Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 126
view profile
History
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationshipPage 6 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Those women who really do hate men, or those men who really do hate women, whether or not they are for equal rights has nothing to do with the fact that they have issues with the others. A person with issues that they are not getting help with, may well grab onto something and use it to not have to deal with themselves, but that in no way means that the issue they are using as an excuse has anything real to do with their problems. This is a pretty simple, easy-to-understand idea.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 127
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/21/2015 1:38:40 PM
Women are not anti-feminist. It is like people who are anti-union because the lazy, horrible, bad worker gets the benefits of a union.
What they are anti- is women wanting equal pay and promotions and yet having to do their work for them when they are pregnant and not feeling well or absent, they are anti women who thinks that sleeping round at the convenience of men and at the rate of slutty men is a "advance". They are anti-putting down women who choose to not work at a job outside the home. They are anti women with no children or who have housekeepers and childcare employed in the home stating that women have to pay child support to men when the women still do most of the child-rearing, carting around etc. ( Before you raise your voices and cackles, yes, there are a few men who do this. This is not directed at you.) They are anti too old, too wealthy and too connected to have it happen to themselves and their daughters "feminists" advocating that women participate in combat because, in reality, they and their kind will never have to.
They resent the Sanger history of abortion. I will stop here.
They are not anti-feminist. They are anti- abuse of the term feminist.
 Gazzer92
Joined: 5/21/2012
Msg: 128
view profile
History
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/21/2015 1:43:39 PM
How many women identify as feminists exactly? It seems to be a huge movement, the problem is a lot of these women take it to the extreme and try to put down men which in turn makes men resent women. Personally I think that's bad for soceity if we live in a world full of mutual hatred for the opposite sex. Theres a reason our soceity is crumbling and feminism is the main reason for it.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 129
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/21/2015 1:50:17 PM

One of the biggest influences of obtaining equality for women in the UK was the 2nd world war where women did the work of men because they had to, there wasnt enough men to do it


Doing traditional male jobs because they had to is hardly “equality,” are you for real? Did you know the US was in WW2 also….US women had to cover for the men at war, ie: Rosie the Riveter. Doing a traditional male job is not equality for women. “Showing the world” how you can work is not “equality.”

I don’t know about the UK but here in the US women had to fight for legislation to be able to own their own property, to not be considered their husband’s property (as late as the 1980s for some states) to not be sexually harassed or coerced or fired at work, to vote and count as actual citizens… I can’t go on with this, I’m sorry you’ve had bad experiences with women who call themselves “feminists” (just like some people have bad experiences with people who call themselves “Christians”) but you are highly misinformed about feminism. I understand you have sons but girls and women are not their enemy. The fact that you live on your own and not stuck putting up with the husband you are divorced from because you can earn a living wage, or have to go live with your father or brother or other male relative is because of FEMINISTS.


Ainen - your views are a little extreme for me and a lot I would disagree with.


A little extreme??? He’s just a sick pathetic misogynist.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 130
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/21/2015 2:01:21 PM
What is interesting to me about this thread is how one can USUALLY tell who are the Americans and Canadians ( unfortunately, things are changing in Canada) as opposed to others.

If you ask an "other" = Is it a beautiful day?"
They will describe it and even if they disagree they just say, "We;ll, actually, I find it rather foggy and depressing, dear."

Americans will say, "It is raining and you are an idiot if you can't see that."

LOL!!!
 antirepublican
Joined: 12/31/2014
Msg: 131
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/21/2015 2:03:09 PM
There are a couple of things that everyone seems to be missing here. 1)Feminism isn't the enemy of men. 2)Misogynists benefit from feminism.

Feminism is the enemy of traditionalists of both sexes. Anti feminist women lose their compliant meal tickets. Anti Feminist men lose their children. Take it down to brass tacks. Women turned to the government (the ultimate alpha male draft horse) for provision and protection and they found, to their chagrin, that it is easier to control one private beta provider than the public alpha. Hence, women against feminism. Men, on the other hand, were scalded by the loss of their children. They failed to understand that they never had children. Like a full size pick up truck is an extension of the penis; a baby is an extension of the clit. When men figure out that products of a woman's vag are no more important than the products of her ass, everything changes.

