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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?      Home login  
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 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 125
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like? Page 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)


I rest my case.


I remember when that imbecile Rockntrucker once tried to convince me he didn't need to be physically attracted to a woman he was romantically involved with. He claimed to not be "shallow" like the rest of us who found physical attraction a necessary ingredient. What a laughable load of shit.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 126
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/19/2018 10:17:36 AM

I hate to disagree with you, but let me refer you back to your own earlier post in this thread, message 113:

To be fair though, I think Mustang's referring to it not being As important -- not that looks-requirement goes away. Otherwise, yeah, putting a condom on would be like putting a clown outfit on an alley cat.

IMO, a better way to put it is: Looks-alone plays a bigger role in some situations VS others. Like online profiling VS engaging someone you don't know in person at a bar/event. Or when you're horny-as-hell VS not-at-all. Or in your 40s with lots of relationship/dating experience VS 20s and haven't seen all the drama yet.

Either way though, Looks is the "bouncer at the bar".
 47791
Joined: 2/24/2018
Msg: 127
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/20/2018 2:41:47 PM

It could be just me but no one has mentioned they actually took the time to discuss this unrequited like with the person it involved.
I did and was treated like crap for it. It was worlds away from the way she treated me when she thought I could be her match. And it has gotten worse from her since.
 47791
Joined: 2/24/2018
Msg: 128
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/20/2018 2:44:12 PM

Nope. After age 60, we all become blind as bats. You can let your teeth fall out and develop a huge gut, and women will still be beating a path to your doorway.
You were being sarcastic but it is actually true.
 Nyeahsers
Joined: 12/7/2017
Msg: 129
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/20/2018 2:47:28 PM

I did and was treated like crap for it. It was worlds away from the way she treated me when she thought I could be her match. And it has gotten worse from her since.


This has been more or less my experience too.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 130
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/20/2018 4:54:22 PM

Either way though, Looks is the "bouncer at the bar".

You forgot to mention that alcohol is the great equalizer
 47791
Joined: 2/24/2018
Msg: 131
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/22/2018 11:13:23 AM

Either way though, Looks is the "bouncer at the bar".
You're very wrong about that my friend. I rewrote my profile and completely spoke the truth about me, my desires and how I wish to treat my partner. Within three days I had messages from over 70 women. My page very shortly said that there were 29 wanting to meet me. Not that it is important but some of these women were very good lookers, they got to see my photo and were still interested. I am still talking to the ones I wanted to single out. Looks can change rapidly, if this is what you base your choice on you are due for a surprise down the road. Sorry but, it's all about the person inside.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 132
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/22/2018 12:38:08 PM

You're very wrong about that my friend. I rewrote my profile and completely spoke the truth about me, my desires and how I wish to treat my partner. Within three days I had messages from over 70 women.

I'm not saying certain angles on profiles can't increase things. Just because looks is the #1 attribute, one being picky or not picky about it but it still being #1, doesn't mean it's Everything. Nothing being the #1 attribute is everything.

For Actual interest, looks is the bouncer at the bar -- to even "get in", it has to pass that line. No, I don't believe you that you got 70 women in 3 days out of nowhere, because you changed your profile short & sweet about treating a gal right.

On a side note, I guess having a distant photo is better than a close-up one, if it's good-from-far -- as that's better than far-from-good, up close. Element of mystery can over-ride having a final decision off the bat (consideration on other things gets a bit more focus if they're looking for that a lot). But in the end, no, women aren't going to be clamoring and making Looks kick rocks because a guy writes that he's looking to adore & treat a woman right. :)
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 133
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/22/2018 1:01:29 PM
I've actually messaged a few guys back because though they weren't attractive in their pics, there was something in their about me section that attracted me to at least talk to them. There are many guys who just take a really bad pic. The trouble with online is that you don't get a sense of how a person carries themselves or their personality which is just as if not more important than looks. In real life there is often the case that you aren't attracted to someone but the more you get to know them the more you like them. This doesn't happen through online dating though. You judge people on first impressions and if no quick sparks you move on down the line.

A couple years ago I often worked with a guy who I wasn't attracted to at all in the beginning but after about 3 or 4 months of working with him I was starting to daydream about him and I was really attracted to him. However, I was not single so I didn't do anything about it but it took me a while to get over thinking about him after I transferred positions to a different area.
 47791
Joined: 2/24/2018
Msg: 134
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/22/2018 2:32:25 PM

A couple years ago I often worked with a guy who I wasn't attracted to at all in the beginning but after about 3 or 4 months of working with him I was starting to daydream about him and I was really attracted to him.
Thank You, you are a perfect example that it sometimes takes time to develop an attraction. Looks are fleeting, his personality is what caught you. Had you got together it more than likely would have been very good.
 47791
Joined: 2/24/2018
Msg: 135
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/22/2018 2:35:05 PM

