Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 26
view profile
History
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like? Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
"It could be just me but no one has mentioned they actually took the time to discuss this unrequited like with the person it involved."-another_nail_in_my_heart

For me, there was no need to. I knew how she felt about me, and there wasn't an ounce of romance in her eyes when she looked at me. Her body language, while relaxed, never gave off a hint of interest in me.

So it was a my problem, not hers. There was no reason to bring it up with her. Plus even though she acts dense, I know her well enough to know she is not stupid. She realized a long time ago what I was feeling, but she just chose to ignore it.
 MeMeMeatlast
Joined: 1/26/2015
Msg: 27
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/30/2015 8:14:57 AM

I don't remain friends with any old GFs either. Too much passion involved for either of us to remain neutral friends.


Ditto, never works, like being offered a cigarette after you've quit for a few months. Next thing you know, the clothes are gone and you're back to the same ol when you should be with a new one.
 ItCouldBeNice
Joined: 7/6/2014
Msg: 28
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/30/2015 6:10:34 PM
I have been on both sides.

It is easier to walk away.

The person who wants to be "just friends" is eventually going to start looking for a person that they like MORE than you even if you go out of your way to be very good friend. IF your attention is stuck on THIS person, you are likely to miss out on a good relationship for yourself with someone who likes you just as much as you like them. And.... it is really sad when your "friend" introduces you to their new "girlfriend" or "boyfriend". Or...... you find out on your own that they are dating someone else. If in the back of your mind you were hoping that things might change in the future.... you feel really silly at this point.

The so-called "friends" who don't walk away often have ulterior motives for staying... and they can cause problems in current relationships.

Personally I like having friends of the opposite sex; however, things have to be pretty equal for a friendship to work. We have to both be single and not looking for a relationship.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 29
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/30/2015 8:15:31 PM
I've done that, because I enjoy communicating with everyone who makes contact with me. But the message system isn't well relayed, and im hardly ever on the POF side of things. So ill leave a message for a week accidently or something - and the person will be hurt. But its simply because a lot of the time I don't check my email or anything I just kind of sit here and manically hit the refresh key lol jk. But damn close sometimes.

Maybe we can make a deal with the creator markus and totally just lie about how awesome and successful online dating is. Just plug the hell out of it, sell out - get ourselves a live chat function.
 OtisGreening
Joined: 12/8/2014
Msg: 30
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/31/2015 12:35:45 AM

So what you are saying is that you were really friends at some point with a guy you describe as socially awkward, unattractive and didn't respect women. But for some reason, something changed and you chose to cut off contact slowly.

What did he do that pissed you off?


I never considered him a friend, just a classmate. He didn't respect women & I don't keep men like that around - platonic or otherwise. The slow cutting off was due to circumstance. He asked me out after the semester had already ended so we weren't seeing each other nearly as regularly as we were before. Our only method for communication after classes were over was the phone (texting). After I declined his offer, I remember a couple sporadic texts throughout that summer (all initiated by him, as I was already seeing someone else during this time) and then when the fall semester started we didn't contact each other AT ALL (didn't have any classes together either). I remember the last time he contacted me was during the break between fall & spring semester and I just didn't respond. That's the last I ever heard from him. So yeah, that's why it took 6+ months to actually cease contact for good.

I once had a girlfriend who cut guys off when she found out they liked her. She claimed it was "awkward" & expressed disgust at the thought of someone she deemed unappealing finding her appealing. However, she was a real b|tch and we are no longer friends because she doesn't know how to treat people, surprised? Haha. She went through "friends" like most people go through toilet paper.
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 31
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/31/2015 2:38:41 AM
I think it's smart to cut "friendships" off when one person expresses unrequited like. As much as it might seem like an evil thing to do to someone, it isn't. It's mercy.

Personally, I've had to cut ties with more women that I'd like because unrequited attraction seems to consume them after a certain amount of time. They either try to sabotage my relationships or they try to sabotage me. My friends always make fun of me because it seems that the only women that approach me (for romantic purposes)are unstable.

