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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Together forever, no marriage, separate homes      Home login  
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 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 326
Together in bed while it's mutually convenientPage 14 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
I do and it sucks.

Never get divorced in California.

Several of my peers are paying until their ex gets re-married.

Thank god I didn't get that gig...
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 327
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Together in bed while it's mutually convenient
Posted: 7/21/2016 10:40:23 AM
I kinda thought that spousal support ("alimony"?) applied when/because the spouse didn't work while married, and "took care of the home" during that time. Is this what it's about? Otherwise, what's the reasoning for one having to support the other after divorce...why is it the one having to support the other?
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 328
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Together in bed while it's mutually convenient
Posted: 7/21/2016 11:57:23 AM
^^^^ Because together they fashioned a certain lifestyle and the lower (or zero) wage earner is presumed to have contributed to this gain, in many instances not necessarily monetarily, and the law says she (or he) is entitled to continue a lifestyle that doesn't drop off the cliff from how she (or he) lived before.

Look, divorce is almost always a financial lose/lose for both parties. Expenses are no longer shared, income is no longer combined. I so often read, or hear "Oh, man, she took him to the cleaners". Huh-uh. Doesn't work that way. Of course, the husband is worse off than before, but so is the wife. Does she leave with more assets than that with which she entered? Probably, but she was better off financially when she was married. I've known, personally, probably dozens of divorced women living on the edge, from paycheck to paycheck, barely solvent, laid to waste from the divorce proceedings. POF is rife with 'em.

Sometimes it boils down to who wants out the fastest, at all costs, or who hired the more tenacious attorney.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 329
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Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/21/2016 12:17:01 PM

I really don't like the idea that if you're not living in the same home, you aren't in a relationship.

That's not an issue though. Nobody saying "Oh? Her? No, babe, she's not my GF. I'm not living with her!" Yeah, that'd get me real far on ethics. ;)

The LAT thing is where the two "Should" be in a position of living together, and the oddness to Purposely Not live together when that's the natural progression, but aren't, but want to call it on the same level as if they are. Like a married couple not just having separate bedrooms, but living in two different places as as their own separate residence to call home. Or a couple who's been together for countless years but living apart and wanting to keep it that way with having kids together -- or not, but still wanting to put themselves on the same level as those co-habitating.

When you Purposely Don't want to live together, and set it that way After Many Years -- then the Closeness & Severity of the Relationship understandably comes into question when they claim that they are on the same closeness & seriousness as those who Aren't Trying to Live Apart after many years.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 330
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/21/2016 12:46:50 PM

Several of my peers are paying until their ex gets re-married.


So if an ex who is getting alimony ends up living common-law with some guy, would she still be getting alimony? There would no point in getting married again if she can collect alimony forever by staying unmarried. I would assume there are palimony laws on the books-where if a couple who lived together and never married ended up splitting up. she (or he, if she's the bread winner) can still get alimony.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 331
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/21/2016 1:47:22 PM
^^^^
Technically, someone receiving alimony isn't allowed to legally cohabit else they risk losing it. I've met women that were trying to navigate that bf/gf thing and continue receiving their alimony. No kids and she was receiving $9K a month. Her stress was having to pay taxes on the alimony she received. In her case, it made no sense to ever re-marry unless she met another cash cow. This is a rare exception!

If cohabitation can be proven by a private investigator (i.e. difficult), an attorney might have a case in court (expensive).




I kinda thought that spousal support ("alimony"?) applied when/because the spouse didn't work while married, and "took care of the home" during that time. Is this what it's about?


True, but even if one party is employed, if there is a significant gap in incomes between both parties, the court will order alimony/palimony.

Look, I'm not gonna say folks receiving spousal support are bad people. As Chromis indicated, many of the women receiving it were worse off prior to the marriage, and yes, I'm sure many of them did their part on the home front and raising the kids.

The court's view, at least in California, is that any marriage > 10 years is considered a long term marriage, and the ex spouse deserves to have a similar lifestyle that they had during the marriage. Think about the timing of Tom Cruise's divorce from Nicole at ~ 9 years. Very smart move on his part.

Also, the courts do expect the party receiving the spousal support to obtain reasonable employment and be self sufficient but this is a costly effort to pursue.

PALIMONY?

I'll share a crazy thing. High wage earning gal loans her unemployed contractor husband $100K and uses a promissory note to legally bind him to paying it back to her.

He doesn't pay it back and threatens her with palimony if she pursues the promissory note.

Yikes!
 scorpioinOregon
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 332
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/23/2016 9:37:01 PM

I am just guessing, but it likely has to do with the death of her spouse in a work related accident for which she receives a monthly stipend.


yes, this is correct. The insurance company who handles this sends an agent out to visit me every summer around the anniversary of my husband's death. He always asks me if I have any plans to remarry.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 333
I'm better in bed then Allstate!
Posted: 7/23/2016 9:47:02 PM
Everybody's holding on to their piggy banks with their dear lives.

I've met mortgage poor needing entertainment directors, those not wanting to lose their precious alimony and now I'm competing with insurance companies for a LTR.