IFor Actual interest, looks is the bouncer at the bar -- to even "get in", it has to pass that line. No, I don't believe you that you got 70 women in 3 days out of nowhere, because you changed your profile short & sweet about treating a gal
If I knew you well enough I would give you my login info and you could see for yourself. You may be a shallow person who doesn't believe that personality, affection and dedication are important in a relationship. If that's the case you won't have successful or meaningful relationships, Just Sayin !!
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 136
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/22/2018 5:41:39 PM
^ Take a screenshot and post it in your photos section.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 137
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/24/2018 5:42:12 AM
I think they have to be atleast attractive to the point where you see them ass passable and not fully repulsive.
If you find them really unattractive, no matter how well you get along and their personality you probably won't want to date or be with them still.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 138
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/24/2018 8:57:32 AM
Yup, and a smile has a way of changing someone's attractiveness immensely. It gives you a read on their personality that makes you want to be with them.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 139
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/24/2018 9:27:31 AM
^^^ hey julystorm, wrote you a short note on p.2 of the " lonely " thread :)

heart / sun
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 140
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/25/2018 10:25:53 AM

you see them ass passable


ahhh Sienna ~
speaking for your average man ~ we take this, as a complement :)

col ^
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 141
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/25/2018 1:09:21 PM

You may be a shallow person who doesn't believe that personality, affection and dedication are important in a relationship

I *explicitly* said looks isn't everything. I'm saying that Looks is the initial deal breaker/maker, whether it's putting one's feet in the water, or for the uber-lonely or emotionally hurt persons, willing to do more than getting attention. I'm just calling a spade a spade -- cutting out the politically-correct BS many of us want to believe.

There's an illusion that looks still means little to many folks: It takes Little time, if any, to measure it up, unlike everything else. The illusion is that since it takes little time -- and is a potentially guilt & confidence oriented thing -- it means little. And since measuring persona/compatibility Does take time when relationship-potential's on one's mind, it only aids this desired illusion. It's more of a puzzle at times, where Looks is just an *instant* Yay, Nay, Strong Yay, or Strong Nay. It's the "bouncer at the front door of the bar".

I've actually messaged a few guys back because though they weren't attractive in their pics, there was something in their about me section that attracted me to at least talk to them. There are many guys who just take a really bad pic.

The potential that they Could be attractive enough. Like giving a guy a chance even though you first met him in an awkward moment where he gives the signal that he's not your type, basically you're doing the same thing on Looks.

The trouble with online is that you don't get a sense of how a person carries themselves or their personality

Which is why online, looks matters more than IRL. IRL, looks matters more among strangers VS those who are not strangers at all. Think of it like in different scenarios, the bouncer can be more of a hard-a$$ VS chill. :)

Also: Looks affect personality -- it can play a role in how we read their personality in a biased way, good, bad, or indifferent. And the other way around, too. But it only goes so far.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 142
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/31/2018 11:30:35 PM
I had a male acquaintance who texted me late last night asking me to be FWB. I asked him if he had been "drinking" because a couple of weeks ago, he told me he got hammered, sent his ex-gf a friend request on Facebook and immediately regretted it because she sent him a barrage of texts. He showed me too. He wouldn't let me read them word for word but he showed me a bunch of text bubbles between him and her. I followed up the drinking question with, "and the answer is absolutely not".

Anyway, he replied the next morning with "Oh wow...did I really send that? I'm sorry. I did have too much to drink last night" and "I'm an idiot." I don't believe he was THAT drunk because the text was long and quite coherent. He claiming he had "too much" to drink was just a cop-out. I never responded and promptly cut him off. Anyone who has to ask for **** is really lame and pathetic. If I wanted to be FWB/FB with him, trust...we would've already been that. In the past, we had never even held hands. It'd be different if we were once sexual or romantic in the past but NOOO....this bizarre shit came right out of left field.

Thank God smartphones now have a block feature. In the abyss he goes.
 Nestaron
Joined: 10/11/2017
Msg: 143
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 4/1/2018 6:30:21 AM

I *explicitly* said looks isn't everything. I'm saying that Looks is the initial deal breaker/maker, whether it's putting one's feet in the water, or for the uber-lonely or emotionally hurt persons, willing to do more than getting attention. I'm just calling a spade a spade -- cutting out the politically-correct BS many of us want to believe.


Nope looks aren't that important height, body type, and what they eat for breakfast is all a people should really care about. At night they have to much makeup on when you see them, in the morning your too tired to care but you sure are hungry.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 144
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 4/1/2018 9:21:51 PM
Looks can be the bouncer at the bar but its not the only thing and sometimes it's not even a factor. The bouncer can be anything we need in a relationship: Looks, strength, money, popularity, comfort, opportunity, etc People are usually motivated to find one of these things specifically above others. Often money trumps looks. Or prestige trumps looks. Or a safe harbour in a storm trumps looks. There's a reason we see so many couples walking around who we wonder what one sees in the other.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 145
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 4/1/2018 9:25:05 PM
^^^^^

Or being half-cut trumps looks
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 146
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 4/1/2018 10:16:36 PM

He claiming he had "too much" to drink was just a cop-out.

