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 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 1301
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Paying for a datePage 53 of 74    (34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74)
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/women-why-happier-single-than-men-relationships-hard-work-survey-mintel-a8050511.html

https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/11/13/women-happier-being-single-than-men_a_23275651/

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/men-vs-women-who-is-happier-being-single/A-survey-on-single-people/photostory/61671252.cms

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2016/03/14/marriage-is-more-beneficial-for-men-than-women-study-shows/

https://www.bustle.com/articles/82736-14-reasons-why-single-women-are-happier-than-anyone-else

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/close-encounters/201508/why-many-people-are-just-happy-being-single
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1302
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/31/2018 2:42:15 PM

The articles that came up in your google search were just the authors' opinions - they were not backed up by science.

Also, as Pig mentioned, your statement is flawed. It's not possible for fewer men to be finding partners than women. If a female finds a male partner, then by default that male partner has also found a female partner. So they're even.


More men are seeking out women, doesn't mean either found a partner it means less women are looking for one.
There could be all kinds of reasons why but it does boil down to less women are looking for a partner.

There are loads of studies done on humans all the time in the name of research. Some of the articles will have resources mentioned, you'll have to judge for yourself which are valid and which back up your claims.

Sorry but i'm sick of people debating and then demanding stuff when they haven't offered anything up as their own proof and are unlikely to do so. I know the burden of proof is on me but i changed the rules to suit me coz i was using the forums as a source of evidence as i thought we'd all be more aware of those personally. There are studies out there, but all they do is back up what you can see for yourself on here. Some are because men live longer while in relationships yet married women die earlier than singles, i found one source on the first page that went into loads of studies (psychology today). But i'm bored of debating people who offer nothing themselves and so leaving them to make all the effort.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1303
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Paying for a date
Posted: 5/31/2018 2:50:34 PM
But thanks for the links anyway LadyInRed, i have decided i am only going to quality debate with people who firstly show they have the ability to do that. Sick of being the one who has to prove themselves against nothing.
 Endless_Summer_Nights
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 1304
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/31/2018 3:09:21 PM

Miki, that would be great for the guy to dump a woman over that, as it would show his intentions. I don't see any women saying they were dumped because of not paying for their dates.


I don't think I've dumped a woman because she never paid for anything but there have been a few that I've thought about seeing less because they didn't make an effort to open their wallets after a number of dates. Sometimes women will pay for something on the first or second date and sometimes it takes longer. A few have taken a long time to contribute.

There was one I dated 5-6 years ago. I met her IRL. She was my waitress when I was out for a quick solo dinner one night. It was a given I'd be paying when we went out. She was a very attractive woman, we had a great time when we were together but I didn't consider her relationship material, I knew money was tight and she wanted sex as much as I did. I would't say any one of these is a reason why I didn't mind paying all the time. It was pretty much a combination of everything. If I had to pick one thing, I'd say it was because I knew money was tight. That's an important point. At least for me. If I know the woman is barely making it then I'm not going to expect her to pay $100 for dinner. I'll be more likely to want to cover the bill because I enjoy spending time with her. And when she wants to pay for something, it doesn't have to be expensive. Pizza is fine. It's not the dollar amount it's the thought and wanting to do something nice for the other person to show you care. My issue is with woman that have no financial issues that would keep them from paying once in awhile but they never do. They want the guy to pay for everything. For something like that, how long would it go on? Say the relationship develops into the couple moving in with each other. Does the guy also pay all of the rent, utilities and other living expenses? When does it become time for two people to work together towards their goals? That could be a vacation or moving in with each other Why should the woman work if the guy will pay for everything she wants?
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 1305
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Paying for a date
Posted: 5/31/2018 4:25:05 PM
I think it's amusing that so many people with such poor track records due to poor choices offer up advice like they are experts.

Oh wait, they ARE experts.

At poor choices.


and ask why nobody replies to them more on the forums than women?


That's because so many supposedly "liberated" and "modern" women are still stuck on the antiquated notion that it's the man's job to make the first move.

As well as pay.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 1306
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/31/2018 5:48:51 PM

You were talking about women complaining about being dumped, and no WOMEN are complaining that's happening.

The men dumping women are saying they're doing so because they didn't get what they paid for fast enough, which was sex. I would not have a problem with that since I want sex to be part of the relationship, and not only what he wants. Those are the guys saying it's easier and more beneficial financially to go to prostitutes. I'm not concerned about attracting those men. Personally, I have more to offer a man besides sex.


