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 Clear_River
Joined: 1/6/2018
Msg: 1801
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getting screwed on the first datePage 73 of 74    (34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74)
@cooldog65 tsk tsk that's a bit naughty lol
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 1802
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getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/1/2019 7:23:27 AM
I always go to dinner. You can always tell them you have to go and cut it short.

If I have to go out and make a special trip to meet someone, I'm going to get one of my 5, er 3 meals a day in. Yeah, I need to go on a diet! Maybe I should try a drive by, er, coffee date!
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 1803
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getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/1/2019 7:40:59 AM
When I used to date, I liked going to a place where it was just as acceptable to stay for a beverage and leave, or stay for a meal. That way, I could order a beverage and stay for more if it was working out. I would always be there a bit early. When I ordered my beverage, the wait staff would ask if I would like a menu as well and I would let them know that it depends. They always got what I was saying.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1804
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getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/1/2019 8:26:54 AM

I refuse to go to dinner for a first date, it's not worth the risk if you don't get on. It's two hours you'll never get back

I wouldn't have dinner at a upscale restaurant on a first date / meeting. But I would at a casual restaurant where 2 people can finish a meal within 45-60 minutes. If the date was really bad, then I could put my food in a doggy bag.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 1805
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getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/1/2019 7:43:32 PM

I always go to dinner. You can always tell them you have to go and cut it short.


That is why I prefer NOT to do dinner on the first date. It's a lot more awkward to cut the date short if you're sitting across the table at a restaurant compared to a bar or coffee shop. When I was dating online, I'd have our first dates be on a weeknight so I couldn't be out too late because of work the night morning. Also, they'd be at a divebar or coffee shop. If we actually like each-other, then we could be out later on weekend night and have a date that's more engaging than having 1-2 beverages.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 1806
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getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/2/2019 8:28:36 AM
I think only one in 75 first meets are at a coffee house. All the rest are dinner at a resturant. Coffee dates are just not necessary in my experience.

But for women, maybe so......... there is always a chance of meeting that angry guy who has 30 year old pics who will gross you out!!
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 1807
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getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/2/2019 9:18:20 AM
"not to rub too fine a point on it, but i always thought the saying was, "the love of money is the root of all evil"

>>>timmy I in the bible does use the word "love", but since you thought backcreek's discussion of Jesus should be in the Offtopicals, I figured i'd be polite and use samuel butler's quote, which replaces "love" with "want", instead.

'cause i'm just so flippin' polite and considerate that way :)

maybe those who read a lot into profiles, should discuss what they read into a choice of first date, lol.

"oh gosh, he only wants a meet'n'greet over coffee! you know what that means...."meet and greet" means if i don't like the meat, i'm gonna beat a hasty retreat."

the TV show "curse of oak island" discusses a "paralysis of analysis" in fortune hunting. sometimes humans get so caught up finding evidence, they just don't pull the trigger. risk what you can afford to lose, try different ways to date, find what works, and then you'll know. if someone's getting bad first dates, the solution may be to figure out why....and then figure out an alternate plan.
 HUMHUMA
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 1808
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/9/2019 2:30:12 AM
Tit for tat...depends on what we chat about beforehand......some make it clear they want to pay which I have no proplem with but as a male would have no problem paying as I or we decided to meet...course after extended chat knowing how we think....
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1809
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/9/2019 8:15:30 AM

I think only one in 75 first meets are at a coffee house. All the rest are dinner at a resturant. Coffee dates are just not necessary in my experience.

I had first dates / meetings at a various of places. Dave and Busters, festivals, mini golf, bowling, pool halls, sports bars etc. In general I had a better time at these places than Starbucks even there wasn't enough mutual interest / attraction for another date. These places were relatively inexpensive without any major time limits. In other words, a person wouldn't have to spend multiple hours there if it ended up being a very bad date.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 1810
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/9/2019 9:00:50 AM
I like meeting at the bookstore...not mine...but you can get a tea or
whatever and a snack, I'll pick up the tab,
and if it doesn't work out...I'm in a place I like anyways.

I see a lot of first meets at the bookie I work...you can always pick
them out. Some haven't stayed long, others we've had to kick out
at closing and then I see them in the parking lot when I leave.

I don't mind dinner, but I hate the whole who pays thing. I just
assume I'm paying for myself, because I'm a friggin adult with
my own funds, but if someone offers to pay, I don't throw a hissy
fit and I'll offer the tip.

I don't like tests or insincere offers to pay...that right there is a
red flag.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1811
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getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/9/2019 1:30:11 PM

I wouldn't have dinner at a upscale restaurant on a first date / meeting. But I would at a casual restaurant where 2 people can finish a meal within 45-60 minutes.

