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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 26
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationshipPage 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
msg 24 : It is not a matter of men disliking women , it is more a matter of men disliking how women are acting these days . Seems to me more and more women are attempting to act like men and I really hate to say this but , men are not normally attracted to women exhibiting masculine behavior . That is one of the reasons my desire to find some one for a ltr is fading , I would like to find a woman who actually acts in the manner of a lady (go look the definition up) .Being strictly a one woman man if is difficult for one such as myself to be involved in a dating system where it is date as fast and as many as you can . I can not behave in such a manner because I wasn't raised that way . My parents raised me the way parents are supposed to , they led by example , not with day care and nannies . But then we had something to play with back then , it was called outside .
 OneKewlDood
Joined: 5/21/2014
Msg: 27
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 7:21:33 AM

eric summit says...

My reason for remaining here is primarily for entertainment.


Not a personal attack, but if your best form of entertainment is seeing the same 20 people (and the occasional n00b) talk about the same topics over and over, then you need to get out more.

I spend a few minutes here, but I primarily get my entertainment from various music groups' forums, where I can interact with hundreds of like-minded people from around the world who pump in a steady flow of new topics.

That, to me, is entertainment.
 TALL_IQ2
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 28
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 7:26:49 AM

I never understood the whole ?monitoring" and "banning" people on a discussion board. Seems a bit controlling. If the person is insulting or crazy, just ignore them.


Trouble is, this is a Worldwide open Forum online for almost anyone to see ( if they can dig down for it or Google for it), including many minors (even though supposedly excluded from here),
and the very few vulgar posting or just disruptive trolls try to ruin it for the majority of veteran Forumites who would like to see these Forums stay up and available. It could go away like many others have if the trolls become too common here.

So if you value this free online venue, like many of us do, please help keep it clean and don't feed the few obvious trolls that pop up occasionally.

S
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 7:58:51 AM
TALL_IQ2

( Low deep voice ) You are doomed to become a Forumite for life... Resistance is futile.


You will be assimilated and become a part of the collective.

OP...I always get a kick out of your "We have not been here for years" statements like this one...

SAVE that the thread was posted before. No one wants to read a 6 year old thread and some people haven't been on this forum continuously here for decades so it is new to us.


Entertaining...
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 30
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 9:18:39 AM
Demidar, I hate to seem to be picking on you but I have to point out that some of your requirements seem inconsistent.
If you are of modest income and are concerned about being "used" for financial support, then I cannot see how you could have a relationship with an old-fashioned, financially and socially dependent woman.
I think that these days, the 2 members of a pair-bond need to be able to stand on their own 2 socioeconomic feet, however modest that standing might be.
If we are talking family with dependent children, then even if the pair-bond fails, both parties need to be responsible for the support, care and nurturing of the child(ren). That resposibility may be divided/delegated differently in each case, depending on practicalities, realities and logistics.

Now, as for people in thriving relationships being on PoF forums, who better to offer encouragement and insight.

If someone is insecure, then dating and relationships these days are a minefield, IMO. There is just a lot more mobility, it is necessary in many cases for a couple to also be independent individuals, and there is just so much more opportunity for those of dishonest intent/poor ethics to engage in misconduct.
I enjoy the forums because my options for discussing dating and relationships with real-life people is limited.
Most of my friends, family, social circle are either partnered or NOT looking/interested in dating.
I came to PoF on a google search for dating discussion/forums, just after a relocation.
At this time, while I will not go so far as to hang out a "not looking" sign, I have other concerns and activities that I need to focus on.
I seem to have outgrown my concern about getting remarried, in fact I can see a lot of DRAWBACKS to marriage or cohabitation. That does not mean-although quite a few want to INTERPRET it that way- that I'm looking for a FwB or booty call.
But, to answer the question posed in the OT, I don't see someone in a relationship yet remaining at PoF for the forums, the live get-toghethers, for friends made here, as such a big deal.
For those who ARE in marriages or committed relationships that are using the site to look for side action, they should be ashamed of themselves.
Whether or not we need to return to moderated forums is an interesting question.
Cindy O
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 31
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 9:35:31 AM
That is very amusing seeing I have been divorced almost 22 years and have stood on my own two feet , being a single parent to boot . I hadn't realized being a "lady " meant also being a weak woman as you describe . But then I forget women are the new men , or at least they would have us think so .
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 32
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 9:51:59 AM
Just out of curiousity, were you a custodial parent? Did you work or were you a stay-at-home parent? If you worked, who raised your child(ren)?
(question directed at Demidar)