Feminists complain about misogynists but they truly hate loving husbands and fathers. Look who is taking all of the damage in the cultural donnybrook. It only takes a quick glance at television to figure out that traditionalist family men are objects of intense ridicule and the guys who have all of the hot babes are blatant misogynists. Even in here, you can see it plainly. Women rage and vilify the fathers of their children but despondently yearn for the thug who pumped and dumped.

Feminism is here to stay so get with the program.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 132
view profile
History
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/21/2015 3:05:05 PM
The forums are entertaining, some people don't do facebook and may not be that big on regular email, I certainly hate mine because of all of the junk mail, so there are a few people I only talk to here.

I don't participate in the forums that much these days but I don't think I'd like to never visit them again either. I also know a lot of people who basically met on the forums and they both like to participate so why should they stop.

If someone's significant other isn't worried about it I fail to see why it is of interest to so many people, seems a need to micromanage other people's lives when shouldn't they have something better to do.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 133
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/22/2015 9:32:54 AM
Haven't read any of the latest posts except below


Even the guy I dated for a few weeks told me he would ditch me if I got pregnant and wouldn't support the child - that is the kind of mentality there is these days among young men.



What he is really saying there is BE RESPONSIBLE and not get pregnant.
It takes two to make a baby and it's her body (her hole!) to protect, not his.
If only many females of all ages realized this, it would solve so many issues.
Hell, I wouldn't have my first if I did but I've owned up to my part and raised him without pointing any fingers at the father. Did feminism make me do that? No.... acting like a reasonable human being did.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 134
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/22/2015 9:35:51 AM
Oh and people who hate the opposite gender are those who won't accept their part in the failure of their love life.
Ever seeing a woman-hating man or a man-hating woman in a happy and healthy relationship? I think not
 antirepublican
Joined: 12/31/2014
Msg: 135
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/22/2015 9:50:44 AM

Oh and people who hate the opposite gender are those who won't accept their part in the failure of their love life.
Ever seeing a woman-hating man or a man-hating woman in a happy and healthy relationship? I think not


Of course not. You are entirely correct about that. Where the haters really make hay are in exploitive relationships and exploitive relationships are much, much easier to get. Think about it... what would a hater do with a happy and healthy relationship? If he were to stumble upon one, he would still exploit as much as possible; transforming it into one of cruelty and dysfunction despite the best efforts of the partner. A hater's goal isn't happy and healthy. It is base extraction. It works very well when the purpose is clear.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 136
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/22/2015 2:05:18 PM
seems that people don't hate ALL men or ALL women. they dislike particularly described people of whichever gender.


Oh and people who hate the opposite gender are those who won't accept their part in the failure of their love life.


Reminds me of what my friends who have affairs with married men say.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 137
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/22/2015 3:01:33 PM

Reminds me of what my friends who have affairs with married men say



You have friends, plural?, who have affairs with married men??!!!! Are they by any chance the "loose" women spoken of in the other thread?

:O
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 138
view profile
History
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/23/2015 2:15:01 AM
@ Vicky....

First of all I am not "distressed" by your views and frankly it's apparent to me that you are quite solid in your opinions.
It's also pretty obvious that there are some pretty big "holes" in your information but a forum on a dating site is not the place for education.

I do find it pretty insulting that you seem to think that only your own, personal relatives have been the ONLY women to actually work hard, doing the SAME job as men and actually believe that is why they were successful. But again, you don't really seem terribly interested in the fact that MANY women have done the same or even more difficult work than men and HAVEN'T and WEREN'T acknowledged or paid as men were, and many STILL aren't, even today, through NO fault of their own. Discrimination in the work place exists even today despite whatever you, personally believe.
Guess it's MUCH easier to just sit there and say that if they were REALLY "equal to men" then they NATURALLY would be treated the same. Because hard-working people are ALWAYS acknowledged and treated accordingly....????
So I'm going to go ahead and assume that slavery also falls under that assumption. But THAT would be ridiculous, I can hear the cries now! Problem is, actually when it comes to the bottom line, as I think we all can see in today's world, the "human factor" is really not that important....when it comes to money and business. Something that HASN'T changed for millenia. Greed, after all, is timeless....
Feminism wasn't born in a vacuum and wasn't something that involved a bunch of women who were out to make the world more difficult for men or to put women in a superior position, whether you choose to believe that or not, doesn't change the facts.

