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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why send a message if you know we're not a match?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 51
Why send a message if you know we're not a match? Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

They are intelligent and kind people who understand that some people need to feel that Life has an Ultimate Purpose and Meaning and that they find that through their religion....


Except for that unbelievable asshat, Christopher Hitchens who took great joy shitting on anyone's spiritual beliefs.

Some neo-athiests of today are no different than fundamentalists, except they tend to be more arrogant in their (non) beliefs.

This world is rife with intolerance.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 52
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 8:27:38 AM
I am very clear in all my OLD profiles that I am an atheist. I don't mince words. Since I am in the heart of the bible belt I get a fair number of messages specifically relating to my non-belief. I now just report and block them. I do not respond in any way.

I sometimes wonder why a man who has religious affiliations (that are mentioned throughout his profile and statistics) would contact me but then I realize that he is just like any other man who didn't bother to read one word of my profile. I just ignore those men and hope they know that no response = no interest.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 53
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 11:13:32 AM

I am very clear in all my OLD profiles that I am an atheist. I don't mince words. Since I am in the heart of the bible belt I get a fair number of messages specifically relating to my non-belief.

I would make it less "loud" like that, in reference to getting messages (ala another thread). You're pretty for your age group and you should be a target for more than a few men hitting you up. I would just make a statement saying you're non-religious and you don't flow well with fundamentalists. Your profile is a marketing tool, too. Words like "atheist", which to some people = avid God hater, especially in a bible belt, isn't good for use. Many people who aren't religious or aren't so religious, or even agnostic (which most likely IS atheistic even tho they won't go by that term) -- may step aside from writing ya. Plus putting it right out there on your front page as "atheist" may draw more soul-saving messages. I would only say that if you more fit your neighborhood's definition of it, and/or are involved in causes and such.

It's best not to get involved. A little tact in the OP's response could be in order though as well.

True, but her lack of tact gets Zero sympathy for those trying to hit her up to convert. Them doing that to her is Far Worse lack of tact.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 54
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 11:17:15 AM

A little tact in the OP's response could be in order though as well.


Right. Because messaging a person to proselytize is tactful.


I would just make a statement saying you're non-religious and you don't flow well with fundamentalists. Your profile is a marketing tool, too. Words like "atheist", which to some people = avid God hater, especially in a bible belt, isn't good for use. Many people who aren't religious or aren't so religious, or even agnostic (which most likely IS atheistic even tho they won't go by that term) -- may step aside from writing ya. Plus putting it right out there on your front page as "atheist" may draw more soul-saving messages. I would only say that if you more fit your neighborhood's definition of it, and/or are involved in causes and such.


I am an atheist. No reason to use a different word. If a person thinks an atheist = god hater then they are just stupid and I don't want them messaging me. Why would I water down who I am to get people who I am not interested in to message me? The point is to filter those people out.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 55
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 11:57:01 AM

I am an atheist. No reason to use a different word.

Actually, it's a quite open-ended term -- and one that has it's own street-term variants. Even if they aren't religious at all or much at all, and even atheist themselves (but don't go by the term) -- it can still carry a negative connotation to them -- Especially in a bible-belt area.

Why would I water down who I am

You're not, by not using the term Atheist. Yes, most people don't put in perspective of the basic English language construct -- where a-theist = non-theist. You're not watering anything down by saying using a different wording than Atheist. Again, it's a marketing thing to bring better results -- which does Not mean it's skewing anything. Now, if you're an Avid Atheist -- or shall I say, an anti-theist -- then YES, I can understand using atheist... even though it's an open-ended term, most people, even many non-theistic ones, especially in that arena WILL take it as anti-theist (even though it does not mean that).
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 56
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 11:59:54 AM
OMG! I just got the answer..

THEY HAVE JESUS IN THEIR HEART BUT THE DEVIL IN THEIR PANTS!
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 57
view profile
History
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 12:16:35 PM
Some people welcome drama. Thou dost protest too much.

So simple. When someone did not read my profile...delete.

My profile was mostly positive with a few caveats...no motorcycles, hunters, photos of dead fish.
Why would I answer these other than to provoke a further response?