I don't think it's leading a person on to try to maintain the friendship. It's just not very wise. People are taught by the media that love is something you shouldn't give up on. That persistence will get the girl/guy. The dirty, ugly, truth is, the only thing persistence gets anyone is a restraining order.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 32
view profile
History
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/31/2015 5:34:28 AM

Nah, IME since 6th grade people have been a lot better at adjusting their behavior without having to hit a brick wall.


Agreed! LOL

Had a very good ale friend who I went through a brief period of "liking and perhaps considering more" with, but it never occurred to me to end a 5 yr friendship over it, why???

About 1 yr or two after that, HE went through the same thing, but I was no longer interested, lol
Timing can really be a b!tch...LOL

I'm a grown up and don't feel that I am incapable of being around a person that I like more or differently than they like me,
If I need some "space" to come to terms with it after discussing it with them and realizing they don't feel the same, then I will take some space.
Feelings that AREN'T dwelt upon or nurtured have nowhere to go and WILL eventually die if you allow them to, so really not necessary to throw the baby out with the bathwater, imo

As for being on the other side...well, same rules apply and it's NOT my place to "save" anyone else from their own feelings, they are perfectly capable of doing that for themselves should they need to, assuming they, too, are an adult....

When I worked with teens and even male prisoners, I was a magnet for this type of thing with the boys and handled those situations in an entirely different manner, of course....I hope with sensitivity and compassion. That actually HAS been validated when I've encountered some now adult men who I worked with as teens, well as a couple of ex-cons....
If someone likes me and I have been honest and direct with them in explaining that I don't return those feelings...but feel that they are still "hoping" I might change my mind...Well I will take some space in that instance until they get over it, and they ALWAYS do....
I am not delusional enough to believe that I will "scar them for Life" or that it is my responsibility to know what is best for THEM....lmao
All I can do is be honest, direct and compassionate, but it's important to remember that those kind of experiences are a NECESSARY part of growth as a person, and teach us how to take care of ourselves properly in our relationships....imo
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 33
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/31/2015 8:07:32 AM
My amygdala once got hijacked when my FWB gave me some nice shirts...

"Get out of there Rocky!"

The gift...a good litmus test to if this is a 'relationship', or not...
 OtisGreening
Joined: 12/8/2014
Msg: 34
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/31/2015 10:47:52 AM
As far as the receiving end, I've never been on that side with actual friends or acquaintances. Sure, I've dated guys who I liked more than they liked me.

So you think completely it's unreasonable or ridiculous that someone would be disgusted by the fact that someone is attracted to them, that they are not attracted to? Like, "Ew!!! How DARE they?" or do you find any attraction towards you to be flattering?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/31/2015 11:04:11 AM
@Otis....Honestly, for me, when younger it WAS an issue at times...Not because of the "Ewww" thing, more because I had very few boundaries and allowed other people's feelings to supplant my own...So it was pretty uncomfortable to feel BOTH sides of the situation...lol
I wasn't really able to take care of my boundaries well, still have challenges there, and felt a really fvcked up sense of...obligation, is the best way to describe it....Like I OWED them something..? NOT a good feeling when you did nothing to ask for such an "emotional onslaught"...(drama intended, lol)

As I've gotten older and am able to handle that MUCH better, I DO find it flattering that another human being sees something good in me and recognizes and appreciates that....Hard to be "offended" by such a positive thing imo....unless you're walking around with some kind of rating system in your head classifying every man you meet...as in "worthy" or not of your obviously extremely valuable attentions....
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 36
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/31/2015 11:06:44 AM
[Sure, I've dated guys who I liked more than they liked me.
So you think completely it's unreasonable or ridiculous that someone would be disgusted by the fact that someone is attracted to them, that they are not attracted to? Like, "Ew!!! How DARE they?" or do you find any attraction towards you to be flattering?]