Never meant to imply that you DIDN'T stand on your own 2 feet. But you do seem to be looking for an old-school woman. Don't mean to imply that such women are "weak", not at all, only that they have a more indirect method of meeting their goals.
Equal opportunity statutes gave women a CHOICE, whether to meet their goals by indirect means. direct means or some combination thereof.
The focus these days is more on PERSONHOOD. One's place in the workd need no longer be strictly dictated by gender, one's social value need no longer be based on one's marital/familial status.

Why are YOU on a dating site, Demi?
You seem to have an intense resentment of women who can stand on their own 2 feet, but it certainly seems that the old-fashioned kind have hardly become extinct! I hear all the time that middle-aged and older women are "desperate" for marriage or at least co-habitation, at least this is what we keep hearing from the flailing middle-ged MGTOW crowd.
Maybe you would be better served to go where the old-school ladies are? I would suspect that many of them wouldn't DREAM of being a member of an online dating site, indeed proabably many of them don't own a computer,smartphone or other internet device.
Cindy O
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 33
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 10:33:46 AM
How could I be a single parent if I didn't have custody , your question makes no sense .I view a relationship as two people who combine strengths to minimize any weakness they may have , guess a revolutionary idea on my part . I have no issue with being equal with some one , if they prove they are equal . If they are only made equal by discriminatory laws then they really are not equal and never will be . If this society collapses as indicators are starting to show , we will then see who is strong and independent .
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 34
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 10:45:34 AM

Like what? what others are there?


Google it. There are forums for many things. TV shows, bands, hobbies...

IE: I used to be a contributing member of the Lost forums because my ex gf and I were huge fans of the T.V. show.

So take something you have for an interest or hobby and google search to see if there are forums for it. (Like...underwater basket weaving forums). Not saying that exists, just using an example.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 35
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 10:45:54 AM

Not a personal attack, but if your best form of entertainment is seeing the same 20 people (and the occasional n00b) talk about the same topics over and over, then you need to get out more.


I don' t believe he meant that this was his major form of entertainment, but rather his main reason for staying on this site. I may be wrong.....
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 36
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 11:06:39 AM
The most pathetic reason (or laughable, depending on your POV), are the revealed in the whine threads, where an OP says: "My boyfriend/girlfriend/SO still has an on-line dating profile. Does that mean he/she is looking to cheat on me? The only reason I have a profile up is to make friends."
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 37
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 11:14:10 AM

The only reason I have a profile up is to make friends

Maybe in a younger person that would be suspect, but I'm an old broad. I live Upstate, get snowed in. Had a couple of surgeries in the last few years & had to spend time recovering.

Why not participate in Forums or email back w/ other Forumites? It doesn't mean that person is trolling 4 sex.

Not every one has a suspicious mind or dishonest intentions.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 38
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 11:36:21 AM

How could I be a single parent if I didn't have custody , your question makes no sense

Soory, but I have seen joint custody/shared custody/weekend parents identify themselves as single parents, also.


I have no issue with being equal with some one , if they prove they are equal .

But you seem to be looking for an old-school woman who stayed home to raise her children,etc.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but again, it puts the woman in a position of using more indirect means to attain her goals.

And I do not disagree that a woman can be both equal/independent but still conduct herself with grace and good manners.Except that some of what was once considered "good manners" now often becomes a bone of contention, or unacceptable to certain viewpoints.

I do not see society as "collapsing"- I think it is in a period of adjustment/change. Perhaps we are finally going to achieve a civilization that operates on allowing poeple to utilize their abilities without reard to gender roles and rules.
Obviously we are never going to make men and women exactly the same.
Ideally raising offspring is a joint venture, but all too often now I see men using "equality" and "women's lib" to shove the largest portion of childbearing and childrearing onto the women, while still expecting her to also fulfill a fulltime+ breadwinner role.

In my own social environment growing up and even in my adult years, I saw very few cases of stay-home wives "using" their husbands. I saw quite a few full-time employed wives/mothers also carrying the largest part of the family/household financial burden.,while the husband& father either was under, or UNemployed, self-employed, or just felt that since his wife wanted to be a liberated woman, he could just kep his own paycheck for himself. Don't misunderstand me, I also saw traditional families, and I saw families where both husband and wife were wage-earners who focused their efforts on betterment of the FAMILY. No significant axe to grind here.