The response with some type of admonishment or lecture just creates a backlash...yet it seems the OP secretly thrives on playing into this drama.

Note...I am also an atheist. I don't have to filter anyone out. I can read their profile in 5 seconds. I was not sure whether it was a positive to put certain issues front and center in a profile. I'm an atheist, vegetarian, health nut, etc. I wonder if adding these to a profile opens one up to the con or manipulator. It is easier to ingratiate oneself if there are very specific variables. The con is looking for opportunities to become the kindred spirit...'gee whiz, me too. It's so nice to read a profile that...'
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 58
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 12:45:37 PM

OMG! I just got the answer..

THEY HAVE JESUS IN THEIR HEART BUT THE DEVIL IN THEIR PANTS!


lol
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 59
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 1:18:09 PM

Two of the Christian zealots who messaged me were from OK Cupid where my profile says "atheist- and laughing about it" under religion.


Honestly, that combination looks like you don't take your atheism seriously at all. So it looks like there's room to talk about religion and spirituality (two different things).

Anyway, when people are THAT religious that they have to send you this long explanation of their belief. It's kind of fun when you shut them up by knowing more about their religion than they do.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 60
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 2:09:56 PM
LH, You posted this in the Normal thread.......

Literate_Hiker:
Like I said earlier, I hate gossip. I refuse to gossip. My ex-husband grew up in Wenatchee, and had a tight group of male tennis buddies in the Wenatchee Racquet and Athletic Club. Gossip, gossip, gossip. "You're nothing but a bunch of old hens!" I said, walking past these guys. These men enjoyed gossiping about other tennis players.

I believe gossip is endemic of small towns because people don't have enough to do. Small towns lack the extensive cultural activities and events of large cities. These people grew up together. Familiarity breeds contempt.


Yet you come here & Gossip about People who Contact You & People You have Dated.... Many Peoples' Posts here are just another Form of Gossip......
^^^^^^^^
R-T is Right...... Atheist & Laughing About it...... Doesn't come across as You're Serious about Your Atheism..... But Your Posts about Religious People show You're not Laughing about it..... I would think a Highly Educated & Intellectual Person would see this...
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 61
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 2:41:18 PM
Clooneystutor

There are worse things than passing to the other side and why would you wish her to continue in that state?
I can imagine if she is on a dating site what sort she would be attracting for abuse and sexploitation. Lucky she found a gentleman in you at least for a dinner.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 62
view profile
History
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 3:32:59 PM
Why reply to people, if you know they're not a match.

People do all kinds of weird s***!
 SexyKG74
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 63
view profile
History
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 4:39:26 PM
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?

I've had guys contact me saying they know we are not a match, but they still wanted to say hello.

Some people think you might disregard some of the important qualities you are looking for and give them a chance.

Some do it to "scold/insult" you... I've had men contact me, saying what I'm looking for is not realistic...every single time this has occurred, it was by a guy who clearly wasn't my type. I just ignore them. Some of the stuff that's been said to me I can tell the guy was hoping I would reply and start going off on him...because negative attention is better than none at all...at least in some people's book.
 PenelopeLeChat
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 64
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 6:29:31 PM
[quote}
LH. Have you ever slept in a tent with the homeless or gave clothes off of your back? Invited them to your home? I know I have. Tell me where your heart lies because I bet it aint on the low ground. UGH!

I have been volunteering for six years, helping low income, minority students write essays for college entry and scholarships. Frequently they are from non-English backgrounds and can communicate well but struggle with writing. One of my best success stories is Elisabeth, who was awarded almost $85,000 in scholarships and grants in 2014. It thrills me to send these kids to college.

One of the girls I helped was homeless at age 15, after her mother moved away with a man. Kasandra finally rented a room with her aunt for $400/month. She was relieved to have a place to call home.

Kasandra had been working as a kitchen aide in a nursing home since age 14. No car. No cell phone. After school Kasandra walked a mile to her job, worked until 10 p.m., then walked four miles through lousy neighborhoods in the dark to her aunt's place. Then she studied and did homework until 2 a.m. She got up at 6 a.m. to study before school.