I think every place is like that. Unless you're going to wait in line. But that has nothing to do with fancy vs casual or anything in-between. The reason one wouldn't want to bring them to an upscale place is $$ -- or namely the atmosphere that it's costing $$ (ie sacrifice). I would say attire, but something being merely upscale in no way implies you dress fancy at all. Just highly likely it wouldn't be kosher showing up in your PJs, where it'd be passable at Applebees/TGIF. Although, for a 1st date for dinner, PJs aren't so kosher, regardless of what restaurant you choose to 1st meet at.

Dave and Busters, festivals, mini golf, bowling, pool halls

Those will take longer than a fancy restaurant. Just sayin'. :)

It's a lot more awkward to cut the date short if you're sitting across the table at a restaurant compared to a bar or coffee shop.

If potentially Very short -- I agree. But a restaurant's typically going to take around 30 minutes from the time you're seated, to the time you get done stuffing your faces -- which isn't long.

But talking and waiting on a drink, and then almost done with your first drink by the time you both start looking at the menu is the Classical Delay, which makes it a longer date, as can be an extra drink(s) after the face stuffing. But all this can be avoided from the get-go if you find out your date is short, thus, wanting a short date. :)

I like meeting at the bookstore...not mine...but you can get a tea or
whatever and a snack

Places like that -- a bookstore with a cafe is a good 1st date-meeting. It's just a (kosher) bar type place. Like a bar, you want to go to a place that isn't cramped with mere inches away from sitting next to outside parties -- ie "breathing room" for those 1st-date meetings. Those sitting mere inches from you and your 1st-date-meet will notice it's one of those 1st-date-meets, and if they're not-shy like me, may crack jokes about it. :)

The good part is that you have stronger control over wanting to bail early (no worries about waiter delays or food delays that may crop up), and also very natural to last a good while, too. And there's less of a $$ sacrifice if you're a guy. Which is the Main Reason why many folks avoid dinner.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1812
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getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/9/2019 2:52:49 PM

Those will take longer than a fancy restaurant. Just sayin'. :)

Not necessarily. The amount of time is flexible. If I spent 2-3 hours at Dave and Busters, festivals, mini golf, bowling, pool halls etc, that would be because both people were having at a good time and wanted to extend the date. However I can just as easily to decide to leave after about a hour or so if necessary.


The reason one wouldn't want to bring them to an upscale place is $$

Yes money is a big factor. But also in my experience, dinners at formal restaurants tend to take longer whether because it's formal restaurants are more crowded or it takes longer to prepare the food or some other reason.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1813
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getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/9/2019 3:23:04 PM

Not necessarily. The amount of time is flexible. If I spent 2-3 hours at Dave and Busters, festivals, mini golf, bowling, pool halls etc, that would be because both people were having at a good time and wanted to extend the date. However I can just as easily to decide to leave after about a hour or so if necessary.

By default, you go there to spend more time. It's very easy to leave a restaurant and eat in way less than an hour if it's not packed.

Yes money is a big factor.

It's the main underlying factor. Not only for the guy (expected to pay; more than any other if cutting it short) -- but the gal, too. It at Least Represents more $$, even though taking the same time at a bar will usually cost more. $$ is the underlining factor, representing 'more importance'. Even if at the front of our minds, $$ isn't The thing.

But also in my experience, dinners at formal restaurants tend to take longer whether because it's formal restaurants are more crowded or it takes longer to prepare the food or some other reason.

I think a lot of people have that in their minds, but it's just social conditioning that's false. :) Many fancy places are lesser packed, if anything, if ya wanted to break it down. Now, if you're Googling busyness live -- during busy times -- yes, it's easier to find the deader places being explicitly non-fancy. That doesn't mean non-fancy places aren't packed and many times more packed. :)

You go during rush hour to Applebees or TGIF type places, it's going to be packed. Just like it is to many fancy places during rush hour. Your time taken is going to spend as long. But, people Like to spend longer to make the most out of it at fancy places (unless they're a regular).
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1814
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getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/9/2019 3:49:24 PM

It's very easy to leave a restaurant and eat in way less than an hour if it's not packed.

Perhaps if a restaurant was virtually empty and had relatively few customers. However spending about 45 minutes to a hour has been much more common for me.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1815
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getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/9/2019 4:03:52 PM

Perhaps if a restaurant had relatively few customers. However spending 45 minutes to a hour has been much more common for me.

45 minutes is just as close to a half hour as it is to an hour.

Secondly, a restaurant doesn't have to have few customers for you not to have to wait in line or wait forever for food. I think this is just a mental assumption people have. I've had it -- but realized it's not the case. Same with fancy vs chain restaurants. Same time to take if it's restaurant rush hour.