But the topic here is why people in relationships might choose to retain a PoF membership. I tink that many who do that do so for the forums, to stay in contact with PoF friendships, or so that they and their SO can participate in PoF live events.

As for people complaining that they contact someone with an interest in meeting, but get told "no thanks, I'm seeing someone"-there could also be several valid reasons for that. The "seeing someone" could be a fairly new development not yet solidified, or it could be a "polite brush-off" to avoid the venom that sometimes gets unleashed over a "we are not a match" response.
Cindy O
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 39
view profile
History
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 11:39:55 AM
That's VK, I've been worried the forums were going to sink to the bottom and then be gotten rid of.

All message broads have rules, monitoring is the best way to keep trolls from taking over and ruining a message board, just like any place else you might go to spend time with others, there are always going to be rules and there are always going to be those pitiful few who need negative attention so badly that they will make complete fools of themselves.
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 40
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 11:50:31 AM
Msg 40 : Always nice to have some one give me a good laugh, especially when their head is buried in the sand . Morals , Family , Religion are under attack in western society . and are being destroyed , those things are foundation blocks of this society . No structure stands once the foundation is torn out .
msg 43 : just keep watching your tv and you will be fine , I haven't attempted to get a date with any one on this site , sorry to burst your bubble . You are one of the bitter people , I feel sorry for you :) As I stated earlier , any one who allows their s/o to be involved on a online dating site/forum for any reason has very low standards .
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 41
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 11:57:28 AM

Morals , Family , Religion are under attack in western society . and are being destroyed , those things are foundation blocks of this society . No structure stands once the foundation is torn out .


I'm sorry to have to say this, but the fact that someone's bitter attitude keeps them from getting dates is not proof that society is collapsing.
And this all has WHAT to do with someone in a relationship retaining a PoF account? Is society collapsing because someone in a relationship chooses to participate in dating site forums,keep in touch with forum friends, and/or participate in(or host) PoF live events?
Cindy O
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 42
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 2:10:52 PM
sunnydayss@
Sometimes strangers are better to ask than people who you know

For one example.... in why here....

imo, the reasons for the most part are the same whether, being single, in relationship or other....

In others words, many of those who are in a loving relationship, are still no better or worst off....
still are searching, asking , listening, need a pat on the back, when before there was not, need to boast, brag, bs, about sex, love, hate,vent,seek, complain, etc,etc,etc...

As I sure for many, well...... why don’t you ask them why what missing or not....besides saying its only for entertainment or playing the local ‘good Samaritan..” As there are a few here who are truly want to help & give advice for the most part ! Which I truly appreciate & enjoy their opinions.but.....there are those who are on another mission...

I liked the character, ‘Hawkeye Pierce in M*A*S*H. made me laugh of all the things he seen that were not quite on par in his world or the normal world for that matter as well.....as in the 7 deadly sins....cheers
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 43
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 2:51:07 PM

As I stated earlier , any one who allows their s/o to be involved on a online dating site/forum for any reason has very low standards

Oh BS!
"allows"... what am I a 2 year old or a dog on a leash?
This is a FORUM--I have clearly stated in my ad-here 4 the forums...
My partner has very high standards- as he has chosen me! LoL

A person who cheats would be sneaky, not be open in the forums, but slinking around.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 44
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 2:52:13 PM
The topics referring to relationships are just SOME of the topics available, on the POF Forums. Sheesh!

A person can post and /or reply to Humor, Recipes & Cooking, Computers & Technology, Travel, or ANYTHING under the heading , Off Topic.

Being on a "Dating" web site, to interact in Forums, whether or not I am in a relationship, single OR even married DOES NOT mean I am in any way shape or form cheating or looking to cheat, on my BF. Thank heavens my BF and I trust each other, as I am fairly certain (one of our Forumites, recently married) there are others who believe in AND trust their SO, to be faithful to them and are NOT threatened by the POF Forums!

ENUFF said!
 Theophannia
Joined: 1/19/2014
Msg: 45
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 4:18:36 PM
Personally I am here though I am legally married. I also currently LIVE with Shane, my husband. There is no romantic relationship between us and there hasn't been for a long time. Shane is on this site as well, and we have an OPEN MARRIAGE. We have romantically moved on. We chose to keep the HOME we made for our child stable, and keep both of his parents in his life.

