Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 126
view profile
History
Dating outside your comfort zonePage 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
And thank, Sunshine Girl. I didn't think I was the ONLY person in the world who had experienced the "you can't read because I don't want you to", syndrome. Intelligent men ARE sexy!
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 127
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/9/2015 4:00:58 PM
@blacklady
What your grandaddy said.But its so common that people end up picking three out of four,maybe less.There always seems to be at least one factor that they put up with...or try to change.Women are well known to try to change a man,I think men attempt this as well.I listen to some of my lady friends,akin to a juggling act...
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 128
view profile
History
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/9/2015 5:22:06 PM
I must say, I have NEVER tried to change a man, because I DESPISE it when other people try to change me. I know how that feels, so I don't do it to anyone else. Maybe I'm rare????
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 129
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/9/2015 6:56:28 PM
Very rare. This sounds almost unbelievable.Of course some guy would take advantage of your easygoing nature.Although you've seemed like a tough lady at times.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 130
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/9/2015 8:19:41 PM
"...easy going nature." Uh huh.

Regarding things like "must like reading", there is a big difference between someone who doesn't stop you from doing what you enjoy and someone who won't let you do what you enjoy. There is a huge difference. If I was dating a guy who liked to fish, for example, I would encourage that even though I wouldn't partake. There are many things I like to do on my own too. Seems some are very rigid. I'm truly easy going.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 131
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/11/2015 12:21:24 PM

Regarding things like "must like reading", there is a big difference between someone who doesn't stop you from doing what you enjoy and someone who won't let you do what you enjoy.

There is also a big difference is how an online reader perceives "Must Like reading" as a past time. Some may be thinking ancient literary classics and thousands of pages read, others may wonder if they Found Waldo on every page.

People always see these lists and activities through their own perception - their own idea what an active 'reader' may be like. The big mistake that gets made is when you continually ride on your assumptions instead of finding out the truth.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 132
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/12/2015 3:05:58 PM

There is also a big difference is how an online reader perceives "Must Like reading" as a past time. Some may be thinking ancient literary classics and thousands of pages read, others may wonder if they Found Waldo on every page.

... or more realistically, others would put it as them liking reading online articles, magazines, etc.

People always see these lists and activities through their own perception - their own idea what an active 'reader' may be like. The big mistake that gets made is when you continually ride on your assumptions instead of finding out the truth.

True. People's personal definitions have an explanation and they Expect 90% of people to more or less see it in the same way. As the base concept applies to a different subject... A common defense one may have about social rights or wrongs is the belief that 90% of people do or see X by someone else as good vs bad, without thinking about it so much (but their convictions tell them so).
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 133
view profile
History
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/12/2015 7:14:05 PM
Goodness....so much "drama" over the fact that I feel more comfortable with someone who is a "reader." People who read tend to be a bit more open-minded and open to new thoughts, theories, and ideas. If someone doesn't like to read, fine....but most people are so insecure in who they are, that if you like to do something, and they don't, they attempt to shut it down in the other party. That's my issue. I don't do that to people....I let them do "their thing" (without commentary), and I do mine.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 134
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/12/2015 7:23:34 PM
I don't have a comfort zone, it was relieved of me some time ago. Replaced by the idea that connection will develop or not, regardless of how I intend to qualify/quantify it. And if I were to limit myself per a bio, then I limit myself based on factors that may not even be relevant. Two people can have a similar personality, and be of a completely different background. And because of the connection of personality alone, the differences in background have little to no bearing on what really matters.

And that would be the synergy of the couple, as long as there is something more that keeps you on trajectory past the novelty then you got something. Otherwise you got whatever it is you have, but it isn't potential.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 135
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/12/2015 7:40:08 PM
Please reread what I posted as you don't seem to comprehend what I said. It was in no way adding drama to your searching for someone who likes reading.

I will point out that your sentence "people who read tend to be a bit more open-minded to new thoughts, theories, and ideas." is a bullshyt generalization and your opinion only. As to "...most people are so insecure....." Quit finding insecure folks and this is another generalization. IMO, you seem very rigid yet claim to be open minded.

Find someone who enjoys doing many of the things you do. AND, find someone who ALLOWS you to do the thing you like to do but they don't enjoy..and vice versa. The most boring thing I can could think of is to spend my life with my clone. Enjoy your sameness and enjoy the differences for its the differences that usually are more fun, teach us something and keep it fresh. IMO (from an open minded person who hasn't picked up a book in six months).

Plus, the last three or four posts were not about you; READING was used as an example, not you.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 136
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/12/2015 8:38:31 PM

People who read tend to be a bit more open-minded and open to new thoughts, theories, and ideas.


And that's why dictators hate readers- and intellectuals- so much.

And some of them even sponsor book burnings.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 137
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/12/2015 8:40:42 PM
Bluemoon makes a good point - you paradoxically limit yourself by over estimating the value of reading in context to having a strong bearing on the quality of the person. Instead of allowing yourself to be more open minded, you chain yourself to a stipulation that couldn't possibly prove to define anyone with any degree of accuracy. The type of people who like to read vary greatly in personality, I serve as a great reminder of that condition, because I read, and I do not serve as anything typical of the personality you might consider a reader have.

Psychopaths can and do read, and probably with consistency instead of readers for the most part being the minority.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 138
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/13/2015 4:16:56 AM
Well I have known a woman that didn't like to read.How would you acquire new information?Talk shows?
Person doesn't read?Avoid.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 139
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/13/2015 5:51:40 AM
My ex wasn't a reader while I was (not counting Cosmo, Sunset or AAA mags).

I'm very internal while she is very external.

She was not faithful.

Should I then correlate non-reading and extroversion with non-monogamy?

Too much of mind fvck. I refuse to draw such a simple conclusion.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 140
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/13/2015 7:17:51 AM
An error in attribution technically makes you prone to believing some type of psychosis... People's tendency to place an undue emphasis on internal characteristics to explain someone else's behavior in a given situation, rather than considering external factors. - the more shit you get wrong - the less you can discern about actuality. And if you draw attribution by something that cannot be a factor - then you forever remain ignorant to reality.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 141
view profile
History
Dating outside your comfort zone
Posted: 2/14/2015 5:54:10 PM
Thank you calguy.

And I don't need any "directions" from you bluemoon, thank you very much!
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  >