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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Together forever, no marriage, separate homes      Home login  
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 Cowgirlwannabe1
Joined: 8/21/2015
Msg: 301
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto Page 13 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
geez I might need that Venn Diagram :)
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 302
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Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 6/9/2016 11:01:13 AM

geez I might need that Venn Diagram :)


Well, my post was IF, as in theory.

If I were good friends with a woman while she was single, then she gets married and later we start an affair, they move a long distance away but we continue the affair. It works because we both work for the same company and often meet during business meetings.
 StumbledN
Joined: 12/20/2014
Msg: 303
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 6/9/2016 12:01:16 PM

geez I might need that Venn Diagram :)


Well, my post was IF, as in theory.

Right. And if I read it correctly, the "then" part of the "if/then" scenario was a question. And the question was: "What do I call this relationship?"
Answer: It's just a "affair". A plain ol' ordinary affair. No need for a diagram to see that.
You'll need more than a diagram to keep track of them though. Affairs can get rreeaalllly complicated. In fact most of them do. And that's why most end up as train wrecks. Interesting to watch but not good to be involved anywhere near the crash.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 304
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Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 6/9/2016 2:51:30 PM
OMG, you folks do what you want, and I will do what I want. It's all good.

If some of you feel the need to verbally try to deminish a non live in relationship, have at it.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 305
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Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 6/9/2016 3:20:30 PM

Left Chicago when single to move to Washington DC, met her in Washington DC, dated her, moved in together, got married

That was not an LD (or LAT) relationship.

If I were good friends with a woman while she was single, then she gets married and later we start an affair, they move a long distance away but we continue the affair. It works because we both work for the same company and often meet during business meetings.

What do I call this relationship?

FWB, an affair, a LD affair, I like to think it should be a FWB affair, living apart work romance.

It's an affair. A LD affair, to be more precise. Are you FWB? Depends. Are you true friends? Then sure, you're FWB while she's cheating on her husband. What term to use depends on what you're trying to get across. It's not an LD Relationship unless you two had a romantic relationship going on, as that's what LD Relationship implies.

Again, what you call it is what it fits. You can have many definitions.

EX: To the guy she's married to.... is she seeing the guy? Are they in a Relationship or are they married? Is it a serious Relationship if the marriage has been on the rocks and they have a don't-ask-don't-tell policy going on in terms of crossing the line with others or aiming for divorce?
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 306
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Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 6/10/2016 3:40:06 AM

norwegianguy456 it calls into question as to whether it's a true full-circle serious Relationship.



norwegianguy456
That was not an LD (or LAT) relationship.


I was describing a serious full circle relationship I had.

Marriage is the most serious and if you travel a full circle, don't you end up back where you started from?

What did YOU mean, what is a true full-circle serious Relationship?
 Red_Fish_Blonde_Fish
Joined: 6/3/2016
Msg: 307
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 6/11/2016 6:04:01 AM

Seems several posters have got more than a little hot under the collar with the concept of people in a couple opting to live separately. I wonder why they care one way or another what others do.

I concur. I think if 2 people find something that works they should run with it.


“Poor is the man whose pleasure depends on the permission of another.” ~Madonna~
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 308
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Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 6/11/2016 11:29:30 AM

I was describing a serious full circle relationship I had.

Yes, I agree -- it was full-circle, and LAT isn't.

What did YOU mean, what is a true full-circle serious Relationship?

Full-circle meaning you cover all the bases. It's full 360. A purposely set LAT isn't. A "weekend girlfriend" isn't. A LD relationship isn't. It doesn't mean one can't be happy, given the right (uncommon) ingredients. People can be happy being single, too. It's just that it's lacking, and isn't fully 360. So if it becomes an LTR while purposely Not being 360, eyebrows are raised when they want to parade it like they're in just the same boat as any other LTR couple.

“Poor is the man whose pleasure depends on the permission of another.” ~Madonna~

Interesting quote. I guess I don't have to ask permission from the lady when it comes to my pleasures. Noted. ;)
 venndiagram3
Joined: 5/8/2016
Msg: 309
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Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 6/11/2016 9:19:43 PM
Did someone call for me? ;)
 chinook1111
Joined: 4/1/2016
Msg: 310
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 6/12/2016 2:41:38 PM
No,but now that you're back,I wonder if you want to hear a joke about Jewish girls told to me by a nice Jewish fellow I used to work for a long time ago.
 venndiagram3
Joined: 5/8/2016
Msg: 311
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Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 6/14/2016 10:22:24 PM
LOL sure why not, if we don't get in trouble for going off topic!
 scorpioinOregon
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 312
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/20/2016 1:32:22 AM
I really don't like the idea that if you're not living in the same home, you aren't in a relationship. This idea may work for people in large cities, where the pond is so large, and you don't need to go outside your area to find someone.

