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 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 28
Dating outside your comfort zonePage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Absolutely.

I live in the south, so if you did not have in your profile Christian, you would cut down the number of women available. Then I realize how much I disliked this. So I purposely put in my profile that I was Buddhist. Which is okay, since that is my spiritual philosophy and belief. And it was awesome, because then the women that ALSO did not want a born again Christian, or some judgmental type responded to me.

So yeah. Get out of your comfort zone.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 30
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/27/2015 12:49:40 PM

(I don´t want to use the word "toy-boy" as it is derogatory and doesn´t really describe their relationship.


Wanderlight, say it! boy-toy, boy-toy. It's okay to be a boy-toy. Or that they have one. It's time women objectify men as the pieces of meat that we are.

hehehe.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 32
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/27/2015 1:28:48 PM

"boy-toy" is a red Porsche",
"toy-boy" is the 20-something stallion getting it from an older (richer) woman.


Hmmm.

"boy toy
A male used specifically by females for pleasure and fun when their husband or boy friend is not giving them enough attention or in case of break up or divorce.
I need to find myself a boy toy."

"Toy Boy
Female cradle-robbing. The much youger male partner to an older or middle-aged woman (the cradle robber).
Have you seen Janice's new toy boy?"


I want my Porche!!!
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 33
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/27/2015 4:14:45 PM
ozsealady

Really? Every man has been fascinating in his own way? I wish I could say the same. You must really like men.
Most of them I guess were just first meets rather than dates?? I may be wrong.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 34
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/27/2015 4:35:25 PM
No one will ever find the "perfect" mate....but if two people's lifestyles and habits are diametrically opposed, what is the point?

And men, being who they are, like to "control" things. I was in a marriage where it was "lights out" whenever I picked up a book, because he hated reading....therefore, by extension....."the woman" couldn't read.

I'd NEVER be in another relationship like that. Because I would NEVER do that to a man I was involved with. If you like to do whatever....and I don't......have at it, and I will not harangue or harass you. But men seem hellbent on "forming" women into what they want them to be.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 35
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/27/2015 5:16:53 PM
I think you will get an argument or two regarding your comment "But men seem hellbent on "forming" women into what they want them to be." In fact, I may lose my "Woman Card" by saying, I think it's the other way around....in my experience. I have found that men like what/ who they find where women are more prone to want to change a man into what they want. Just sayin. Another thing, I've heard far more men say "things were good until she changed".
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 36
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/27/2015 5:23:53 PM
We're going to the danger zone. Oblivion! Full speed ahead..
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 37
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/27/2015 6:19:56 PM

If you like to do whatever....and I don't......have at it, and I will not harangue or harass you. But men seem hellbent on "forming" women into what they want them to be.


That was my experience in my 20 year marriage. My ex always wanted me to ride motorcycles with him (which he didn't take up as a hobby for the first 10 years of our marriage). I truly HATE motorcycles, I don't like them, don't like the "riding" lifestyle AT ALL. I'd much rather go for walks/hikes, breathe in fresh air and move. So that caused a problem in our marriage. Next thing, he wanted me to join him into his other "lifestyle" which I never knew about when we first got married, a certain sexual fetish. He nagged and pushed me for years to do it, and once I gave in just to shut him up, he wanted to do it all the time. Couldn't handle it and decided I'd have enough. Even gave him permission to find somebody else to live out those fantasies, because I absolutely wasn't into that, but he didn't want that. It had to be his way or the highway, so I chose the highway and filed for divorce.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 38
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/27/2015 6:49:22 PM

.but if two people's lifestyles and habits are diametrically opposed, what is the point?


I agree.


I was in a marriage where it was "lights out" whenever I picked up a book, because he hated reading....therefore, by extension....."the woman" couldn't read.


How long did you know the guy before getting married?
Did you not find out he "hated" reading while you were dating?

I honestly cannot figure out what some people are doing while they are "dating"? Besides getting naked.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 39
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/27/2015 7:51:27 PM
I like to read, but that's a wide open field there, I don't like to read just anything, but I don't care if a man doesn't or likes to read comics or such that I don't. It's the nagging, telling me I should be doing this or that instead, or that what I chose to read is stupid...you know, asshats, I will invite no asshats into my comfort zone. ;-)
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 40
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/27/2015 8:41:19 PM

I never knew about when we first got married, a certain sexual fetish. He nagged and pushed me for years to do it, and once I gave in just to shut him up, he wanted to do it all the time. Couldn't handle it and decided I'd have enough. Even gave him permission to find somebody else to live out those fantasies, because I absolutely wasn't into that,


Karma, that is sick. You are going to keep us in suspense? Look, I do not want to get a subscription to HBO. So tell us!!
 healthyhappy1
Joined: 11/21/2014
Msg: 41
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/27/2015 9:22:12 PM
I have never dated outside my comfort zone. Although I have to qualify that by saying that there are some types I was comfortable dating the first time, that I would not ever date again! lol
 healthyhappy1
Joined: 11/21/2014
Msg: 42
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/27/2015 9:26:56 PM
Clooneys tutor: too funny! We're going all limbic now!
 healthyhappy1
Joined: 11/21/2014
Msg: 43
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/27/2015 9:27:30 PM
Clooneys tutor: too funny! We're going all limbic now!
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 44
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/27/2015 10:33:01 PM
I think the advent of online dating sites has allowed us much wider options and to be in touch with all demographics. Once you have had your conventional marriage, family life etc., you can date pretty much who you like when you are mature enough to cope with others' criticism and society's prejudices. Especially if you are not looking for that serious long term settling down scenario.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 45
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/28/2015 6:31:10 AM
Based on the OP, why wouldn't you date someone outside your comfort zone? The professional, university-educated, for example, would normally provide you with people who are somewhat intellectual but I know a lot of university-educated people with professional jobs who are idiots, who don't read, who don't do or are not a lot of things most people would associate with educated professionals. And I'm sticking with just that because religion and other things are fraught with different potential problems.

