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 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 1526
Paying for a datePage 62 of 74    (34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74)

Women set the standard for how they want to be treated. You've got the power ladies, so use it.
-----------------------------------------------------------
I do this not because I'm female or a feminist or a humanist or any other sort of ist. I do it because I'm a ****ing
adult and I know how to behave and treat people.


THE 2 ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE!

I don't let misogynistic men treat me like a free hooker ( & I am for legalized , regulated prostitution) or a toss away kleenex, cleaning lady or chef. I do these things for people who treat me w/ respect & kindness.

In the past I showed kindness to men on dates/in social situations & was disrespected, it only had to happen once & i was out of there. Same goes for female friends & even family members. Set healthy boundaries!

It wasn't until I put my foot down that I met a really good man, bec. frankly , it weeded out all the A$$HOLES.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1527
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Paying for a date
Posted: 7/12/2018 9:42:50 AM

Women set the standard for how they want to be treated. You've got the power ladies, so use it.

Hope you aren't implying there is a direct correlation between paying for a date and how a woman is treated. Some men that insist on paying for all dates end up treating women very poorly. They think they can call all the shots in a relationship because they paid for the dates.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 1528
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Paying for a date
Posted: 7/12/2018 9:46:15 AM
^^^msg #1538:
(I miss the old time locks when you could reach over and unlock the door for someone else.)


OT: A guy I went out with for awhile (both in our 50s) informed me (when I did not lean over and unlock his car door) that this is a test that men use to figure out something or other about the women they are dating.) I'd never heard of such a thing and thought he was just kidding. Apparently not.

It occurred to me just now that we 'came from two different worlds'---he grew up in a Big City, where folks routinely locked their doors (houses and cars) while I was a small town girl. We didn't routinely lock up our houses or cars, in fact ,for a long time, most folks left their keys in the ignition of their cars without a backward glance. The ritual of reaching over to unlock the car door of your date to show respect and interest (I guess...) was not remotely in my world view. But to him it signified a lack of respect on my part (this I can only surmise...)

Two different worlds. Yup
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 1529
Paying for a date
Posted: 7/12/2018 9:51:53 AM

Hope you aren't implying there is a direct correlation between paying for a date for how a woman is treated. Some men that insist on paying for all dates end up treating women very poorly. They think they can call all the shots in a relationship because they paid for the dates.


Bingo. That's one of the main reasons why I always offered to pay my share on dates. Another reason is that I'm not "traditional". I believe in equality.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 1530
Paying for a date
Posted: 7/12/2018 10:09:28 AM
I'm traditional, and I find that most men are as well, they're just afraid to show it sometimes (in a new world where you have to a LIBERAL to be considered human)
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 1531
Paying for a date
Posted: 7/12/2018 10:09:34 AM

Bingo. That's one of the main reasons why I always offered to pay my share on dates. Another reason is that I'm not "traditional". I believe in equality.

Yes. I don't always believe paying for a date equals better treatment. I had a few bad dates with major jerks that insisted on paying for me.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1532
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Paying for a date
Posted: 7/12/2018 10:20:24 AM

I'm traditional, and I find that most men are as well, they're just afraid to show it sometimes (in a new world where you have to a LIBERAL to be considered human)

What does politics have to do with this? I'm not liberal or conservative. I think most men in my experience don't mind paying for the majority of the dates. But would want a woman offering to chip in. Even it if's a relatively small amount such as a tip or a snack / drink after a man had paid for a more expensive item.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 1533
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Paying for a date
Posted: 7/12/2018 10:51:13 AM

I don't let misogynistic men treat me like a free hooker ( & I am for legalized , regulated prostitution) or a toss away kleenex, cleaning lady or chef. I do these things for people who treat me w/ respect & kindness.


Yeah, talking about historical anecdotes to explain how you are or how you got that way, really has no bearing on how
others should treat people. If your experience with people has been poor, then yeah, maybe you do things differently.
Doesn't make it right and you can't expect everyone to agree with your methods.

I had one ***hole be a shyte at my daughter's wedding. You know where he is now? Yeah, me either.

That doesn't mean I expect everyone I meet to be an ***hole and I'll preemptively treat him like one.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 1534
Paying for a date
Posted: 7/12/2018 11:07:48 AM

I don't let misogynistic men treat me like a free hooker ( & I am for legalized , regulated prostitution) or a toss away kleenex, cleaning lady or chef. I do these things for people who treat me w/ respect & kindness.




Yeah, talking about historical anecdotes to explain how you are or how you got that way, really has no bearing on how
others should treat people. If your experience with people has been poor, then yeah, maybe you do things differently.

Unless one lives in a bubble, one has encountered at least 1 azzhat (non gender specific) I think it is interesting to hear about other ppl's experiences etc. but that is just my opinion & u know what they say about opinions...

Doesn't make it right and you can't expect everyone to agree with your methods.

They are not all my methods- I had to learn, sometimes the hard way, by being open to what others shared w/ me, as well as my own experiences. I've looked at ppl who had what I wanted & asked them how they got it. (not in material things, but type of life, spiritual/emotional level)

that goes w/o saying


I had one ***hole be a shyte at my daughter's wedding. You know where he is now? Yeah, me either.


