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 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 58
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are women too fussyPage 3 of 36    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36)
“Wait and see, because you're assuming he will never get any dates when I would do nothing of the kind.”

Right now, all we have are hypotheses. Solid hypotheses, to which I contributed, based on empirical data, observation and personal experiences/preferences, but hypotheses nonetheless. They cannot rise to the level of theories, much less laws, without being tested, which is why I suggested he experiment, first with a guinea pig (his profile) before himself. Improving the wrong flawed characteristic in hopes of increasing dating opportunities could be a frustrating waste of time and effort – trust me, I know.

“Now how in the World does a man born without limbs happen to find love? I have no idea.”

I think it helps to be born with your challenge, because then that is the only life you ever know. Starting off as a “normal” person then suddenly discovering you have a nearly insurmountable challenge requires a completely different psychological makeup.

On the other hand, the last woman I dated (8 years ago) just married an Iraqi war veteran who came back extremely disfigured and disabled. Then again, despite the fact that she is gorgeous and 3 inches taller, she dated me, so I think her taste in men is somewhat in question (no disrespect to him).

“Even though I am having an exceptionally terrible work week, I am SO happy I live in my universe and not that of several of the PoF forum regulars. whew.”

Every once in a while, someone will ask me why I don’t have any kids. My response usually is, “I wouldn’t wish my life on my worst enemy, much less my own flesh and blood.”
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 59
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are women too fussy
Posted: 1/30/2015 10:37:29 AM
Well I work in the oil indusrty as a NDE technician. All the americans know we are going through a oil bust right now, so the oil companies are putting a big squeeze on us contractors to save a penny. I don't even know if I will have a job next week the way it is going. For now at least, I have steady work. And even though I do complain so much on this forum about my love life, I got a roof over my head and I can eat. It is nice weather right now in SE Texas, so there is that too.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 60
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are women too fussy
Posted: 1/30/2015 11:03:26 AM

yes i have low income and no car and yes i have been tarnished with the loser geek tag for the past 10 years you women expect guys to tell the truth yet when we do we get called losers? no wodner so many guys lie they have to lie to get a foot in the door


This is ridiculous on so many levels, but with such a mindset, there's no amount of advice that will sink in. The above is pretty much the answer you seek, but it just swooshes over one's head. But the thing about one not being able to see the obvious, is that there are a plethora of others who think the same way, so yes, there is someone(s) out there, but alas, you have to find them or they you, so while the whining may make some people feel good for a while, we all pretty much have the same chance of meeting our match (or settling for someone willing) as those we think are superior. Just look at the many many people just like you (whomever you may be) who do have a partner/lover/spouse, what more proof do you need? It' just not happened to you yet, or you passed it by because you were too busy whining. We, as humans, like to use the excuse that nobody likes us *because* of this or that, or that other people are horrible because they don't want us, when in fact, the excuses are lame. You can be short, fat, ugly, bald and poor and find love, just as you can be tall, beautiful, successful and never find love, never find the kind of love you want. The world if full of good looking, successful people who also whine on & on about it not being fair because nobody wants to be with them....you know, nobody they want. We are so often, our own worse enemy.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 61
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/30/2015 11:16:24 AM
What Dayna said. How very true.
I raise a cup to you girl :)
 tgif111
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 62
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/30/2015 2:57:45 PM
yes they are very fussy.

but that is in their nature.

I am 59. I just had a woman who is in her late 50's writing back and forth with said she noticed on my profile that I didn't care about age, either younger or older.

so she wrote that if I had a desire to date women in their 30's she had no interest in dating me but that we could be friends.

that's her prerogative. lots of women out there to date.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 63
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/30/2015 3:04:29 PM
Hawking....


"I think it helps to be born with your challenge, because then that is the only life you ever know. Starting off as a “normal” person then suddenly discovering you have a nearly insurmountable challenge requires a completely different psychological makeup."


