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 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 85
Dating outside your comfort zonePage 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

I think more women date shorter men than you think. Some have gorgeous faces - it's hard to turn that away! If I was 6ft tall I would probably feel differently. Maybe you're referring to taller women.


There ya go....as American women will date American guys...that are shorter then them...
Now, as what you might have felt before or still.... or experienced in the past .... being s equal... or less it has nothing to do with height.
As I guessing most of the introverted ladies on pof, prefer their guys equal in height or less the better...from what I hear here...and being a little beta the better also does not hurt either...

As you are married & have a loving, very young S/O...accepting you... but still come off as still are troubled cuz of the past yet in the height stuff....carry on....
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 86
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/4/2015 7:04:13 PM

My former ltr is 5'2" tall. A boyfriend from last year is also the same height. I am currently dating a guy who is 5'4". Although I am of average height, I find shorter men super cute and have mentioned this before. Of course I prefer that they are not overweight because short and lean is adorable. Years ago I also dated men who were short. The shortest was 5'1" .

I think more women date shorter men than you think.


Well, that is exactly the reason I said it was a GUESS that 85-90% would NOT date man that was shorter than her. Maybe it's really 70%, but I am sure it's over 50%.

But there are 9.5 million people living in the chicago metro area, 35% are single, over 1/2 of them are female.

If only 5% of those are available for me to date, that is 100,000 women. So with a little effort, I could always find someone I wanted to date.

My first GF we had a 5 year monogamous relationship, she was 5.7 and outweighed me by 20-30 lbs. We loved each other, but I found it more awkward for her to try and sit on my lap and or to cuddle. That was one thing I didn't care for. But I never dated anyone that was thin and taller, so can't know how that would feel.


There ya go....as American women will date American guys...that are shorter then them...
Now, as what you might have felt before or still.... or experienced in the past .... being s equal... or less it has nothing to do with height.

As I guessing most of the introverted ladies on pof, prefer their guys equal in height or less the better...from what I hear here...and being a little beta the better also does not hurt either...

As you are married & have a loving, very young S/O...accepting you... but still come off as still are troubled cuz of the past yet in the height stuff....carry on....


You are quoting EARWIGS, everyone would say she is on the eccentric side, meaning she is in the minority on a lot of issues, BUT even more to the POINT, she isn't USA, she is CANADIAN.

I was talking about women from the USA.

I can more often than not guess correctly from reading someone's post if they are UK, or other foreign or USA.

The Greek alphabet has 24 letters. I would class myself as a Gamma.

http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/8168/alpha-male-beta-female-which-one-are-you/

IMO being short can tend to undermine a man's confidence in himself, as we can encounter more rejection for reasons totally outside of our control.

But if you manage to avoid that and remain self assured, then I think there is an advantage to being short, it acts as a natural filter against self centered, narcissistic women. It seems from the stories told on a forums by mostly taller men, they have encountered a lot of nasty women that have left them bitter. For the most part, I have always had a good relationship with those I dated, I have wondered why it was different for me?
IMO discussing what appears from all accounts to be the truth doesn't imply that I am troubled by it.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 87
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/4/2015 10:01:57 PM

Well, that is exactly the reason I said it was a GUESS that 85-90% would NOT date man that was shorter than her. Maybe it's really 70%, but I am sure it's over 50%.



I was talking about women from the USA.


Your guess is pretty close, actually.
And easy enough for anyone to confirm with some concentrated observations. Which I have already done over the years.
Anytime that you are in a venue or at an event where there are a lot of couples, such as movie theaters, church services, shopping malls, etc., just make a point to look closely at the couples and note their heights relative to each other.
In the vast majority of cases over time, you will see that the man is taller than the woman, even if only by an inch.
And be sure to check the woman's footwear, because if she is taller than the man, it may be because she is wearing heels, which still makes him taller if they were in bare feet.

And it's not just an "American" thing. It will be the same with just about every ethnic group and culture. I see lots of short Hispanic men with, surprise, even shorter Hispanic women.
I see lots of short Asian men with, surprise again, even shorter Asian women. It cuts across all cultures.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 88
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/5/2015 5:46:08 AM

In the vast majority of cases over time, you will see that the man is taller than the woman, even if only by an inch.
And be sure to check the woman's footwear, because if she is taller than the man, it may be because she is wearing heels, which still makes him taller if they were in bare feet.

And it's not just an "American" thing. It will be the same with just about every ethnic group and culture. I see lots of short Hispanic men with, surprise, even shorter Hispanic women.
I see lots of short Asian men with, surprise again, even shorter Asian women. It cuts across all cultures.


Now I think you are over stating the height thing. And it's not about what you observe, it's about what people use to DISQUALIFY other people as a filter..