Seriously??? No women are complaining they are being dumped??
Have you read any of the threads here?

and please show me where these men are saying such things....
 ChorusAurora
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 1307
You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/31/2018 6:01:24 PM
personally, I think any man who walks beside me and can carry on a conversation, he be gold<<<
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1308
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 5/31/2018 7:34:30 PM

The men dumping women are saying they're doing so because they didn't get what they paid for fast enough, which was sex. I would not have a problem with that since I want sex to be part of the relationship, and not only what he wants. Those are the guys saying it's easier and more beneficial financially to go to prostitutes. I'm not concerned about attracting those men. Personally, I have more to offer a man besides sex.


It has nothing to do with sex for me. A woman that never offers to pay on several dates is revealing a part of her personality that would probably make us not a match. But it usually doesn't get to that point. As mentioned before, most women I had dates with offered to pay something on the first and/or second date. There was 1 woman that didn't offer to pay anything until the third date. But that was the only exception in my experience.

Also these articles/studies about which gender is happier being single are professional opinions. Some people may agree with it. Others won't. Here is 1 article that claims women hate being single more than men do. Even some of the women in the comments section agree with the author. In my viewpoint, I don't necessarily think this is based on gender. Other things such as lifestyle and personality can play in a larger role for who is happier being single.

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-don%E2%80%99t-men-hate-being-single-as-much-as-women-do/
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 1309
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.
Posted: 5/31/2018 9:09:51 PM

I think guys have to take the risk that these women are worth it or seek someone else without such demands. Good luck finding someone who wants nothing, these people are usually naturally kind and well taken advantage of by predators...

How the hell can you equate someone who is low-maintenance with someone who is a victim of predators? That's a gross leap of an assumption. People that live on their own, or are largely self-reliant - aren't the victims of anybody. People who want a relationship that's not complicated don't want 'Nothing' - they just might want stuff that YOU don't care about. Is a guy who goes out to bar on their own ALWAYS a stalker or a serial killer? Geez, just because you can't understand where they may be coming from doesn't mean they are victims, or predators, or anything else. That's YOUR experiences talking.

Emotional support, or even intimacy, doesn't HAVE to involve sex. Another gross assumption. What is needed, is empathy. An understanding of each other. That can be shown through many channels. Figuring out the 'Love Languages' and that kind of communication. Yeah, guys may suck at that kind of thing at first - but women are NOT any better. Talking a lot more and sharing tons of ideas with your besties doesn't improve communication with the opposite sex. Patience and time spent together - practice - makes perfect. Stop throwing the assumption hammer around and listen to their story.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 1310
Paying for a date
Posted: 5/31/2018 10:12:15 PM

You can't have it all ways. You can say women should pay halves for a date and that is equality, but the reality is that equality is deciding for yourself what way you want to do things without anyone oppressing you, without telling you that you are wrong for making that choice.

Are women oppressing men by demanding they pay for them to date them? Not really as they aren't forcing men to date them, they're just saying they are restricting their options
with you and that you are not what they are seeking. They may see themselves as worth investing in, i think guys have to take the risk that these women are worth it or seek someone else without such demands. Good luck finding someone who wants nothing, these people are usually naturally kind and well taken advantage of by predators so eventually start implementing boundaries to protect themselves and won't seek nothing but 'good people' any more because truly good people are rare.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 1311
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Paying for a date
Posted: 5/31/2018 11:06:57 PM

Good luck finding someone who wants nothing, these people are usually naturally kind and well taken advantage of by predators so eventually start implementing boundaries to protect themselves and won't seek nothing but 'good people' any more because truly good people are rare.


Everyone wants something. Kind people are no exception. Women who are willing to contribute to the cost of dates are not that difficult to find, nor are they any more apt to be taken advantage of by predators. I'd even venture to say they are less likely, because they can't be bought.

Interestingly enough, one of the biggest opponents of women contributing to the cost of dates in this thread has complained of being heavily targeted by sexual predators.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 1312
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Paying for a date
Posted: 6/1/2018 7:59:10 AM

They may see themselves as worth investing in

and men aren't???
Why does it have to be one sided where only the woman is the one being invested in??
Men are wonderful, compassionate, lovable creatures .... maybe if women started treating them as such instead of a meal ticket....more relationships would survive...
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 1313
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Paying for a date
Posted: 6/1/2018 8:35:54 AM
Yeah, well I stand by my posts, no matter how it makes me seem.
I'm old enough that I remember when I couldn't get my own credit
card...I had to have my husband cosign. I also couldn't take money
out of our joint checking account unless he signed as well. It wasn't
until 1973 that all states were required to allow women on juries.

So, I'm not interested in going back to the good old days.
I consider steps forward...not backward. I'll offer, I'll not be offended
if I'm asked to share, and I'll not offer to pay or not pay as a form of
punishment or test.

