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 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 151
Paying for a datePage 7 of 74    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Eric, I am seeking exclusive after 2 dates.

Not always sex.

Taking profiles down is fine while I get to know her.

You'd be surprised how many women are turned off when I ask to take profiles down after 2 dates.

I only met one gal that agreed to that.

Hence...I won't PAY for more then 3 dates unless the profiles come down.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 152
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/20/2015 10:44:36 PM
OK...now I got it with the follow-up clarification you graciously shared.
You raise interesting points that I had not entirely considered earlier.

Too bad POF has made "hiding" profiles such a complicated ordeal.
That was previously a decent yardstick for an idea on where things were going.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 153
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/20/2015 10:50:57 PM
^^^^
You got that right!

Hiding a profile on PoF takes arcane magic. WTF?

I think taking profiles down while you get to know someone, builds trust.

Many women, I suspect, think it's a rush to the sack.

I'm simply guarding my wallet and avoiding competition:)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 154
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/21/2015 1:16:35 PM

ClooneysTutor
Wine and appetizers at sunset on first date, overlooking a lake. We go for a walk at the lake...

Drive down to PCH for dinner on 2nd date. (This is where the vetting usually starts). Sex is 50/50 here...

Dinner at my place or hers on 3rd date. Sex guaranteed.

Rinse, wash, repeat.


This sounds to me like you’re saying sex by the 3rd date, or “goodbye”.



This vetting usually happens on 2nd date. I drop them off and wish them well..tsk, tsk, tsk

Experienced veteran female daters will also avoid a 3rd date, or postpone it, because of the expectation. No problem and duly noted:)

The look on their face when I drop them off after the 2nd date, and I say, 'Thank you for spending time with me. Sweet dreams.'

Priceless. I didn't ask for sex, or a 3rd date. They're like, 'WTF?!'. Lmao.

Now this, the 2nd part of your post, seems to be saying that if the woman is “vetting” you on the 2nd date, then you’re at the “goodbye, good luck” stage.


ClooneysTutor (in follow up post)
Eric, I am seeking exclusive after 2 dates.

Not always sex.

Taking profiles down is fine while I get to know her.

You'd be surprised how many women are turned off when I ask to take profiles down after 2 dates.

I only met one gal that agreed to that.

Hence...I won't PAY for more then 3 dates unless the profiles come down.

That reads quite a bit differently, at least to me, than what you were saying in your first post. Perhaps the problem is with my reading comprehension, but it really does seem quite a bit different.

I have no problem with either position. I myself tend to stop after 2 or 3 dates, if I think that matters aren’t progressing satisfactorily. “Progressing satisfactorily” is very open to interpretation, however

“I won’t PAY for more than 3 dates unless the profiles come down”
I’m lucky, I suppose. I have arrived at a position in life where the cost of dates absolutely does not matter. (Within reason, of course, I’m not talking about a weekend in Rome.)

I think, over the past few years, the majority of women that I have dated have been at least as well off financially as me, if not more well off. These women are not after my money, or someone to pay for dates. Some of them are looking for an escort though. Someone to do things with, go out to eat, to the movies, to dinner parties thrown by their friends, or some relative’s wedding. A man who will do those things, including wearing a suit and tie, is in high demand. And I do not want to be an escort. Or “just an escort”.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 155
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History
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/21/2015 1:40:25 PM
For myself. actually having SOME idea of where a guy is "at" financially, emotionally etc. is a MUST before I decide to get "exclusive", or sleep with him...
I,personally am NOT willing to support a guy, nor have cent ONE of MY money end up in HIS ex-wife's pocket, thanks!!!

I am transparent when I'm dating, willing to answer virtually ALL questions in order to get to know him and allow my partner to get to know, me....

I DON'T want to date someone who is bankrupt, or supporting 4 children by two women, etc. or who is cagey about his past....