For Christmas I gave Kasandra a college dorm bed set- sheets, pillowcase, comforter and pillow. "This is my vote of confidence," I told Kasandra. "You are going to college!" This was before she had been accepted by any college. Now Kasandra is a junior at Eastern Washington University, studying to become a registered nurse.

Kasandra and I still stay in touch. All of the girls stay in touch with me. They are remarkable young women. I feel honored to work with them.

Thank you for confirming every thing you do has a price tag.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 65
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 7:51:03 PM

Welcome back, but I don't think that's the definition of Conceptualizing...


Thanks,

No im drawing the conception, that it is the same abstract idea of doing something even if the chances are slim to nil of getting a return on investment. I don't understand how its not a word I can use?


And others don't look it as some challenge against them because it's "in the way".


Its more of a figure of speech - so a challenge is something that has to be met with action. The wall represents the barrier the action you take to get over the wall represents the concept of getting past it. Its figurative not literal.

Leaders are typically d bags , unless they have been through the wringer, and have a great deal of natural empathy. And leaders that rise from that point are few and far.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 66
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 9:20:19 PM
PenelopeLeChat:

Thank you for confirming every thing you do has a price tag.

What do you mean?

Volunteer: a person who performs a service willingly and without pay. (dictionary.com)


Working as a volunteer college mentor is the most rewarding volunteer work I've ever done.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 67
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 9:53:53 PM
LH, I've volunteered time & $$ etc. to 2 diff organizations, one is a major one, but I don't know how much I posted about it over the years.

I didn't do it to feel rewarded, I did it bec. some people had needs & I wanted to pay it forward/pay it back. Part of it was manipulation too by higher ups in the organizations.

There were times I cried, times my feet hurt, times I was not appreciated, & the rewards were miniscule. I had a lot of resentment at times too.

But somewhere, some people had a better experience, even if temporarily bec. of people (not just me) who did things to help.

If I knew some gal was walking 4 miles thru a crummy area at nite, I'd be concerned & want her to have a safe ride before handing her a set of sheets. So what if she gets her college app accepted if she gets raped & murdered along the way...

Working as a volunteer college mentor is the most rewarding volunteer work I've ever done

 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 68
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/1/2015 10:30:12 PM
BlondeAngel:

I knew some gal was walking 4 miles thru a crummy area at nite, I'd be concerned & want her to have a safe ride before handing her a set of sheets. So what if she gets her college app accepted if she gets raped & murdered along the way...

You think that didn't concern me? You are mistaken. My daughter was brutally raped and beaten at age 19 at college.

"I'm not afraid," Kasandra replied when I expressed concern about her walking home at night. "These people are my neighbors."

Kasandra's boyfriend, Issac, often picked her up from work at 10 p.m. and gave her a ride home. I also gave her a Mighty Bright carabineer LED flashlight for safety at night. I give one to all of the girls.

Kasandra deeply appreciated my giving her a college bed set for Christmas. With tears in her eyes, she thanked me and gave me a big hug. She had no parents to proudly attend her high school graduation. I did. In many ways, I acted as Kasandra's surrogate mother during her senior year of high school.

Now Kasandra is a junior in college. She and Issac are happily engaged to be married.

Each September I start over with a new student. The first girl I helped, Yuliya, will graduate with a bachelor degree in civil engineering in June 2015. Yuliya has an engineering job set up in Seattle upon graduation.
 midnite_icecream
Joined: 12/27/2014
Msg: 69
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/2/2015 4:38:47 AM

“After reading your profile I would be in my car right now on my way to Wenatchee if our spiritual paths were more aligned. I would love to go for a hike with you and know we would have a lively and spirited conversation about our passions and life. Gary”

From that, you got that he was saying you were inadequate? I don't see it but I guess it must have been the long-winded message about his beliefs, and his direct questions. However your "atheist and laughing about it" could well be construed as obnoxious, and precipitated his response...and anything else anti-religious you might have said in your profile. Who knows, maybe it's partly cos this guy got too carried away in his fervent beliefs. He went overboard certainly. I'm not convinced he was trying to proselytize..he likes spirited discussion like he mentioned. His initial message, in any respect, sounded decent. Perhaps, in general, you don't trust yourself and/or religious folk to have a civil discussion on this topic, if it starts to get too out there for your liking, so you shut it down.
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 70
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/2/2015 4:55:35 AM

I have been volunteering for six years, helping low income, minority students write essays for college entry and scholarships. Frequently they are from non-English backgrounds and can communicate well but struggle with writing. One of my best success stories is Elisabeth, who was awarded almost $85,000 in scholarships and grants in 2014. It thrills me to send these kids to college.


