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 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 1351
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You're gonna be friend zonedPage 55 of 74    (34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74)
Very well put Drinks!!!
Your whole post was well written!

only thing I would add to

"Romance" and "courting" comes afterwards. When it actually means something

and that "courting" does not have to equate to money being spent to prove he's a "real man"....
Thoughtful actions will always win me over quicker than how much you spend on me...
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 1352
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/2/2018 9:08:40 PM
Froggie Went A Courtin'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElIZNKklPR4
 leanco
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 1353
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/3/2018 9:23:32 AM
Msg #1370 is one of the best post in this thread. Very well done, drinkthesunwithmyface!
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 1354
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/3/2018 11:19:38 AM
Why thank you, thank you very much - Elvis

Guess my msg 1000 on 5/12 didn't quite drive it home.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 1355
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/3/2018 12:55:11 PM

$100 for 2 people isn't exorbitant.


That's easy to say when you're not the one picking up the check, isn't it?

ANOTHER SMH moment.


When I was younger, teenager younger, it was always said a "particular" man would accept money from a woman. It wasn't a good man.


When you were teenager younger, people listened to music on 8-track tapes.
But we moved on from that, too.


Paying shows intent to an extent to invest in the relationship.


And what is the person who ISN'T paying showing about investing in the relationship?


If you don't find a man attractive or manly because his first-date practices aren't "traditional"...you should ask yourself WHY is it unattractive.


And the simple answer is, it's because it doesn't fit their self-serving narrative of entitlement, which leads them to be "traditional' when being traditional is of more benefit to them, and to be "modern" when being modern is of more benefit to them.
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 1356
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/3/2018 2:58:17 PM
^^^I agree with everything this incredibly astute individual has written.
Hundred squid once, maybe twice a week on dinner....and one person has to foot the bill?.....get the fvck.
I’m not short of a few bob but I wouldn’t do it.


Someone mention Elvis?
I do a superb Elvis impression.
In his younger days.....oh my
 ChorusAurora
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 1357
You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/3/2018 3:14:21 PM
'Fine dining' is not my thing, so I think anyone, male or female, willing to spend one hundred of 'anything' on food has to be out of their minds~

And expecting it on a first meet? Crazy talk~
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 1358
You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/3/2018 5:50:35 PM
"Fine dining' is not my thing"

My idea of fine dining is going to a park or festival where they have several food trucks serving different foods, and getting street meat.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 1359
You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/3/2018 5:50:47 PM
"$100 for 2 people isn't exorbitant"

>>in this age of the internet, i'd love the people who post this to send links to the restaurants where they pay $50 a plate. Not to prove anything--I'm sure there's some lobster dinners out there that come close, and probably a bit of bubbly to "get her in the mood" and up to $50 a plate. If you have the dough to get her that loaded, then bully for you. You're going to win women I can't have. But I can link to restaurants in my area that are $15-30 per plate and people can decide from the photos and the listing of ingredients if its First Date worthy. Not that i'm making it a contest--I don't get women drunk, and maybe that's why I don't do well on dates. Or its my personality and looks, and if that's the case, then blowing money isn't going to change things. But I think $50 a plate isn't necessary to show a woman you're a nice guy. But if you play in that world, then good for you!

Post 1370 was good, it told a part of the audience they have their head up their arse, and got wide praise for what others have said. We date for a variety of goals. Some people want to win, and so that's how the relationship works. People less interested in "winning" than in "relating", do find it hard to like-minded individuals. People looking to relate, to have a relationship, are more interested in sharing than getting...and that requires having gotten something worth sharing, on their own. They have to bring more than a credit card to the table.

the person who already has a great relationship with themselves, doesn't need the relationship with other humans, they just want one. they read the profile, get to know the person behind the cleavage angle photo.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 1360
You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/3/2018 7:13:05 PM
^^^ I’m not big on lobster or anything that was in a tank when I came into the restaurant and is going to be boiled alive before I eat it. If a lobster was cuter, people would be crying “animal cruelty.”
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1361
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/3/2018 8:06:59 PM
It's not being up your arse to have standards for what a partner is to you. I don't agree with things like 'real man' coz we don't even know what reality is and standards are more individual, but i've ended up with cr@p partners because i had little to no standards and accepted people for who they were. I get on with just about anyone as well and that didn't really complicate things it just meant i had to look at things outside of getting on with people for a relationship.