99% of the time the opposite for me. It's them liking me more than I like them.
I do not, however feel disgusted or anything of that nature.
It's just simply awkward for me, very...very... awkward.
I feel horrible that I can't reciprocate because just about everyone of them are stellar people. Great bunch of guys. I just think to myself they deserve someone who feels exactly as they do. I won't go in half hearted nor will I lead them on.
Hence why I stay away... anti-social like. I'm just a friend, a sister. Nothing more.
And yes, their attraction is flattering. It means there is something about me likable. I'm humbled.
Even if it's just sexual attraction. I'm not offended. It means I still "got it" lol.
It is what it is.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 37
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 2/2/2015 10:28:51 PM

Have you ever stopped talking to someone (whether abruptly or gradually) because their feelings towards you were unrequited?

This is phrased ("feelings") assuming non-platonically, so yeah -- usually gradually, being busy, etc. Letting them they know if they're not catching the hint. It's actually a Good thing to do, when you're not dating. If you are, after given a bit of time to not rush a breakup and to contemplate it, you should breakup with them.

Have you ever been on the receiving end of such treatment?

Yeah, way back in the day. I try not to show my "cards" of feelings for a gal too soon, though. I would assume though in some rare situations, hasty assumptions could have been made by a gal, assuming I was too into her when I wasn't, and THAT being *the* reason why she backed away into the sunset. But no, not by the rational. :)

I was seeing one gal who was crazy a few years ago -- she was my friend's sister and we were secretly seeing each other, with her initial aim to be FWB. She admitted off the bat she fears guys liking her too much, so she'd treat them like crap to create some distance, and I experienced that with her. Her advice to "just let me know what's up" didn't pan out. :)

I've known other girls who immediately stop talking to guys after they find out he likes her. I always thought that was a bit harsh.

If they were talking 1-on-1 with the guy, what did they expect, right? Now, if he played his game well to give her the impression he wasn't chasing her at all and it was about other reasons to get her # -- but then she found out he liked her, I could understand her rightfully just backing away. Maybe not immediate in that sense, because there is a chance he didn't Initially like her and wasn't pulling a bait & switch (but chances are high he was). She'd have to be pretty convinced (logically speaking) that he was pulling that bait & switch to do so immediately.

All in all, you shouldn't "drop the Mic" and just disappear, no. False assumptions can be easily made, or blown out of proportion. Especially if you became friends. Bring up the topic and say "Hey, I heard that you liked me, is that true?" And then if he says yes, then tell him that you're not interested in him in that way. Yes, if he does say yes, I can understand not wanting to be friends. Who in their right mind wants to form an opp-sex friend who's into them when you're not into them? I would say be polite & understandable about it, that's all.
 OtisGreening
Joined: 12/8/2014
Msg: 38
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 2/2/2015 10:55:01 PM
Yeah, I wouldn't assume I knew so much about these people. I've no idea what he or she was thinking in detail, and I knew them. The short answer was that the unrequited like was "awkward". One of these girls was just a straight-up b|tch and would stop talking to people (male or female) for any little reason. She couldn't keep friends to save her life.

I only had one male friend who I liked as more than a friend. Once I told him (God, that was a nerve-wracking night!) we began dating and were a couple for 2.5 years. Most of the other guys who liked me I didn't like.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 39
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 2/2/2015 11:13:24 PM

I only had one male friend who I liked as more than a friend. Once I told him (God, that was a nerve-wracking night!) we began dating and were a couple for 2.5 years.

Not surprising one bit. Can't believe you were all worked up and nervous about getting shot down, if he was at all close to being a 1-on-1 friend. Speaking objectively, you're a hottie -- heterosexual, single guys wanting to be friends with you are going to want to at least 'have a taste' -- and if a friendship solidifies & continues, he's going to want to date you. Speaking of High probability, of course. So it's WAY easier for a real cute gal to date a guy-friend, than it is a guy-friend to nab his real cute female friend.