I say this because ....

Men are on average taller than women so in a totally random pairing you will still find most couples the male is taller just because males are on average taller.

But in the USA women focus much more on height than in other cultures.

What I have seen in Asia women focus first on a good heart, meaning a man takes care of her and the family and then someone that is loyal to them and won't leave them.

The only consistent disqualifier I find in Asian online profiles is about 5% of really attractive women say they don't want to date their "daddy". There are a lot of much older Western men on these dating sites. I have never seen a woman mention height in their profile text.

Of course, since a lot of men on these sites are European and naturally gentically taller, I doubt the Asian women meet many Western men shorter than them. In fact, when a women listed her height as over 5.7, I looked to see if she was really a SHE. There are a lot of very attractive "lady boys", and the average height for a male in Thailand is ~5.7.

Naturally there are even more Thai and Asian men on these local dating sites, but the text is usually in English, so it's that way because a lot of people from around the world use English.

Here is something I DIDN"T know. The ratio of height across the world between men and women varies from at low as 1.04 - 1.13, the USA is 1.09. Ratio means that men are on average between 13% - 4% taller than women for every ethnicity. Interesting that the range of how much taller varies by ethnicity.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 89
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/5/2015 9:39:41 AM
All stats aside...I've dated guys my height. My brother' is about 5'7 and his wife at least 5'9.

Height or good looks has never been an issue for my sisters and I.

My sisters are both gorgeous and the 'tall and handsome' wore off by the end of high school. To put it bluntly, we could snap our fingers and guys were lined up at the door. Today when we three sisters are together with our partners, my dad calls it 'Beauty and the Beasts'.

Women like a fit, respectful, confident man...even more so as we gain experience in life.
 Following_Up
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 90
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/5/2015 11:39:49 AM

Women like a fit, respectful, confident man...even more so as we gain experience in life.


SOME women. You and your sisters, for example. You don't care about height, but some women might and won't put the premium on 'fit' you do. Some women don't put the premium on education, some do.

Stats aside: Isn't the key finding someone who offers what you value and who values what you offer?
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 91
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/5/2015 12:07:58 PM

Online dating does indeed cross a lot of communications barriers easily. In some ways that is harmful and much as it may be helpful. The 'wider options' means people can't decide what they want anymore, or don't want to - perpetually believing in the 'grass is always greener' syndrome. People have been made 'disposable' by the wider access. Getting just a commitment for one simple coffee date seems like it takes more effort than prom did in high school.


Yes, I agree.

I'd add that people forget that they're still the people they are, even when online dating. The dating itself doesn't determine if one is worth loving oneself. This is where people get lost; that just because they don't find what they think they should have, that they're lost as people.

OLD also is a great leveler and one of the greatest reality checkers around. If people believed they have it all without taking a long, hard look at themselves, they'll soon realize in communicating with others -- whether on this site, in these forums, or another site -- that they're just like everybody else. It takes effort to step out, even when battling those dating insecurities, and stand out as an interesting person worth knowing. The problem is, from what I've seen, that some people feel entitled to the attenion and automatic consideration of others, without even taking the necessary steps in developing (and maintaining) attractability through an interesting profile and photos.

The grass is never greener; it just might be fertilized with better bullshit. None of it real.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 92
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/5/2015 12:12:30 PM

Stats aside: Isn't the key finding someone who offers what you value and who values what you offer?

Sure. But a lot of online profiles don't 'offer' a damn thing. Three sentences about vague concepts like 'getting out' and 'having fun' and absolutely nothing listed for 'Interests' - how the heck is a person supposed to know what they offer?

For several of those who refuse to put three sentences together describing themselves - stats are about the ONLY thing you get from an online dating profile. Finding someone 'respectful' and 'confident' is about as easy to judge online as their shoe size. <--- And that includes the profiles that don't give full-body pics! People start searching online for statistical perfection first, and then hope for the best with the rest. It's pretty much all we can do if you're not forthcoming on your own.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 93
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/5/2015 12:13:08 PM

I know this sounds elitist, but my experience with dates that have no higher education has been that the conversation goes nowhere. I remember talking to dates about various topics- when I assume they had some idea of what I was talking about- and getting a blank stare in return.


It doesn't mean that they were clueless as to what you were discussing. Maybe they were nervous?

Sometimes initial small talks can helps a person ease into a conversation more comfortability, and their real perspectives illuminate! People don't have time to live in their heads all day when they have to work, raise families, and maintain homes. It doesn't mean that they don't care or understand what's happenening in the world.


The mind is the greatest sex organ. I'm a bit of a sapiosexual: sexually attracted to highly intelligent men. Mental attraction is just as important as physical attraction.


