if one person is paying for everything and they aren't getting anything out of it besides having a person with them while they are out, their interest in that person will come to an end pretty quick.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 1283
.It's all about that profile picture
Posted: 5/31/2018 3:45:45 AM

Beth does nothing when the bill comes out.

Good, I bet Beth only dates men who are into her & enjoy sharing!


It's all about that profile picture



AND HERE IT IS I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL ABOUT PERSONALITY...

DAMN I CHANGED MY PROFILE PIC FOR NOTHING????
 Whisky_River
Joined: 10/14/2017
Msg: 1284
.It's all about that profile picture
Posted: 5/31/2018 6:10:19 AM
^^^You're truly getting nuttier as you age.
Good picture of you though....
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1285
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.It's all about that profile picture
Posted: 5/31/2018 7:47:04 AM

Good, I bet Beth only dates men who are into her & enjoy sharing!


Good grief! Not offering to pay anything on a first date isn't likely to get a man more interested in her. It wouldn't be an automatic dealbreaker for me. More like a proceed with caution. If we go out on a few more dates and she still doesn't offer to pay anything, then it can become a dealbreaker. Also it wouldn't be sharing if she doesn't pay for anything. LOL.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 1286
how does beth get men trying to get into her?
Posted: 5/31/2018 7:54:48 AM
"Amy offers to pay her share and man appreciates her offer. But said he will pay for the date. Beth does nothing when the bill comes out. There might be a small percentage of men that were upset because Amy offered to pay. But overall I think more men would probably have more respect for Amy."

>>>kinda reminds me of the joke

Q: three women apply for a secretarial job. One is an excellent typist, another is dynamite on the phone, and the third can't file anything but her nails. Who gets the job?

A: the one with the biggest rack.

its cynical and sarcastic, but a woman with a lot to offer (looks, personality, fun, etc) may just get away with being a Beth if she's a cheap enough date. Men who worry about money, are going to worry about money, and the rest of the men will focus on the experience they had--was it fun, did they get what they wanted, or was it a waste of time? a man who has choices, may be picky. another man who does not have choices, might be happy he thinks he can buy his way into her bed.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1287
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Posted: 5/31/2018 8:33:14 AM

And now for some entertainment:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbqH1ThEwCA


Her 2 minutes in is funny, i like her (and i also agree with her to a degree).

Men have got away with being unattractive, lazy, and slobbish because they could provide financial security (does anyone really think Peter Stringfellow has charisma or something that appeals to women other than financial security? Not saying he's lazy either or slobbish but the average guy tended to be and women picked up the slack there but Stringfellow definitely isn't attractive yet the type of women he attracts is highly conventionally attractive).
This has probably caused some confusion amongst men now that women can provide social security for themselves. In that men think that they can remain unattractive, slobbish and lazy and not need to provide anything and women more attractive than them will still be interested.

If men bring down the value of women then women have to do that also, and women are not doing that in general. And this is why there are more men failing to find a partner than there are women. Women are used to being the support in a relationship and so know how to support themselves and a family, whereas men not so much. And here is where we have an advantage too because although we might be interested in seeking out a relationship we don't care as much to be in one. And here is why see way more men complaining abut nobody being attracted to them than women do, they are more desperate for a relationship than women in general are because women have a lot more to offer in a relationship than they do and here we are back to the value of women remains high.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 1288
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Posted: 5/31/2018 8:54:16 AM

If men bring down the value of women then women have to do that also, and women are not doing that in general. And this is why there are more men failing to find a partner than there are women.


There's a huge flaw with this statement. Take a moment to think about it.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1289
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Posted: 5/31/2018 8:54:41 AM
I think this is much ado about nothing. Men that don't want to date stay home and clutch their wallets and rejoice at being alone, because it's less costly. I like how they bring up what they deem is an alternative, which is going to prostitutes. Men like this that don't want to pay for dates, but will pay prostitutes don't like or respect women anyway, so they're doing women a favor by not dating.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1290
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Posted: 5/31/2018 9:06:33 AM


If men bring down the value of women then women have to do that also, and women are not doing that in general. And this is why there are more men failing to find a partner than there are women.

There's a huge flaw with this statement. Take a moment to think about it.


Not really.
More men are seeking out women, less women are seeking out men.
Men are unhappier single than women are.
Men are not giving a value to the women that they are seeking that is the one they give themselves and so are complaining about being ignored.
Women are ok single and so don't bring down their value and neither do they complain as they see these guys as not valuing them and so they don't care to be with them anyway, but they also don't care because they're ok being single.

This is a generalisation but seems accurate enough. Of course each person is not all men/women.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 1291
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Posted: 5/31/2018 9:42:17 AM

I think this is much ado about nothing. Men that don't want to date stay home and clutch their wallets and rejoice at being alone, because it's less costly. I like how they bring up what they deem is an alternative, which is going to prostitutes. Men like this that don't want to pay for dates, but will pay prostitutes don't like or respect women anyway, so they're doing women a favor by not dating.


and the women that get dumped after a few dates of not having the decency to at least offer to chip in can come on here and b!tch all about how they don't understand why they got dumped!!
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 1292
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Paying for a date
Posted: 5/31/2018 9:48:22 AM

Not really.
More men are seeking out women, less women are seeking out men.
Men are unhappier single than women are.
Men are not giving a value to the women that they are seeking that is the one they give themselves and so are complaining about being ignored.
Women are ok single and so don't bring down their value and neither do they complain as they see these guys as not valuing them and so they don't care to be with them anyway, but they also don't care because they're ok being single.