As an adult in the dating world, I am willing to put a man's mind at ease that I am NOT a "gold digger" by being transparent , within reason, as to what my own financial status is...and I see NO reason, that if he has nothing to hide, that he would NOT want to do the same....

Too many people out there today in bad economic straits and I already have enough challenges in my Life without having to worry about somebody playing games with me about their own background and finances.

Sorry Clooney...wouldn't even make it past date ONE with you!!! LOL
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 156
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/21/2015 2:41:05 PM

You'd be surprised how many women are turned off when I ask to take profiles down after 2 dates.

I only met one gal that agreed to that.

Hence...I won't PAY for more then 3 dates unless the profiles come down.


It's no surprise to me, because it reeks of desperation. I've never had a guy I went out with only twice ask me to take down my profile, nor become exclusive. Trust me, if he did, there wouldn't be a third date---so payment would be a moot point.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 157
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/21/2015 3:02:43 PM

Wine and appetizers at sunset on first date, overlooking a lake. We go for a walk at the lake...

Drive down to PCH for dinner on 2nd date. (This is where the vetting usually starts). Sex is 50/50 here...

Dinner at my place or hers on 3rd date. Sex guaranteed.

Rinse, wash, repeat.

LOL. In college, from collegeclub.com -- in the late 90s and they had one's university on there to meet gals and the website went to parties to take pics and to give cards to sign up to see them, etc -- that was a goldmine. It introduced me to the internet dating before it hit big. Mine was all-in-1:

- Take gal to Applebees. If she's old enough to drink, we have a couple drinks there.
- Then, take her for ice cream, by a place near my house-apt. While having ice cream, OH Look -- it's also a Video Store (with videos on shelves right near where you sit). I then say, hey, let's rent a movie...
- Then, take her to my place with the movie to go up to my room to "watch it"
- Roommates on couch give secret signals rating her 1-10
- Regardless of rating at that point, bring her up to room, and get from 2nd base to home plate
- Everyone at Applebees began to know me quite well

Experienced female daters will 'keep me on the hook' by flirting, and vetting me with seemingly casual comments about the jerks they dated or what my car payment is. Trying to figure out if I'm relationship compatible asap. To a guy? You're finding reasons not to have fun.

But you say this happens on a 2nd date. Are you implying you DON'T want this on a 2nd? Also -- I never got asked what my car payment was -- or how much I pay for rent on a place, etc. The jerk thing comes up, but that's to be taken very differently, in different contexts. One shouldn't be hair-trigger hasty about tossing a girl out like a muppet because she was merely asking some questions that could steer the conversation toward un-fun if continued on... otherwise That would be a sign of issues. :)

This vetting usually happens on 2nd date. I drop them off and wish them well..tsk, tsk, tsk

Okay, so you're not liking "vetting" on 2nd date, but you Do want it on a 3rd? Or you like to go Exclusive after 3rd *then* do vetting?

Thing is, I can understand, and am a fan of keeping vetting to a bare minimum on the first couple dates... possibly first few, depending on how much of a full-fledged, time-oriented Date they were, etc. To establish chemistry, liking each other, etc., as you don't want to risk having the tone to be set to something else -- it'll take away from any butterflies, the sense of hitting-it-off, etc.

But to go Exclusive First, THEN vetting? I can understand a very Light sense of "exclusive" -- meaning, no hunting others, etc (but no "discussion" about it; will kill that mood too). Hardly Ever, have I ran into a gal who wanted to hide profiles so immediately, even when we seem to be hitting it off. Probably because many, including myself, have done that -- dropped other Prospects because I hit it off with a gal, only to find out she's Not my type, but you lost out on other opportunities.