I recently met someone and he lives about 65 miles away. He owns his home in the middle of nowhere in an even smaller town than I live in. The population of the town he lives in (if you can call it a town ) is probably about 500 people. The town I live in is about 25,000 people. I live 4 hours from Portland which of course is the largest city. It would be nearly impossible for him to find someone in the town he lives in.

This relationship is brand new. We both think it's a relationship, since we have both decided to quit looking for now and see where this goes. There is no way I can get married anyway, because I would lose my income. Of course we have no idea at this stage if we are going to be together for the "rest of our lives" We're both retired, so we can spend as much time as we want together, in which ever home we choose. How is this not a relationship?
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 313
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Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/20/2016 4:22:22 AM
Well I guess it's time for me to chime in eh?

I really don't like the idea that if you're not living in the same home, you aren't in a relationship. This idea may work for people in large cities, where the pond is so large, and you don't need to go outside your area to find someone.

I recently met someone and he lives about 65 miles away. He owns his home in the middle of nowhere in an even smaller town than I live in. The population of the town he lives in (if you can call it a town ) is probably about 500 people. The town I live in is about 25,000 people. I live 4 hours from Portland which of course is the largest city. It would be nearly impossible for him to find someone in the town he lives in.

This relationship is brand new. We both think it's a relationship, since we have both decided to quit looking for now and see where this goes. There is no way I can get married anyway, because I would lose my income. Of course we have no idea at this stage if we are going to be together for the "rest of our lives" We're both retired, so we can spend as much time as we want together, in which ever home we choose. How is this not a relationship?



How is this not a [R]elationship?

Because it's just not. How? Because it's not.

It's sounds like you're confusing separate elements, like others have done in previous posts - monogamy, serious interest or intention, commitment, it being more than simply sexual (if it is), thinking that what you have isn't legitimate just because it isn't a Relationship, etc. All of the details that you listed...the obstacles, and the depth of your sharing...are just that, and nothing more. And no one would claim...at least I wouldn't...that what you have isn't fine and dandy. That it isn't real and legitimate. It is what it has to be at this point. And you can be happy with it, if so. But it just isn't a Relationship. That's not a bad thing, and it's not to say anything against the goodness or legitimacy of what you have...it's only to say that it isn't a Relationship. What you're really saying with all of the above is that you two aren't able to have a Relationship, that's all.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 314
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Posted: 7/20/2016 6:29:52 AM

Because it's just not. How? Because it's not.


At first, I thought you were being sarcastic, but then I realize you aren't.

You can have your own language where only drinkthesunwithmyface understands the meaning of the words you use, but communicating with the rest of the world will be failure since no one will understand you.

Capitalizing a word or using brackets doesn't change the meaning of a word.

All of us on this forum are in a relationship with each other. The reason we use word like marriage, living together, LAT, partnership, friends, forum friends, etc, is to describe the details of what type of relationship we have.


How is this not a relationship?


Of course you are in a relationship. using an acronym like LAT just describes the relationship in more detail.

One can debate how strong are the bonds in various types of relationships, while those bonds are much stronger and harder to break when you are married, nonetheless the strength of any relationship depends both on the type of relationship and on the people involved So a LAT can be a much stronger relationship than a marriage, depending on how the people involved behave.

The general definition of relationship is the way two people or organizations relate to each other.

(One of the generally accepted definitions of a relationship is the state of being connected by blood or marriage, if we want to go with that, then even living together isn't a relationship. Though no one would agree with that narrow definition, even if I were write, RELATIONSHIP.)
 reintree
Joined: 7/9/2016
Msg: 315
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/20/2016 8:03:47 AM
Why would you lose your income if you got married?

And who has to get married? I'm far beyond needing a ring on it.
 KalGrl
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 316
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Posted: 7/20/2016 8:47:04 AM
As far as losing income I have been told that a married couple receives less in social security than if they were both single.
Depending one could also forfeit spousal support if they remarry.
 flman2015
Joined: 10/3/2015
Msg: 317
Together in bed while it's mutually convenient
Posted: 7/20/2016 10:37:11 AM


As far as losing income I have been told that a married couple receives less in social security than if they were both single.