Most of the other guys who liked me I didn't like.

As I implied above about how fewer it works in a guy's favor when they reach out to her in those situations, no surprise there one bit either. :)

Once I move to Seattle, I told myself I wouldn't be friends with men unless I have some attraction towards them from jump.

Ehhh? Why play the friends-first role-playing game though? Not a good idea at all. Of course, your position is better than wanting to only be friends with guys you Weren't attracted to. That'd be a setup for drama in worse way.

The male friends I have now are either 1) gay or 2) not romantically/sexually appealing. LOL.

Hetero single guys who are not attracted to you are not going to want to be forging a friendship, especially if they sense you like them, unless for some uncommon reason (like you have hot friends and/or act like a social pipeline that they're lacking).

For me, dating someone I already know is infinitely better than dating strangers.

Well, who wants to date a stranger?
Barb: "Hey Otis, I hear you're dating someone! Is he cute?"
Otis: "Oh yeah, he's cute. Totally delicious."
Barb: "Nice! What's his name? What does he do?"
Otis: "Fvck if I know. I think his name's Tom or something. He's a total stranger to me. He's hot though."

Kidding aside, I'll take what you say as you don't want to Start dating someone you don't know prior. Sure -- it's your comfort-zone. Someone you know from work, school, within a social group -- they're not a stranger anymore. Yep.

But I will say playing the friends-first game is just role-playing. I advise against it, to avoid drama. I guess it Could be cute if you're really into him and he's really into you from the getgo when starting a friendship. But then again, it's kind of unnecessary, as it's just role-playing.
 OtisGreening
Joined: 12/8/2014
Msg: 40
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 2/2/2015 11:24:14 PM
I get what you're saying about "role-playing". It should just happen gradually. I just hear about so many of my female friends who are married or engaged to men that they were friends with first, and I hate OLD. Dating strangers doesn't work for me. Re: my girlfriends, I know it can happen but it's not like they were LOOKING for male friends who could be their potential husband one day. Damn. It just happened that way, like my guy who I dated for 2.5 years.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 41
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 2/3/2015 12:05:32 AM

I get what you're saying about "role-playing". It should just happen gradually.

Well, I'd say the key word would be Naturally.

I just hear about so many of my female friends who are married or engaged to men that they were friends with first, and I hate OLD.

Yeah, I understand not being a fan of OLD -- but that's not the only way to meet new people. You shouldn't not-like OLD because it's meeting new people, with an understood attraction in looks + basic criteria. Otherwise, you wouldn't like meeting new people with that understood in general. One should not like it because of their options or too many players they run into (especially if they aim for girls or guys out of their league; that's naturally going to happen; better chance with someone a bit out of one's league if you already know each other).

I know it can happen but it's not like they were LOOKING for male friends who could be their potential husband one day.

Yeah, I would hope not... same as I would hope they weren't on the look-out for male friends who could get them pregnant 'cause they wanted kids. "male friends" and both of those concepts -- even DATING -- doesn't mix. One's platonic, one's non-platonic. Big difference! :)

The problem with the purposely set "friends first" game is that it's role-playing. It didn't "just happen that way" naturally. What people are trying to do when they go online or meet someone at a bar and want to play the "friends first" game is to Re-Enact that "natural" way. I say to those people -- CHILL. You're obfuscating stuff on purpose to role-play... it causes excuses for someone to just sleep with you and leave ("Hey, we specifically weren't Dating; there's no romantic obligation; I'm busy, sheesh - I still consider you my friend; you're still a friend on FB") or to use someone else as companionship ("Hey, I said we were just friends at first!") -- when the obvious Intent wasn't platonic in the first place (but role-played to re-enact).

When a guy senses or finds out a gal is wanting to form a friendship with him because she thinks he's cute and is potentially dating material, the cat's out of the bag for the intellectually & emotionally honest -- and just Feels role-playing and is uncomfortable. For you, it may be a "pick your poison" and you not wanting to think about it that way.