Too soon to go all-out, full 100% "man to man", after a few dates of seemingly hitting it off pretty well, but you haven't even got to see how fully compatible you are looking down the road. But it may be an interesting concept to try and employ, to put her in position to Not take away from the good position you're both in, to talk to continue to talk to Harry & Frank and set up 2nd or 3rd dates with them -- and to instead put her in position to Choose at that point. I would only feel compelled to do that with a "wow" catch... or when I have no other prospects lingering at the time.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 158
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/21/2015 3:47:08 PM
I equate taking profiles down with exclusivity.

I've never complained about money spent.

I'm the product of my environment. A giant pond.

I give the full court press up front and if more time is needed to vette (lol) each other?

I'll reduce the cost of the dates until we're eventually discussing 401Ks and FICOs at Starbucks with Michael Buble playing in the background.

It works quite well too.

Met some really flirty and engaging ladies this way and learned a lot about their wine and food preferences at sunset :)

I'm gonna coin a name for this concept...The Dutch Pullout.

Happy Fishing !
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 159
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/21/2015 3:57:00 PM

The Dutch Pullout

sounds like foreign birth control :0P
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 160
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/21/2015 3:57:13 PM

Experienced female daters will 'keep me on the hook' by flirting, and vetting me with seemingly casual comments about the jerks they dated or what my car payment is. Trying to figure out if I'm relationship compatible asap. To a guy? You're finding reasons not to have fun.

This vetting usually happens on 2nd date. I drop them off and wish them well..tsk, tsk, tsk


So you preempt being rejected for a third date by acting as if you didn’t want one…because you were afraid you wouldn’t get laid? And to work around your teenage demand for sex from a woman on the second? third date? you claim to want exclusivity and demand she delete her dating profile? As if that means anything?

You think a woman needs to make excuses to not have sex with you on a second date? And has no right to ask you any questions because she’s just delaying the inevitable sex you demand? I can read right through you.

If you’re trying to prevent a serious relationship with a woman, you’re doing a good job.

Missed this part:


Sex first. Relationship 2nd.

That simple. Wallet is safe and I'm satisfied:)


Right.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 161
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/21/2015 4:05:17 PM

So you preempt being rejected for a third date by acting as if you didn’t want one…because you were afraid you wouldn’t get laid?

It's because she's doing too much vetting -- killing the mood. While I think this is too Hasty by him (afraid of some vetting questions?) -- I like the idea of not having a tone set of a 2nd date by vetting. There may be a few questions out there about compatible on a general scale -- nothing wrong with that... and if they end up rolling a bit deeper, and too many compatibility-oriented questions -- one can end up helping steering the course away from that to avoid that "vetting" feeling. But if said person is Set about the "vetting" Tone being set, sure, I see how one would be turned off by that. I haven't run into that that much -- I've been able to nix it from getting to "vetting" too early, in order to change the tone into sharing stories that are more Fun/Happy/Humorous/Positive oriented, that also reveals compatibility in That way.

sounds like foreign birth control :0P

The Dutch Pullout more sounds like Cheap, half-azzed birth control.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 162
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/21/2015 4:41:23 PM

It's because she's doing too much vetting -- killing the mood.


What mood? Doesn’t a mood have to be set before it can be killed? He doesn’t sound like he has to do a damn thing on a date except show up, let alone take the initiative to set a mood! Seems like a “path of no resistance” kinda guy. :/


While I think this is too Hasty by him (afraid of some vetting questions?) -- I like the idea of not having a tone set of a 2nd date by vetting.


Yeah…I’m skeptical of what he is describing as “vetting.” Why isn’t HE contributing to the conversation? Changing the direction if he doesn’t like it? Don’t YOU want to know anything about a woman you’re on a second date with? Why wouldn’t he?


There may be a few questions out there about compatible on a general scale -- nothing wrong with that... and if they end up rolling a bit deeper, and too many compatibility-oriented questions -- one can end up helping steering the course away from that to avoid that "vetting" feeling.


Exactly. He’s not helpless, he can contribute to a conversation if he doesn’t like the direction it’s going.

