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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Together forever, no marriage, separate homes      Home login  
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 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 26
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes, finger up the assPage 2 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
I like the idea of separate homes. I own a house and cant imagine sharing it with anyone at this point. Been there done that with my marriage and didnt like it.

There's loads of ways for people to "make it work"...there's no one set way for everyone.
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 27
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 4:27:14 PM


I completely respect people who say: Hey, I don't want that kind of commitment. I like to be on my own. I like my space. I don't want to give up this, that, or the other thing. Just don't tell me it's going to be "forever." "Forever" means commitment, and that means sticking around when things are difficult.


Sorry Lili, but just because your definition of commitment entails sharing a domicile and mine doesn't, it doesn't mean I would be any less committed to my partner than you are. You can "stick around" just as well if you live apart as together.

Sorry, but I think your views are a little insulting. That would be like me calling you clingy because you choose to live with someone - and we all know that isn't the case.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 28
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 4:56:32 PM
Nope, not for me. I wanna share my bedroom, kitchen and every other room. I don't care if he has a man cave or I have a woman cave...but I want to wake up and go to sleep next to my man. If I'm in it for the long haul, I'm all the way in. That lifestyle suits me and I'm good at it. I don't want to drive across town to meet. I don't need to be joined at the hip but I want a shared life. If he wants to go fishing with th guys for a week or by himself, I'm good with that...or if I want to go to Vegas with my gal pals, he shouldn't care one way or another. But I want to live in the same home, our home.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 29
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 5:36:05 PM
Where somebody lives in a big city is a consideration.More than 10 miles on a weekday?And back?
 Forumuseronly
Joined: 1/15/2015
Msg: 30
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes, finger up the ass
Posted: 1/21/2015 6:19:41 PM
How do you play big suckie baby when you have to make your own chicken soup?
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 31
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes, finger up the ass
Posted: 1/21/2015 6:49:54 PM
^^^^^ Exactly lol

Kewl... how would cohabiting cut your mortgage in half?

Does she buy half your house?


What happens when one partner owns their house, has savings and no debt, whilst the other has nothing.
Having the broke person move in can be financial disaster.

I am too old to start all over again.

What is yours is yours.
What is mine is mine.
What is ours is ours.

Simple.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 32
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History
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes, finger up the ass
Posted: 1/21/2015 7:16:51 PM
I could do it.......

I'm a bit paranoid.....I never want to be in a position where a man says to me, "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE."

I'm good...my house is not a palace, but it's MINE.....and no one can put me out of it except the bank if I don't pay.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 33
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 7:51:53 PM
Which moderator is such a nincompoop ( or however you spell it) that they added that finger phrase at the end. Really? How tenth grade.

As to the original, actual title and posting, it is not about privacy or "needing [your] own space." It is not about sleeping around. It IS about exclusivity. Why it comes about and is the best answer varies from person to person. For some it could be 1) the complications of step this and half that brought on by divorce and remarried OR 2) having a man in your house with daughters OR 3) not wanting to just live together OR 4) any host of reason other than wanting to see other people or needing space.
It has become quite clear why men don't like it though. They assume that it means that you are seeing other people. It doesn't.
One poster said "What is the point?" It wasn't long ago that people said that about living together without marriage
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 34
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes, finger up the ass
Posted: 1/21/2015 7:58:13 PM

However, this would cut my mortgage in half,

Or THIS.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 35
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History
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes, finger up the ass
Posted: 1/22/2015 4:38:37 AM
yeah RIGHT!!!

As IF I would move in with someone so that they could pay off THEIR house?????

Nope, don't think so....it would have to be a place that we bought together in order for that to work for me....

Otherwise, I'm perfectly content to just continue paying my landlord's mortgage, thanks, at least with him, I have a written contract that offers ME a modicum of protection....
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 36
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes, finger up the ass
Posted: 1/22/2015 4:47:27 AM

As IF I would move in with someone so that they could pay off THEIR house?????


I'd assume your name would go on the mortgage as well.

I knew a couple who did that exact thing. They both were established. She sold her house, moved into his, paid him for half of the house, and the shared home became half hers.

