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 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 126
Paying for a datePage 6 of 74    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)

I never really think about it. I always pay when out on a date. I don't analyze it or lose sleep over it. Women have often offered to contribute but I politely decline.


At least the women you date offer to contribute in some way. I think women who don't offer to contribute bug many men. Even though a man will often decline, I believe most will still appreciate her offer.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 127
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/18/2015 10:04:00 PM
1) I suspect a few men define "high maintanance" from the amount of work they have to do to keep her attention, than the amount of work she does on her looks. HOWEVER, if part of what makes her a PITA is that she focuses waaaay too much attention on her looks, if she limits dates b/c her hair might get blown out of place or people won't be able to see how great her nails looks...then she could be HM.

Now I feel a Jeff Foxworthy-worthy post coming on...."if you....you might be high maintanance"

2)a lady who's willing at some point to offer to contribute, is polite and nice and respectful and is appreciated as showing class. Sorta like the guest who every now and then asks during the invite to a party, "should I bring something?" instead of always coming to eat.

3)its nice, from a guy's view, to have a lady who is willing to put some effort into looking good. I have a female friend who does it when I invite her to dinner or to the beach. She isn't doing it for me, but let's be frank, it makes other people know I don't hang out with bums. it reflects well upon me.

now, if she obsessed over her looks...that could be as annoying as a male metrosexual doing the same thing. Its nice to believe that nice appearance we see on our partner didn't come out of a bottle, that its always there and just needed a few minutes of "highlight" to bring out. i'd hate to think I might wake up next to her in the morning and go, "holy cow,where did that pretty face go?"
 naysaying_knicktwist
Joined: 11/19/2009
Msg: 128
Lessons in modern dating, Chapter 9 : Finger in the ass
Posted: 1/18/2015 10:14:44 PM

Ladies, are you offended when a guy asks to go "Dutch"?

I've never had a man ask to go 'Dutch.'
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 129
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/19/2015 6:53:13 AM

Women tend to be thoughtful in other ways. They do little things that more than compensate for a few dollars on a date here and there. Usually they arrange social get togethers, parties, etc. Christmas season just passed and my partner does a dozen things I never have in my 'to do' thought process. She got a nice bouquet for my mother...made the cranberry sauce.

Also, we appreciate being with an attractive woman. I'd guess my partner often spends more on make up, her clothes, hair and such things than I do on the date itself. She tries to look gorgeous for me and I appreciate it.


That depends on the couple. There are some men that spend a fair amount of money on clothes ( suit, nice shirt, shoes ) and/or haircut. Plus there are couples that share household chores, setting up parties etc. Having said that, if a couple is happy with a certain arrangement, then that is what matters the most.
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 130
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/19/2015 7:45:37 AM
If a dude is too broke to fork over $2-3 for a cup of coffee than a female shouldn't want to know him.
 Supersoulson
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 131
Lessons in modern dating, Chapter 9 : Finger in the ass
Posted: 1/19/2015 8:03:57 AM

If a dude is too broke to fork over $2-3 for a cup of coffee than a female shouldn't want to know him.


Awwww , now I feel bad for all the broke dudes.

Isn't a broke dude okay if he would pay if he COULD vs a rich guy who simply won't ?
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 132
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/19/2015 8:07:05 AM
If a dude is too broke to fork over $2-3 for a cup of coffee than a female shouldn't want to know him.

^^^^

There's a difference between broke and cheap. Broke should'nt be looking
in the first place. Cheap is boring.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 133
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/19/2015 8:32:02 AM

There's a difference between broke and cheap. Broke should'nt be looking
in the first place. Cheap is boring.

I'd rather date broke than cheap if I had to make the choice. Glad I don't. Cheap is almost always an indication of some personalty issues I just don't want to deal with. Cheap, stingy people are selfish and they're not only stingy with their money. They're stingy with everything a person can be stingy with. They're always too concerned about their own needs (and they are usually needy), to pay attention to anyone else. They are rarely cheap with themselves though. Ever notice that?
 naysaying_knicktwist
Joined: 11/19/2009
Msg: 134
Lessons in modern dating, Chapter 9 : Finger in the ass
Posted: 1/19/2015 8:36:47 AM

Isn't a broke dude okay if he would pay if he COULD vs a rich guy who simply won't ?