As far as the current laws etc. well, from what you're saying, women weren't really the ones who had any power to actually make the changes to he laws, but were the ONLY ones who benefited, and now are being held accountable for the laws that are "oppressing men" although it was MEN who actually changed them???
Hmmmmm...damned if we DO....???

As far as men being made to suffer or being devalued, not knowing their place in the world, yes, I agree, there IS plenty of that going on....Guess that couldn't POSSIBLY be due to anything like FACTS, right?
Laws against rape, date rape, etc. again were NOT born in a vacuum, but were a REAL response to what has become a REAL problem. If you're interested, perhaps some actual stats on the occurrences of sexual assault might be informative.
As far as women "crying rape" again, statistically speaking that is a small percentage of all rapes and is overshadowed by the sheer number of sexual assaults that STILL aren't even reported today.
The law is a funny animal....there are abuses going on EVERY day of MANY laws, but I don't see many people out there who are fighting to change THOSE laws because they "aren't fair". Unfortunately the law CAN be twisted and misused. How many PEOPLE are currently awaiting trial for crimes they did NOT commit, simply because of backup in the testing and DNA labs all over the world, for things like homicide, never mind anything else? Or, let's take a look at American Jurisprudence where "the game" seems to be about bankrupting your opponent by keeping them tied up with expensive court costs until they no longer have the means to fight? Or what about all of those corporate giants who are out there playing with people's lives and livelihoods with impunity, by closing down companies and "disappearing" back to their own countries where they are untouchable, so they are not required to make monetary compensation to their workers?
Perhaps all of the cases of "child abuse" where the parents are found guilty by default and the child is removed from the household PRIOR to an investigation of ANY kind should ALSO be revamped?
After all, if one or two or 10000 children DIE because the law wasn't as interested in protecting them as it was in upholding parental rights, well, that's the "cost of doing business", right?
The argument is moot...ANY laws made have the potential of being abused but would NOT have been made if there was NO need.

As far as Emma Watson's speech...I agree that the value of a man's role in the family HAS been devalued to a certain extent, and I also believe that children need BOTH parents to become functioning well-adjusted adults, no argument there. I don't know about the UK, but I can tell you that here in Canada I have seen MANY women who have suffered equally as much from those same laws. The stories about women keeping their children away from their fathers still PALE in comparison to the number of men who make a conscious choice to NOT be involved with their children nor contribute to their upkeep. Although laws concerning child support ARE in place, the implementation of those laws can be quite lax, depending on where you live.
Also, statistically, women are now almost equal to men in terms of diseases like heart disease and cancer so not sure exactly where she's pulling her numbers from....As for depression, well, it's a well-known fact that women suffer from depression more than men.

As far as men's feelings, sure go ahead and lay THAT at the doorstep of feminism as well...no problem!!! I mean seriously???? So, feminists are ALSO responsible for the fact that men don't like to share their feelings? Don't seek help when/if they're depressed? No, my dear...not even CLOSE!!!

Oh, and just for the record I'm not quite sure what you meant when you referred to the fact that it was men who removed you from an abusive situation with your husband...The reality is that you wouldn't have even had the OPTION of leaving your abusive husband if it hadn't been for the laws that feminists fought for, there would have been nowhere for you to go and you wouldn't have had ANY RIGHTS to any property or possessions and wouldn't have been able to work to support your children yourself , either. Perhaps you were one of the "lucky ones" to have friends and family to help you out of that situation. What about the women who MAY not have that kind of support?

At any rate...as far as Ainen...I really think that you need a reality check my dear...he was referring to an incident here in Mtl. where 14 women were shot DEAD by some psycho who stated that his "reason" for doing so, was because they were "taking men's jobs".
You think that's ok????!!!!? Do you think that his comments here are NOT indicative of a sick person??? To make a statement that he "understands" why the guy did it???
Do you think THAT'S a good indication of how women AREN'T dealing with issues of anti-feminism even today???
There are fourteen DEAD women, who I believe would disagree....
When was the last time that you heard of a MAN being shot DEAD, because he was a MAN? And NOT because of his political or religious affiliations?

It struck me while reading your posts that you seem to be focused on the few women who identify as feminists who are radical and yes, probably hate men, as opposed to the MILLIONS who have been out there doing the actual WORK of changing laws and persuading others of the necessity of equality. Because when I use the term "fight" that IS what I'm talking about.
It's unfortunate, because as I mentioned, it appears that you have based your views on some pretty sweeping generalizations and lack of information.
Funny how that's the EXACT SAME THING, that you are accusing feminists of doing...