This may have some merit but it does not account for the many with acquired challenges who not only prevail but become an inspiration to many....


There is a young lady I know who at the age of 18 was in a car accident. It was her fault....of that there is no doubt. She was out celebrating her imminent leave for college when she made the poor decision to drink and drive. In that one moment, for all intents and purposes, she died....even as she survived.

It would be many days after surgery to replace and fuse the shattered cervical vertebra before this young lady would be conscious enough to learn her fate....a C3 quadraplegic......and much longer to understand what that really meant.


I won't lie....the first year was a year of uncountable tears but even in their mist was much laughter!

I know this young lady well as she is my niece. And this accident ocurred two weeks before my husband was diagnosed with multiple terminal cancers.

Two unlikely people became each other's inspiration as one was learning how to live again and the other was learning how live each moment they had left....


We ALL have a story.....challenges, adversity and tragedy are part of the human experience.....what we choose to do with those experiences are what defines us.


If you choose to let it define you in a negative manner......then own it. Simple as that.



And as a footnote.....

My niece travels around the country to speak at high schools with the hope of reducing the number of DUI tragedies..... And the most important point for her that she imparts.....is that her fate is nothing compared to the pain that would have ensued had she harmed or killed someone else.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 64
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/30/2015 3:58:51 PM
@swampy
Some things in your original post about women online are mostly correct...and some things about yourself should be modified.I would change intent and omit the child.Change your proffesion.You need a vehicle,unless you have no license?
Most definitely there is a level disconnect online.Some women may be more concerned about impressing their friends about who you are....women brag about being able to be choosey but their success doesn't impress from what I see in friends.
 ItCouldBeNice
Joined: 7/6/2014
Msg: 65
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/30/2015 4:13:39 PM
" i have been tarnished with the loser geek tag "

Okay. So, half of the women you KNOW label you as a "Sex God" and the other half label you with the "loser geek" tag.

Is it possible that you don't respect the women who actually like you because you have failed to live up to your own expectations? You seem harsh on yourself. And, your judgment on these women who like you is a little harsh.

"obese below average women with plenty of baggage low income and poor social skills"

Maybe you idealize the women who don't like you... when you don't even know if they are worth your time or not because you haven't dated them? Is it possible that if one of these "other" women were to change their mind about you... you would find something wrong about them too.... just like you have found something wrong with every woman you've ever dated?
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 66
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/30/2015 7:15:42 PM

We ALL have a story.....challenges, adversity and tragedy are part of the human experience.....what we choose to do with those experiences are what defines us.

If you choose to let it define you in a negative manner......then own it. Simple as that.


I know I plug TEDtalks a lot, but there was a women (research psychologist I think) who opted out of tenure to pursue research on stress. The information out now basically says stress = bad. But that isn't exactly true, because stress allows you to rise to meet whatever challenge.

So it isn't stress that's bad, its how you manage that stress. If you have a fight or flight response - and it doesn't bother you much. Then you're better off (statistically speaking) in terms of health and longevity than people who experience relatively low stress throughout life.

Just thought id add a footnote to that statement - because I agree 100%

 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 67
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/30/2015 8:24:13 PM

So it isn't stress that's bad, its how you manage that stress. If you have a fight or flight response - and it doesn't bother you much. Then you're better off (statistically speaking) in terms of health and longevity than people who experience relatively low stress throughout life.


None of these things are necessarily bad when they allow us to survive. The problem is not when it's in a reaction, it's when they are constant. And you're constantly immersed in Cortisol and Adrenaline.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 68
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/30/2015 8:48:55 PM
Yeah the cortisol and adrenaline can be damaging like drug abuse sort of - but if you learn how to control it. Like the type of freaks who enjoy brush with death circumstance - you kind of learn how to meditate through it. Which isn't accurate by definition - but its the closest way to explain how you can turn it into a positive experience. Instead of getting shaky, which is reduced through taming but as far as I know nothing you can shut off completely, you gain focus, reflexes and coordination improve - time seems to slow down. Not like the matrix, but it does give you the ability to take advantage of seconds. And seconds as an advantage are a very underappreciated asset.