That's an interesting question.
 Supersoulson
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 135
Lessons in modern dating, Chapter 9 : Finger in the ass
Posted: 1/19/2015 8:41:29 AM
^^^^^ I know right ?

LOL
 TALL_IQ2
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 136
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/19/2015 8:47:07 AM

If a dude is too broke to fork over $2-3 for a cup of coffee than a female shouldn't want to know him.


Most guys aren't broke, some will have philosophical differences with just blindly accepting old-fashioned cultural norms in their search for that extremely rare most equitable partner in todays's challenging economic climate.

And others may use that as a very simple initial test, to help filter out some females that he "shouldn't want to know".

OLD is still challenging since many profiles are intentionally deceptive, although some will display the writer's attempt at very simple humor which can be enlightening...



And an apparently necessary tip for some repetitive posters here, best to reread the TOS, quickly remove your alternate profiles before the system removes all and your IP as well.
 nocrapzone
Joined: 1/10/2015
Msg: 137
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/19/2015 8:49:49 AM

If a dude is too broke to fork over $2-3 for a cup of coffee than a female shouldn't want to know him.


but a woman being "too broke"..or just too stuck in a patriarchal man-pay- for-everything mindset..is just fine, right?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 138
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/19/2015 9:56:21 AM

If a dude is too broke to fork over $2-3 for a cup of coffee than a female shouldn't want to know him.


See message 131.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 139
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/19/2015 10:07:00 AM

And an apparently necessary tip for some repetitive posters here, best to reread the TOS, quickly remove your alternate profiles before the system removes all and your IP as well.

No, I say let them keep doing their stuff & get busted & hauled out of here ;0D
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 140
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/20/2015 1:09:54 PM

1) I suspect a few men define "high maintanance" from the amount of work they have to do to keep her attention, than the amount of work she does on her looks.


Actually both of those fall under the category of high maintenance.
One is physical high maintenance (looks) and the other is emotional high maintenance (keeping attention).
 KingAlaskanCrabLegs
Joined: 1/12/2015
Msg: 141
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/20/2015 6:50:12 PM
If a man can't drop 100 dollars on a Saturday Night (or more) on a woman he likes he needs a better job or a second job.

I'd feel like a chump letting her even leave a tip.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 142
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/20/2015 7:05:58 PM
That's because you're on the hunt for marriage - of course you can't spare any expense.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 143
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/20/2015 7:26:32 PM
I can give my 16 year old cousin a $100 to drop on a girl he likes ...what does that exactly prove.
 ginghamgal
Joined: 1/14/2015
Msg: 144
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/20/2015 7:37:35 PM
I almost always offer to pay my share. Sometimes I have offered to pay for all of the date. Such when a man drove to a place that was much closer to me. Or when what I had ordered was the majority of the bill. The only times I didn't offer anything was when a man mentioned that he would pay for me before the date.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 145
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/20/2015 7:37:39 PM
Part of me understands the need for women to weed out the chaff online by holding out for the guys that'll give them the 'full court press', but the problem shows up with 2 equally employed and 'popular' daters meet each other.

It becomes a rapid 3 date escalation of her vetting me as relationship material and me refusing to be vetted before the 3rd date :)

That's how fast things play out when the pond is full of fish.

I refuse to discuss anything financial or my past until we have some fun.

If you admit to running background checks on previous men? That tells me you're meeting jerks and you have trust issues.

I will never compete with the men before me, and neither should women.

She can keep having 'fun' with the guy that's drinking 5 bottles of champagne every night to prove he's financially solvent/wreckless.

Yet, she'll accept/enjoy the charade until it gets old.

Bottom line? Exclusive after the third date, max, or we can take a trip to Amsterdam.

If the 3 date 'full court press' is filled with quizzes deciphering my disposable income or seeing if I'm not like the last jerk she dated, I'm done.