GOOD- he sucked- was an azzhat


That doesn't mean I expect everyone I meet to be an ***hole and I'll preemptively treat him like one.


GOOd, but the world as a collective should be on the look out or alert to RED FLAGS/have appropriate boundaries

I had plenty of ppl esp. in the rooms rip me a new one to teach me stuff & at least half were correct. Even some of the things I have read in here influenced me in a positive way.

But hell no even w/ a husband I am not laying down to be a doormat. Or w/ a best friend, or a sponsor or a family member (Mother, sister, son(s) )
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 1535
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Paying for a date
Posted: 7/12/2018 11:18:36 AM
^^^^Yeah, but you're angry.
Not sure why you're constantly on guard with your convictions.
Now you're going to say you're not angry.
But everything you post suggests you're pissed and you're not going
to take it anymore. I hope you're not angry or pissed on my behave,
because, frankly, I'm doing fine.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 1536
Paying for a date
Posted: 7/12/2018 11:38:41 AM
The thing I'm most pissed about involves politics

Boo, I just wanna see you happy, seriously

I feel sorry for young(er) women these days, in this country...not posting politics much anymore...and men too, just be prepared to keep ur d1ck in ur pants if things keep up...
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 1537
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Paying for a date
Posted: 7/12/2018 12:58:52 PM
Boo
(I miss the old time locks when you could reach over and unlock the door for someone else.)

Oh, I loved that, unlocking his door for him.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 1538
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Paying for a date
Posted: 7/12/2018 1:16:38 PM
^^^^^I know! Me too!




In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 400 of the last 10000 posts on a thread.
Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours Mr. Pig can not post to this thread.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 1539
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Paying for a date
Posted: 7/12/2018 7:13:16 PM
Politics is really no different from stances taken in here regarding dating roles - 'Compromise' is the new "C" word nobody can say

Dutch on dates, settling for a partner, working with someone vs. working on a 'WIN' - it's all part of this individual selfish, greed, control thing.

If you want the door opened for you - you still have to wait for someone to open it. That's the compromise. Charging on through doesn't give you the right to complain about nobody holding it. That's kind of like voting for President and expecting the local Mayor to follow the same mold.

People need to realize their own absurdity some time.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 1540
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Paying for a date
Posted: 7/12/2018 7:32:12 PM

People need to realize their own absurdity some time.


You are of course including yourself in that, right?
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 1541
Paying for a date
Posted: 7/12/2018 7:43:48 PM

I don't let misogynistic men treat me like a free hooker ( & I am for legalized , regulated prostitution) or a toss away kleenex, cleaning lady or chef. I do these things for people who treat me w/ respect & kindness.


And men shouldn’t let misandristic women treat them like a walking atm machine.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 1542
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Paying for a date
Posted: 7/12/2018 9:51:29 PM

Clytemnestra
OT: A guy I went out with for awhile (both in our 50s) informed me (when I did not lean over and unlock his car door) that this is a test that men use to figure out something or other about the women they are dating.) I'd never heard of such a thing and thought he was just kidding. Apparently not.

It occurred to me just now that we 'came from two different worlds'---he grew up in a Big City, where folks routinely locked their doors (houses and cars) while I was a small town girl. We didn't routinely lock up our houses or cars, in fact ,for a long time, most folks left their keys in the ignition of their cars without a backward glance. The ritual of reaching over to unlock the car door of your date to show respect and interest (I guess...) was not remotely in my world view. But to him it signified a lack of respect on my part (this I can only surmise...)

Two different worlds. Yup

I grew up in the same kind of world. All the time I was growing up, we never locked the house. Never. I never had a key to my parent’s home, because it was never locked. The first car I owned, a 1949 Chevrolet, I never had a key for it.

But then in 1972 I came to the big city. And life is different here. Everything is locked here. Always. And I have lived that way for the last 46 years.

And I have to admit, I don’t know anyone who still lives in that world without locks. I’m not sure such a place exists anymore.

And yes, a long time ago, when cars didn’t come with keyless entry, I did notice when a woman unlocked my door after I had opened the passenger door for her. It WAS a nice thing for her to do, and appreciated.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 1543
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Posted: 7/12/2018 11:40:36 PM
browneyesboo:

I know! Me too!

Nooo! You said "me too"! Hehe.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 1544
Paying for a date
Posted: 7/13/2018 6:00:43 AM
I think many of the DIVERSE opinions on dating & who pays are diverse bec. this is not a local forum, the US is huge & someone who was born & raised in NYC & surrounding area (myself) certainly has had a way different life than a person in a small town in the mid-west or the south, etc.

A friend of mine, also a native NYer, a little older than me has two adult nephews, in their 30's who are high earning professionals but certainly not wealthy by NY standards.

She told me that they date NY women who have careers & it is an unwritten rule that when dating for a serious relationship, by the 3rd date they take her to see a Broadway play & a really nice dinner in Manhattan, on their dime, no expectation of Dutch, let alone expecting or allowing her to chip in for the tip. And these are professional women who earn very good salaries.