That, in essence is my problem....Seems like the feminist movement has been used as a scapegoat by both men and women these days for ALL of the issues between the sexes. Worse when those SAME women benefiting from the advantages that were GIVEN them, are the SAME ones out there denigrating the movement that did so.
At any rate, enjoy your freedoms and believe what you like about where they came from, I don't think it really matters to any of the women who worked SO hard for you to have the right to express those beliefs.

As far as the subject of children being the sole responsibility of the "women who got themselves pregnant", well...I'm guessing that the women who were married and having families went into it believing that it was forever and NOT that they would end up being single parents having to support a family on their own.
But, by ALL means, let's return to the days when it was a "woman's responsibility" to "ensure" that she didn't get pregnant and alleviate all poor, hard done by men, of ANY responsibility....after all, why should they actually be held accountable OR responsible for THEIR own actions....
That, I think more than ANYTHING will ensure the final breakdown of the family unit that so many people seem SO concerned about...because why have children even within a marriage if you KNOW that the guy can walk away leaving you solely responsible on a financial, emotional AND physical level,or else your options are to perhaps stay in an abusive relationship or else become a single parent whether or not that is what you, yourself would want.
But sure, let's give THAT a whirl and repeat history rather than learn from it, and on top of it set women back another 100 or so years!!!
At any rate, it's really too bad that things are where they are today imo, and I will continue to ensure that women's rights are protected whether or not anybody else agrees, as I will raise my voice against any and all discrimination. I will also continue to call myself a feminist and honour the giants on whose shoulders that I stand, and will never forget that all the opportunities and rights that I enjoy today are due to their hard work, blood, sweat and tears.
As far as men are concerned, well, they are now mobilizing and beginning to lobby against unfair legal practices and abuse of the laws and I'm certain that things will be equalized eventually....
As you yourself said, that is NOT my fight and I can only do what I can for what is important to me. I'm pretty sure that after thousands of years of being in a superior position to and subjugating women, that men will rally and do what they need to in order to ensure their own comfort in today's world. I, personally, have no fear of that.

I think I'll save my energy for ensuring that women elsewhere in the world have equal access to education and opportunities and can leave their homes after dark without fear of being raped and.or murdered, or sold into sexual slavery. Or maimed and assaulted because they DARE stand up and actually speak out against these injustices.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 139
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/23/2015 2:51:22 AM
Odd that you state this.


Laws against rape, date rape, etc. again were NOT born in a vacuum, but were a REAL response to what has become a REAL problem.


Then state this.


Unfortunately the law CAN be twisted and misused. How many PEOPLE are currently awaiting trial for crimes they did NOT commit, simply because of backup in the testing and DNA labs all over the world, for things like homicide, never mind anything else?


And then this.


can leave their homes after dark without fear of being raped and.or murdered, or sold into sexual slavery.


You state why they were made, then why they are wrong, and then why you need them.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 140
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/23/2015 2:57:46 AM

I agree, women should be working together and supporting each-other not tearing each-other down.


I agree. Why give in to oppression, this way? If somebody really wanted to exercise their power effectively, they'd stop working against their own best interests and push back.


I'd blame the MRA's and anti-fem propaganda again.


Those groups are filled with self-entitled control-freakish idiots who want to take which does not belong to them.


Loads of people believe it, it's getting a strong following.


It's really a mind-numbingly stupid way to waste time.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 141
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/23/2015 2:58:12 AM

Reminds me of what my friends who have affairs with married men say. .


What did the home-wrecker say to the married man?

Give up?


"I am a female friend of deets - By my own logic I do not accept my part as a female 3rd party who has (on one or more occasions) sexually involved herself with a known married man. And though by my own logic I must be held accountable for being 1/2 the action required to create any potential detriment. I should agree that - had it not been for me, the opportunity for this married man to cheat wouldn't have come to fruition. So at this point I could be what? Fully accountable given the circumstances that I knew better - yet I did the wrong thing - despite my advice being paradoxically the opposite.

I know it seems ironic that I have also gone so far as to have previously identified myself with deet (so she could make claims of my skillset) as being of ill repute and home wrecking status. And while I do offer advice on taking accountability - I don't accept the blatant fact that I am paradoxically creating circumstances that leave me (at the very least) an indecent human being.