Happy Fishing!
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 146
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/20/2015 7:49:54 PM
I agree Clooney. The "third degree" gets old fast. I just want someone to have fun with, enjoy a meal, share some wine, laugh and chat. Or walk and chat...visit. Movies are the worst dates ever. There is so much more to chat about than ex wives and who owns what toys. My only disagreement is, 3rd date...please let me treat. I don't want to be a meal whore. And I like to treat. By date 3 you can tell whether there is going to be a spark (sometimes it takes less).
 mr_yoshi
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 147
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/20/2015 8:49:31 PM
KingAlaskanCrabLegs I'm confused.
Do you prefer to be called KingAlaskanCrabLegs or BLonde^j^AngeL?
How many profiles do you really need to have to back your posts up?
Sooner or later you'll be the only one talking to yourself in threads.

I'm just terribly confused today.
BLonde^j^AngeL pretending to be KingAlaskanCrabLegs,
TALL_IQ2 pretending to be a moderator.

WHERE WILL THE INSANITY END?
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 148
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/20/2015 9:07:38 PM

I refuse to discuss anything financial or my past until we have some fun.

Like already situated with each other and "settled in"? Or bedroom fun? lol For the settled in part, I agree -- however, to know that one has a job, they're at least middle class -- that's all that should be needed. To know that they're in-between jobs or in-school-right-now or have-a-min-wage-job-right now -- I dunno, I think women have a right to know the Generic realm a guy sits, because it can be an indicator as to whether he's ready to date or not. You realize MANY guys (and gals) aren't ready to date, but, you know, they have social (and other) needs.

But if someone's generally in a decent spot -- "nothing to worry about" -- yeah, I can see that as a good thing holding that off. But at least some affirmation that one's not in any financial trouble, in-between-jobs, back-to-school-and-working-at-Starbucks, etc... and if so, one should want to explain.

If you admit to running background checks on previous men? That tells me you're meeting jerks and you have trust issues.

I agree. Unless it's a specific guy After the fact and something was awry which made her look him up or something. But yeah, as standard-operating-procedure -- true -- it shows she doesn't have the best ability of meeting guys and her human.. err, female intuition's been offline... and in the rarer cases of that not so much but just purely bad luck, she's got some trust issues that can potentially get in the way.

Bottom line? Exclusive after the third date, max, or we can take a trip to Amsterdam.

The "3 step drop" -- yeah. I agree that can be standard in many cases. It may be too soon if said dates were too soon (a quick lunch date; a coffee meetup Prior to 1st DATE)... but yeah the first 3-4ish should usually be enough to see if you click. Exclusive as in no setting up any dates with any others (but she may still be in touch with others)... then another 3-4 dates down the line, cutting off all other dating prospects.

But do you do the 1st 2 fun & free -- getting to know each other off a feel from one another, spending time -- but then 3rd date is an interview/vetting process to go Exclusive? :)
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 149
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/20/2015 10:22:41 PM
Wine and appetizers at sunset on first date, overlooking a lake. We go for a walk at the lake...

Drive down to PCH for dinner on 2nd date. (This is where the vetting usually starts). Sex is 50/50 here...

Dinner at my place or hers on 3rd date. Sex guaranteed.

Rinse, wash, repeat.

Experienced female daters will 'keep me on the hook' by flirting, and vetting me with seemingly casual comments about the jerks they dated or what my car payment is. Trying to figure out if I'm relationship compatible asap. To a guy? You're finding reasons not to have fun.

This vetting usually happens on 2nd date. I drop them off and wish them well..tsk, tsk, tsk

Experienced veteran female daters will also avoid a 3rd date, or postpone it, because of the expectation. No problem and duly noted:)

The look on their face when I drop them off after the 2nd date, and I say, 'Thank you for spending time with me. Sweet dreams.'

Priceless. I didn't ask for sex, or a 3rd date. They're like, 'WTF?!'. Lmao.

I'm done. 2 dates. Done.

Simple. Get in. Get out. She gets the 'full court press' asap in 2 dates.

Sex first. Relationship 2nd.

That simple. Wallet is safe and I'm satisfied:)

You could adopt a cheap 2 date, time trumps money approach, if you are looking for love. I don't care...

Casting my bait is amazing!!!
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 150
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/20/2015 10:31:47 PM
ClooneysTutor...unsure if I follow what you are describing in the post above.
Are you saying you wish to feel like you are commencing an exclusive relationship prior to the third date?
That is what I am trying to determine by your suggestion of being done after two dates.
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