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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?      Home login  
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 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 76
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like? Page 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

Remaining friends when your feelings are so strong....
Is pure torture.

It all depends on how you deal with it. I work with a woman who from the moment I saw her I wanted to be a part of her life. She knows it, hell everyone at work knows it and we are friends. It will always be "unrequited like" but knowing she has no interest in dating me puts it in perspective. To me she is just a woman I know.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 77
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/26/2018 6:37:45 PM

unrequited like?


A constant reality in the ongoing story of my life.

The names and the faces may change, but the reality remains constant.
 nba24
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 78
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/26/2018 10:58:29 PM

I mean people talk about the friend zone in like that if you do things differently that you wouldn't be just a friend and that you would have a chances or that it is like your fallt that you are friends. That I don't belive its not like movies/Tv where people are friends and then just like that became more. Sure maybe sometimes people are friends and things change but that is very unlikely. No I don't hate women I just don't get them and this whole cant be friends because you like them and they don't fell the same way is stupid. I am not good with people in general. I have heard people say that you should try to be friends with someone first but I don't know how to really even make female friends all my friends are guys. I mean I would rather have a friend ship then nothing. If I like someone and they don't fell the same way the worst thing they can do is try to avoided me. Having someone I like avoid me just makes me fell more akward and just makes me fell more worthless and desperate for a gf. Its not a waste of time. So no I would rather not have my self esteemed killed even more and fell even more desperate. Its not going to take my focus away on finding a women who does like me. If any thing it is just going to make it even hardered to find a woman if some one like just advoids me has I am going to be more desperate and am going to fell more worthless 2 things that are big time turnoffs to woman. So if you are friends with some one for like a long time good long life friend or something and someone ends up deveopming fellings you should just end that long time friendship just because the other person don't fell the same way? Yeah that is stupid.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 79
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/27/2018 1:01:35 AM
I have cut off any contact with a dude who I liked more than what was reciprocated. It was better for me (emotionally) to do so.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 80
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/27/2018 3:15:25 AM
"But I have to say -- why do you think about her every day?"-norwegianguy456

I don't know really. I don't have to experience to tell what romantic love is. How much was it a crush, and how much was it something more? I have no clue. She was as close to my ideal of a woman I have seen so far. Beautiful, incredibly intelligent, funny, kind, nerdy, willing to hang out with me. lol

Maybe it is because when I was with her, I actually felt like a normal guy instead of the failure of a human that I usually feel like.
We didn't date, and I can see now that that was probably a good thing. My relationships usually crash and burn within a few weeks. It is part of the reason that romance terrifies me. It is strange, to be simultaneously covetting something and being terrified of it.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 81
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/27/2018 4:23:23 AM
^^^^
"My relationships usually crash and burn within a few weeks"
because of your inexperience?
because you think it will end in failure since that appears to be your expectation beforehand?
because your inherent nature inhibits your ability to interact with women?
because I'm guessing and wondering what you think the reasons are?
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 82
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/27/2018 12:15:57 PM
Well, at 35, women expect you to have lots of experience. When you have little, they tend to lose interest quickly.
As for expecting failure, so far I am batting 100% percent at being a failure in romance, so it is logical.
I am a huge introvert, and romance doesn't come very easy to me. I tried before, and it usually doesn't end well. It is almost comical in how hard it fails.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 83
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/27/2018 1:01:43 PM

I have heard people say that you should try to be friends with someone first but I don't know how to really even make female friends all my friends are guys.

No, don't follow that. That's called being Friend-Zoned. The closest thing to it is you don't ask them out at first, but you befriend them Within the social-group until you make your 1st move, if you don't sense any notable attraction on her part about ya.

But obviously, you're not going to meet a gal within a greater social-group circle... many times it's 1-on-1. No, don't try and be Just Friends, 1-on-1. Dumb idea. :)

I mean I would rather have a friend ship then nothing.

When you Like the gal, and that was The Reason you even got acquainted with her in the first place -- the reason you'll want to develop a friendship is Because you Like her. You're mistakenly looking at it as "something". It's Not. It's NOTHING. It's not a bronze medal. Your emotions are mistakenly taking it that way. You're wasting your time, UNLESS you're not THAT into her -- she just seemed, ehh, worthy to ask out but she wasn't interested -- and she has a lot of gal-pal friends, and you can become Social-Group friends (NOT 1-on-1) to expand your connections with Others (not her).

So if you are friends with some one for like a long time good long life friend or something and someone ends up deveopming fellings you should just end that long time friendship just because the other person don't fell the same way? Yeah that is stupid.