I have a 3 year old son named Mikael. He's the love of my life.
My husband, Shane, gave me this angel that I live for.

Me and Shane didn't end up having the marriage that we bargained for. So what.
The fact of the matter is when a baby is born PRIORITIES CHANGE.
This means that your relationship, love life, sex life, feelings, anger, bitterness, who was right, who was wrong, what society says is ok, what you want, what's best for you, etc NO LONGER MATTER MOST.

This is what society forgets. That one is angry at the other and so one leaves, one moves out, files for divorce, starts a new home and life.
It's the CHILD that pays. Remember, you got your life back now, but the child involved, you destroyed the one he knew so that you could have it.
Now he has 2 homes and one parent at each one at best. Often this isn't how it works. Its I have a mommy most of the time and a daddy sometimes. TELLING your kids that they are loved doesn't make them FEEL loved by a parent. A person doesn't have a relationship with statements. Your kid doesn't either.

So why is it OK that a child of a divorced parent LOSES TIME with one parent? The child is NOT the mothers son, nor is the child the father's son. It took a mothers egg and a fathers sperm, and no human being is asexual. That means that without an egg you wouldn't have that baby, and without a sperm you wouldn't have that baby. NEITHER HAS MORE RIGHT TO THE CHILD. PERIOD. UNLESS YOU'RE THE NEW VIRGIN MARY OR FIRST MALE TO GIVE BIRTH.

He/she loses a father or mother so that the father and mother can have an new life. The CHILD makes the sacrifice for the PARENT'S new life.

Anyone can get pregnant. Its easy and often "about the parent". "I want someone to love that will love me back."
But who's the one paying for it? Who's life is it REALLY that you're putting on the line in payment for your "new happiness?" Last time I checked, someone who get's pregnant or impregnates someone is called a sperm or egg donor, someone who puts their kids first in all things, THAT'S when you're a mother or father.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 46
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 4:56:32 PM

Demidar No structure stands once the foundation is torn out .
msg 43 : just keep watching your tv and you will be fine , I haven't attempted to get a date with any one on this site , sorry to burst your bubble . You are one of the bitter people , I feel sorry for you :) As I stated earlier , any one who allows their s/o to be involved on a online dating site/forum for any reason has very low standards .


You are single, on a dating site forum, but have NEVER attempted to get a date?

Demidar So why are YOU on here?
 forums48380
Joined: 2/10/2013
Msg: 47
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 6:00:46 PM
I had been reading these forums for quite a while before meeting a gf. After 5 months of dating her, I mentioned this forum in conversation and she blew a gasket and dumped me. I never mentioned it to her before that because I wasn't doing anything wrong and didn't see any harm in what I was doing. As had been previously stated, this forum is entertaining and can provide information if someone has a question. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't come here. And just because you "have a profile on POF" doesn't mean you are up to no-good. What matters is what you are actually doing.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 48
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2015 9:03:36 PM
People need to get over the insecurity of seeing another 'Online' in here. If I found someone I was dating exclusively, I probably wouldn't be in here as much, but the forums are my time-killer during breaks at work and such.

1) My Inbox/Outbox would be the 'tell' if I was up to no good, not being 'Online' or not. Being Online and not messaging anyone is the equivalent of reading PEOPLE magazine - it's just stories and pictures.
2) I don't believe in declaring 'relationships' by XX date or XX time, simply because people can do all kinds of deceptive crap to get what they want, and hide what they don't want others to see at first. Relationships should never HAVE to be 'declared' - it should be blatantly obvious by your actions - including trusting the other person.
3) Do the math - if you have his/her free time just about every evening, or you at least communicate with each other every night, when the hell are they going to have time to cheat? See 'trust' from line #2. Actions speak louder than words.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/2/2015 2:47:19 AM
Curiousity kills the Cat. that is an old saying,

Some people are still here for the POF forums, even they are already in relationship..
for most of them work on computer and they take a break on posting and answering post.
and for me this is like c ocktail party mingling with lots of people with out leaving your house.

VVVV it is a an education to learn people'spersonality through their mind and what they posted here
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 50
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/2/2015 2:58:44 AM
I'm here for forums (mind candy).

I have also learned quite, a bit, here. I'm not inclined to give up my participation, any time soon.
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