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 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 110
Dating outside your comfort zonePage 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Our comfort zone is shaped by our life experience.


True. But, one most remember, if you decided to never leave the backyard of your house, it wasn't much of an "experience" was it?????? It reminds me of some of the people in one of the little towns I grew up in who always stated they were not "prejudice". I looked at them and told them of course your not "prejudice", 99.8% of this town's population is white, and you've never lived anywhere else. They thought "this" was "normal".
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 111
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/8/2015 4:35:04 AM
@AM
This is true but many consider your bf to be a fantasy.People have a number of criteria to which they attach various weights.

A lady might desire the similar liberal viewpoints and education,along with interests and fitness,and be forced to drop the last two requirements....ending up with an unhealthy man 60 pounds overweight accustomed to being waited on.....but they can brag to their friends that he is a lawyer.Sound familiar?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 112
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/8/2015 6:20:21 AM
"" Never be afraid to try something new, because life gets boring when you stay within the limits of what you already know. ""
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 113
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/8/2015 9:53:01 AM
Actually, I do stay within limits. I have never dated anyone who smokes, does drugs, has a drinking problem. Life is much more exciting and fulfilling with a man who shares my healtthy lifestyle.

At 18 one might be staying in the backyard and not experiencing life. Yes, good to get out. However, After a few more decades of experience I don't need 'to experiment' to find the type of partner that fits my expectations. I would assume that a well adjusted male also knows what criteria he values in a woman...he has been through some ups and downs and knows himself.

'Comfort zone' is not a negative. It isn't some stifling restriction. It's recognizing that at my age I'm happier taking Salsa lessons rather than skateboard lessons. The latter is probably more fun for a 20 year old.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 114
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/8/2015 10:01:20 AM

Actually, I do stay within limits. I have never dated anyone who smokes, does drugs, has a drinking problem.



You came to the conclusion that dating these "types" as bad, how????? Reading?

Never experiencing, correct, since you have "never" dated those types?

By default, you are inexperienced. And at such a young age too!!!!!!


In other words, you know only what you want to know.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 115
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/8/2015 10:20:01 AM
I agree with Walts. Just because we're older doesn't mean we shouldn't try new things in life. Skate boarding, for example, might be fun. I'm sensing that some are just "control freaks" and never taste anything new....why step outside the box. How boring and they come across as boring and rigid.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 116
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/8/2015 11:01:14 AM
^^^I had no idea that not wanting to date a drug addict makes anyone a control freak. Getting involved in destructive behaviours LIMITS and doesn't expand them. I intend to be riding my bicycle on my 90th birthday...that's experiencing more than being dead in a coffin at 60.

I could care less about being in or out of some comfort zone. No idea what that means as I just find a woman attractive and interesting or I have no romantic interest towards her. I don't have to paint my house 200 different colours to know what colours I'd like to paint it. Being the other side of 50, not enough life left to spin wheels off on tangents. There are definitely types of women I do not want to get involved with so that's good for fellow males so who are less particular who they want to spend their renaming years with.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 117
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/8/2015 12:28:29 PM
I don't recall saying that someone not wanting to date a drug addict makes them a control freak. So don't put words in mouth. And no one said anything about destructive behaviours either.

I totally understand that we all have our preferences. What I'm saying is that some come across as rigid control freaks that won't step outside the box or walls they've built. Why not try a few flavours of ice cream at Baskin Robbins instead of always selecting the chocolate? You might just find that some are not to your taste but many are either all right or absolutely wonderful.

And in my opinion, some on here (both genders) come across as closed minded, rigid, boring and yes, control freaks. I like a little colour in my life . And I'm not trying to change anyone as I've found that at this age trying to change someone is like herding cats and in the same vein as "you can't fix stupid".
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 118
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/8/2015 1:00:00 PM

One of the interesting facts about online dating is that you get in touch with people that you would never meet within the boundaries of your usual day-to-day life, outside your "comfort zone".

I think that people looking for a Relationship, as you allude to in your post, people are going to be More Stringent on their comfort-zone when going online.