They have since gotten married, but they were both going in the same direction financially so they were on the same page.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 37
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Together forever, no marriage, separate homes, finger up the ass
Posted: 1/22/2015 4:50:46 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^
Yes....of course, if that were the arrangement.....good for that couple that you know for figuring out what COULD have been a sticky wicket....

Although, unless I was absolutely in LOVE with his house, I would prefer to buy a new home together....that way he keeps whatever equity he's built in his home and we both get a clean slate to start out with....
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 38
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/22/2015 6:14:41 AM

It has become quite clear why men don't like it though. They assume that it means that you are seeing other people. It doesn't.


What's clear to me is you have a bias in your thinking.

What I read is both men and women are equally divided about this. It depends more on which one has assets and those who don't rather than gender. A whole lot of men want a LAT.

After all, if I don't have a lot of assets, I don't risk much by moving in together, and this applies to both genders.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 39
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/22/2015 6:17:09 AM

ohenryx I think that trying to decide, in advance, what you’re going to do for the rest of your life is a very silly undertaking. I can see myself in a LAT. I can see myself just dating, and dating different women, for the foreseeable future. I can also see the “right person” coming along, falling deeply in love, and going for the whole enchilada, living together, marriage, whatever it took, whatever direction it went in.

When asked, I usually answer, “I am open to the possibilities that life may bring…”


This is the best answer. It all depends on circumstances, there shouldn't be only one way for so many different possible situations.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 40
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Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/22/2015 6:47:48 AM

After all, if I don't have a lot of assets, I don't risk much by moving in together, and this applies to both genders.


Seems like a very simplistic and generalized way to look at it imo....and I guess that depends on what you call "risk"...

And NOT terribly accurate either...as I would be VERY slow in moving in with someone these days as in a LOOOOONNNNGGGG time dating first....IF I decided to at all....
And it has ZERO to do with assets and/or finances...

Much more to do with KNOWING as much as possible, what I am getting myself into, which takes time....and, after many failed attempts, I have finally learned that there is NO feeling, no "vetting", no crystal ball that is going to take the place of just taking my time to get to know someone as thoroughly as POSSIBLE before attempting to live together....

I'm just not into the "instant relationship, just-add-water" thing....
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 41
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/22/2015 7:40:45 AM
@deet
To be clear if she had an active profile I would most definitely assume that. :)
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 42
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Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/22/2015 8:56:04 AM
This is the type of relationship I prefer.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 43
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/22/2015 10:46:10 AM
Being in my own home, I don't like it when people drop by my place unexpectedly. When somebody does that, I tell them to call ahead next time to make sure I'm home and I'm not busy with something else. The same rule would apply if I'm dating someone. But on the other hand, I don't like the idea of booking appointments to see a girlfriend when she has some spare time and has had enough "alone" time. I couldn't see that as a "forever" situation. It wouldn't feel like a real bond if the attitude is "I can only tolerate you in small doses."

I think most people who are in favor of this (LAT) do it because they want to feel that every time they see their bf/gf, it feels like a date, just like the first date they ever went on. But that magical, knots in my stomach, fairy tale feeling gets old fast after a while, and it becomes more a chore to make arrangements and to travel to see each other. If a couple are doing the sleepovers at each others place, it probably means a guy is leaving some of his stuff (toiletries, some clothing) at her place, and vice versa-some of her stuff at his place. I would feel like my home is not totally my home if I'm expected to store other people's property at my place, and I'm responsible for the safe keeping of those items.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 44
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/22/2015 2:39:51 PM

I would feel like my home is not totally my home if I'm expected to store other people's property at my place, and I'm responsible for the safe keeping of those items.


So when women leave their panties over your place it means that they are laying claim to your place?
 OneKewlDood
Joined: 5/21/2014
Msg: 45
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes, finger up the ass
Posted: 1/22/2015 2:49:04 PM

ozsealady1 says...

Kewl... how would cohabiting cut your mortgage in half?

Does she buy half your house?


What happens when one partner owns their house, has savings and no debt, whilst the other has nothing.
Having the broke person move in can be financial disaster.

I am too old to start all over again.

What is yours is yours.
What is mine is mine.
What is ours is ours.


