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 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 56
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Dating outside your comfort zonePage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
You are SO WRONG Demidar......

As a woman of color, I have been approached by CAUCASIAN men who say that they "have never tried a black woman", and want to do so. That is NOT narcissim....that is REALITY. And who the hell wants to be someone's experiment? I know I sure don't.

My response to those types is, "What do you think I am....a new brand of coffee?"
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 57
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/1/2015 5:30:24 PM
Is Kimye interracial?
 c0mplex0ne
Joined: 2/16/2014
Msg: 58
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/1/2015 5:36:04 PM
"Is Kimye interracial?"
Yep.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 60
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/2/2015 6:50:09 AM
Lol, oh dear, OP. That guy really DOES know how to intrigue a lady.

I can't really fault you for making that mental connection there. Hahaha!
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 61
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/2/2015 7:02:30 AM
Hmm, a plumber. Had one of those come to the office last week. He's witty, charming and very married and makes well over $100,000.00 per year. Many electricians, welders and plumbers I know make more than some of the professionals I know, including lawyers and university professors, plus, many of them are just as intelligent (if not more so) and far less condescending, pretentious and elitist....or just so friggin full of themselves.

My father had his own business and would have to work on his own greasy equipment and he used to laugh and say "When I winter in Palm Springs I don't come home until my fingernails are clean from soaking in the pool". He is also well read, can hold his own with any "intellectual", is into the arts and is very active in his community. Not bad for a grade 10 education.

Some of you need to stay within your comfort zone so you don't pollute the good folks out there.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 63
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/2/2015 7:49:54 AM
Actually, I have a pretty good sense of humour, a great one in fact. There was a comment posted by someone else in here this weekend about having a "challenging" first date later in the day. When someone asked to explain further on the "challenging" part, the poster proclaimed she was meeting a relatively uneducated man and she was used to dating men with Masters Degrees or higher. I also commented on another person who said "you won't find any intelligent, successful, attractive men on dating sites".

So yup, I'm going to call out a few that come across as snooty or elitist.

So go ahead, offend my sensitivity, I can handle that as I'm quite capable and intelligent enough. But will come back with a comment.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 65
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/2/2015 8:31:38 AM
Nope, won't be apologizing. It still comes across as sorta snooty even with the added - we need our plumbers. And, snob bashing IS fun, some have never had it pointed out to them before so its kind of a public service duty.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 66
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/2/2015 8:53:09 AM
My guess is 85-90% of women won't date a man that is shorter than them. I am 100% for sure the majority of women won't date a man that is shorter than them.

So the majority of women won't date out of their comfort zone.

Does anyone disagree with this statement?
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 67
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/2/2015 9:03:54 AM

As a woman of color, I have been approached by CAUCASIAN men who say that they "have never tried a black woman", and want to do so. That is NOT narcissim....that is REALITY. And who the hell wants to be someone's experiment? I know I sure don't.


I know you are right.

It's very disrespectful to tell someone they want to TRY a black women, or TRY a woman 30 years older, or TRY whatever. But it does go on for some people quite a bit.

But I have tended to want to date someone different from the last woman I dated. Mostly different nationality, but job level, like a low level construction worker Vs a Fortune 500 manager, these women are quite different personalities.

It wasn't a conscience decision to "TRY" someone different, but after a couple of decades I did notice a trend in who I was attracted to. IMO it was more like things didn't work out with her, so when I moved on I was more attracted to someone different.

I know rationally it didn't make sense in dating, but I have always had a greater attraction in women, traveling and food to what was unknown / exotic to me.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 68
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/2/2015 9:14:00 AM
Your comfort zone may need to be increased from 100km to 150km.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 69
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/2/2015 9:38:18 AM
There are millions and millions of single men so why would I have dated outside of my comfort zone? I am quite fussy about my purpose in dating...it was foremost to find my future partner. When younger it was the potential father of my children...now it is the person I will spend the rest of my dreams with.

I only dated college educated males. This wasn't because they make 'more money' than the plumber. It is because we are more likely to share other passions in life. I play tennis once a week and enjoy hiking, etc. Just about everyone who does this in my age group are well educated. I enjoy taking dance lessons...most at dance lessons are, again, better educated. I enjoy Theatre, lectures, again... I enjoy a healthy lifestyle...stats tie it to education.