When they're just looking for a piece of azz, then it opens things up -- although with many gals the more-stringency usually still applies.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 119
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/8/2015 2:59:20 PM

Yes, but there are some things that are outside my comfort zone that I won't compromise on, so why waste another person's time? I was thinking……dating someone who hated reading.


I agree with you. I’m in a comfortable zone with a man who loves and enjoys reading. I have favorite books and authors and I like to discuss them, and his favorite books and authors. I like to share with someone who loves and appreciates what I love.

Allowing me to read? Preventing me from reading to feed his ego? I don’t think so. I’m so sorry you had to endure that, BlackLady1953. I was married into something similar. Never again.

These personal, private life experiences teach us what we want and what we don’t want.

My experiences won’t affect others, like others’ experiences won’t affect me. Some folks see reading as snobby? Or wanting a partner who also enjoys reading? Some people have parents who were married for 84 years and one read and the other didn’t so other people can’t have that preference? Not getting that. Also I don’t get why some people insist upon taking every single comment on here personally, and about them.

Sharing a love of reading is a preference, like sharing cooking or sports or whatever the heck anyone wants to share. I’m turned on by a smart guy. Intelligence is sexy. I want an intelligent man with his own opinions and the courage and knowledge to back them up (and I don’t mean Wikipedia).

Some people are too sensitive to what others want, just because what they want isn’t you.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 120
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/8/2015 3:18:46 PM
AM and trekker are both fantasizing. One and the same is my suspicion for quite some time now.AM with the highly educated very fit straight arrows that have never ever smoked or tried drugs of any kind,and this on the West Coast!Sciencetreker with his Danish former blonde ballerina that has never done anything outside the box.All so perfect and healthy.Its lovely....
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 121
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/8/2015 3:49:46 PM
And this matters because......
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 122
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/8/2015 4:09:00 PM

I don't recall saying that someone not wanting to date a drug addict makes them a control freak. So don't put words in mouth. And no one said anything about destructive behaviours either.


^^^^ Mercy.... hope s.t. does not make his main squeeze, the alpha taller then him nurse a.m., will not get the wrong idea now on those druggies out there either of what he’s thinking about now.... who are way out of the comfort zone.. those losers for sure..merd ^^^^thanks for the heads up s.t. & a.m.....^^^^


And in my opinion, some on here (both genders) come across as closed minded, rigid, boring and yes, control freaks. I like a little colour in my life . And I'm not trying to change anyone as I've found that at this age trying to change someone is like herding cats and in the same vein as "you can't fix stupid.”


^^^ As for the 2 in house'’ yuppies,’’ here....ok...I get it. As they have ruined many of the cool neighborhoods in this country.. cuz of. $$$....
As for those living & being in the yuppies mentality lifestyle....they want cool but can’t be cool...merd

And if you want to be remembered that is the way to go in living out your life like in that ''snobbish ,elitist comfort zone too. Then thats your choice too....


All so perfect and healthy.Its lovely....


^^^^ If they are the so perfect yuppy couple like....'' Daddy said it would be, ‘’ then it must be true.....cal
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 123
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/8/2015 5:57:31 PM
@deet
Because its not real life,absolutely certain as concerns trekker,started in Calgary as an East Indian then moved to Regina and reinvented himself as Jewish.Now in Van.Everything is oh so perfect and it only took a short period of time.In the real world perfection rarely if ever,in fact....never comes your way.There are always tradeoffs.Separating fantasy from reality can be a full time job here if you want it....which I doubt you do.
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 124
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/9/2015 3:03:19 PM
Thanks calguy14 for that heads up on those two......

As I thought she was working for ‘’Match.com’’ in finding the’’perfect match.’’ ^^^And he was her like one of those doggie wagging his head in the back of a ban-dee-to car...^^^getting good head will do that sometimes...good doggie....^^^

Yet....why do folks like them post here ? As like a few others as well..... Do they still need a ''pat on the back....’’ Or is it something else thats still missing to mean to tell those who are not.....?
So Perfect.... or maybe not so...... preppy time.....cheers
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 125
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/9/2015 3:20:59 PM
How do any of you deal with the "If only" people?