More often than not, men have paid for my dinner when out.
But I don't accept it as a given, I accept it as a gift, as it was intended
to be.

I'm not going to start associating my value based on how much
someone is going to pay for me.

Again, if I were to do that...no one could afford me.
Who seriously could afford us if we were paid what we were worth?
 Whisky_River
Joined: 10/14/2017
Msg: 1314
Paying for a date
Posted: 6/1/2018 8:50:30 AM
Good post Boo...that's how I feel...as well.

Maybe, you have a point though...Other than the "old fashioned" theory....which is dying out as we all age.
The women that look at it as some sort of value system...if a man buys them dinner....just may have low self esteem or they're just cheap.
I've stated from the beginning...I think it all comes down to an individuals self esteem/worth/values.

But like LIR says...This horse has been beat to death.....for years.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1315
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Paying for a date
Posted: 6/1/2018 9:11:14 AM

and men aren't???
Why does it have to be one sided where only the woman is the one being invested in??
Men are wonderful, compassionate, lovable creatures .... maybe if women started treating them as such instead of a meal ticket....more relationships would survive...


I never said they aren't worth it but there's been no guy demanding anyone pay for them so it's a moot point in this debate, imo.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1316
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Paying for a date
Posted: 6/1/2018 9:28:23 AM

Interestingly enough, one of the biggest opponents of women contributing to the cost of dates in this thread has complained of being heavily targeted by sexual predators.


Because kind/nice = sucker, to predators.
I think also nice people give chances to others or like to see the best in someone who is abusive trash, because they really do love other people (not for a relationship but they care about them, you know just basic selfless love for others that really is rare).

There's a guy being nice on a different site i use, he's also being generous with gifts on there (you can spend money on this site) you should see the amount of women sucking up to him on his page...i'm not sure if he enjoys the women flocking to him but i lost interest in being his friend for several reasons, mostly to do with he is he attracting a lot of the type of people i tend to avoid.


Everyone wants something. Kind people are no exception. Women who are willing to contribute to the cost of dates are not that difficult to find, nor are they any more apt to be taken advantage of by predators. I'd even venture to say they are less likely, because they can't be bought.


Some people genuinely only want a person for themselves, that's what i meant. Being kind and being unconditionally loving are separate things. I need to learn/remember better words because half the ones i use seem to be too vague also so my fault there.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 1317
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Paying for a date
Posted: 6/1/2018 1:16:32 PM

Because kind/nice = sucker, to predators.

I don't have to be a predator to know that's wrong. Predators search for targets of opportunity - and it's not about a kind disposition - a lot of times it's about being over-confident and unaware. Tall guys with handsome looks, an 'Aw-shucks' expression on their face, and enough assets women desire can prey on anyone, and do. Looking harmless is what they are good at. In my opinion, the ladies most easily duped are the 'Alphas' - their over-confidence in their 'picker' makes them ignorant to a lot of easy identifiable warning flags - because when they decide the guy is the one, they dump a LOT of their caution and let the guy take charge. It's fantastic when it works, but too often they get careless, and get burned. Then - some of them come in this forum and declare that ALL men are scoundrels and yadda yadda yadda...

Female predators are no different. Preying on a guys confidence is all too easy. Guys who are used to girls reaching down their pants can have a wallet lifted out a lot easier than someone who doesn't like to be touched by strangers too much.

Being approachable is NOT a weakness. It's a strength. It means you are willing and capable of assessing and handling situations that may occur. Control freaks, on the other hand, have no idea what goes on beyond their little fortress of safety. They may need some serious alcohol to loosen up, but once they decide to lower the drawbridge, whatever defenses they made have had are useless. Get them away from their buddies/besties, and they don't know how to survive on their own.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 1318
I'll have the Prime Rib for dinner & a Margarita too
Posted: 6/1/2018 4:45:46 PM
While "The Wayward Sisters" duke it out w/ Feirine, I am going on another cruise & won't be posting for 5-6 days.

But I'll be sure to think of y'all & all of your theories about men, love, sex & courtship, etc while enjoying myself.