A person who has lived in a less populated area basically their entire life has been exposed to far less & may have a different level of sophistication.

People who have led a more sheltered life may not be able to relate to a large city or the occupants & their way of life.

The scenario I described above doesn't make the women gold diggers or the men manginas.

But some things IMO could apply in a very small town, like a man wanting to impress/treat a woman, even if they often times share in the costs of some activities.

If a woman in an urban setting like NYC, Nashville, L.A. etc. acted the way a woman who lives in Smalltown US she would be regarded as very odd indeed.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 1545
Paying for a date
Posted: 7/13/2018 6:24:31 AM
"I grew up in the same kind of world. All the time I was growing up, we never locked the house. Never. I never had a key to my parent’s home, because it was never locked. The first car I owned, a 1949 Chevrolet, I never had a key for it....I don't know anyone who still lives in that world without locks"


>>>i'll bet you had an ignition key for the Chev, you weren't hotwiring it, but I get your point :) I remember a decade or whatever ago, Denny's restaurants decided to close for either Christmas or New Year's Eve, and having to outfit all their stores with locks for the front door. I live in a small town where we can leave things unlocked, the animals in the yard have a better chance of being attacked by a hawk or fisher cat than my house by an intruder. As for opening up a car door, a long while ago I posted about the "sonny test" from the movie A Bronx Tale, and caught flak for it by some of the women here.

I'll concur with BA's post about local and cultural norms in dating. It helps to be a "Citizen of the world" and realize/recognize that people do things differently. we may have to look for more than material signs of interest on the part of the person dating us. On the other side of the spectrum, we may wait too long looking for a signal and not realizing we're getting negative ones. So we may have to decide, do we wait for a clear signal of rejection, or do we cut our losses early and risk that we mis-read a signal of interest?

i'm sure the deciding factor will be...what other options are available to us? the more clear options we have, the less confusion we put up with :)
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 1546
Paying for a date
Posted: 7/13/2018 6:58:46 AM

I'll concur with BA's post about local and cultural norms in dating. It helps to be a "Citizen of the world" and realize/recognize that people do things differently. we may have to look for more than material signs of interest on the part of the person dating us. On the other side of the spectrum, we may wait too long looking for a signal and not realizing we're getting negative ones. So we may have to decide, do we wait for a clear signal of rejection, or do we cut our losses early and risk that we mis-read a signal of interest?


Ty well said^
Overall I think a woman should contribute to a relationship.

It's the initial potential for subterfuge that has me militant in my POV towards what goes on, at least in my age category...Millenials have a different spin on things that an almost 60 year old woman.

But I often tell my Millenial Niece what to look for in regards to serious/vs. being played.

Regardless of age, if a man is looking for sex only, I think he should be honest & not lie, cover up, sugar coat, justify, obfuscate, manipulate, etc. as there are likely enough women who are looking for the same NSA relationship. I think many get off on pulling one over, very sociopathic. Such ppl are very adept at fooling others individually & as a whole, even in a forum setting like this venue ;0)

Nice guys, think about it: such men ruin it for you!
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1547
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Paying for a date
Posted: 7/13/2018 8:13:26 AM
Yes age and geography are factors in determining personal viewpoints about this topic. But sometimes viewpoints can evolve over time because circumstances have changed or because of previous experiences. I know women that used to think a man should pay for the first X amount dates before they started contributing. But now they offer to pay on the first date. Including a couple women that emailed me and told me they changed their viewpoint partly because of what I (and others) have said on the forums.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 1548
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Paying for a date
Posted: 7/13/2018 8:28:43 AM
A woman sliding over to unlock the door was not simply a nice thing to do.
It meant that we didn't have to stay on our side of the car.
It meant that he could slide his arm over our shoulders and hold us close.
It meant that, if the car was standard, he could fondle our knee and we could put our hand on his thigh...
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 1549
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Paying for a date
Posted: 7/13/2018 8:48:28 AM
I actually do not agree with it being a demographic thing....
I think it is an individual thing...

I had a pool party for a group of lady friends...
we all come from the same area and ages range from 30 - 6o...
I brought this topic up....and had a different answer from each one!!
My own sister and I completely disagree on the topic of men, dating, and finances and we were raised by the same parents in the same small town.

and 2ufo....that is why I hate that all cars now have bucket seats in the front....
can't snuggle up anymore!!
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 1550
Paying for a date
Posted: 7/13/2018 11:23:32 AM

Yes age and geography are factors in determining personal viewpoints about this topic. But sometimes viewpoints can evolve over time because circumstances have changed or because of previous experiences. I know women that used to think a man should pay for the first X amount dates before they started contributing. But now they offer to pay on the first date. Including a couple women that emailed me and told me they changed their viewpoint partly because of what I (and others) have said on the forums.


I agree that age and geography can be factors in some cases, but that's not always true, as MsMicki demonstrated above.

My personal feeling is that behind the viewpoint that some women hold that men should always pay and women should never contribute, lies an undercurrent of dislike or mistrust of men. What led to these negative feelings is different from woman to woman. These same women will be quick to deny it and tell you that they love men.
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