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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?      Home login  
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 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/16/2017
Msg: 101
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like? Page 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

(47791) It came to a head yesterday and we had a somewhat volatile discussion about it. I laid my cards on the table and maybe that is a mistake.


No, it wasn't a mistake.


(47791) The woman says there is no interest and I find that confusing because of the amount of contact we have still.


That, however, is a *BIG* mistake. Cut all contact.


(47791) She is looking for that magic instant connection and hasn't been successful in the long time she has been on this site. She says that she felt it once but he rejected her. So given the fact that she hasn't been able to have that happen, wouldn't it be more realistic to give me a chance.


Yes, it'd be more realistic, but it ain't gonna happen. You can't "reason" someone into wanting you.

Plus, using "reason" to argue for passion is a kissing cousin to desperation.


(47791) I'm interested, we share a lot in common, and I want only to be dedicated and loving to her.


It sucks, but it is what it is.


(47791) I had an instant attraction to her but I am realistic in knowing that a few weeks or whatever down the road that could fade. That's why taking some time to test the waters would be the practical answer.


When I have an attraction to a lady, I act on it. She either reciprocates, or she Friend-Zones me (I put no effort into maintaining those "friendships", as they are i) ego salves for her, and ii) painful for me). Either way, I stop obsessing over "what-ifs".


(47791) Yet it has hurt me in a way that I haven't felt in a long time and I don't like it.


Pick yourself up, dust off your britches, L'il Buckaroo, and keep ridin'! Stop trying to milk a bull...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/16/2017
Msg: 102
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/10/2018 4:58:17 AM

(julystorm7) I've been in both situations.

When I was 18 and 19 I worked as a bartender and I would get so many guys that would come in and sit right at the bar and talk to me or try to talk to me for hours and because I was working there I would have to talk to them especially during day shifts when it wasn't that busy. I remember one guy in particular who used to always visit me in the bar and then he asked me out and when I said no, that maybe we could just be friends, he went along with it a while and then eventually he'd ask me out again and the process would continue. What made it difficult was that he hung out with our group of friends and I couldn't outright cut off our friendship even though I was so bored with our conversations. One time though at a club he asked me to dance and not outright wanting to reject him I did agree to dance with him but then he was drinking a little and declared to me that he was in love with me and I lost it and told him I didn't like him at all and didn't want to talk to him again. I felt terrible but he wouldn't get the hint.


I assume you were in your early 20s when this happened. Certainly not the optimal development; but, a learning experience, for both of you.
 hey_suze
Joined: 8/28/2017
Msg: 103
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/10/2018 5:40:09 AM
Iv been on a fair few dates and it doesn’t matter if they are great for you on paper, if there is no “pull” for you, then there isn’t.
If there is a tiny something, then yes, I’d go on another date to see if that tiny ember can turn into a tiny spark, but by date 3 you definitely know.
And yes, if they have a spark for you, they may say let’s carry on and see, but to me it just feels like your leading them on because you know they like you, but you don’t feel the same and it’s not freinds you come on here to find...
Iv been on the other side where I thought, yes an ember, finally, but not for them, so you smile nicely and say, shame, you let it go and move forward....
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 104
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/10/2018 9:02:24 AM

If there is a tiny something, then yes, I’d go on another date to see if that tiny ember can turn into a tiny spark, but by date 3 you definitely know.
And yes, if they have a spark for you, they may say let’s carry on and see, but to me it just feels like your leading them on because you know they like you, but you don’t feel the same and it’s not freinds you come on here to find...
Iv been on the other side where I thought, yes an ember, finally, but not for them, so you smile nicely and say, shame, you let it go and move forward....


Such a frustrating thing. I try so hard to give a person a chance. When I'm on a date I find myself trying to talk myself into going on another date with someone because before meeting I always talk to the guy online or via text or phone for a couple weeks and I only meet when I think they are looking for the same things as me, that they have their shit together, that we have enough in common. But then we meet and there's zero attraction or there's something about them I just can't stand. But usually it's because they hid themselves on a photo (used old photos, only headshots, etc.) or there was something that concerned me before we met like being called honey or other pet names or a general awkwardness you hope is just his nerves or talks of marriage/kids etc. which they seem desperate for.