Not wanting to go out on dates with a guy you've gotten to know a bit thru work or social-groups, off the bat because you find him cute can be OK. Being somewhat social-group friends, and then hearing that Otis thinks you're cute but she only dates guys she already gets to know, is pretty much OK (can come across as too sensitive tho) -- but once he finds out, that comfort-zone is only going to last a short period of time if he really likes you.

A lot of people use the friends-first gig to juggle multiple options -- or explicitly "friends first" agreement to have an escape-hatch they otherwise wouldn't Feel they would have had. IMO, I say one should just relax. Hang out 1-on-1 after you've gotten acquainted with them via work or social-groups... no role-playing as platonic required -- you just aren't going out on a D-a-t-e, you're just hanging out, getting a feel for each other, with no expectations... but yeah, nobody's trying to make it a secret that you both have platonic feelings for each other. And if things feel like they're clicking, amp it up to more of a Date where there's going to be a kiss and all, and take it from there.
 GhettoFoot
Joined: 9/4/2016
Msg: 42
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 11/11/2016 12:05:14 AM
I wouldn't cut them off willy-nilly but I'd distance myself from them for sure. Maybe we can continue being closer once they don't like me anymore. If I had a secret crush on them, it wouldn't be unrequited so I'd be all for it.

Otherwise, shoo.
 MarsWarGod
Joined: 9/9/2016
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 11/11/2016 9:37:55 AM
Unrequited women never happened to me...I'm always the one with the unrequited feelings.

I "fell in like" with one of my best friends. She was a new co-worker at my old job. At first I wasn't attracted to her until I made a "Demon Dogs" reference from an old cartoon. Seeing that she was something of a closet geek piqued my interest. We became good friends over the following months and I started taking a liking to her. We were practically inseparable, to the point where people thought that we were together. I eventually got the courage to ask her out and she politely declined. Despite that, I still remained friends with her and tried to deal with my feelings toward her until my jealousy toward her boyfriends was obvious and plain to see.

We had a huge fight and she stopped speaking to me for a month. Eventually, she started speaking to me again and I stopped looking at her romantically. We are still friends to this very day.
 SDPhotoLady
Joined: 11/1/2016
Msg: 44
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 11/13/2016 7:16:52 AM
What does it mean to "fall in like"?

Similar to you, I had stronger feelings for a man than he had for me. I had a fight with him. I apologized, but he stopped communicating with me for six weeks. I thought I'd never hear from him again, but then he contacted me. I kept hoping that he would grow to care about me on the same level that I cared for him, but he never did, so I walked away. It was not easy, but necessary. I felt like we were stringing each other along, and since we were never going to be on the same page, it was time for me to move on.

I think you need to find someone, who will like you as much as you like them. Can people change? Yes, but if they aren't into you, why waste your time with them? Since this girl you like has a boyfriend, it's best to keep your feelings in check. You can still be friends, though, as long as your jealousy over he boyfriend doesn't pose a problem.
 IgottaName
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 45
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 11/13/2016 11:14:07 AM
You mean would I stop being friends with someone who continued to make advances after I have explicitly told them I was not interested in that type of relationship? Yes. Stalkers and crazies always looking for validation...
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 46
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 11/13/2016 12:31:19 PM
^ Would you put that thing away?
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 5/3/2016
Msg: 47
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 11/13/2016 2:46:01 PM
You all think you got big problems. Try being in unrequited love with yourself :(
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 48
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 11/13/2016 5:09:32 PM
is that what masturbation is?
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 11/13/2016 7:23:16 PM
Unrequited love with your self sounds like every time you try to rub one out with your main hand, your other hand comes out to slap your main hand away.

Truly a sad situation to be in.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 50
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 11/13/2016 7:29:03 PM
I'm sure attractive extroverted charismatic types have this happen regularly


" oh here we go again , person x thinks i'm interested in them just because i'm being myself and they think it's their lucky day ....sigh "
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?