Cheers!
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 1319
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I'll have the Prime Rib for dinner & a Margarita too
Posted: 6/1/2018 5:26:11 PM
Have a great time on your cruise BA. That sounds wonderful.
I have no theories to offer on dating etc. I can only speak to what my perspective has been over the years. If the man didn't pay on the first date, I would have interpreted that as being friend - zoned. Please keep in mind that I have never rung up more than an 18 dollar charge on a first date and always go into it with the intent to keep it on the low cost side and always offer to pay my portion. If someone asks for a second date and I accept, I have expected him to pay that one time but I always offer to pay. It may not make sense but I consider this to be the date where there actual is courting (as opposed to the first date for some reason) and we are deciding whether we want to continue.If we get to a third date, I then consider we are at least a team. At that point, I am considering the potential longevity of things and working to preserve our mutual financial wellbeing. Subsequent time together is certainly not always an exercise in doing something that will cost money. It would most often be something that either doesn't cost or something that reigns in expenditures. That may not make a lot of sense but it's been my practice.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 1320
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I'll have the Prime Rib for dinner & a Margarita too
Posted: 6/1/2018 5:34:47 PM
Just to clarify, I thought this thread was about dating and first meets, not cruises with husbands.

Jaysus tap dancin' kerist on the half shell
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 1321
I'll have the Prime Rib for dinner & a Margarita too
Posted: 6/1/2018 5:35:42 PM
^^You make a lot of sense IMO Curvy Lady

but to each his own.

I like the concept of a "team"

Just visited my sis & her hub, they just had a 32nd anniversary- they do work as a team- that sure helps!

Boo, I got called Miss Kitty like a hooker w/ my own hubby or gold digger, ur right about the Jaysus thingy!

Chr1st on a cracker!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 1322
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I'll have the Prime Rib for dinner & a Margarita too
Posted: 6/1/2018 5:39:58 PM
Enjoy your cruise BA....and watch out for Hurricanes!!
I'll be spending my weekend mostly in the hot tub getting catered to by the man creature while I recoup from forgetting I'm not 20 anymore while building an outdoor bar beside the pool!!
I did let him buy me dinner....
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1323
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Paying for a date
Posted: 6/1/2018 5:57:55 PM
Well i was basing that on observation @Sweet_Danimal and not being a predator myself.

I won't deny what you're saying as most of it is true in some circumstances and a little of applies to my own (i have two cluster-b exes, one ugly but projected he was harmless and lovely -he was my 'one' as far as i was concerned, the other was good looking but an obvious ahole the more you got to know him and he never seemed to be the one -i stayed with him for the sex though so was using him as well when i think about it). What i was basing that on is i've seen my sociopathic ex in action and nice people are like magnets to him. He relied on their kindness to be of benefit to him and it worked a lot, there will have been other things as well but mostly he relied on them being co-operative people who were trusting and who cared for other people, and half of these people were rough and not naive, seen it all types but they didn't see him as a user. I wouldn't be surprised if he also had used opportunity to con or use people but i never saw this personally (maybe because he didn't need to or because he kept it hidden).

If you've been with one guy like that then it's likely you've been with another, so yeah all guys can seem like that to you especially if looking for one online where loads of dodgy, married, chancers will flock to because it's the easiest way they can do this, it's why you men get financial scammers also coz this is the easiest way for them to find people to con.

I've always said (maybe not on here but elsewhere and irl) that i just got lucky with my nice ex, that it was just luck that a nice guy kept persuing me until i got with him and had my longest and most enjoyable relationship ever, my sociopathic ex had me determined by the age of 25 that i was gonna be single for the rest of my life so i had no interest in getting with that nice ex or any guy at all. I've had several other short term relationships also, before that ex, they were normal guys we were young it didn't work out, nothing bad happened really and they just got boring/bored, incompatibility showed, one was an ahole but i got rid of him real quick (he was rubbish in bed). Not to mention the amount of shallow guys i saw inbetween that thought they could buy me stuff and then get sex, i used the newspaper to meet people outside of my town (i live in hicksville and to this day i still won't date anyone from here).

I'm not bitter, my rubbish exes are insignificant to me apart from the damage they did to me at the time makes me more wary of people in general but if i was finding that guys are like them then i should be more wary anyway. I did used to say that the internet is not the best place to meet someone though and i still think that now, just because of the type of people who tend to be using it to look for someone. It's good for quick and easy hookups of exactly what type you want with aesthetically who you want but you know nothing about really and could be anything, but for something more than that? I don't think so, definitely not on dating sites anyway and not on popular ones that are free to use.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 1324
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I'll have the Prime Rib for dinner & a Margarita too
Posted: 6/1/2018 5:59:16 PM
Too much crazy sauce for me! Enjoy your cruise, Ms Angel.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1325
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I'll have the Prime Rib for dinner & a Margarita too
Posted: 6/1/2018 6:04:33 PM
People going on cruises while i'm busy contemplating how sh1t dating is...

Enjoy

In order to maintain the highest quality you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.
Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.

Has nobody noticed it says then 2 and not than 2? Only just noticed this now.
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