As for the ones I do like, it rarely gets to the first date stage. A guy I like the looks or profile or messages of will start off nice but then suddenly disappear or start intensely sexting me. When they disappear I figure they found someone better to pursue and when they start intensely sexting me I've learned from online articles that it usually means they consider me worth having sex with but not worthy enough to date. Cause the truth is, good calibre guys are taken off the shelf rather quickly or they are just a bit above my league. The whole overweight and single mom to 3 young things is a barrier between me and a lot of good guys I know. So I keep plugging away hoping one day I'll like a guy enough to go on a second date and that guy will want a second date too.
 47791
Joined: 2/24/2018
Msg: 105
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/11/2018 5:13:33 AM
Thanks to all who replied to me with their advice and experiences. It certainly is a downer for me and after being single for a long time I don't think I want to go through this torture again. I don't think I will try for a while, if I try at all. It's too bad that some of us have to deal with something like this when all we are trying to do is enrich our life and that of somebody else. Good Luck to you that are keeping on the search !!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 106
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/11/2018 4:38:16 PM

I laid my cards on the table and maybe that is a mistake.

Not at all. Don't follow your "gut". Worst advice. Ever. It's just your emotions, and when you're in a situation like your own, it'll point you in the Wrong direction. Laying your cards out on the table was a Good thing. You already gave it some time after she friend-zoned you -- too much time, in fact, but you finally did it. :)

The woman says there is no interest and I find that confusing because of the amount of contact we have still.

Many girls like to have guy-friends. Especially ones who find them attractive. They feel wanted + get along better with guys in general. But I can see it being confusing because most girls step away -- and won't want to be 1-on-1 friends with a guy they Friend-Zoned post-date. But when they do -- it doesn't mean they Like you in-that-way. It's just that they're selfish for attention, even if they're otherwise a nice gal.

She is looking for that magic instant connection and hasn't been successful in the long time she has been on this site. She says that she felt it once but he rejected her.

Basically, she's not physically Attracted to you. Plain and Simple. She's not going to tell you that. Who does that? Almost nobody. They don't want to hear it about themselves, either. You're not in a complicated situation. It's a Very Very Simple situation. She friend-zoned you, and wanted to be friends. That makes it More Clear it's Physical Attraction, plain and simple.

That "spark" -- it requires being good "on paper" that you point out + getting along like you two have + *PHYSICAL ATTRACTION*. That's all a "spark" really consists of. She's not physically attracted to you, hence, no "spark" felt by her. Plain and simple.

These are the things she wants so why not give me a chance and see if an attraction develops.

NO NO NO. And NO. :) Look, you two click as friends just fine -- so that more complicated part is already out of the way. A gal who friend-zones you post 1st date, then chats with you a lot Still keeping you in the friend-zone -- she's Not going to be attracted to you. It's not going to "develop". In your situation? Never will. Ever. Period. :)

I want to try this and don't want to give up yet on what could be a good thing for both of us.

You have the mindset of a (harmless) stalker. You're not getting it. Physical attraction's required. You don't have it. She Shouldn't want to "give it a chance". And neither should you. Wake up, man.

Your hopes are riding on DIFFERENT scenarios. Like where a gal isn't That into a guy, they date some, but she keeps a distance. It isn't that. She friend-zoned you right after the 1st date, kept talking to you a lot, and Verified it's Just Friends and she has no 'spark' (physical attraction; 100% requirement) with you. It doesn't get any more clearer than this, man.
 47791
Joined: 2/24/2018
Msg: 107
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/16/2018 2:35:38 AM
Thanks again for all your replies and advice. A number of you have spoken about there not being a physical attraction. I am 62 yrs old and she is 57. Is physical attraction still important at these ages ?
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 108
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/16/2018 6:52:31 AM

I am 62 yrs old and she is 57. Is physical attraction still important at these ages ?


Well, duh!
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 109
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/16/2018 7:04:39 AM

Well,duh


^^^^ Well Woof !!!!!
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 110
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/16/2018 8:06:57 AM
to many people, physical attraction is the difference between a friend and a lover. Both can have a platonic intimacy, and that's why we call 'em boyfriend and girlfriend, with the word friend in there. But if you aren't physically attracted, what do you hang a condom on? Sex turns more into a physical activity, rather than something passionate and lustful. You don't desire the other person, so much as you desire the climax....and they are a medium for that end.

imagine someone going thru the motions to create stimuli that results in a physical reaction, yet finding you not very desireable. How long before that eats away at your ego? They can drop you at a hot minute and go chase another medium that makes them passionate about what they're doing in the bedroom.

passion, is what makes us feel alive, and youthful.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 111
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/16/2018 8:58:22 AM

Is physical attraction still important at these ages ?


Breeding with the most attractive of the species is built in our genes. Blame Mother Nature or God for designing humans that seek physical beauty, and not providing a shut-off switch when we reach a specific age.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 112
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/16/2018 9:36:12 AM

I am 62 yrs old and she is 57. Is physical attraction still important at these ages ?


Nope. After age 60, we all become blind as bats. You can let your teeth fall out and develop a huge gut, and women will still be beating a path to your doorway.