Certainly there are non college grads who are great guys. 'Might' have made a good partner for me . However, I only live one life and didn't randomly date men off a general list. We use our experience and acquired wisdom to make decisions in life. The most important decision in life is our partner. I personally did not want to set up my life and stack the odds towards a failed relationship. My 'comfort zone' is not a restrictive, silly thing that magically came into being. It is an acknowledgement that 'This is who I am' and there are certain variables I expect in a partner.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 71
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/2/2015 12:21:39 PM
I can see why someone would look outside their "comfort zone" if they had a couple failed marriages or relationships. If its not working, change it up. I would maybe do up a list and say "what do these guys have in common?" and "why do I think the relationships failed?" And go from there. It has to be more than - they are all over 6 feet, all have higher education, all were brunette...the simple easy stuff as that's just what initially catches your eye and isn't important. What is the commonality in personality or traits their core? The big stuff.

As to short...there are tons of treads on this topic. Same for fat, bald, tall, skinny, etc.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 72
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/2/2015 1:56:15 PM
I never really thought of it as a comfort zone but more about an honesty of whom I'm attracted to physically. I'm attracted to slender women who are feminine...period. No sense 'faking it' and pretending otherwise. Without a physical attraction, why would I want to be with a woman? Why would she want to be with a man who doesn't find her attractive? I already have other friends. Sure, physical attraction may not be as important to a woman, but I'm a guy. Women are many wonderful things but that doesn't diminish physical lust. I assume a woman wants a man who she can satisfy sexually.

After physical attraction then it gets murky. The women Ive been with are all unique and across the spectrum. My comfort zone has actually narrowed. I'm into non-drama, stable women. I no longer want to play the rescuer. She is financially and emotionally stable. At this stage in life things like children and career are less of an issue.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 73
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/2/2015 3:07:01 PM
I agree with what bluemoon said about the comfort zone.I find it funny what she said about money,lots of snooty educated types....who has the real money?I know many millionaires in construction that drive pickups(nice ones) and don't act fancy.Many.In fact most try to hide it.
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 74
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/2/2015 4:38:22 PM
dragon@
So the majority of women won't date out of their comfort zone.

Does anyone disagree with this statement?


Yes & no.......As for the birds of a feather.... that can only .......'' flock together''....’'aka their comfort zone’’......I get it for those type of folks mindset nonetheless...
But, the good news for others who.....there are those who are also a bit more independent .....who will go else where without the fear or ridicule from there owe brew.....or what their daddy & mommy think & says to them.... in what would be his or her's ‘’best interest’’ in life...etc....^^^
But.......... If Being color blind, independent erases all races, colors, religions & creeds.....
as we all think, live, cry,love, work,fail,etc all the same way.....go figure.....
As for myself.... having lived that out in my Military, Peace Corps & interracial experiences here & abroad was for me in the big pic of life.....
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 75
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/2/2015 11:14:35 PM
wanderlight-There are only three types I can't deal with and that's religious zealots, homo phobics and racists.
I'm not going to change their minds and visa verse.
Anything else, not only have I done it, I seek it out.
I love learning and seek out diversity.
It has helped me learn more about people than anything could.
It would be a boring world without straying outside of my comfort zone, but that's just me.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 76
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/3/2015 2:15:19 AM

So the majority of women won't date out of their comfort zone.

Does anyone disagree with this statement?


Yup...but what's the point? It will just end up with a MILLION guys coming on here to say that I'm in the "minority" or "most women wouldn't even consider it", etc.
We all have our blind spots...what we perceive as the things that "block" us from attaining happiness, ie. a "good relationship"...We have the ones who talk about how "unattractive" they are, and the ones who are too short, too fat, even too TALL...so ...
We all have "reasons" for WHY we can't get what we want, and rarely if EVER is someone ELSE going to convince us otherwise....

I have dated MANY men who were my height AND shorter, no problem....I've dated men who are overweight, REALLY tall, skinny, etc., too...I also know many women who have done the same....
I've also dated guys that are many ethnicities and nationalities as well....
Out of MY comfort zone would probably be a guy who was FABULOUSLY wealthy!!!!
LMAO
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 77
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/3/2015 3:17:30 AM

Out of MY comfort zone would probably be a guy who was FABULOUSLY wealthy!!!!
LMAO


That's the thing about "comfort zone" it means something different to every person.


On line, I speak with trepidation and excitement with people who do not fit that profile at all... "Would I date somebody non-Christian?" "Would it work with somebody YOUNGER than me?", "is an Australian, vegetarian Yoga teacher a feasible option?"


My "comfort zone" is a lot wider than the majority of people on POF. Even before online dating I dated outside of your comfort zone.

I think dating outside of one's comfort zone is a good think IF YOUR comfort zone is very narrow and
superficial. Superficial to me means something that isn't about CORE values.

To some people religion is a very important part of their daily lives, I can't see dating an atheist is a good idea for a fundamentalist Christian.

I don't see race as a part of someones CORE values, so for me dating another race / nationality is commonplace.

Dating someone who's values are repugnant to you shouldn't be thought of as "Dating outside of your comfort zone". That's just talking foolish. Repugnant is something like a confirmed child molester, racists, etc.