I don't know though, I think the sympathetic nerve system is a tough thing to master. It's like meditation - seems like a bunch of crap when you think about it. But they got MRI readings and research studies that scientifically documents the benefit of being able to shut the voice down in your head, (essentially what meditation is - at least to me) and focus on you know whatever. And it shows that your brain is actually working out, much the same way muscles are grown. I focus on the pavement, just a formed sidewalk, maybe it has gum stuck to it? Anyway it helps me to mute the narrator in my head, hes cool and all, but that dude gets annoying sometimes.
 i8pineapple
Joined: 6/20/2014
Msg: 69
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/31/2015 2:53:40 AM
I dont think women are too fussy at all. Probably they're just trying to filter out a few idiots. Easier to blame womenfolk than our own lack of style.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 70
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/31/2015 7:31:57 AM
...........too fussy?

Not me.
Selective, yes.
Thousands of messages, well over 100 "meet dates", a few false starts, I met my perfect man.
?Perfect for anyone else? LOL Not by a long shot! Perfect by the standards set by many women? Not at all!
Perfect, according to many male opinions, of what a woman looks for in a man? Good grief NO!
Just perfect for me!
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 71
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/31/2015 7:36:24 AM
Vote NO on FUSSY!

Let's get an anti-fuss campaign started.

Ladies, for now on, you only need to have ONE box checked to qualify a man :)
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 72
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/31/2015 7:40:52 AM
On dating sites, many people from both genders can be very picky.

Men largely about looks.
Women about looks, height, and sometimes income / education level.
 TALL_IQ2
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 73
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/31/2015 7:50:58 AM

"Ladies, for now on, you only need to have ONE box checked to qualify a man :)"


Actually, years ago I said ladies ( and guys ) would be best advised to have ONLY 5 "dealbreakers" they use to rule out potential partners. Instead of the usual 20-50 that many long-term inveterate singles still haul around from past baggage.

Somehow, most guys seem to agree they can get by with just 5. Many ladies seem to struggle mightily with that limit.

There is a default evolutionary brain function that I call the "Fault-Seeking Missile". It kept most of our most alert ancestors from being eaten by the few tigers in the forest, they were constantly scanning the forest for any possible danger or even just any "anomaly" they might see. So those that had it survived and bred the most.

We still have that hard-wired evolutionary brain function, and when it is allowed to dominate our focus, it effectively kills any possible developing romantic interest in a potential new partner when it "finds" any slight perceived "imperfection". No tigers to fear today, so it automatically resets your focus of attention down to almost any trivial little thing it can find.

THAT is why allowing only 5 dealbreakers, instead of 20-50 is much more likely to allow success in a romantic partner search.

S
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 74
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are women too fussy
Posted: 1/31/2015 8:23:39 AM
So what are your 5?



Actually, years ago I said ladies ( and guys ) would be best advised to have ONLY 5 "dealbreakers" they use to rule out potential partners. Instead of the usual 20-50 that many long-term inveterate singles still haul around from past baggage.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 75
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/31/2015 9:12:23 AM
Rather than dealBREAKERS, why not focus on dealMAKERS?

examples:
live within 25 mile radius
be financially solvent
monogamous, etc.

I recommend 3-5 dealmakers & be flexible on the rest

I don't advocate "settling" but among older people, realism can be lacking...
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 76
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/31/2015 9:20:43 AM
[why not focus on dealMAKERS?]


A brain, a heart and courage


'Wizard of Oz'
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 77
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/31/2015 9:22:48 AM
TALL_IQ2:
There is a default evolutionary brain function that I call the "Fault-Seeking Missile". It kept most of our most alert ancestors from being eaten by the few tigers in the forest, they were constantly scanning the forest for any possible danger or even just any "anomaly" they might see. So those that had it survived and bred the most.