But don't worry - why worry about potentially ruining the lives of children when you can have sex with a married man? (I only accept, that others cannot accept their part in the failure of that which I engage...........)".


Well said friend of deets, that's a great loophole ya found there. That was a long 3 paragraphs - the truth must be (ironically) difficult to swallow whole.

Banana
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 142
view profile
History
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/23/2015 4:53:27 AM
You know Vicky, it occurs to me reading your last post that we actually agree on more than we disagree....

If you feel that your mother and other women during the war WEREN'T in any way part of "feminism", I hate to say but yes, they actually WERE.
Again, not sure where your info comes from but feminism is about women DOING WHAT THEY WANT to do, which means they have the opportunities and rights and equality with men necessary for them to do those things. I never said that women like your Mother didn't contribute to the cause, they were the people both benefiting from it as well as proving that it WAS the right and better way to go.

My mother was a working mother, who made more at her job than I do today. With no degrees, and very little education. My grandmother was a nurse during WW2 and was in the thick of it in Europe, putting back together boys with broken bodies.
All of those women have contributed to the cause of equality between the sexes. Feminists as a "group" and I use that term loosely because it encompasses MANY actual groups that are engaged in MANY causes, that effect women and, by association the lives of those who come in contact with those women.
Holding protests in my neck of the woods is largely left as a LAST resort, when all avenues have failed , an important issue is imminent, (as in the case of the attempt at repealing the privacy laws in the case of rape trials), and the number of voices needs to increase in strength and volume to be heard.
I've also done a lot of work with various organizations for women that help women in all walks of Life to manage everything from finances, starting a business, childcare, or women's health and awareness. I have worked in women's shelters where women come in with stories similar to your own, having been informed by the police that although domestic abuse laws are in place, the resources are not REALLY available, so enacting them and dealing with the potential consequences, is at your own peril.
So much for the laws actually being enforced, despite being in place....

As far as the "poor attitude" towards men that you've experienced, I'm quite surprised at that. I worked for over 7 yrs. at a youth detention facility in Quebec and can't say that I saw the same thing. I also don't see that with my great nephew's, all boys ranging from 3-13. If anything I did see that our gov't saw NO problem with forcing teenage girls onto birth control and then restricting both their movements and activities as in earlier curfews, no off-campus furlough, etc.
The boys weren't treated as potential rapists, or anything like that. If anything it was a real "joke" that "boys will be boys", and the girl's were quickly learning that it WAS their responsibility to be as "defensive" as possible and don't DARE "cry rape" unless you have rock solid PROOF, which as I came to understand ideally meant a video, an unimpeachable third party witness, and/or semen dripping down her leg, not to put too fine a point on it.

Again, any law created can be abused or not enforced. A society is only as strong as the laws that it upholds.

And speaking of law.....


You state why they were made, then why they are wrong, and then why you need them.


No, I didn't, actually.

I stated why they were made. That has little to nothing to do with how they may or may not be applied/enforced.

The quote that you made was in response to the fact that there are women who have "cried rape" or as Vicki mentioned, hysterical parents who would like to use/misuse those laws for their own purposes, and what I said is that ANY law can be abused/misused.

That still doesn't mean that having the law does not deter to at least some extent. More importantly it is a legally binding statement of that particular cultures values, or at least of those in charge in many cases. It changes how people view themselves and their society. Changing attitudes towards women and their value as human beings in any society is an important step towards changing the actual society.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 143
view profile
History
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/23/2015 12:26:11 PM
And right back at you Vicki....I do see the struggles my niece is currently having getting services, by that I mean the appropriate teachers and education, in a rural area for her one son with Autism. I empathize if you are working with youth in crisis, as when I worked at Batshaw, we were Gov't funded and regulated, which ensured equality due to our mission statement.
I even helped some of our Native boys to arrange to have a sweat with a medicine man.
You, my dear, are truly doing the work of Angels.
I can also see how your experience as a mother of two boys TODAY can afford you a different perspective.
I believe it or not, DO agree with your take on there being more programs for men that are made available to them to help them with emotional issues, such as anger and depression, etc.
That's what I meant when I said that there is a readjustment period after a big shift in a society like we have seen with women gaining economic and political power.
By now, there are many well-funded women's programs and it appears that the "Pendulum Effect" is starting to produce the dubious results of men who are gradually becoming more and more disenfranchised. It's no accident that prison populations are exploding here in North America.
Having worked with male prisoners, I have had quite a bit of exposure to many of the issues that these men have/are facing, some since their childhood. As I said, this was NEVER something that I ignored and when I worked at a rape crisis center and we started to get rape, sexual harassment and domestic abuse reports made BY MEN, I was one of the first people to implement a team of men who were specifically trained to deal with those cases, with the compassion and empathy and LACK of judgement that was required.