Outside of my own comfort zone are women taller than 5.9, or women younger than 25, or women that seem too aristocratic. There isn't any good reason to avoid them, maybe we would get along well.

I don't believe who we are attracted to is fixed in stone. Instead I believe who we are attracted to is easy to change.

Here is a weird article about how the PILL changes what type of man a woman is attracted to.

Birth Control Pills Affect Women's Taste in Men

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/birth-control-pills-affect-womens-taste/
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 78
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/3/2015 3:56:10 PM

DragonBytes
Here is a weird article about how the PILL changes what type of man a woman is attracted to.

Birth Control Pills Affect Women's Taste in Men

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/birth-control-pills-affect-womens-taste/

I had read that article before. It does stimulate some thoughts, doesn’t it?



Outside of my own comfort zone are women taller than 5.9, or women younger than 25, or women that seem too aristocratic. There isn't any good reason to avoid them, maybe we would get along well.


That was one category that I tended to avoid, “too aristocratic”. Starting about 2 years ago, I widened my scope and tried reaching out to women who listed opera, and ballet, and theatre as interests. What I found was that most of them didn’t really go in for those things, they were just hoping to attract a higher quality man by listing higher quality interests.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 79
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/3/2015 5:44:13 PM

And who the hell wants to be someone's experiment?



Raises hand

I've discovered things that I never knew I would like (let alone knew about) because of one person in particular and her ability to open my mind more. I am forever in her debt because of it.

And yes, I am serious on this one. Just thinking about her makes me smile.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 80
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/3/2015 5:49:41 PM
I know this sounds elitist, but my experience with dates that have no higher education has been that the conversation goes nowhere. I remember talking to dates about various topics- when I assume they had some idea of what I was talking about- and getting a blank stare in return.

The mind is the greatest sex organ. I'm a bit of a sapiosexual: sexually attracted to highly intelligent men. Mental attraction is just as important as physical attraction.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 81
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/3/2015 6:18:23 PM
^^^This is quite vague.The other day you posted what sounded like a new experience meeting a man with nothing beyond high school.

Perhaps you were lamenting the lack of women's rights in places where they are traded for camels?
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 82
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/3/2015 7:00:33 PM

or women that seem too aristocratic. There isn't any good reason to avoid them, maybe we would get along well.



That was one category that I tended to avoid, “too aristocratic”. Starting about 2 years ago, I widened my scope and tried reaching out to women who listed opera, and ballet, and theatre as interests.


What exactly do you mean by "aristocratic"? Do you mean "stuck up" and "pretentious" (as some of the "aristocratic" people are), or just people who have some "fancier" interests than the average Joe or Jane? I can list those among my interests, and I do not consider myself "aristocratic", but rather down to earth and unpretentious with a diverse and eclectic set of interests.


my experience with dates that have no higher education has been that the conversation goes nowhere. I remember talking to dates about various topics- when I assume they had some idea of what I was talking about- and getting a blank stare in return.


I know this sounds elitist


It does.
Sound elitist.

Could you enlighten us as to some of those "various topics" which were causing the blank stares?
I have no college degree and I can carry on a conversation on a multitude of topics, from comic books and The 3 Stooges to Shakespeare and classical music, and dozens in between.


Mental attraction is just as important as physical attraction.


Of course it is. That's why so many relationships and marriages fail even though the couple involved were so "hot" for each other physically. The mental attraction eventually fails from lack of depth.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 83
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/3/2015 8:03:21 PM

What exactly do you mean by "aristocratic"? Do you mean "stuck up" and "pretentious" (as some of the "aristocratic" people are), or just people who have some "fancier" interests than the average Joe or Jane?

I used to belong to the Willow Bend Polo and Hunt Club in Texas.

Someone that had box seats at that club would be an example of the type of woman that was out of my comfort zone. I had lunch a couple of times at the country club, it was more formal than I am comfortable with.
 earwigs_have_wings
Joined: 10/16/2014
Msg: 84
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/4/2015 8:30:42 AM

My guess is 85-90% of women won't date a man that is shorter than them. I am 100% for sure the majority of women won't date a man that is shorter than them.So the majority of women won't date out of their comfort zone. Does anyone disagree with this statement?

My former ltr is 5'2" tall. A boyfriend from last year is also the same height. I am currently dating a guy who is 5'4". Although I am of average height, I find shorter men super cute and have mentioned this before. Of course I prefer that they are not overweight because short and lean is adorable. Years ago I also dated men who were short. The shortest was 5'1".

I think more women date shorter men than you think. Some have gorgeous faces - it's hard to turn that away! If I was 6ft tall I would probably feel differently. Maybe you're referring to taller women.
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