You get told your partner should be your best friend, yet all your friends you like so you know which one are you gonna choose? Which is best? All of them your compatible with. I just look for people with the same interests as me, i used to go dutch but even i'm thinking i want a guy to invest as much as me into the relationship and i wanna see that from the beginning and if i can't tell with his feelings and words because people lie, then actions it'll have to be. But it's tempting to think maybe get him to invest financially also, just to be clear he is at least investing something.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1362
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/3/2018 8:15:15 PM
Actually when i was younger guys always paid for me coz i was poor and they offered so no problem there, but i found a few guys think that they're entitled to your body so i told them to fk off, and didn't let them pay for me again obviously as i wasn't seeing them again. But being poor and not having the ability to pay is different from not wanting to pay for yourself. I actually loved not being poor because it gave me choices and the freedom to do what i wanted without having to rely on someone else to offer.

It's why i campaign against poverty now because i know how great not being poor is, off topic but idc.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 1363
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/3/2018 9:06:31 PM

I just look for people with the same interests as me, i used to go dutch but even i'm thinking i want a guy to invest as much as me into the relationship and i wanna see that from the beginning and if i can't tell with his feelings and words because people lie, then actions it'll have to be. But it's tempting to think maybe get him to invest financially also, just to be clear he is at least investing something.

"the same interests" means you want a clone of yourself. "Similar" interests is lot more attainable.

Trusting words and promises with an internet stranger can be too much for most people, but eventually you need to trust someone if you want them to be close. The rough part for many who have been hurt is the idea that it is ALWAYS a two-way street, and each person is a new opportunity. Each person needs to be respected as an equal, not haunted by the ghosts of dates long past. The 'investment' put forth by yourself doesn't need to be equal to the cent, but leveling respect for each other should be a match. People kind of dwell on their expectations of others, and forget about their own actions. Expecting more than the minimum without delivering anything is not going to turn out well.

People do all kinds of things behind the scenes to become a better match, but you can't bank that up as some kind of I.O.U. for the next stranger that comes along. That's totally unfair. People should be respectful of that effort, especially if they punish people for the lack of it, but a new date doesn't know you. All they get is the superficial showing at the first meet. Expecting a perfect reading, a perfect match, the exact same interests - is kind of unreasonable. You're better off finding out what each other likes individually and decide what you can tolerate. If that begins and ends at planning and paying for the date - so be it - but they don't have to deliver anything more because you basically put a fixed price on yourself with no promise to deliver anything more.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1364
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/3/2018 9:47:43 PM
If I was male, I wouldn't be taking my date out to an expensive dinner every week. Food doesn't have to be expensive anyway, but if a guy says it's gonna be dinner, I'm okay with it, but I'm not paying for it. That was his choice. One date asked where to go in my neighborhood so I drove him around to a few bars, but he was looking more for a nice wine bar. Once for dinner, I suggested a cheap Mexican place, but he wanted to go to a nice place with a water view. Some guys want to experience nicer things in life.

Mustang, I know food can be had for less, but like with everything else in life, you get what you pay for. 2 entrees, 1 bottle of wine, split an appetizer and dessert, there's $100. Maybe you retired too soon☺

When you're young, you struggle together to work and save to experience nice things in life. At my age, people should be set financially. If they're not, I'm not interested.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 1365
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/3/2018 10:04:21 PM

and getting street meat.


Oh you're talking about food...
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 1366
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/3/2018 10:10:03 PM

Hundred squid once, maybe twice a week on dinner....and one person has to foot the bill?.....get the fvck.
I’m not short of a few bob but I wouldn’t do it.


I had to look up British slang to figure out Roxy is referring to money and not an actual squid and a sex toy...
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1367
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/4/2018 12:17:50 AM

"the same interests" means you want a clone of yourself. "Similar" interests is lot more attainable.


Nothing wrong with a clone of me, i was dating myself for a while anyway and might start doing that again at some point. I wasn't meaning i want a clone but i think i would be better off with someone a lot like me and i've been thinking that for a while. Even if they have the same interests they'd have to have my morals too and similar outlook on life.


Trusting words and promises with an internet stranger can be too much for most people, but eventually you need to trust someone if you want them to be close. The rough part for many who have been hurt is the idea that it is ALWAYS a two-way street, and each person is a new opportunity. Each person needs to be respected as an equal, not haunted by the ghosts of dates long past. The 'investment' put forth by yourself doesn't need to be equal to the cent, but leveling respect for each other should be a match. People kind of dwell on their expectations of others, and forget about their own actions. Expecting more than the minimum without delivering anything is not going to turn out well.


Ok, i deleted most of what i wrote as it gives out too much info i'm happy to have on a public forum, gonna be vague(ish).
My exes didn't affect next relationships, well up to the last one. I figured out why i was attracted to those guys and why i shouldn't be basically and someof what i did find attractive in them are what i now consider flaws.

I know if people do not invest in you then they are not serious about you, and i'm not even serious about the money because i know that people who invest money just have money so that means nothing really so is why i haven't expected anyone to. I'm also fairly sure that i won't be investing as much into a relationship as he will be initially, and i'm aware that's hypocritical but i don't care any more as that worked for me in the past and i got a good quality relationship out of it where i did invest eventually and just as much, more when it came to the looking after each other side of it because i enjoy being supportive and take on that role naturally with people who aren't using me.


