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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Together forever, no marriage, separate homes      Home login  
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 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 101
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesPage 5 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
eric summit- I wondered about that too (why divorce rates are higher for a second marriage), and then BAM, it came to me.
As common as divorce is today, people will stay married the first time for reasons that don't mean as much with the second divorce.
I was worried about the effect it would have on our children, their father and me together was all they had known, I also had a religious upbringing, divorce was a no no and once people get into the double digits in terms of years together, it becomes a "I don't want to throw all this time away" kind of thing. (all three played a factor in why I stayed longer than I should have).
When you've divorced once, if you have children, they are probably old enough if a second divorce occurs that you worry less about how they will react.
If it's a religion issue, well, you've already done it once, so........
And with the time factor, once you've wasted years, you have a tendency to not do it again.
That's my theory anyway.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 102
view profile
History
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/31/2015 7:19:35 AM
Good theory, Bama.

I could never, ever again be in a relationship with a jealous person who sees "infidelity" at every turn. Or wondering if I was sleeping with someone else just because I came back from the grocery store "not on his schedule." Or have to "report in" like a child......and I would never expect a significant other to give up long term platonic friends if they were of the opposite sex.

That lifestyle just would not work for me.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 103
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/31/2015 3:36:03 PM
imway2sassy =
Suppose she said, "Sure. But marry me and we can live together."
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 104
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 2/1/2015 6:23:30 AM
so you would say "No."
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 105
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 2/1/2015 11:37:38 AM
A question for those people who could never tolerate living with another person:
If you're having sleepovers (pj party), or go on vacation with a SO, what is the longest period of time you can tolerate sharing the same space with that person, before you pull your hair and scream for private time and personal space? Or do you book separate accommodations when vacationing together? If you're up there in age where retirement is on the horizon, will retirement change anything about your "Me alone" time?
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 106
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 2/1/2015 11:51:48 AM

Suppose she said, "Sure. But marry me and we can live together."

That would freak Me out, personally. Marrying for the sake of living together, because one doesn't believe in living together unless they are married. If marriage was instead a gold sticker, okay, fine. :) It's far more than that.

And if they are just casual and "sure" about it, "marry me and we'll do it" -- that would mean they don't have space-issues or whatever about living together -- they just don't take a relationship seriously until married, which is just plain scary. GTFO!
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 107
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 2/2/2015 2:49:10 AM
""""""And if they are just casual and "sure" about it,"""""

You can be casual with someone and live together?
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 108
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 2/2/2015 10:21:17 AM

You can be casual with someone and live together?

Here, let me explain -- here's what I said:

And if they are just casual and "sure" about it, "marry me and we'll do it" -- that would mean they don't have space-issues or whatever about living together -- they just don't take a relationship seriously until married, which is just plain scary. GTFO!

Casual in their response, reflecting how they feel about their relationship -- and only taking it seriously when they get married.

If they truly mean/feel what they say in their tone when they say "Sure, marry me and we'll live together...," that's plain scary. They're not going to live with someone until married, while at the same time, implying they don't take a relationship seriously until they are married. The latter is the scary part.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 109
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 2/2/2015 10:25:32 AM
I think we may see quite the uptick in LAT relationships among mature adults, because of some of the financial DIS-incentives that can occur upon retirement.
As far as a non-spousal SO not sticking by a partner with failing health, marriage in and of itself is no guarantee of having a loving and willing caregiver.
Cindy O
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 110
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 2/2/2015 4:57:27 PM

As far as a non-spousal SO not sticking by a partner with failing health, marriage in and of itself is no guarantee of having a loving and willing caregiver.


There's one difference. If a couple is married and one of them gets sick or injured and, for whatever reason, is unable to make medical decisions on their own, the spouse will have legal authority to make medical decisions. If a couple is unmarried, and especially live apart, and either one goes into medical distress, medical staff will contact the patient's immediate family members, and they would have final say in any medical decisions. The solution would be to have a legal document drawn up ahead of time to specify who will be responsible for medical decisions if one is unable to make them on their own. But how many people actually think about becoming a vegetable later on in life, and deciding who should be responsible for their care when that happens, and getting a legal documents to make it official?
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 111
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 2/2/2015 5:33:00 PM
I know several couples who were too cool to get married until they grew older and one of them had a medical issue.
 Jarod50
Joined: 1/27/2015
Msg: 112
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 2/2/2015 5:38:27 PM
Not everyone becomes a 'vegetable' in later life, if its in your genes, then yeah, you probably will, but not everyone's the same. I'm sure we've all heard of folks in their 70's, 80's, 90's or even higher but still can sound quite rational and responsible.

Every family situation is different and some members can & will claim that others have hidden agendas.
One way to remove folks one may know who are perceived to have premeditated agendas aligned with self interests is to get the state or government bodies involved. They are the only parties that can have a non-subjective interest in the outcome of these sensitive family matters. They are an option instead of going through the courts and making lawyers rich.

Obviously, it depends on what country this is happening in, but in my country, each state or territory has its own public authority that can act as the middleman in adjudicating these matters.
For example in the state of NSW in Australia , there is the 'Office of the Protective Commissioner' and another called the Public Guardian'. They are for people who can't manage there own affairs due to medical conditions or conflict within the family about who will manage that persons affairs.

I've had to deal with these kinds of matters before, so I'm speaking from personal experience, especially when there is a conflict in the family about how someones matters and affairs are dealt with if they are unable to make their own decisions.