First off, you have given of yourself in a way that is helpful and yet so typical of your thought processes. You helped write papers - that's nice (but not exactly inspiring). I sincerely doubt anyone would ever see you at a local soup kitchen - probably because the folks in need there won't be going to college.

The most telling part of your quote was " It thrills me to send these kids to college" and "One of my best success stories" . Like it was your accomplishment, and not Elizabeth's. That totally lines up with the elitist vibe you put out here.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 71
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/2/2015 8:11:13 AM

Each September I start over with a new student. The first girl I helped, Yuliya, will graduate with a bachelor degree in civil engineering in June 2015. Yuliya has an engineering job set up in Seattle upon graduation.


Literate_Hiker , have you ever considered using the Khan Aacademy?

It is an excellent way to mentor more than one student, and you can help develop videos that will reach millions of students.

Content is free for anyone that wants to sign up. You can sign up as a student, coach or teacher.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 72
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/2/2015 10:15:34 AM

There were times I cried, times my feet hurt, times I was not appreciated, & the rewards were miniscule. I had a lot of resentment at times too.

Geez! You should make a pamphlet on how volunteering Totally Sucks. :)

BTW -- that guy's sneaking up behind you again! Duck!! ;)
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 73
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/2/2015 1:47:44 PM
Never_in_Life:

First off, you have given of yourself in a way that is helpful and yet so typical of your thought processes. You helped write papers - that's nice (but not exactly inspiring). I sincerely doubt anyone would ever see you at a local soup kitchen - probably because the folks in need there won't be going to college.

The most telling part of your quote was " It thrills me to send these kids to college" and "One of my best success stories" . Like it was your accomplishment, and not Elizabeth's. That totally lines up with the elitist vibe you put out here.

This is not the Profile Review forum. You are making incorrect assumptions about me and being critical and demeaning.

When my daughter was young we took her to the homeless shelter to serve Thanksgiving dinner. As a volunteer I co-founded the Women's Resource Center in Wenatchee, for battered and homeless women and children. The Women's Resource Center now serves 75 families and is a United Way agency. And I have frequently served breakfast for homeless people.

Volunteering as a college mentor involves far more than writing papers. Together Elisabeth and I applied for 35 scholarships; she won 14. It's a highly competitive process. With each scholarship application, we must meet specific requirements and meet tight deadlines:

1. Write two to five persuasive essays that sell her to the scholarship committee;
2. Recent, official school transcript, in a sealed envelope;
3. Two written recommendations by specific teachers, school administrators or community members;
4. Parent's most recent W-2 or tax record;
5. Parent employment verification, signed by the employer;
6. Mail in an envelope postmarked by a specific date.
7. And other picky requirements. Some scholarship applications say "no staples." If you use staples, your application will be thrown out.

Right now Teresa (the girl I'm helping this year) and I have 23 scholarships applications to submit by March 1. We have eight completed, with six in progress. It's easy for students to feel overwhelmed. I teach them writing, and help them get organized.

Despite being extremely poor, these students excel in school and have a high grade point average. Often they are the first person in their family to graduate from college. Their parents speak little English and never went past elementary school in Mexico. Their parents don't have a clue about college financial aid and scholarships.

Students with Spanish as their first language often struggle with writing in English. In Spanish, verbs come before nouns. Spanish often doesn't translate well into English. Here's one example:

Writing a personal essay, Elisabeth described herself as "a simple girl." I paused. "In English 'simple' implies 'simple-minded," I said gently. "What does 'simple' mean to you?" Elisabeth couldn't explain. "It doesn't translate well into English," she said. We looked up synonyms for 'simple' on Thesarus.com. Instead Elisabeth called herself "a modest girl with big dreams."