People do all kinds of things behind the scenes to become a better match, but you can't bank that up as some kind of I.O.U. for the next stranger that comes along. That's totally unfair. People should be respectful of that effort, especially if they punish people for the lack of it, but a new date doesn't know you. All they get is the superficial showing at the first meet. Expecting a perfect reading, a perfect match, the exact same interests - is kind of unreasonable. You're better off finding out what each other likes individually and decide what you can tolerate. If that begins and ends at planning and paying for the date - so be it - but they don't have to deliver anything more because you basically put a fixed price on yourself with no promise to deliver anything more.


I'm not expecting it straight away, and neither am i investing straight away either. I'm not stupid.
I think guys can choose not to date women who want paying for initially and leave them to the guys who want to do that.
I'm well aware though, as many women will be, that women are more sought out by potential partners than men are sought out by women. And that women may put a financial value on themselves and it's not wrong of them to do that, just their values are different to those who see it as wrong or not for them.
Like i said earlier a guy took me out because he wanted to show me that guys can do things for women and not expect anything in return, just give because they wanted to. There was never anything more to it than that, he had to ask me more than once though because the first time i didn't believe him, i saw guys as only looking out for themselves. I had no interest in dating then either because i know that's not the right attitude for anyone approaching dating.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 1368
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/4/2018 11:25:51 AM

And that women may put a financial value on themselves and it's not wrong of them to do that, just their values are different to those who see it as wrong or not for them.

There are countless posts in other threads throughout this forum mentioning there is NO price you can put on safety, on your kids, on your self respect, etc... But that's not true. It may be in a figurative sense, in an emotional one - but eventually there IS a level where you can't go any higher. You can't buy away Cancer. You can't buy the life back of someone who died. People love to dwell on their own importance, but there WILL be a level where nobody will buy it anymore.

That's part of the reason why the numbers of men vs women using online dating dramatically shifts around middle age - because guys are not flocking to buy something used, older, or maybe broken - and ladies are realizing their inflated self-worth they've been advertising for decades is not finding nearly as many prospective buyers anymore.

Women DO NOT need to degrade themselves for dates - that's not what this post is about - but a lot of them out their have no concept of a Fair Market Value - and are running garage sales like it's a Nordstrom Rack store. Having a life of value is what everyone wants - but expecting yours to be worth more than anyone else, simply for being there, is foolish. People find ways to survive AND thrive at all kinds of levels - but refusing to recognize it, unless it matches your own - is very selfish - and people DO eventually see through the vanity.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 1369
You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/4/2018 5:17:00 PM
"I’m not big on lobster or anything that was in a tank when I came into the restaurant and is going to be boiled alive before I eat it. If a lobster was cuter, people would be crying “animal cruelty.”

>>boy, if they knew what the "c0ckroaches of the sea" actually ate...:) When lobstermen in Maine would go to war over territory, they'd cut the lines of their opponent's traps, and the chicks would go into traps to carnivore the dead ones. but they still taste great hot 'n' buttered on a toasted white bread roll.

"I know how great not being poor is"

>>>I second that one--I did the "struggling college student" routine, its noble when you're young and have lots of energy to hustle, but money is a great tool to have. I was talking to an attractive friend of mine $130K in debt and talking about how much her sister buys off QVC and leaves in the box. I can't imagine not being aware of what I have in the bank, what bills are coming up, and throwing money around with no abandon.

""the same interests" means you want a clone of yourself. "Similar" interests is lot more attainable."

>>>I wouldn't mind a clone, either. But I think a shared belief beats a shared interest. I might be able to guess at someone's beliefs by what they enjoy spending their spare time at...but usually I ask why they like what they life. Sometimes, that can make a real interesting conversation. other people...haven't even given it thought :)

"Mustang, I know food can be had for less, but like with everything else in life, you get what you pay for. 2 entrees, 1 bottle of wine, split an appetizer and dessert, there's $100. Maybe you retired too soon?"

>>I have to say, I find at our age...our stomachs aren't as big as they used to be :) I remember going to good Italian or Greek or whatever places, putting away the bread, a salad or soup, a main course...and not having to be rolled out of the joint :) But I will admit, I don't order booze, and the woman typically don't either. It probably screws my chance of getting laid, but I get to know people better when they're sober :) not to say "buzzed" or sober is better than the other, but its nice to meet someone who can be relaxed and confident enough to be themselves without a bottle.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 1370
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You're gonna be friend zoned
Posted: 6/5/2018 8:09:13 AM
I feel like there's a lot of middle aged guys looking though, mostly late 30s to all the 40s is what contacts me, used to get a lot of guys in their 50s also (some with the wrong age on their profile) until i blocked certain ages from contacting me, not many young guys but the ones who do contact me are probably expecting a cougar. Many of the 40s guys are short, bald, and ruddy or haggard for their age. And when i search the results are pretty much that type of guy also. So they are looking. Many can't make a profile or refuse to do so which indicates casualness and not serious, many don't appear to have intelligence, many don't even like women or feel entitled to them, many just go on about my looks like that is the only thing they care about. This is really offensive but i feel like dating sites are a last resort for a lot of men and not a first one, that men who have nothing to attract women irl come onto sites expecting it to be different here and find someone, usually someone out of their league or for nothing much where the woman won't get anything out of it.

