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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Together forever, no marriage, separate homes      Home login  
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 BeckyHT
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 401
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Together forever, separate rocksPage 17 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
Years back, I met quite a few guys who wanted to be 'quick'... of a different nature.

I think I see various opinions on this forum about what a relationship should be, to two people. It's pretty much what the two want to define it as. It is not likely Webster's definition.

So what about the Timeline? Is in not also what two people want to define it as?

Let's pretend it's suppose to be 10 events or 10 separate meetings before two people realize they're pretty connected and want to continue as so. Are those events suppose to be Mon,Tue,Wed,Thur,Fri,Sat,Sun, etc. so that 10 events have occurred by the 2nd Wednesday? Or, are those events suppose to be only each Friday and Saturday day/night, so that 10 events will have occurred sometime within the 2nd Month?

I doubt there is a right or wrong answer.

Then there is the story of "I fell in love at first sight". Not me, but I've heard some say it happened to them.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 402
Together forever, separate rocks
Posted: 8/29/2016 3:38:21 PM
IME, seeing each other every other day for a month or so.

Toss in an overnight trip and meeting family n friends, career discussions.

What's left?

At least if you're an empty nester and local to each other.

A mutually clingy experience is what I found :)
 BeckyHT
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 403
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Together forever, separate rocks
Posted: 8/29/2016 6:45:24 PM
Clooney,
Your profile says you've hit the jackpot, and that you're in a serious relationship.

What was your timeline? Just curious...
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 404
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Together forever, separate rocks
Posted: 8/29/2016 7:19:45 PM

Let's pretend it's suppose to be 10 events or 10 separate meetings before two people realize they're pretty connected and want to continue as so. Are those events suppose to be Mon,Tue,Wed,Thur,Fri,Sat,Sun, etc. so that 10 events have occurred by the 2nd Wednesday? Or, are those events suppose to be only each Friday and Saturday day/night, so that 10 events will have occurred sometime within the 2nd Month?

I doubt there is a right or wrong answer.

to answer your question, I don't think it'd matter what day of the week or time of the month. :) So to answer yours there is kinda simple. But I think it more comes about how to judge the gravity of a date to count it a full date or half date... and the time in-between meeting up & the frequency of communication phone/text/chat-wise to determine things being "established" enough where it's not too hasty or slow to want to fish-or-cut-bait on agreeing to go steady.

Or in her case, it'd be about when it wouldn't be too hasty or too slow to have a default schedule to roll by, to spend 2 days straight together at one person's place, then 2 days after that spend 2 days at the other's. If that was a scheme that'd be the most mutually convenient for a couple given their distance and all, I would say after 90 days of rolling very well together, it certainly wouldn't be Quick to then apply. But after 9 days? Yeah, one can't complain at all if the other thinks that's too much too soon. And they couldn't get upset if others thought that was really quick.

To some, they want it hasty. Like in another thread I was just leafing thru, a gal said how her aunt @62 met a guy online and got married in 4 months. To others, they don't want to have anything beyond mutually convenient companionship on some level, until 4 months in. :)
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 405
Together forever, separate rocks
Posted: 8/30/2016 9:02:05 AM
^^^" I don't think it'd matter what day of the week or time of the month."

The time of the month does matter to a lot of women.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 406
Together forever, separate rocks
Posted: 8/30/2016 9:53:33 AM


What was your timeline? Just curious...


Dated for about 6 weeks now.

We're not into marriage but cohabiting is ideal.

I'll be closing escrow soon and she's offered some appliances and decorating services.

Anything but pink or yellow.

She'd rather have a garage remote then a key.

I haven't tried her cooking yet but I'll get a taste of that soon when I start my house arrest :)
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 407
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Together forever, separate rocks
Posted: 8/30/2016 11:05:54 AM

We're not into marriage but cohabiting is ideal.


Three times at bat, and still the eternal optimist, congrats!!

As for me, I think if this marriage does not work out, never again to living together whether married or not. Maybe a week long house guest at most. Better, revolving house guests.
 BeckyHT
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 408
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the Timeline...
Posted: 8/30/2016 12:24:04 PM
Clooney… 6 weeks? Not enough according to Norwegian… he says ’90 days of rolling very well together’.

And in 6 weeks you haven’t tried her cooking? Not even scrambling an egg?