There are particularly among people old enough to have actually changed careers, college grads that were in professional fields who have decided to do what they're passionate about which may be carpentry, photography, auto repair/rebuild, music, or home remodeling and also people in those fields who never went to college who enjoy reading and have educated themselves, or have educated themselves with the proliferation of educational movies and television programming.

People do not have to fit into a box in order for us to have things in common, people do not always fit into the box we want to put them in, and you have to look at the box and figure out if that is even a good thing. Like how does eliminating anyone who is not an educated professional help you? I'm pretty sure the 35-40 year-old guy who puked while standing at a bar was an educated professional and I thought at the time how he was way too old to be that plastered at least in public.

I think what one needs to do is consider how their comfort zone is being challenged by someone. So you look at someone's educational level or profession and that gives you a piece of information but it is what they do, not who they are. Those things you believe to be inside the educated professional could come in the guise of a brick layer :)
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 46
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/28/2015 9:09:10 AM

I think the advent of online dating sites has allowed us much wider options and to be in touch with all demographics. Once you have had your conventional marriage, family life etc., you can date pretty much who you like when you are mature enough to cope with others' criticism and society's prejudices. Especially if you are not looking for that serious long term settling down scenario.


Online dating does indeed cross a lot of communications barriers easily. In some ways that is harmful and much as it may be helpful. The 'wider options' means people can't decide what they want anymore, or don't want to - perpetually believing in the 'grass is always greener' syndrome. People have been made 'disposable' by the wider access. Getting just a commitment for one simple coffee date seems like it takes more effort than prom did in high school.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 47
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/28/2015 10:02:24 AM
I knew my ex-husband for four years before we were married (we married young.....I didn't want to get married because I had other plans, and saw things in his personality that I didn't like, but his father and my father literally at gunpoint forced a marriage). And no, I was NOT pregnant. Later on, my sweet father-in-law told me that he forced the marriage because "his boy needed someone like me to help carry him through in life."

It wasn't that my ex-husband didn't like to read....he "struggled" with it, whereas I was reading at a high school level when in elementary school. And in his mind, the "woman" could not "outshine" the man in ANY area. I was going to college part time, working full time, raising our daughter, and he "shut that down." I wasn't doing ANY of those things to "outshine" him. My thoughts were that anything I did to enhance our financial situation was beneficial to the family as a whole. He didn't see it that way. When I began establishing the career that led to 25 years of service, he would often come to the office and demand that I leave work to attend to some trivial family matter -- like microwaving dinner that had already been pre-cooked and labeled. It got to the point that security would remove him from the building -- thankfully -- so I could keep my employment.

And Karma, I understand EXACTLY where you are coming from! You can "know" someone for years, and not really "know" them.

Just seems like common sense to me that if two people aren't on the same wavelength, that they should find partners for themselves who are.
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 48
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/28/2015 2:55:36 PM
earwigs@

A younger mature minded man is much more comfortable to be around and dating younger men So, I do date outside my comfort zone and am not sure if it is the right thing to do because when being honest with myself I am more comfortable dating within my comfort zone.


There you go... As since the guys have been doing that all along.... so.... why not you !
Step out and enjoy... And jsyk,..... quite a few of the older ladies... have been doing that also for.. quite some time too.. Time for you to catch up !

And I'm guessing too, unless you grew up in a large interracial city, for many of those who grew up in small communities, etc,etc... interracial dating was also out the comfort zone & unknown.....times have been.... a changing....
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 49
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/28/2015 9:39:15 PM
I didn't start dating interracially until I was 40 and out of a long term marriage. To look at us as a couple, one would think that either one of us was out of our "comfort zone", because of race, but we were "in our comfort zone" because of shared values. This was in the early-mid `1990's, and people would stare at us like we landed from another planet and had no intention of returning. My white female friends who dated interracially warned me.....they said that interracial dating would be difficult, but more so for black females than for white females. And they were correct. But I date who I want, stares be damned.
 greatblah
Joined: 11/14/2012
Msg: 50
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/29/2015 5:34:22 PM
Truly an excellent question.

I think going out of your comfort zone, in a general sense, can be a very good thing and people can learn and grow a lot from it. Try it, you might like it!
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 51
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/31/2015 7:14:46 AM
Going out of one's comfort zone can be either a plus or a bust. It all depends.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 52
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/31/2015 3:40:01 PM

Based on the OP, why wouldn't you date someone outside your comfort zone?


Because some people, going in, you KNOW that to them you are an EXPERIENCE that they will never take too seriously/
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 53
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/31/2015 6:50:33 PM
As you stated in msg 3 " I am cautious about dating "other" men because many of them simply want the "experience" of dating someone like me " it doesn't get any more narcissistic than that . I do not worry about out side of my comfort zone , men do not worry about such trivial issues .
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 54
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 1/31/2015 6:56:45 PM
Nothing narcissistic about her post, maybe read all of it and you will understand. If a man of a different nationality or ethnicity asked me out solely because they wanted to date and experience a white woman, I wouldn't like it either and would be cautious.
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