We still have that hard-wired evolutionary brain function, and when it is allowed to dominate our focus, it effectively kills any possible developing romantic interest in a potential new partner when it "finds" any slight perceived "imperfection". No tigers to fear today, so it automatically resets your focus of attention down to almost any trivial little thing it can find.

You are a wise man, TALL_IQ2. This is a kind way of reframing critical behavior. I will tuck this into my back pocket because I have a challenging first date today.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 78
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/31/2015 9:44:47 AM
Why go meet someone and anticipate it to be "challenging"? To me, "challenging" is a negative. I don't get this.
 TALL_IQ2
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 79
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/31/2015 9:54:53 AM

Finding and maintaining a highly compatible long-term SO relationship IS
the second greatest challenge in life for most everyone,
since success there REQUIRES SHARING about 50% power/control/clear communication/emotional intelligence with another imperfect human being like yourself.


A near impossibility for many of the inveterate Forumites that always seem to nay-say positive ideas from newbies and try to criticize other's good intentions. Constant criticism may seem slightly entertaining to some, others will see it as the common human default defense mechanism that it is.

S
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 80
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/31/2015 10:12:00 AM
I remember the old days and I don't think I was young and stupid...I found a guy I liked and he liked me, we had nothing and married...for a long time. No second guessing, no list of deal breakers, no red flags, no thoughts of power, control, 50% of anything...we just lived and worked it out. It's not like we didn't have rough patches, we did, but I guess we both felt that together was far better than apart and what we had in common far outweighed our differences. It wasn't challenging the first time but to some it sure is the second or third time.

Do we over think all this now? Maybe we need to re-think the list of must have/ must not have. Lighten up, date with an open mind instead of automatically looking for faults before you've even had the first course at dinner. I think if you truly like the opposite sex, truly like an afternoon or evening out the house and are open minded...you can manage to be engaged and positive through a first coffee, lunch or walk in the park .
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 81
are women too fussy
Posted: 1/31/2015 10:24:34 AM

There is a default evolutionary brain function that I call the "Fault-Seeking Missile". It kept most of our most alert ancestors from being eaten by the few tigers in the forest, they were constantly scanning the forest for any possible danger or even just any "anomaly" they might see. So those that had it survived and bred the most.

We still have that hard-wired evolutionary brain function, and when it is allowed to dominate our focus, it effectively kills any possible developing romantic interest in a potential new partner when it "finds" any slight perceived "imperfection". No tigers to fear today, so it automatically resets your focus of attention down to almost any trivial little thing it can find.


Yeah, and we also used to routinely eat our young.

I think that line of reasoning conveniently lets people off the hook with their behavior with a "I can't help it - it's the way I'm wired." We have a choice - either we can look for fault in potential partners (and everything else) or we can look for "dealmakers" as Angel so eloquently put it.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 82
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are women too fussy
Posted: 1/31/2015 10:49:38 AM

Lighten up, date with an open mind instead of automatically looking for faults before you've even had the first course at dinner. I think if you truly like the opposite sex, truly like an afternoon or evening out the house and are open minded...you can manage to be engaged and positive through a first coffee, lunch or walk in the park .


This^^^^^^^^

Smart lady.....


There is a default evolutionary brain function that I call the "Fault-Seeking Missile". It kept most of our most alert ancestors from being eaten by the few tigers in the forest, they were constantly scanning the forest for any possible danger or even just any "anomaly" they might see. So those that had it survived and bred the most.

Sounds like "pattern recognition" which is a basal function in our visual perception...doesn't really factor into choosing a partner for anything more than appearance, as in symmetry of features, skin colouring, etc. Most animals have this function which is why camouflage is so effective.....can be like trying to pick a particular zebra among a herd...


Sounds like OLD to me!!! LOL :-)
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