This fvcking straight jacket is getting tighter...
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 334
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/23/2016 11:25:17 PM
Oh, just stop the whining

"""""""For richer or poorer: Why divorce makes men wealthier - but women are left worse off

Women face a serious risk of being plunged into poverty after divorce – whereas men are often better off financially, a study has revealed.

Fathers in particular are left significantly wealthier, with their average available income increasing by a third. This is because most children live with their mothers after divorce.

The research was carried out by Professor Stephen Jenkins, a director of the Institute for Social and Economic Research.

His survey, called Marital Splits and Income Changes over the Longer Term, is the first to track the changing wealth levels in Britain associated with divorce.
He found that the incomes of divorced or separated men rise 'immediately and continuously' in the years following a marital split.

On average, male incomes rise by 25 per cent, whereas women's fall by a fifth, even when children are not involved.

Professor Jenkins said: 'The differences between the sexes are stark,' adding that it was often 'a parent thing' with the research showing huge differences in the effect of divorce on mothers and fathers.

Ruth Smallacombe, from law firm Family Law in Partnership, said: 'The general belief that men get fleeced by their divorces while women get richer and live off the proceeds has long been due for exposure as a pernicious myth.

'In reality, women often suffer economic hardship when they divorce.

'In addition, the resentment caused by unfair financial settlements has many knockon effects, damaging ongoing relationships with former spouses and a woman's ability to move on with her life.'"""""

Whiners should have just stayed married. Separated, but married. Makes more sense, if you think about it.

Now I get why my mother had a couple of friends who never divorced but lived separate and apart for decades. One couple lived in adjoining twins.

""""""A 2014 T. Rowe Price study showed that married couples are more satisfied in retirement than their single counterparts.
That's no surprise: The median 65- to 69-year-old married household had almost 10 times as much in savings as the typical single-person household, according to a 2012 study by the National Bureau of Economic Research.""""
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 335
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Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/24/2016 6:41:40 PM
^ No matter how indicative or true...is still just another thing to show how people need to 'get it together' when it comes to these things. Instead of stressing over marriage and divorce, concentrate on understanding relationships and getting together for the right reasons in the first place so this crap will stop happening so much, and stay the heck together if possible and enjoy it. Of course, that's hard because just like many other things in life these decisions are made at young ages and people don't have a chance to achieve that elusive understanding of relationships/marriage and how to find the one you should be looking for, or whether they should be looking for it or getting into it in the first place.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 336
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/24/2016 9:09:36 PM


For richer or poorer: Why divorce makes men wealthier - but women are left worse off


The worse off are apparently living longer, go figure.

I suppose I'd live longer if I lived off stipends, palimony or life insurance vs. showing up somewhere and breaking a sweat in the Salt Mine. Slaying dragons.

Wait, maybe she's breaking a sweat too somewhere, somehow??? Bed or making breakfast perhaps? Dinners?

Hahahhaahahahaha

Nice bait job!! :)


I will do the laundry
If you pay all the bills
Where is my John Wayne?
Where is my prairie song?
Where is my happy ending?

Where have all the cowboys gone??

Why don't you stay the evening
Kick back and watch the T.V.
And I'll fix a little something to eat
Ohh I know your back hurts
From working on the tractor

How do you take your coffee my sweet?

I will raise the children
If you pay all the bills
Where is my John Wayne?
Where is my prairie song?
Where is my happy ending?

Where have all the cowboys gone???
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 337
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/25/2016 6:24:15 AM

(Msg 342):
Women face a serious risk of being plunged into poverty after divorce – whereas men are often better off financially, a study has revealed.


Is this your own study based strictly on your opinion? What divorce court has the mandate to plunge women into poverty and give the guy a pot of gold? Does that mean divorced women are not responsible for their own future and lives, and it's the fault of everybody else if their life doesn't turn out to be like a Disney fairy tale without any effort?
 U21984
Joined: 4/7/2016
Msg: 338
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/26/2016 4:23:28 PM
Not to get back to, you know, the topic or anything lol, but I know this cute woman. I'd say 44 or so. She's always with this guy and he guards her like a hawk. He also looks pensive and insecure as she is much better looking but he is one of thos e 50 year old bodybuilding type looking gentlemen. Anyway, I saw her again not too long ago and we started flirting right in front of him. But, then she'd say -Oh well, I better get back to the guy who brought me. I played it very cool. My guess is that they are one of these type couples - forever together but not married. So, anyway at the end of the night (and I've seen her a few times and she's always with this guy) I ask her - who is this guy. Is that your boyfriend or something and she says -= No, it's just a guy I bring with me to parties and such. I knew she was lying so I flirted some more and at the end of the night she said (My name) I'd like you to call me!! I was like OK. Sure and she gave me her number and she looked SOOOOO SCARED. He was right there and she did it right underneath his nose. So, that's what I think of these type of relationships. Of course, each one is different.
 ericaagain
Joined: 7/9/2016
Msg: 339
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/26/2016 4:33:51 PM
^^^* Have you ever been married? Have you ever lived wih someone? Made a commitment to another?

We only get a glimpse of another couple's relationship.m we have no idea the dynamic, what it make them tick, the depth of their commitment or the depth of their love.