I met someone recently who said I would be "perfect" to date, "if only" (and there were a laundry list of thing that I cannot change, nor would I want to).

My response was what my grandfather always said, "please get the person you want, because it is not right to make someone else's life miserable because they are not what you want."
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 126
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/9/2015 3:23:37 PM
And thank, Sunshine Girl. I didn't think I was the ONLY person in the world who had experienced the "you can't read because I don't want you to", syndrome. Intelligent men ARE sexy!
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 127
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/9/2015 4:00:58 PM
@blacklady
What your grandaddy said.But its so common that people end up picking three out of four,maybe less.There always seems to be at least one factor that they put up with...or try to change.Women are well known to try to change a man,I think men attempt this as well.I listen to some of my lady friends,akin to a juggling act...
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 128
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/9/2015 5:22:06 PM
I must say, I have NEVER tried to change a man, because I DESPISE it when other people try to change me. I know how that feels, so I don't do it to anyone else. Maybe I'm rare????
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 129
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/9/2015 6:56:28 PM
Very rare. This sounds almost unbelievable.Of course some guy would take advantage of your easygoing nature.Although you've seemed like a tough lady at times.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 130
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/9/2015 8:19:41 PM
"...easy going nature." Uh huh.

Regarding things like "must like reading", there is a big difference between someone who doesn't stop you from doing what you enjoy and someone who won't let you do what you enjoy. There is a huge difference. If I was dating a guy who liked to fish, for example, I would encourage that even though I wouldn't partake. There are many things I like to do on my own too. Seems some are very rigid. I'm truly easy going.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 131
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/11/2015 12:21:24 PM

Regarding things like "must like reading", there is a big difference between someone who doesn't stop you from doing what you enjoy and someone who won't let you do what you enjoy.

There is also a big difference is how an online reader perceives "Must Like reading" as a past time. Some may be thinking ancient literary classics and thousands of pages read, others may wonder if they Found Waldo on every page.

People always see these lists and activities through their own perception - their own idea what an active 'reader' may be like. The big mistake that gets made is when you continually ride on your assumptions instead of finding out the truth.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 132
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/12/2015 3:05:58 PM

There is also a big difference is how an online reader perceives "Must Like reading" as a past time. Some may be thinking ancient literary classics and thousands of pages read, others may wonder if they Found Waldo on every page.

... or more realistically, others would put it as them liking reading online articles, magazines, etc.

People always see these lists and activities through their own perception - their own idea what an active 'reader' may be like. The big mistake that gets made is when you continually ride on your assumptions instead of finding out the truth.

True. People's personal definitions have an explanation and they Expect 90% of people to more or less see it in the same way. As the base concept applies to a different subject... A common defense one may have about social rights or wrongs is the belief that 90% of people do or see X by someone else as good vs bad, without thinking about it so much (but their convictions tell them so).
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 133
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Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/12/2015 7:14:05 PM
Goodness....so much "drama" over the fact that I feel more comfortable with someone who is a "reader." People who read tend to be a bit more open-minded and open to new thoughts, theories, and ideas. If someone doesn't like to read, fine....but most people are so insecure in who they are, that if you like to do something, and they don't, they attempt to shut it down in the other party. That's my issue. I don't do that to people....I let them do "their thing" (without commentary), and I do mine.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 134
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/12/2015 7:23:34 PM
I don't have a comfort zone, it was relieved of me some time ago. Replaced by the idea that connection will develop or not, regardless of how I intend to qualify/quantify it. And if I were to limit myself per a bio, then I limit myself based on factors that may not even be relevant. Two people can have a similar personality, and be of a completely different background. And because of the connection of personality alone, the differences in background have little to no bearing on what really matters.

And that would be the synergy of the couple, as long as there is something more that keeps you on trajectory past the novelty then you got something. Otherwise you got whatever it is you have, but it isn't potential.
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