You don't become friends with girls you were chasing to develop some long-time friendship with them. It's not 2nd place, it's not 3rd place. It's no place. Why do I say that? Because the reason why you're motivated TO develop something is because you LIKE her in-that-way. In the back of your mind, you're chasing her. Sure, far down the line you May end up being no different than being good friends with your buddy's GF or sister who you wouldn't even want to touch. But be real. Don't chase any type of relationship with a gal you dig, who isn't into you. Small chances to actually develop a close friendship after she rejects you as a guy she doesn't really know much -- and no, it's not a "at least I got something" out of it. You're just fooling yourself and wasting your time.

Basilik:

She was as close to my ideal of a woman I have seen so far. Beautiful, incredibly intelligent, funny, kind, nerdy, willing to hang out with me. lol

Okay, she was a female friend you had a crush on, but she wasn't into you. Sounds like you weren't just emotionally chasing her, but also chasing to spend time with her, at least to a small extent... so it was easy & natural for you to not hang out with her anymore (just no effort; it'll pass by itself).

I agree much of your pining is due to you not having a real relationship in your life. But remember this: If you did, you'd come to realize that she isn't as perfect as your imagination has constructed. You'd Feel that she wasn't as perfect, because when a gal Does accept you as a BF, you see their faults, issues, etc. Not to say she wouldn't be GF-worthy, of course. Just saying you don't have the experience of Reality. Post-honeymoon Reality, too. And when we pine over someone we can't have -- the imagination constructs them Too perfectly when they're a great catch on the surface. And it gets too hardened when we can't relate to experiences of patterns where even great catches aren't so amazing, even when still a great catch.
 ImSoIntuitive
Joined: 9/19/2016
Msg: 84
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2018 12:36:07 PM
Even if I did not sever contact, there is certainly nothing gained from chasing the wind.
 jco415
Joined: 1/4/2017
Msg: 85
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2018 5:55:27 PM

Have you ever stopped talking to someone (whether abruptly or gradually) because their feelings towards you were unrequited? Have you ever been on the receiving end of such treatment?
So, if THEIR feelings for YOU are unrequited that means YOU are not returning the feelings! So why the question? Just drop them.

OR....maybe you used the word incorrectly/incorrect word/sentence structure and actually meant to say that YOUR feelings for them go unrequited?

Which is it?

Writing correctly makes a difference.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 86
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/30/2018 12:09:13 AM

So, if THEIR feelings for YOU are unrequited that means YOU are not returning the feelings! So why the question? Just drop them.

I think OP was asking if you were on either side... whether you stopped talking to someone because their feelings were unrequited by you... or have You ever been on the receiving end of that (reversed roles). I think the OP wanted to know people's perspectives of being on either side of the coin, when one person's like that to the other.

IMO, you shouldn't keep talking with them -- as an item or potential item -- when their feelings toward you are unrequited. Otherwise, you're leading them on. If you're a gal, it's tough to do, because you get free dinners & attention, tho. ;)
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 87
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/30/2018 11:59:10 AM
Msg. 88, you know what the person meant. 4 pages of people properly interpreting the question and then you had to come in here cherry-picking. LOL....has this thread & the content got you feeling some kind of way?
 jco415
Joined: 1/4/2017
Msg: 88
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/30/2018 5:01:28 PM
^^^ Nope, I'm just a semantics geek and an a$$hole.
 47791
Joined: 2/24/2018
Msg: 89
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/4/2018 4:07:47 PM
I am in this situation now. A woman on here contacted me over two years ago. We chatted for a while and then I went away to work. I saved her profile in my favorites and would be drawn back to it but not contact her. Recently she contacted me again and we began to talk. We had quite a few discussions that went well and I developed a liking for her. We met for coffee which went well also but a few days later when I contacted her, she dropped the friend hammer on me. I asked for an explanation but she would not give one. It seemed to me that she felt the same way toward me as I did with her. Her profile listed the same things that I want and is prepared to give . She never said that she found fault with me, so what is the issue. We've stayed in contact nearly every day and the other night we messaged for over two hours in the same way we had before. I feel terrible and it seems she has no compassion for me at all. What am I doing wrong ? The worst thing I ever did was answer her message.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 90
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/5/2018 8:01:01 AM
there can be a thousand explanations, but only one thing matters...you will fail to get what you want, from this avenue.

so, pursue another.

you may say, "that's easier to say than it is to do", but when you are faced with a dead end...everything else you can do, is easier than banging your head against it.

note: what you may find is, when you stop chasing her and go elsewhere...is that you get her attention again. but that's all you'll get.

btw, nice bunny pic, Cyn. that angle looks like a bank teller I was posting about a while ago, until I found out she was happily married.
 Nestaron
Joined: 10/11/2017
Msg: 91
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/6/2018 1:07:27 AM
Haven't had that feeling since I was teen so really don't know what I would do if now if I felt it probably jump for joy do a little dance not kidding.