Has she tried your cooking?

Burning toast, lighting the BBQ on fire, salting the food too much… what better way to learn about character? LOL
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 409
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Posted: 8/30/2016 1:11:39 PM

And in 6 weeks you haven’t tried her cooking? Not even scrambling an egg?

Hey, easy there Miss Go-Too-Slow, maybe this guy doesn't like to slow-play it, eh? ;)

6 weeks? Not enough according to Norwegian… he says ’90 days of rolling very well together’.

For the schedule of Scorpion's situation of 2-days-at-my-place, 2-days-at-your-place with 2-days in-between where it wouldn't be oh-so quick or anything. I guess giving a gal a garage key in exchange for some borrowed appliances, I would probably apply the 3-month-rule of two hitting it off to avoid anyone going "Oh, wow." 6 weeks and hasn't tried the other's cooking in doing so -- yeah, I agree -- that is pretty swift.

But hey, football season is about to begin -- now's as good a time as any for a hurry-up offense. :)
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 410
the Timeline...
Posted: 8/30/2016 2:34:28 PM
I jest about the cooking, but if 2 folks are working full time, the BBQ grill or a sandwich is fine.

Besides, I can't keep up the eating out routine :)

We both agreed on one thing however, we sure as fvck ain' t getting any younger!

I dunno, I can complicate and over analyze this with a check list but I choose to be optimistic at the end.

 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 411
the Timeline...
Posted: 8/30/2016 3:00:29 PM

............we sure as fvck ain' t getting any younger!


EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clooney, take a deep breathe, relax, put the list away, enjoy, (seriously put the list outta sight), .................
As we get older we have less and less time for "Do over's".
Oh well .............maybe, you can "Do over the weekend/Do over the dining room table,/Do over the shower, LOL

I'm happy for you!
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 412
the Timeline...
Posted: 8/30/2016 4:58:47 PM
Clooney - I wish it all works, meanwhile don't forget the lovely Xmas gift you promised me :)
See.. can't keep a good man down
 Llookingformynextmistake
Joined: 5/29/2016
Msg: 413
the Timeline...
Posted: 8/30/2016 5:43:00 PM
Geez, 6 weeks? My guy thought he was moving too fast with almost 5-6 yrs under the belt. This weekend he stated, "I don't know what will happen if we make it to long term (takes a traumatized deep breath and I start laughing). I said "it has been 5 yrs by my estimate and 6 by yours. I think it is safe to say it is already long term despite the few breaks we have had." He was shocked!

Best wishes for you Clooney and to your SO!

LePew
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 414
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Posted: 9/1/2016 6:38:57 AM
Well, I never did understand why 2 people who want to be together thought about the length of time before being together. Worry about what could happen in the future? Whatever is going to happen will happen whether you live together or not. Being worried about jumping into the pool just means you waste a lot of time before getting wet anyway.

Congrats to Clooney. Nothing is as good as being off the market!
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 415
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Posted: 9/1/2016 6:41:46 AM
As for timelines, my own experience is you know its going to happen after a single kiss. Everything else is just a lost opportunity to wake up warm and happy in the morning.
 scorpioinOregon
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 416
the Timeline...
Posted: 9/5/2016 3:05:53 AM
I'm glad the focus has moved off me and on to Clooney :)

One of the reasons we wanted to spend a bunch of time together when we first met was because I had a trip planned and would be gone for a few weeks. I just got back.

It does make a huge difference when you're in your 30's compared to being in your 60's. Like Clooney said, I am not getting any younger. I don't see any reason to take my time and take things slowly. I expect things to slow down to almost a halt when the weather changes. I am not going to drive on that dangerous curvy road (where a rock slide came down and one lane slid into the river) unless conditions are perfect weather wise. Yesterday a propane tanker drove off the road. I am sure the driver was killed. The one lane that is left of the highway was closed for most of the day.

Everything else is just a lost opportunity to wake up warm and happy in the morning.


I really like that sentence. I don't know how many wake ups I have left. My husband was killed in an accident and was here one minute and gone the next.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 417
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Posted: 9/5/2016 11:28:57 AM

We both agreed on one thing however, we sure as fvck ain' t getting any younger!