I was basing this off the "Together forever" piece. If you've decided to do that, then both of you are paying a full mortgage/rent living separately. However, if you decide to live together, then technically each of you will be paying half of what you were paying, so your mortgage payment ends up being half of what you previously paid.

That assumes you each have identical payments currently. Of course, in reality one of you would likely make out better than the other, but you get the idea.

You can still hold true to the "What's your is yours..." idea; whatever you came into the relationship with, you leave with. And if the one with debt can't get themselves back on track after lowering their largest monthly payment for a while, then they need a financial adviser.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 46
You Don't Have to be a Mod to Change the Title of a Reply to a Thread
Posted: 1/22/2015 2:55:06 PM

Which moderator is such a nincompoop ( or however you spell it) that they added that finger phrase at the end. Really? How tenth grade.


That Would Be..... OneKewlDood .......... I guess He likes His Gutter Humor........
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 47
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History
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/22/2015 2:58:02 PM

maleman999
Being in my own home, I don't like it when people drop by my place unexpectedly. When somebody does that, I tell them to call ahead next time to make sure I'm home and I'm not busy with something else. The same rule would apply if I'm dating someone. But on the other hand, I don't like the idea of booking appointments to see a girlfriend when she has some spare time and has had enough "alone" time. I couldn't see that as a "forever" situation. It wouldn't feel like a real bond if the attitude is "I can only tolerate you in small doses."

I think most people who are in favor of this (LAT) do it because they want to feel that every time they see their bf/gf, it feels like a date, just like the first date they ever went on. But that magical, knots in my stomach, fairy tale feeling gets old fast after a while, and it becomes more a chore to make arrangements and to travel to see each other. If a couple are doing the sleepovers at each others place, it probably means a guy is leaving some of his stuff (toiletries, some clothing) at her place, and vice versa-some of her stuff at his place. I would feel like my home is not totally my home if I'm expected to store other people's property at my place, and I'm responsible for the safe keeping of those items.

I do not like, will not tolerate “people” dropping in unexpectedly. Those who matter the most to me, my closest family, they know where the spare key is. They do not abuse the privilege. When I was younger, anytime a relationship became serious, we would exchange keys. This was the truest sign of commitment, of monogamy.

If I ever again have a SO (definitely hoped for), then I would fully expect her to keep things at my place, just as I would keep things at her place. And she would have a key. I would not expect her to barge in unexpectedly at 3 a.m., just as she would expect me to behave in a reasonable fashion.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 48
Combined finances
Posted: 1/22/2015 3:00:33 PM
Thank you Kewl.

I suppose the scenario I mean't.

One partner owns the house outright with no debts.
Other partner has nothing but debts, no regular income and is living in reduced circumstances.

How does that reduce expenses for anyone?

It certainly can assist the broke person to get on their feet.

Agreed if both people are paying individual rent or a mortgage then two can live as cheaply as one.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 49
Combined finances
Posted: 1/22/2015 4:26:47 PM

What happens when one partner owns their house, has savings and no debt, whilst the other has nothing.
Having the broke person move in can be financial disaster....
One partner owns the house outright with no debts.
Other partner has nothing but debts, no regular income and is living in reduced circumstances.


Nobody is advocating taking in homeless men and financial disasters. You would think that each person knows the other person's financial situation before making such a big move, and work out financial details for paying bills beforehand. If you have any worries about a guy not pulling his weight financially, don't make the move. Problem solved. Easy peasy. The same applies to guys taking in broke women-especially if she comes with a boatload of kids in tow.
 57ChevyFunTime
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 50
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/22/2015 4:41:17 PM
I am for the LAT after seeing what my stepdad had for about 20 years with is girlfriend that he had after my mom died 23 years ago (Miss you mom) and now the passing of his girl friend (miss you to geri) he didn't have to worry much about her house as her brother took it over. He said was good having it this way so if family would visit him in Sarasota Florida he had place for them to stay as well we got pretty big family and we wont fit in his girlfriends condo. I know we could get hotel and such but stepdad loved family staying with him at his house. It worked out well for them and I see myself like that too. Plus I am hitting the big 50 in fews months guess Im set in my ways too.
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