I find this hilarious:


Experienced female daters will 'keep me on the hook' by flirting, and vetting me with seemingly casual comments about the jerks they dated or what my car payment is.


Sounds like you know how to pick em. Oh aren’t you the guy who brags about his Corvette, now crying about gold diggers who want to know your car payment. Maybe has something to do with you bragging about it?????

You chose your bait…don’t complain about what you hook.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 163
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History
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/21/2015 8:31:46 PM
While I'm not liking the tone of Clooney here, it matters not to me.

Now maybe it's the age difference, or something. About 95% of the men I've met FREELY offer financial info to me, without me trying to vett, without me hinting at the topic. A recent guy I met and dated a few times easily disclosed he has $171000.00 invested and told me he gets about $1200.oo per month income from that, on top of his Social Security, plus his part time job, plus he keeps cash at home.... Another one told me what he has in his 401K, and it was even more than the first. Others not so well off tell me their income, $1100.00 a month or $1500.00 a month, or $7000.00 in savings. All they hear from me is that I have a decent pension, can pay my own bills and pay my own way.

I must have a trustworthy face. And I'll say, apparently a doable face based on the number of offers I get to do it. I just don't get many who actually want a real relationship with me.

I have met a couple who said they wanted exclusive rather quickly. One was a player, another a control freak. Now if anyone says they want exclusive quickly, I'll be extra cautious.

As for removing a profile, it's easy, remove and save photos, remove and save text. Leave profile up blank. If it doesn't work out, copy and paste it back in.

I suspect Clooney, that you are not really in a successful operating mode.
It works quite well too.
I think you are in a mode of "fvck em all", literally and figuratively.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 164
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/21/2015 8:34:43 PM
In case y'all couldn't tell...

I had a great date that took a turn for the worse and it shows:(

I had a fun first date with a woman and shared some baggage with her, which she dismissed as no big deal. I was thankful.

We had a 2nd date over an 8 hour period. Drove to pier, walked, drove back for dinner and had a few drinks.

Flirty and witty banter for most of the date.

She took pics of us making out and posted to her FB wall.

I was kind of flattered because she was showing us off. Fine.

I was asked what my car payment was. I responded that she won't find out until we slept together first, jokingly. She chuckled too.

Later on, she asked if I ever heard of a service that ran background checks. I won't name the service here.

She never said she ran it on me, but admitted to running it on other guys.

I'm confident that if she did run it on me, she would have learned I was honest too.

Anyway...we agreed not to discuss our pasts. She knew I married more then once, and her too.

Somewhere in the evening, she mentioned meeting her ex on Match. No biggie. ok.

Later in the evening, she asked if my ex was Japanese.

I said yes, and I too met her on Match.

She snapped at me, "I don't want to hear that!"

I've never seen such an outburst like that. WTF??

I asked why she wanted to know? She said she thought I had said Korean earlier in the day.

Why get mad? Why did she care about my ex's ethnicity?

Her flash of anger at my response left me quiet and sullen.

I drove her home and said good night.

Honestly, I think she deduced I was married to low income women and thus I must have paid alimony? Upset that I viewed her as a financial equal and now she's paying the price for my mistakes?

I no longer pay alimony either. If she had asked THAT question? I would have graciously understood and responded.

But to beat around the bush by asking about ex's ethnicity?

The whole date was so nice until that last question and her flash of anger.

I've been tempted to put in my profile that I don't pay alimony, but isn't that too much info?

Anyway...I hope this story sheds some light on my recent posts.

I just felt like she was probing very hard for financial info and it killed things.

If it weren't for her outburst, I wouldn't have withdrawn and shut down like that. I did not want to cause a scene.