If you haven't had a relationship, ho can you judge another's relationship. Or, how can you determine what type of relationship you'd like if you haven't experienced any?

As for this woman, she's not the kind I'd want. Past behaviour predicts future behaviour. YMMV.

VVVV

I wasn't really asking about this particular gal. It sounds too juvenile. I was actually asking you if you had any experience in marriage, living together or LAT? Apparently not.
 U21984
Joined: 4/7/2016
Msg: 340
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/26/2016 4:42:00 PM
It really doesn't matter what I say to your questions cause you could find a way to critique any answer I give. So, I'll skip any specifics and just say I have a lot of --------experience under my belt! lol
What I will say is that she and I have a lot of chemistry. But that darn guy is literally like a real life obstacle at the NFL combine! (Side note: Training camp starts this week, it's on, bros!!)

And, back to me! Keep in mind, I did not say - Lose that Zero and Come with this Hero or anything cheezy. I kept my cool and would have been happy to just say goodbye like usual when I've seen her at past events.
I did flirt, but openly. He was there. Always in the background. Watching like a hawk. But, as you say, there must be something in it for her. She can get lots of older guys I'm sure. She looks like she could have been a model in her previous years! But, it's really none of my business other than I'd like to you know what with her!
And she asked me to call her. But I will remember that look on her face. I've seen in before. When I was like 13 and over at my girlfriend's while she was babysitting and the couple came home early and she had to explain what I was doing there! lol But, that same look, frightened and worried that she would get busted - on a a 45 year old woman was a very different experience!!
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 341
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/26/2016 5:07:25 PM
There was a guy used to post on the forums, wasn't so nice
would say
"cool story Bro"
Maybe she wants you to free her from her bondage with the Former Jock
Maybe they get off talking about who they could do whilst doing each other
Did you have a shirt on?
 U21984
Joined: 4/7/2016
Msg: 342
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/26/2016 6:29:48 PM
ha ha! This actually was a cool story bro, moment!
Soon as I got the digits, I called her right then and there! Not even kidding.
Fortunately for her ringer was off and went to vm.
But, he was glaring! lol
 U21984
Joined: 4/7/2016
Msg: 343
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/26/2016 6:35:08 PM
"If you haven't had a relationship, HO can you judge another's relationship"

Another case where the question contains the answer! lol
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 344
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Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/26/2016 6:42:48 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOZPRm5BW0Y

Give him another 10 years & he'll be like all the other washed up........
 ericaagain
Joined: 7/9/2016
Msg: 345
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/26/2016 6:56:03 PM

"If you haven't had a relationship, HO can you judge another's relationship"

Another case where the question contains the answer! lol


Do you always get the little girl giggles over a typo? I rest my case on "juvenile".

And you didn't answer, have you been married, have you lived with someone, had a LAT? Where is your experience on relationships?
 U21984
Joined: 4/7/2016
Msg: 346
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/26/2016 6:58:15 PM

Do you always get the little girl giggles over a typo?


Ha Ha! This is great!! I got them right where I want em. Pay attention fellas....
 U21984
Joined: 4/7/2016
Msg: 347
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/26/2016 7:00:49 PM
Don't be jelly, Gram-Brah!
In fact if you pay attention, I'm giving you a free Masters Course in handling Cougs.
In Real Time.
I know all their tricks and angles.
Pay attention, it might help you for Sloppy Seconds. Or, what did they call that back in your day - Sloppy Joe MANWiTch! lol
 ericaagain
Joined: 7/9/2016
Msg: 348
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/26/2016 7:11:30 PM
OMG. What you will find, once you grow up is that women want a real man. There is SFA you could teach any of us posting on Over 45. SFA. We have forgotten more than you know. We have done more than you could even imagine. You know nothing. It's laughable what you think you know. Totally laughable. And put on a shirt, you look 12.

As far young guns like you, what many of us have learned is - never send a boy to do a man's job. You're a boy.

Why do these kids think they can somehow come along and rock our world?
 U21984
Joined: 4/7/2016
Msg: 349
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/26/2016 7:26:11 PM

OMG. What you will find, once you grow up is that women want a real man. There is SFA you could teach any of us posting on Over 45. SFA. We have forgotten more than you know. We have done more than you could even imagine. You know nothing. It's laughable what you think you know. Totally laughable. And put on a shirt, you look 12. As far young guns like you, what many of us have learned is - never send a boy to do a man's job. You're a boy.


ha ha I'm LOLing so much right now.
Fellas, did you know that I only started posting in these forums for maybe a month or two. And, already I've had at least 2 cougs say that same exact line - never send a boy to do a man's job!

It's like they have this advice manual they refer to. And each coug has the same book! ha ha!!

Here's my fave line - Put on a shirt, you look 12!!!

She wouldn't be saying that if I had on a shirt and no pants! lol
 U21984
Joined: 4/7/2016
Msg: 350
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesto
Posted: 7/26/2016 7:32:18 PM

Here's my fave line - You look 12!!!
She wouldn't be saying that if I had on a shirt and no pants! lol


Correction to Copy: Actually, she might. If you catch my meaning!!!
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