I agree.

I never responded and promptly cut him off. Anyone who has to ask for **** is really lame and pathetic.

Yeah, when my GF asked to have sex -- I called her the same thing. ;) I disagree that under any & all circumstances, someone you're not an item with is lame & pathetic if they ask if you'd like to get intimate. I made it not sound so bad, as an example. The concept itself isn't bad. It's how one does it, because it can easily be a touchy subject (no pun intended). In your example, it was a late-night call -- which, giving you the benefit of the doubt -- where he was basically looking to hook up ASAP and was crass about it (which late night alone will pretty much be crass in and of itself like that).

Now, if you and he were talking 1-on-1 one day, shooting pool or whatever, and he confesses that he is really attracted to you and thinks you're really cool... and within projecting respect about you the whole time, also says as an option to be friends-but-more-than-friends if that makes you feel more comfortable -- no, I don't think that's lame & pathetic. But easily a turn-off as friends to the girl if she's not interested in him and/or the concept.

Nope looks aren't that important height, body type, and what they eat for breakfast is all a people should really care about.

Height & body type *IS* looks (strong component of it).

Looks can be the bouncer at the bar but its not the only thing and sometimes it's not even a factor.

No, it's not the only thing -- but it's ALWAYS a factor. Always. I think it's when we're not strongly attracted or unattracted, we don't think about it much -- thus the illusion that it's not a factor. It is. If Tommy was ugly to you, you wouldn't be giving it a chance on the dating front. Hence, the bouncer at the bar.

The bouncer can be anything we need in a relationship: Looks, strength, money, popularity, comfort, opportunity, etc

Not really fitting to the bouncer analogy, though. The reason I said Looks is the bouncer at the bar, is because you notice that First, even if you don't know how good the bar experience is. You can't really find out about how good that bar experience is or the quality of the bar, or if it meshes with your taste/style -- if you can't get in. Without -enough- looks, how strong of a mind or how comforting he can be is the thing that's NOT going to be factor. The "Next!" has already been declared before you can find out if he is one way or another.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 147
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Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 4/1/2018 11:12:06 PM
Any guy that tries to ask have fwb with me goes in the friend zone. It just means the guy wants to use me and doesn't respect me. I can do better lol.


Now, if you and he were talking 1-on-1 one day, shooting pool or whatever, and he confesses that he is really attracted to you and thinks you're really cool... and within projecting respect about you the whole time, also says as an option to be friends-but-more-than-friends if that makes you feel more comfortable -- no, I don't think that's lame & pathetic. But easily a turn-off as friends to the girl if she's not interested in him and/or the concept.

That is disrespectful in and of itself lmao. Its like telling someone you want to use them but trying to sugar coat it. Definitely is lame and pathetic.
I haven't dated about 3-5 guys because they tried to go down the fwb route or suggested it. Automatic friend zone lol. Thats what happened with last guy I dated, after we stopped dating he became inconsistent and wanted to try dating again and was trying for sex. Nothing is more of a turn off.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 148
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 4/1/2018 11:26:38 PM
Ugh, "friend zone"...I hate that f*cking term. This dude (or ones like him) wouldn't even be put in the friend zone. I just cut him off. Who TF needs friends like that? This is why I prefer to hang out with gay men. I don't want guys around who want to **** if I don't want to **** them. You know what they say...."a drunk mind speaks sober thoughts".

I don't **** any male friends unless we are converting from friends to a romantic relationship (i.e. dating). Other than that, #BoyBye
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 149
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 4/1/2018 11:43:26 PM
[Quote] Not really fitting to the bouncer analogy, though. The reason I said Looks is the bouncer at the bar, is because you notice that First, even if you don't know how good the bar experience is. You can't really find out about how good that bar experience is or the quality of the bar, or if it meshes with your taste/style -- if you can't get in. Without -enough- looks, how strong of a mind or how comforting he can be is the thing that's NOT going to be factor. The "Next!" has already been declared before you can find out if he is one way or another. [\quote]

With men maybe that's true. However women often choose a bit differently. If a guy is not attractive yet he drives a Ferrari or is a doctor, looks may not matter for dating or mating purposes. Also, women who have been in a previous difficult relationship may ignore looks in favour of a guy with his own house or a good steady job or a good raport with her kids.

Men are often not attracted to women for their brains, strength or money. Yet many women look for these things in a man. It comes down to basic biology and psychology. Women are looking for someone to provide for them and men are looking for a woman to provide him with a place to get his rocks off. Yes, this isn't all men and women but it a lot of them.
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