Thanks for listening:)
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 165
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/22/2015 3:47:02 AM

Rolls eyes...People...Log in and vote to delete these redundant troll posts....same old..same old.
.
some people haven't been on this forum everyday for ten years so it is new to them, That whole - delete the thread thing is very ....territorial and forum bullying. To use the PC phrase.
There is another word but I have to think of a nice word.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 166
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/22/2015 3:55:59 AM

You know, it's that attitude of entitlement that's grossly complicated the whole dating concept. And ultimately spoiled dating in general. I don't see why the concept of "The man should always pay" so to speak ever materialized. Where do so many women get off thinking that their special over men and worthy of special treatment from men?

For the couples I know who stay together long term and actually like each other,that seems to be the way that it works.Men pay. Hmmm. . . . .
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 167
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/22/2015 5:06:52 AM

Later in the evening, she asked if my ex was Japanese.

I said yes, and I too met her on Match.

She snapped at me, "I don't want to hear that!"

I've never seen such an outburst like that. WTF??

I asked why she wanted to know? She said she thought I had said Korean earlier in the day.

Why get mad? Why did she care about my ex's ethnicity?


I know in the forums you once said one of your ex-wives was Vietnamese. If that is true and she did a background check, it would get confusing. I am not sure myself, one is Japanese and one Vietnamese? Did I get what you said in the past wrong?

If you were lying and she knew, that could explain her anger and disappointment. Or if you were being tricky?

But if you are really OK with "rinse, wash, repeat", then what's the big deal about one that blew up?
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 168
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/22/2015 6:27:10 AM
See, it was one Japanese, one Vietnamese, one Chinese, and two Korean.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 169
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/22/2015 7:27:55 AM
1 Peru, 2 viet and 3rd Japanese. We never discussed how many ex's either. Apparently my 3 is worse then her 2. Wearing the straight jacket is getting easier:(
 Following_Up
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 170
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/22/2015 7:46:43 AM

Her flash of anger at my response left me quiet and sullen.

I drove her home and said good night.

Honestly, I think she deduced I was married to low income women and thus I must have paid alimony? Upset that I viewed her as a financial equal and now she's paying the price for my mistakes?


I know it was just a 2nd date, but ... you had a great first and a good 2nd one going... After you dropped her off was that just 'it' - no more contact?

I know that the forums often advocate: red flag! red flag! (over some 'bad behavior' such as reacting badly to something) and that is that, the end.

'You think that she deduced' -- a lot of guess work there. Did it ever occur for you to say 'hey!? What the bleep (or what the heck)? What is up with that reaction?' Either when it happened or later in a follow up conversation?
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 171
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/22/2015 8:08:42 AM
It's a Vette not a Countach. shrug.
Seems odd not to continue to a third date.
She posted pictures of you two making out?????
My FB is so boring :(
 PenelopeLeChat
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 172
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/22/2015 12:11:32 PM
The only thing I would be Vetting is would I ever get to drive it? :)
I don't care what the payments are as long as they are not mine.

If someone posted pictures of us making out on FB I would dump them right then and there.

LePew
 OneKewlDood
Joined: 5/21/2014
Msg: 173
Paying for a finger up the ass
Posted: 1/22/2015 2:00:06 PM
I just want to know one thing; how does clooneystutor avoid the "You can only post twice in the last 10 messages" limitation? I mean, if the guy is a mod then the forums are phuqed. So, is it a "seniority" thing?
 TALL_IQ2
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 174
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/22/2015 2:44:44 PM

avoid the "You can only post twice in the last 10 messages" limitation?



I don't see that is avoided in this thread. Did you count accurately?
Rarely that limitation is not active temporarily, or the servers have been slower than usual. Currently I see 600,000 users are "online" at the moment. We can't count on everything working all the time with numbers like that.

By the way, please stop changing the OP's subject line. That is uncouth, juvenile and against TOS you agreed to.

S
 OneKewlDood
Joined: 5/21/2014
Msg: 175
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/22/2015 3:08:58 PM

I don't see that is avoided in this thread. Did you count accurately?


Did you look at Page 7? And it's not just in this thread.

My mom will be so proud to know that I finally used my Math degree for something.
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