I hope this is assistance to those who may be experiencing such complex matters.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 113
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 2/3/2015 4:29:36 AM
I have never seen a woman benefit from living with a man without marriage unless she remained married and never bothered to divorce someone who left or she remains married to someone in prison or at sea and she needed the help in the meantime. But otherwise? A truly single woman? Never.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 114
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 2/3/2015 5:02:13 AM

I have never seen a woman benefit from living with a man without marriage unless she remained married and never bothered to divorce someone who left or she remains married to someone in prison or at sea and she needed the help in the meantime. But otherwise? A truly single woman? Never.


Have you ever seen any benefit to a man to live together with a woman without marriage? What was the benefit?
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 115
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 2/3/2015 6:21:46 AM
msg 117 ; The idea of this thread sounds better and better to myself . Last two women who I lived with never did split costs as was discussed before they ever moved in , something always came up . Don't think I will shoulder the main financial burden again in the relationship , if I am ever in one again .
 Following_Up
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 116
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 2/3/2015 7:15:07 AM

I have never seen a woman benefit from living with a man without marriage unless she remained married and never bothered to divorce someone who left or she remains married to someone in prison or at sea and she needed the help in the meantime. But otherwise? A truly single woman? Never.


I saw it in my own family: my widowed fairly young mother did not marry but instead lived with the man I called my 'step dad' for 19 years (until he passed away). He moved into her house (that she and my dad has paid for). My mom didn't trust my step-dad's kids (for good reason) and she didn't want to have to fight them when he passed (he was a fair amount older, so they both expected she would outlive him). As a couple, they split chores and the costs of day to day life. They traveled all over the world and enjoyed each other's company about as much as pair I have ever been around. He cooked most suppers till she retired. She introduced him to the game of golf, they played together for years and he shot his age when he was 87 (something we all celebrated).

She did not want to get legally married but she was as committed to this man as she had been to my father and he was committed to her. She cared for him till the day he died. She's mentioned to me often that those years with him were some of the happiest of her life. That is not taking anything away from my father, but an acknowledgement that life goes on and love can happen again.

It seems to me that people can find lots of different ways to be happy, to make things work.

Or, in the case of a lot of the folks on these forums: find lots of different ways to NOT be happy or make things work...
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 117
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History
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 2/15/2015 11:38:22 AM
I know people who are in those type of relationships......I have suggested to both men and women, "why not buy an ankle monitor like prisoners on parole wear?" It's better than having your significant other calling all around asking, "have you seen, so-and-so, and if you did, where, what time, who was with them, etc." That gets OLD quickly.
 SeainaStorm
Joined: 2/7/2015
Msg: 118
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 2/15/2015 11:38:23 AM

Together forever, no marriage, separate homes


Doesn't sound like together forever. Not for me.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 119
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 2/15/2015 12:50:06 PM

She did not want to get legally married but she was as committed to this man as she had been to my father and he was committed to her. She cared for him till the day he died.

Yeah, but they Lived together. You would have a very different view if they (or one) opposed living together but staying together indefinitely.


If my significant other told me she wanted her own space and didn't want to live with me, I would think, ok, who else are you banging on the side? I'm the very jealous type and would not be able to tolerate that.
Are you willing to follow her around to her place of employment, grocery store, hairdresser, etc. etc. to make sure she isn't banging those people also? Eeesh.

That post you replied to wasn't implying following someone, or being stalkerish. :) If I had a serious SO and she told me she never wanted to live with me because she likes Space, after the topic was brought up because it was "about that time" to think about such things -- I'd take it the same way as a gal who wanted to go out on dates consistently but never be an item. Unless explained otherwise that at least made some decent sense given the situation, I'd take it as wanting to keep one's options open for others not too far away.

I guess the only exception really would be, say, if we were Duplex neighbors or something where it's technically the same house but technically different places lol
 Viper1j
Joined: 2/6/2015
Msg: 120
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 2/21/2015 3:53:45 PM

Are there any men interested in this type of relationship? Men say "Sure, sounds great" but then it changes and they want to move in or marry.
Sometimes women have enough half this, step that, whatever in their lives and just don't want to add to that AND/OR share a home again. Could you do that?


It's all well and good until she stomps out of the bedroom, holding another woman's panties, and demanding to know who they belong to.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 121
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes, finger up the ass
Posted: 2/21/2015 4:16:58 PM
A woman who has a house and no debts is a fool to bother with a guy who has no house and debts.
Having him move in with me, not going to happen!!!. Some women are targetted by these guys for those very assets. I do not respect a man who cannot pay his way, end of story for me. At our age he is hardly like to crack it big again with a lucrative career and welfare payments will buy your food and utilities and that is about all.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 122
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes, finger up the ass
Posted: 2/21/2015 10:05:03 PM
A man who has a house and no debts is a fool to bother with a woman who has no house and debts. Some men are targeted by these women for those very assets. I do not respect a woman that cannot pay her way, end of story for me. At our age she is hardly like to crack it big again with a lucrative career and welfare payments will buy your food and utilities and that's about it.

IMO there are far more women looking for a free ride than men. Ass, gas or grass...nobody rides for free.

There are honest folks and users ...both genders.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 123
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes, finger up the ass
Posted: 2/21/2015 10:24:44 PM
^^^Bluemoon24_7^^^ Well said, and saved me from having to post all of that.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 124
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes, finger up the ass
Posted: 2/21/2015 10:36:55 PM
^^^ Hey Joe, I don't like bashing of either gender, you should know that by now.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 125
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes, finger up the ass
Posted: 2/22/2015 2:45:15 AM
What do expect from "Miss Nurse with a Purse"? All She does is Put Down Men in Her age range....
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Together forever, no marriage, separate homes