I'm used to using sites for a shallow experience of nothing much (and enjoy that), did think it's be different on dating sites and there'd be guys looking for more, well there are but they have nothing much to offer. Their idea of wooing women is strange also.

I think putting a price on someone is shallow, even yourself. But people do this all the time. They justify their expenses like they have a value and pay the price, they may be seeking someone else to do that. It might be degrading, depends who the person is and how they see themselves and how they view value. It's not that they see themselves as more valuable than another but i think they are settling for what they see is their best option. I don't even get why someone would be with someone else who they see as lesser than themselves?

And i see women in their 50s easily attracting guys, the ones with the shallow appearance, because of this i feel that people in general are shallow. Even i'm discounting guys based on their appearance, but i struggle to find men attractive prospects as partners anyway down to being independent.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 1371
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cheapskates get none
Posted: 6/5/2018 9:37:34 AM

so true & some dried up old biddy called me a gold digger bec. I let my husband buy me lunch on Saturday.


You mean to tell me that hubby wanted to nourish and entertain you at a nice venue? "YOU HARLOT!"


I am starting to think that dateless women & men hate on those who have some fun in their lives- they don't have it so they rag on those who do


They could always do Mukbangs on Youtube and have strangers stare at them while they dribble hot sauce all over their tits and send $$ through Patreon. No need to get intimate in person or worry about who covers the bills.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 1372
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cheapskates get none
Posted: 6/5/2018 6:23:52 PM
The weak survive,
the strong evolve.

- ?


Whoso would be a man,
must be a nonconformist.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 1373
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cheapskates get none
Posted: 6/5/2018 8:21:28 PM

They could always do Mukbangs on Youtube and have strangers stare at them while they dribble hot sauce all over their tits and send $$ through Patreon. No need to get intimate in person or worry about who covers the bills.


careful now....your sounding like your blonde twin....o_O
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 1374
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cheapskates get none
Posted: 6/6/2018 10:44:30 PM
Mukbang, that's so funny!
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 1375
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cheapskates get none
Posted: 6/7/2018 8:35:11 AM
Title: Who Pays, Volume: MCMXI, Chapter: CLVI, Rant: XVII

#1370..drink....Elegantly stated, but I still ain't buyin' it. I don't deny couples are happily and successfully dating splitting the bill at the outset. And I don't mean to say, in my many rants on the subject, that the man MUST pay, or else he feel like his scrotum's been ripped off. Not at the least. My point is it's generally the women dictate what they expect, and men should follow the woman's lead in the matter. And my view is the default is the man pays, at least the first few dates. If the subject isn't brought up, then the man should assumes he's paying. Otherwise, if the check just sits there, and the guy just sits there like a dufus playing with a sugar packet, then it's likely he won't get another date. So if the guy wants to do this, to introduce "equal pay" he needs to handle the matter deftly, fine with me. Or else he'll come off as a cheapskate.

I think this whole discussion must be part of the "participation trophy" culture that I don't really understand, but that's fine. Applied to dating, it says that every man should get a participation trophy, not matter how he looks, how much money he has, how his personality is, he deserves equal consideration from the women out there. In other words to be rewarded for trying, not winning. (D*,mn, I sound like a conservative) Because the power dynamic which you visit (a great point by the way) isn't just about money, it's also about other, non-financial, attributes in play. I mean, doesn't a really, really hot woman have the same power over a guy who's maybe a bit under his league, or vice versa? So then ugly men should be mad at women for wielding a looks disparity over their head? Or not getting the same consideration from a hottie, as a good looking man gets? Equal opportunity in dating consideration would be nice, but just isn't the real world. And even if the power dynamic you refer to is there, the power is wielded effectively only over men with no money. Other men can choose whether they want to play the game or not. Sounds fair to me.

And all this applies to folks dating to find LTRs....dating for other objectives such as finding FWBs, FBs ONSs etc. all bets are off, on any tradition.

The "who pays" debate is just another fill in the blank issue, in the laundry list of dating difficulties. Just like short men, bald men, fat women, single mothers, etc. etc. This just happens to be the hot button with men with little money to date or men who don't want to spend money on dating. Rant over.
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