Some people can feel things up until they ask the person out and get the rejection once that rejection happens it's instantaneous they have no lingering effects from it. The feeling they had pining and such is gone dealt with before they can finish their next glass of rye and coke. So they prolong things longer than they need to but it's better to not be rejected and have the feeling and enjoy than to ask and have to wait to feel it again cause that sh!t be dumped like a dirty ashtray full of butts.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 92
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/6/2018 1:55:24 PM

I am in this situation now. A woman on here contacted me over two years ago. We chatted for a while and then I went away to work. I saved her profile in my favorites and would be drawn back to it but not contact her. Recently she contacted me again and we began to talk. We had quite a few discussions that went well and I developed a liking for her. We met for coffee which went well also but a few days later when I contacted her, she dropped the friend hammer on me. I asked for an explanation but she would not give one. It seemed to me that she felt the same way toward me as I did with her. Her profile listed the same things that I want and is prepared to give . She never said that she found fault with me, so what is the issue. We've stayed in contact nearly every day and the other night we messaged for over two hours in the same way we had before. I feel terrible and it seems she has no compassion for me at all. What am I doing wrong ? The worst thing I ever did was answer her message.


Sometimes the reality just doesn't match up to the fantasy.
I learned a long time ago that nothing is real until you meet in real life.
You can talk to someone and think you know them, and you meet them
and sometimes something is just off.

Sad, but true story.
For whatever reason, you didn't live up to her expectations, real or imagined.
She's already told you she's only interested in friendship.
If you want more, you'll not find it with her.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 93
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/6/2018 2:11:37 PM
I've been in both situations.

When I was 18 and 19 I worked as a bartender and I would get so many guys that would come in and sit right at the bar and talk to me or try to talk to me for hours and because I was working there I would have to talk to them especially during day shifts when it wasn't that busy. I remember one guy in particular who used to always visit me in the bar and then he asked me out and when I said no, that maybe we could just be friends, he went along with it a while and then eventually he'd ask me out again and the process would continue. What made it difficult was that he hung out with our group of friends and I couldn't outright cut off our friendship even though I was so bored with our conversations. One time though at a club he asked me to dance and not outright wanting to reject him I did agree to dance with him but then he was drinking a little and declared to me that he was in love with me and I lost it and told him I didn't like him at all and didn't want to talk to him again. I felt terrible but he wouldn't get the hint. This process happened with many other guys over the years in my university days. I finally ended up settling with a guy I wasn't into because none of the guys I ever liked liked me back and I figured eventually I could grow to like him but it never happened.

I only ever liked one guy and I suspect he never felt the same way as me. He broke up with me the first time and I broke up with him the second day because I felt he was nowhere as in to me as I was into him.

Since I started coming on pof again I have run into the same problem of having guys like me that I don't like back. And I've tried several times just being friends and telling them that I wasn't into them but I just wanted to be friends but it always ends up that they ask me out again after a bit until finally I just have to cut off contact. I always feel like such a bad person too but you can't make yourself like someone.
 cinderellaand
Joined: 7/22/2005
Msg: 94
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/7/2018 7:34:51 PM
Most people act like emotions are bad! What is bad is people not being honest about their intentions!
In my opinion, some people do not know how to communicate with others and do not care.
Everything worthwhile takes time including really knowing someone.
More people should take the time to know others instead of rushing things and not taking time to really get to know the other person first hand. Assumptions are just this ASS -umptions!
 HanoverFella
Joined: 1/16/2018
Msg: 95
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/7/2018 8:58:43 PM


Since I started coming on pof again I have run into the same problem of having guys like me that I don't like back.

Sorry to break it to ya, but that’s not gender specific, I am constantly getting messages from unattractive women, as I’m sure other men on here do also... unfortunately you have to take the good with the bad
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 96
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/8/2018 11:49:20 AM
Oh yeah, been there done that.

I was into someone who by all means was not into me. I took my feelings out of the equation and thought about what I would do if I didn't have feelings for this person, and there came my answer. I spoke up, expressed that I felt like I was doing all of the reaching out and if he was not interested in me, this is a good time to tell me. I guess he didn't having other options at the time, so he went along with it and began to reach out and even changed his tone, suddenly calling me "baby" over text, etc.