(kidding)
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 113
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/16/2018 9:49:28 AM
^^^^
Do you mean in 15 months I'll finally meet someone? What a relief.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 114
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/16/2018 9:53:43 AM


I am 62 yrs old and she is 57. Is physical attraction still important at these ages ?


When was the last time personality made your d*ck hard?
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 115
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/16/2018 10:02:35 AM
^^^^
1903. We were all ugly back then.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 116
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/16/2018 11:58:55 AM

I am 62 yrs old and she is 57. Is physical attraction still important at these ages ?
Is it important to you? If not the world is your oyster.
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 117
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/16/2018 12:25:04 PM

I am 62 yrs old and she is 57. Is physical attraction still important at these ages ?
Is it important to you? If not the world is your oyster.


Find the pearl within~

:total eyeroll:

;-)
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 118
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/16/2018 2:57:17 PM
I've never heard a hot looking woman say: "Disregard my looks, and the thousands of dollars I spend on beauty products every year, and only look at my personality-my inner beauty. And I would be willing to date ugly short, fat,
and bald men who have huge beer guts and are out of shape, because I will only be looking at their inner beauty."
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 119
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/16/2018 3:42:41 PM
What's funny about the "looks" thing is that you'd think the only people in relationships are great looking, svelt and toned. I see all kinds of matches in the "looks" department when I'm out and about, being the people watcher I am. I'm not saying people aren't attracted to their version of attractiveness but there certainly are a lot of ugly pretty people out there who can't maintain a relationship because they lack that inner beauty, whereas those who look beyond the external from the outset find an individual more attractive overall.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 120
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/16/2018 4:19:03 PM

A number of you have spoken about there not being a physical attraction. I am 62 yrs old and she is 57. Is physical attraction still important at these ages ?

Of course. You can make the argument that one's less picky due to needing support if/when they're at or nearing retirement when finding a potential relationship... but that's about it. One's taste in looks is going to go down naturally, but at the same time, so will the looks-range in their actual options. It's relative to the age-range you can feasibly match-up with.

Looks matter, always will -- to both genders as the #1 element. And even for someone like you, you get that 'feeling' that 'click' -- that's due to Looks without any baracade-quality you'll often find in gals who are as cute as she. Looks isn't limited to pure-direct sexual thoughts. I remember one gal light-years ago in a forum was talking about how girls don't care much about looks and she doesn't at all -- but wants a guy 6'0"+. She didn't realize height/body-shape Is dealing with looks.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/16/2017
Msg: 121
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/16/2018 4:29:42 PM


(47791) A number of you have spoken about there not being a physical attraction. I am 62 yrs old and she is 57. Is physical attraction still important at these ages ?


(SwedishChef456) Yes.


(condensed for brevity. No need to thank me -- it's what I do...)
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 122
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/16/2018 4:30:42 PM
I too see people who are not "stunning" now, who are coupled up. But when I knew them in their twenties and they still had the metabolism to be slender and had great skin...they were cute enough :)

Momma nature always did love someone else best, to quote the Smother's bros.

I have known some attractive women who are divorced. They can't maintain a relationship, but they've sure had a lot of 'em. Luckily for a few of us, when we're young, we're superficial and looks are everything. When we're older and divorced, looks aren't as important b/c we're honest about what we bring to the table. And we're not trying to impress our friends with the status of snagging a hottie, we're more interested in things that didn't matter when we're young (ie, when we're a kid, who cares if they own a house? or work at McDonald's?). of course, we have new needs as adults--esp. when that biological clock rings.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 123
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/17/2018 9:17:28 AM

MachIMustangII
When we're older and divorced, looks aren't as important b/c we're honest about what we bring to the table.

I hate to disagree with you, but let me refer you back to your own earlier post in this thread, message 113:

MachIMustangII
But if you aren't physically attracted, what do you hang a condom on?

And of course, that esteemed philosopher TPOYD stated the same thing very succinctly in message 117:

ThePigOfYourDreams
When was the last time personality made your d*ck hard?

I rest my case.
 furishiko
Joined: 4/13/2016
Msg: 124
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/17/2018 9:35:11 PM
when two people are single and in the dating pool, this is normal. you dont keep throwing yourself at the person whos rejecting you for a relationship. if you're friends then why would you try to mix the two concepts in the first place. you throw out the tenants of friendship and in doing so you actually hurt the other person in the form of a betrayal because you've shown you're using the premise of friendship to get something else...its manipulative and emotionally abusive
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 125
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/18/2018 7:26:24 AM


I rest my case.


I remember when that imbecile Rockntrucker once tried to convince me he didn't need to be physically attracted to a woman he was romantically involved with. He claimed to not be "shallow" like the rest of us who found physical attraction a necessary ingredient. What a laughable load of shit.
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