I teach students writing and organizational skills, and motivate them to set high goals. My goal with Teresa is to apply for 30 to 35 scholarships. The more scholarships you apply for, the more you win.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 74
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/2/2015 2:52:12 PM

And to be clear, atheism is the DENIAL and REJECTION of the existence of god. What makes them think they have the power and intelligence to say that there isn't any god?


There really needs to be a separate word to use. Most atheists are completely on board with the potential for a god to exist, they just haven't heard about one that they believe in. It doesn't necessarily mean that they deny or reject the existence of a god. Just because you don't agree with the currently existing religions, it doesn't mean that you're completely turned off to the idea of a god.

This is where agnosticism kind of took on a 3rd option and belief structure, but it's not really meant as one. It's based around KNOWING that there is or isn't a god. An agnostic believes that you can't prove it. You can be an agnostic atheist or an agnostic theist. Both are extremely common. So they're usually not 100% committed to a belief. An agnostic usually leans towards which one they believe is more likely. The agnostic theist believes that there is a god or the agnostic atheist doesn't believe in a god. The gnostic theist or atheist knows 100% for a fact that there is or isn't a god. Not to be confused with the gnosticism.

The vocal population of them on the internet are the ones that think they solved the biggest mystery to humanity by not believing in a god. They're the ones mocking people for having their belief, or telling you about how sure they are that there's definitely no god, it's just a fairytale. And they won't shut up about the fact that they're agnostic. It's like it's the new cool club to be part of. Everyone should be jealous of them... But there's an easy way to beat them:

Tell them to prove it. It works on the overly-religious people too. Demand solid concrete proof of their belief. Most people tend to gravitate more towards agnostic side (not to the point of being able to identify with agnosticism (since that assumes NEVER having that evidence)), whether they believe in a god or not, because there's currently not a single shred of evidence. We have other theories. Theoretical Physics gave HUGE support that you don't need a god. But nobody has actually been able to prove that there was or wasn't a god. Even if the big bang is the accurate theory, we don't know that there was no intelligence behind making our universe, or the multiverse that self-sufficient. We're kind of incapable of studying outside of our universe right now. The difference between the agnostics and the not-agnostics (since gnostics are TECHNICALLY a religious group, we're going with that), is the belief of if we'll ever have proof of one side. A lot of religious people accept the possibility that they're wrong. They don't believe that they're wrong, but they understand that it's possible. And a lot of atheists will admit that they're wrong if you can prove that there's a god. They just haven't seen that proof yet. To them, there just hasn't been anything to give them reason to believe.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Why send a message if you know we're not a match?
Posted: 2/2/2015 3:54:50 PM

Never_in_Life wrote: First off, you have given of yourself in a way that is helpful and yet so typical of your thought processes. You helped write papers - that's nice (but not exactly inspiring). I sincerely doubt anyone would ever see you at a local soup kitchen - probably because the folks in need there won't be going to college.

The most telling part of your quote was " It thrills me to send these kids to college" and "One of my best success stories" . Like it was your accomplishment, and not Elizabeth's. That totally lines up with the elitist vibe you put out here.




Literate Hiker responded:This is not the Profile Review forum. You are making incorrect assumptions about me and being critical and demeaning.


All too often we don’t perceive ourselves as others see us. Perhaps you feel that incorrect assumptions have been made and the post is critical and demeaning, you must also realize that all we have to go on is what your profile and posts in the forums say about you as a person. No doubt, you aren’t even aware that you are not coming across in the way in which you perceive yourself to be.

I must concur with the post penned by Never in Life in that your posts do come across as having an elitist vibe and, on occasion, have shown some arrogance. Perhaps you are unaware that this may be the perception you are projecting.

OT: I often read profiles as a pastime. I don’t think twice about dropping a line to someone near and far whose profile strikes a chord with me. It means absolutely nothing more than to send along an acknowledgement and/or compliment of something I have read in their profile. I am not looking to date or for a relationship. Not everything in life has to have a purpose or be of benefit to me. With the exception of two people over the 9+ years I’ve been on this site, all have acknowledged and thanked me for taking the time to drop them a line.

Maybe it’s time to stop looking at others as “human resources” and to just look at them as humans.
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