Where did you get this information? Please cite your sources.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1293
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/31/2018 10:07:40 AM
Miki, that would be great for the guy to dump a woman over that, as it would show his intentions. I don't see any women saying they were dumped because of not paying for their dates.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1294
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Posted: 5/31/2018 10:14:56 AM
Oh go on, i'll tack onto the end of that that this is exactly why some men want to be conservatives and push women back into the role of being supporters of men as a default. It's why they demand women do all the emotional work on behalf of men. Because they have a hard time finding women to do what they want when they aren't forced to. Most men are not like this, just the conservative ones but there's enough of them.

They think equality is women retaining the status quo to the advantage of men. That women moving forward should also entail men retaining a higher status in all areas, a higher prominence, and that womens equality should show some subservience to men in general but also not be a burden.

You can't have it all ways. You can say women should pay halves for a date and that is equality, but the reality is that equality is deciding for yourself what way you want to do things without anyone oppressing you, without telling you that you are wrong for making that choice.

Are women oppressing men by demanding they pay for them to date them? Not really as they aren't forcing men to date them, they're just saying they are restricting their options with you and that you are not what they are seeking. They may see themselves as worth investing in, i think guys have to take the risk that these women are worth it or seek someone else without such demands. Good luck finding someone who wants nothing, these people are usually naturally kind and well taken advantage of by predators so eventually start implementing boundaries to protect themselves and won't seek nothing but 'good people' any more because truly good people are rare.

You can see the opposite when it comes to sex. Men are willing to buy things to get sex, that's the value they gave to women mainly, a woman who gives out sex is worth something and one who gives out emotional support is the ultimate prize that you should tie yourself to legally. And any women who gave sex away for free, because she enjoys sex, was given no value or a negative one. She's ruined, she does not accept anything for sex except her own pleasure so this is not comprehendible. She doesn't seek marriage, money, or even to be paid for on a date, but she seeks her own enjoyment...how is this possible when women don't have sex for pleasure and they have it to please men?

And even though attitudes are changing these attitudes held quite steadfastly until fairly recently and they do still exist.

And yes it revolves around the female aspect of that. Would be interested to see mens opinion, ones who have lived through these attitudes and seen them firsthand.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1295
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Paying for a date
Posted: 5/31/2018 10:25:28 AM

Where did you get this information? Please cite your sources.


Apart from the fact that men tend to moan about not finding a partner, ask for profile advice because they get no interest, and ask why nobody replies to them more on the forums than women? Use google, it only takes two seconds.

https://www.google.com/search?q=men+are+unhappier+single&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-b
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1296
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Paying for a date
Posted: 5/31/2018 10:56:07 AM
Women complain as well. Just often about different things such as getting emails from men that don't match what they are looking for, men that are just looking for sex etc

As for men losing interest in a woman because she never offered to pay on multiple dates, he may simply not contact her after a date or tell her "we aren't match". Instead of telling her the actual reason.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1297
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Paying for a date
Posted: 5/31/2018 12:15:18 PM
Yeah women complain. In general it is a lot less though. It may be women are talking to each other privately on social media sites and get it out that way actually, coz i know i have done, and men seem to rely on women to just conform to what they want and are whinging because of that and think their whinging will force women to care and meet because they pity them, or they genuinely are not self aware or have self doubts and so are actually seeking out advice (seems more this type on POF).

I forgot all the not single men pretending to be single as well, they will factor into this somehow.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 1298
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/31/2018 1:17:54 PM

Miki, that would be great for the guy to dump a woman over that, as it would show his intentions. I don't see any women saying they were dumped because of not paying for their dates


Are you not paying attention to what some of these men are saying??? Plenty have said they might lose interest if a woman doesn't at least offer to chip in after a few dates...

and here is another comment from just a bit ago...


As for men losing interest in a woman because she never offered to pay on multiple dates, he may simply not contact her after a date or tell her "we aren't match". Instead of telling her the actual reason.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1299
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/31/2018 1:56:40 PM
You were talking about women complaining about being dumped, and no WOMEN are complaining that's happening.

The men dumping women are saying they're doing so because they didn't get what they paid for fast enough, which was sex. I would not have a problem with that since I want sex to be part of the relationship, and not only what he wants. Those are the guys saying it's easier and more beneficial financially to go to prostitutes. I'm not concerned about attracting those men. Personally, I have more to offer a man besides sex.

I ultimately pay for some dates when asking a guy over, and I have taken men out to dinner as the relationship progresses. It's not directly to repay the guy, but to make him feel special.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 1300
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/31/2018 2:11:36 PM


Where did you get this information? Please cite your sources.


Apart from the fact that men tend to moan about not finding a partner, ask for profile advice because they get no interest, and ask why nobody replies to them more on the forums than women? Use google, it only takes two seconds.

https://www.google.com/search?q=men+are+unhappier+single&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-b


The articles that came up in your google search were just the authors' opinions - they were not backed up by science.

Also, as Pig mentioned, your statement is flawed. It's not possible for fewer men to be finding partners than women. If a female finds a male partner, then by default that male partner has also found a female partner. So they're even.
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