How long you stay, assuming no line you're willing to stand in, depends on how long both people want to sit there before they order or stay after they fill their tummies. It's not about the prices on the menu & the color of decorations or lack thereof. But that doesn't stop folks from assuming it takes longer if fancy -- it's just that people Want to make the most of it being more expensive (of course, that'll end up also making the false move of staying longer order yet another [over-priced] drink).
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1816
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getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/9/2019 4:32:30 PM
45 minutes was the general minimum amount of time spent. It could also be 50 or 55 minutes, exactly a hour or maybe a little bit more than a hour in some cases. Thus the overall average is still close to a hour. I realize there can be other factors involved. But more often than not, I was able to get and finish a meal quicker when a restaurant wasn't as busy.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1817
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getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/10/2019 2:19:37 AM

45 minutes was the general minimum amount of time spent.

If you're not sitting around having drinks with it and not making being there The date Itself, 45 minutes isn't so minimal when there's open tables to be sat at when ya walk in the door. I know, sounds strange -- nobody really thinks about it. But it doesn't take any longer than going for lunch. Not if you don't want it to, is my point.

It's just for dinner the people tend to Want to take their time. My point is: If you have a fugly date, you don't have to.

But more often than not, I was able to get and finish a meal quicker when a restaurant wasn't as busy.

True, it will average out like that -- you're less apt to run into roadblocks of delay. And 1st-meets don't have to be during rush hour either. Point is: The avoidance of dinner is due to $$ and the social "weight" behind it -- not due to length of time.

Wanting to ensure a 1st-date doesn't run too long, going to a bar for drinks and saying you possibly can't stay too long... 45-60m isn't long at all and fits that short-date label. Yet it has that "feeling" that it's smaller, even though it's quite easy to stay just as long, and even easier to stay longer than at a mere restaurant.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 1818
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getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/10/2019 1:03:21 PM
Jeff Bezos will be available soon.

I'd allow him to pay LOL
 pfif
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 1819
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/10/2019 4:18:51 PM
I tend to think on my feet.

Also, I get to know people substantially well enough,
that it's somewhat unlikely to find myself feeling
betrayed by the other person.

A stranger someone's dating pulls a fast one on them,
and they didn't see it coming from a mile away. I just
can't recall having been blindsided in that way (within
memory).
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 1820
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/11/2019 6:12:10 AM
If you are going to do blind dates / internet dating, you should spend 45 to 85 minutes with them (unless they are an instant turnoff). Here's why: Sometimes attraction is known within seconds. However, if you are on the fence and not sure whether you are attracted to them, it may take more time to determine.

By the way, this is just about the time it takes to eat dinner ;)
 ginghamgal
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 1821
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/11/2019 8:46:49 AM

45 minutes was the general minimum amount of time spent. It could also be 50 or 55 minutes, exactly a hour or maybe a little bit more than a hour in some cases. Thus the overall average is still close to a hour.

Same here. I suppose it could take less than 45 minutes for dinner. But it would probably take a perfect storm of events. The place is not crowded, there is quick service from the waiter or waitress, both people immediately know what they want to order, both people either don't order that much food or order something that can be prepared relatively fast etc. Sometimes a restaurant may not be that crowded. But the service is still somewhat slow because there aren't many waiters or waitresses there.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1822
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/11/2019 6:47:49 PM

Same here. I suppose it could take less than 45 minutes for dinner. But it would probably take a perfect storm of events. The place is not crowded, there is quick service from the waiter or waitress, both people immediately know what they want to order, both people either don't order that much food or order something that can be prepared relatively fast etc

Exactly. That's why I plan for having dinner at casual restaurant for about a hour with an option of extending the date if things go well. Just like the other first date / meeting venues I mentioned earlier.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 1823
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/12/2019 10:05:29 AM

I suppose it could take less than 45 minutes for dinner. But it would probably take a perfect storm of events. The place is not crowded, there is quick service from the waiter or waitress, both people immediately know what they want to order, both people either don't order that much food or order something that can be prepared relatively fast etc.

It doesn't take a perfect storm, actually. We don't think about how long it is unless it's really long -- hence, our skewed bias. All it takes is going where it's not super packed, you have a decent waitress, and you Don't Want to stay long. That's the key. Again, it takes no longer than going during lunch hour. 45m doesn't require a magic wand -- it just requires you to not want to stay long.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1824
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/12/2019 10:42:30 AM
In my experience, dinner tends to be somewhat longer than lunch because people often have larger meals at dinner. I might have just a sandwich for lunch. I might also have appetizers and/or desserts along with a sandwich for dinner. If someone has a smaller meal for dinner, then the amount of time spent for dinner and lunch might be about the same when the other factors ginghamgal mentioned are equal.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 1825
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Paying for a date
Posted: 1/12/2019 11:21:53 AM
Sooooooo………….. Does this ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ mean someone now has to agree, who will be paying …………..by the minutes?
Can I use a debit card? ?Gift card available?
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