It's their wisdom from a real life that they lived that excites me.
 Following_Up
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 94
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/5/2015 12:36:33 PM

Sure. But a lot of online profiles don't 'offer' a damn thing. Three sentences about vague concepts like 'getting out' and 'having fun' and absolutely nothing listed for 'Interests' - how the heck is a person supposed to know what they offer?

For several of those who refuse to put three sentences together describing themselves - stats are about the ONLY thing you get from an online dating profile. Finding someone 'respectful' and 'confident' is about as easy to judge online as their shoe size. <--- And that includes the profiles that don't give full-body pics! People start searching online for statistical perfection first, and then hope for the best with the rest. It's pretty much all we can do if you're not forthcoming on your own.


I guess my comment on the discussion went beyond the initial 'meet' facilitated by OLD.

OLD is ONLY a method of introduction as far as I see it.

I'm currently dating someone I met 'from match'. His profile was on the vague side - he had a paragraph or so of what he was looking for (and it was kind of generic) and 3 not great pics (all head shots, wearing sunglasses in each). But he was my age, worked not that far from me and he seemed sane (and a little chattier/good humored) in our message exchanges. So, we agreed to meet a couple days after we started communicating. I think it may have been me that pitched the idea to get together first, actually. But I can't swear to that. I don't have strict time line rules - a meet doesn't have to be scheduled after 5 messages or take place in the first week. I'm kind of flexible that way - let's find what works for both of us if possible is my strategy.

I had no idea at the time if we'd hit it off but it was one evening, may have even just been 1 or 2 hours if we hadn't clicked. But to find someone who might 'value what we offer/offer what we value' has to START somewhere. Ours started with a few messages and an initial meet.

I don't imagine that is very different than how most OLD based relationships start.

Our values, what we offer, if/how we fit together (that is what I was referring to) - all that is being determined as we continue to spend time together.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 95
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/5/2015 1:59:49 PM
^^^^danimal

Three sentences in a profile says a lot to me...just like 3 sentences in a message to me. It meant 'this is not an articulate person with a lot of initiative or creativity...somewhat 'blah'. The male or female who puts such little effort towards finding a partner is not relationship material to me.

Bottom line...a poorly thought out profile or 'hi, we have a lot in common' type of message and not expressing what it is ...is a blessing. Delete.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 96
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/5/2015 2:28:24 PM
I'll commit to you.

I'll protect you.

I have a job.

3 sentences. Succinct and to the point! :)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 97
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/5/2015 3:44:49 PM


I’ll commit to you.

at least until the sun comes up.


I’ll protect you.

as long as the other guy is not bigger than me.


I have a job.

but that doesn’t mean I’m going to spend any of my hard earned money on you!




Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.
Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.
Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 98
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/5/2015 4:26:24 PM
Three short sentences.

That Clooney guy has a way with words.He must be attracting them from both sides of the fence. :)
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 99
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/5/2015 5:08:19 PM

Three sentences in a profile says a lot to me...just like 3 sentences in a message to me. It meant 'this is not an articulate person with a lot of initiative or creativity...somewhat 'blah'.


Kinda like the people that are too lazy, or maybe not as observant as they should be, with regards to what their profile actually says. You know the type. Looking for a man for long term but only mentions in their "description" that, supposedly, they already have a guy. Kinda like fishing for something, and then yanking the hook and bait away when someone comes around for a nibble, unless, maybe, it's someone worth meeting on the side? It's probably just another reason to blast a guy for not reading the "whole" profile instead of just parts of it.

I get it.

Well, kinda.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 100
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/6/2015 2:45:40 PM
I agree with 75% of what Literate Hiker said. A person doesn't necessarily have to possess a "college degree" too be "well read", but I personally prefer those who are well-read and have a variety of interests. I have gone on several (one time) dates where every other sentence coming from the guy was "I didn't know that". Gave me a headache......
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 101
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/6/2015 3:39:58 PM

My sisters are both gorgeous and the 'tall and handsome' wore off by the end of high school.


lol ! Here she goes again.....as she will only date Beta guys her same height, but prefer those that are much smaller then her.....guess why... lol


To put it bluntly, we could snap our fingers and guys were lined up at the door. Today when we three sisters are together with our partners, my dad calls it 'Beauty and the Beasts’


I’m wondering if my mom felt the same way as you & your Dad did..... with the ladies we were all involved with....and did love & married..... As she always respected us in who we married. For better or worst.....
As for her 4 sons, who were all 6 ‘ plus....
And she knew better than at to say something like that....lol That our ladies were the beasts... & her boy's we the true beauties ....