He started to get distant, canceled the last two times we had arranged to meet. The last cancelation was pretty revealing, as it was last minute, aka no consideration to my time, nor was there anything to indicate there was a reason for such. I stopped talking to him. A whole month passed by (since we saw each other) and he reached out to me, to ask me about information regarding my account (for WiFi). I didn't answer as the message really had nothing to do with me, and I had removed him from my account a couple days before that. He texted again the next day asking if I was upset with him. I informed him that while I'm not upset, I was not thrilled with the fact that after not seeing each other for a month, his only inquiry was with regards to my account information, rather than inquiring how I was doing, etc.

I haven't spoken to him since. I look at people's behaviors rather than their words. That's how 2018 began, with a little f*ck up and getting back on my feet.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 97
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/8/2018 6:19:38 PM
I was once a thirsty simp...but I'm no longer a simp and I'm not thirsty.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 98
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/8/2018 7:11:37 PM

We met for coffee which went well also but a few days later when I contacted her, she dropped the friend hammer on me. I asked for an explanation but she would not give one. It seemed to me that she felt the same way toward me as I did with her. Her profile listed the same things that I want and is prepared to give . She never said that she found fault with me, so what is the issue.

She's Not *ATTRACTED* to you. Physically. Just because you have the markers on what-i-like-in-someone matching up with her, doesn't mean she's going to be attracted to you. Well, it does -- if she's Physically Attracted. She's not.

Your situation's Easier than the original one. The OP wasn't referring to someone officially Friend-Zoning the other. That's not a big mystery on what to do. You drop the hammer on them and say See Ya. That's what you should have done.... because you're not getting it -- you're basically like the gay guy friend to her. :)

What the OP was referring to is more frustrating and doesn't happen all the time. The OP was vague about it, but it's a vague situation with a girl where she's not that into you but she likes hanging out with you -- no big "move" has been made, but no "friend zone" has been established by her either.

IMO, you give it some time -- and a Little more if you really like like her. But if it's 3rd date and you read her emotions aren't that into you much even though she's friendly -- and getting a G-rated non-passionate small kiss at that point takes a lot of "game" and "smoothness"... she's not into you, man. You bolt then. It has nothing to do with things "moving too fast" or any BS spouted like that. :)

At least the gal you talked to & went out on a date with friend-zoned you. YOU should back away and just be honest, and tell her that the only reason you talk to her so much and are 1-on-1 friends with her is because you're Attracted to her and figured she might come around. "If you're attracted to me, you'd like me In-That-Way. If you don't, then I gotta bolt, I'm sorry. And I don't want pretend-attraction to be a guy-friend shoulder to lean on. I'm stronger than that, and it's not good for either of us."
 47791
Joined: 2/24/2018
Msg: 99
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/10/2018 3:57:35 AM
It came to a head yesterday and we had a somewhat volatile discussion about it. I laid my cards on the table and maybe that is a mistake. The woman says there is no interest and I find that confusing because of the amount of contact we have still. She is looking for that magic instant connection and hasn't been successful in the long time she has been on this site. She says that she felt it once but he rejected her. So given the fact that she hasn't been able to have that happen, wouldn't it be more realistic to give me a chance. I'm interested, we share a lot in common, and I want only to be dedicated and loving to her. These are the things she wants so why not give me a chance and see if an attraction develops. I had an instant attraction to her but I am realistic in knowing that a few weeks or whatever down the road that could fade. That's why taking some time to test the waters would be the practical answer. I want to try this and don't want to give up yet on what could be a good thing for both of us. Yet it has hurt me in a way that I haven't felt in a long time and I don't like it.
 47791
Joined: 2/24/2018
Msg: 100
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/10/2018 4:10:07 AM
[ quote] Sometimes the reality just doesn't match up to the fantasy.
I learned a long time ago that nothing is real until you meet in real life.
You can talk to someone and think you know them, and you meet them
and sometimes something is just off.

Sad, but true story.
For whatever reason, you didn't live up to her expectations, real or imagined.
She's already told you she's only interested in friendship.
If you want more, you'll not find it with her. [quote} I don't understand the complexities of dating and starting a relationship. I believe in putting it out there and not wasting time trying to see if the other person is going to be the one. I have stayed single for a long time because of this issue and hoped this would be it. Apparently not and I am empty and cold again. I I was a bad person doing bad things to people I would deserve to feel this way but all I want is to love someone .
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