Depending on hearsay is not wise. The retirement amount an individual receives from SS does not change based on his/her marital status. That said, there are other SS benefits that may change based on marital status but those payments are usually significantly lower than the retirement payments.

For information directly from those who pay the benefits see

https://faq.ssa.gov/link/portal/34011/34019/Article/3781/If-I-get-married-will-it-affect-my-benefits



Depending one could also forfeit spousal support if they remarry.


That is usually the case.

LAT (in most cases) = no risk convenient sex = MFB (Monogamous Fvck Buddy) = We're sexually compatible but not otherwise.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 318
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Posted: 7/20/2016 10:45:29 AM

The general definition of relationship is the way two people or organizations relate to each other.

Yes, and that's why it's generally understood that there's a difference between those kinds of relationships, and a "Relationship" between two people who have a Relationship...except when people don't have one but still want to call what they have a Relationship. These words - marriage, living together, LAT, partnership, friends, forum friends, etc, do in fact describe what kind of relationship someone may have, because they are all categorically and wholly different from an actual "Relationship". They are two very different kinds of things. Two very different uses of the word 'relationship', as if there were even two different words instead of one used in both cases.

For example, the word "right" can mean right versus left, or right versus wrong, or right versus incorrect, etc. Just happens to be the same word, but very different concepts categorically. This demonstrates that the problem stems from playing word-games, which is to stealthily play games with the concepts themselves represented by those words.

Quibbling over words isn't about quibbling over those words...it's about the obvious concepts represented by those words that people really mean when they use certain words in certain ways.
 reintree
Joined: 7/9/2016
Msg: 319
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/20/2016 10:51:59 AM

Depending one could also forfeit spousal support if they remarry.


People won't marry because it will mean they won't get spousal support? Well, aren't they just a special breed.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 320
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Posted: 7/20/2016 11:25:35 AM
drinkthesunwithmyface

So give me your definition of "Relationship" ??.

Try to avoid tell me what a Relationship isn't.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 321
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Posted: 7/20/2016 5:55:21 PM
This thread, msg 279 dated 6/3/16. And msg 219 dated 6/12/15.

And here

https://forums.plentyoffish.com/16375484datingPostpage4.aspx

msg 97 dated 4/19/15.

I've written about this enough in the past, these are just a few selections out of the many times I've jabbered about it. And you were present for much of it, plus even engaged me in the discussion. So you shouldn't be surprised nor confused about what I mean.
 scorpioinOregon
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 322
Together in bed while it's mutually convenient
Posted: 7/21/2016 12:28:14 AM

Why would you lose your income if you got married?
It's pretty simple really. It's spelled out in black and white by the Worker's Compensation board. They have to pay me until I remarry.
 helnback
Joined: 7/8/2016
Msg: 323
Together in bed while it's mutually convenient
Posted: 7/21/2016 5:51:08 AM
Forgive me if I'm dense or just not getting this...you get Workers Compensation? Isn't that for a work place injury of some sort or work place stress or something work related? Why would they quit paying you for your injury or disability of you married?

Workers Comprnsation where I live pays for your injury/injuries. At times they give a lump sum payment, sometimes it's a lump sum plus monthly payments, add in some re-training. But I've never heard of them paying...until you got married.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 324
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Posted: 7/21/2016 7:41:10 AM
I am just guessing, but it likely has to do with the death of her spouse in a work related accident for which she receives a monthly stipend.

The rules about this vary from state to state, but most government payments are based on need, the exception being social security. which is based on previous income. So if her income goes up by virtue of being married, or maybe if she gets married the payments stop because she is no longer a widow.

Such as:

“Income benefits are payable under KRS 342.730 to the surviving
spouse and dependents of an injured worker who dies before the end
of his award. Benefits to a surviving widow or widower terminate
with a lump sum upon their remarriage and benefits to children or
other dependent relatives terminate upon their death, marriage,
reaching the age of 18, or becoming capable of self-support."

http://www.labor.ky.gov/workersclaims/Whats%20New%20Homepage/Widow%20Survivors%20benefits.pdf

FWIW, she knows her situation, no doubt better than you or I, so I just accept what she says is correct.
 helnback
Joined: 7/8/2016
Msg: 325
Together in bed while it's mutually convenient
Posted: 7/21/2016 8:01:39 AM

FWIW, she knows her situation, no doubt better than you or I, so I just accept what she says is correct.


^^^ I meant no disrespect. I simply asked a question as I have NO experience in this area at all. I don't have any experience in spousal support either.
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