As Mom knows best..as for Dad, he was there if we needed the talk, too Cheers
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 102
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/6/2015 3:41:10 PM

blacklady1953:
I agree with 75% of what Literate Hiker said. A person doesn't necessarily have to possess a "college degree" too be "well read", but I personally prefer those who are well-read and have a variety of interests. I have gone on several (one time) dates where every other sentence coming from the guy was "I didn't know that". Gave me a headache......


The number of times I've Feigned Ignorance on a Subject to see what Angle a Person is coming from, would be too many to list..... Especially with a sales person of some sort.... This is just another form of Socratic Irony........

It can also be used to change the Subject, if You don't want to talk about that Subject......
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 103
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/6/2015 4:09:49 PM

A person doesn't necessarily have to possess a "college degree" too be "well read", but I personally prefer those who are well-read and have a variety of interests. I have gone on several (one time) dates where every other sentence coming from the guy was "I didn't know that". Gave me a headache......


^^^ Yet......they.........keep coming back for more....^^^ “You ''refined introverts definitely got it bad ! ‘’
As this is your only means is the find a functional match like you....hummm

And there other kicker is, as for those who are in a relationship, & still ask the same questions as if they are still stuck in some past snafu ....
imo is much more scarier to deal with why....but the Cavalry is hopefully on the way.....cheers
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 104
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/7/2015 8:08:48 AM
Thanks for that insight, BlueEyes. I'll stay at home from now on and talk to the cats. At least they answer with "meow"......sometimes.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 105
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/7/2015 1:48:46 PM
Depends on what you define as one's comfort area/arena?

And, to what purpose do you "date"? This latter issue: I "date" in the hopes of meeting a lady with whom I would establish a long term intimate relationship; eventually leading to marriage.

So, to that end, what is my comfort zone? Would I "date" a non-Christian? Why? Say I meet the woman of my dreams in all areas but similar world view. She is NOT Christian. In fact, let's say she is adamantly atheist. While I believe Scripture is clear that there is no marriage in Heaven, how could I exist with, love, this joy of my life if I did not do all I could to win her over to Christ? And, yet, by that reasoning, unless she is the most tolerant of humans, my constant prayer, intercession, etc., would I not eventually ruin our relationship. So the conflict comes down to living in agony in this life over a lover who, in my belief system and understanding, will perish in eternity, or live in a lesser agony as a single.

Similarly, nor would i date a smoker or a recent quitter. Likewise, a woman who prefers stuffing her face/not moving is way out of my comfort zone.

The one area that I have broadened my "comfort" zone is the issue of education. As has arisen in another thread, my preference has always been for women with at least a university degree or two; or a professional degree. Having a few myself, I figured I would have a better chance of the cognitive back and forth if I was involved with a lady of similar education.
Well, I got cured of that illusion after nearly thirty years with a woman with a similar educational attainment whose interests outside her chosen profession and athletic pastime where woefully lacking. A woman who may not know as much as I do but who has a degree of curiosity comparable to mine would be a great match. And, I suspect she would be able to teach me a thang or two, to boot.

TK
[don't know it all, but what I don't know ain't worth knowing. Know what I mean?]
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 106
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/7/2015 2:26:33 PM
"don't know it all, but what I don't know ain't worth knowing."

Hmm. That line speaks volumes. Know what I mean? As to a preference of wanting someone with a university degree or two...by the way you write and express yourself, I don't think you would measure up.

It is difficult finding a life match but some have a list of deal breakers and personal issues that more than cloud an open mind.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 107
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/7/2015 6:53:46 PM
@TK
A woman who has a degree of curiosity comparable to yours?You don't know it all but what you don't know ain't worth knowing?
Possibly some people can see why my language has gotten somewhat blunt at times.I have to learn to be a little more patient. :)
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 108
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/7/2015 9:10:56 PM
calguy,

I often add a tag line as a sign off poking fun at what I've written; not to dismiss what I've written / contributed but indicate the degree of seriousness I attribute to these fora.
Likewise with the choice of words I use in the body of my text.

TK
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 109
view profile
History
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/7/2015 10:06:36 PM
So many of these issues are about options.

In the Seattle area there were a few hundred men on Match who fit the criteria of my 'comfort Zone'. Athletic build, non smoker, college educated and a few other variables. I met 3 of them...then my boyfriend. No reason to search out of my comfort zone.

I suppose anyone can date anyone if that If they have their no criteria for picking a partner. Just as an employer could hire the person whose resume is the first in the mail...and not consider the next 25 applicants....so what if 10 are more qualified?

We all have a comfort zone...even those who claim otherwise. Do they date grossly obese women? Drug addicts? Women more than a few hundred miles away? Women 30 years older? Our life experience puts variables on who we consider dating...it is called wisdom. Our comfort zone is shaped by our life experience.
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