That's a very good argument against taking-it-slow... like playing the friends-first game, and/or only considering being an item once it's past a 3 month minimum, etc. Of course, regardless of age when you're an adult, purposely slow-playing things so much is never a good idea anyway.

That said, hurrying things up is not a good idea either, and regardless of age -- it's not going to have an effect. If I decide to move in with a girl after 1 month @ 60 years old, I'm not accomplishing anything in relation to my age timeline, only risking wasting my time (crash & burn; flaming high & out). Things can still happen more-swift-than-normal when fitting, but Too Quickly isn't a good idea. Rushing things Too Much can end up making you waste time, if anything.
 scorpioinOregon
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 418
the Timeline...
Posted: 9/5/2016 4:50:53 PM
I kind of think people are on their best behavior in the beginning. They don't want to do anything to upset the apple cart.
It's a lot harder to be on your best behavior for longer periods of time.

And by the way, we aren't living together. We really aren't on any set schedule, although we both agree that we don't want to make the drive there and back on the same day. I really don't see what the big deal is anyway. I had a thread where I went on 3 dates with someone and in no way felt ready to make it into a sexual relationship. I felt like I didn't know him at all after 3 dates. Each date was only 2-3 hours and he basically felt like a complete stranger.

When I travel 65 miles to see someone, I want to find out as much as I can about that person. Maybe I still don't want to sleep with him, but I want to find out as soon as possible if there are little quirks I might find completely annoying.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 419
the Timeline...
Posted: 9/5/2016 4:55:09 PM
See, I'm the opposite.

I prefer to sleep with someone first before learning their quirks.

Good loving can make everything forgivable.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 420
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Posted: 9/6/2016 12:34:25 PM

clooneystutor
See, I'm the opposite.

I prefer to sleep with someone first before learning their quirks.

Good loving can make everything forgivable.


Uh… No, not everything. A lot of things, yeah, I’ll give you that. But not EVERYTHING.

Well… unless… if it were REALLY good, maybe …

(Don’t you just love a decisive man?)
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 421
the Timeline...
Posted: 9/6/2016 3:31:47 PM
Now, just a sec here............^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ No, we aint "dyin'". Sorry Clooney, I'm not "dyin'' for info. Curious? Oh hell ya!

Sooooo now .............is a "Timeline" invisibly penciled in, considered to be one of those unwritten dating rules?
I gotta keep the rules straight you know so...................
I can intentionally break'em! LOL
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 422
the Timeline...
Posted: 9/6/2016 6:25:10 PM
Well....escrow is quite the cologne guys.

We're in a Mexican standoff til I close.

I'm grateful she won't mind the ankle bracelets coming up soon, but hey, at least she knows where I am, and that I'm...sober....

Hahahahahhaha
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 423
the Timeline...
Posted: 9/6/2016 7:21:14 PM
goof god, are you the only person on the planet ever bought a freaking house
it best be a manor the way you milking it
You are the only person ( besides me) who cares so much for money
 scorpioinOregon
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 424
the Timeline...
Posted: 9/6/2016 7:32:28 PM
She is moving in with you after dating for 6 weeks? And I'm the bold one for letting him stay a couple of days.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 425
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Posted: 9/6/2016 9:17:54 PM

And by the way, we aren't living together. We really aren't on any set schedule, although we both agree that we don't want to make the drive there and back on the same day. I really don't see what the big deal is anyway.

I think the 'big' deal is the location & time differential, which is an obstacle of course -- patched up by spending nights on the better part of the week at each others' places right off the bat. True, you're greatly lessening one issue, but bringing an issue of another flavor to the forefront which isn't always noticed -- jumping into meshing lives. I know it's not moving in together, but it's the classic gf/bf thing where when they break up, there's a box of their stuff, because a lot of things are over at the other's place.

But in the end, the situation may not be that bad if both people are above-average comfortable with sweeping into things quickly and less tolerant than others of the whole distance thing.

She is moving in with you after dating for 6 weeks? And I'm the bold one for letting him stay a couple of days.

I don't think so, since he said he's giving her a garage key (key to the place), and she's donating him appliances... while she'll Know where he is, due to an ankle bracelet. Obviously she wouldn't need access to any contraption to know where he is if she's moved in with him. But I dunno -- maybe she's planning on it soon, who knows! I just don't know what's up with the ankle bracelet, though...
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