I also can feel your own passion about caring and am glad that there are the people like you who are out there looking to use whatever method that WORKS to help change the world for all.
Maybe you're right and the time has come to retire the word "feminist", due to it's negative connotations....I really don't know, but for me, as long as the work continues and I don't have to hear about female children being gang raped and murdered because they want an education, or being "circumcized" in order to keep them faithful, sold into sexual slavery or force fed food in order to be considered "desirable" and "marriageable" to men who are old enough to be their fathers...I'm good with WHATEVER words are used....
I, too, have learned some things and thank you for the debate...and yes, you CAN change your mind at ANY time as I reserve the right to do so as well!! lol
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 144
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/23/2015 1:27:14 PM
I think that people, regardless of gender, who believe that each and every person born should respected in their personhood, be free to achieve their full potential and use the particular gifts and talents they were given, without artificial social and cultural constraints based on gender, color, ethnicity,age, geographical location, or belief system, should just be called humanists.
I'll be the first one to sigh up...
Oh, wait, I already did.
Cindy O
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 145
view profile
History
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/24/2015 4:19:45 AM
Vicki...yes, there IS a LOT of misdiagnosing and mismanagement and distribution of medication to boys...That is one thing I DO most definitely agree on....

Seems like every time a boy is rambunctious and energetic somebody is trying to force meds down his throat, or better, as a friend of mine discovered when her school told her that her son needed "something", I couldn't keep my mouth shut and sat her down and strongly suggested that she cut out the MASSIVE quantities of SUGAR that he was consuming in the form of juices and snack foods, mainly.

She did, and his entire personality CHANGED within a few weeks!!!
My great-nephew, unfortunately is a classic case of Asperger's more than Autism, there is no mistake, although he will have to be "officially" diagnosed within the school system before they decide if he needs "treatment"...
While resources in the form of interventionists who are specially trained to deal with these kids are being strained to say the LEAST, there is NO "shutting away" here...The children are in regular classroom unless their behaviour is really unmanageable, and they are shadowed by an interventionist who helps them to deal with daily activities and social situations.

While I know that there are a lot of misdiagnosed kids out there, I can't say there are actually TOO many here....You can't just CALL a kid "autistic" here if you're a GP or any other kind of Dr. with the exception of a psychiatrist, so that does, put the "brakes" on at times....
Our problem seems to lie more along the lines of finding and training the right people in intervention. In fact, as I understand it, North America is having the same problem all over!!!
Many of the people that I know who are in an interventionist, or special needs program in any of our schools are already receiving offers for jobs elsewhere and they are snapped up as soon as they graduate.

I actually worked as an interventionist myself for a woman here who runs several residences for the mentally challenged for several years....I've worked with those on the spectrum from mild to severe and I can tell you it is some of the most dangerous, exhausting, challenging and rewarding work that I've ever done....
If I had been a bit younger when I stumbled across the field, I might have gone and gotten certified myself, but the fact is that at 48. I really don't want to be putting myself in such a bad situation on a daily basis as my means of earning a living.

I haven't worked in Youth Protection for many years now, my most recent job in that was running a boys group home about 8 yrs, ago....
I can't say that I noticed a whole lot of "gang" behaviour....aside from the normal peer groups....I did notice that many of the guys were moving out, running away actually, and ending up living with older girls who had their own places. We also have/had quite a few programs here for boys that I know have been implemented in the last 10 or so years and there's also less stigma attached to things like counseling and therapy, so I know that many families with ANY means are going that route. Unfortunately unless these kids are IN the system, resources as with everyone, tend to be somewhat skimpy...

But one thing at a time, Vicki....lol
Can't change the world overnight and can only do what's in front of our faces, sometimes!!!

As far as the history of feminism, if you're interested, I suggest reading some stuff by Simone de Beauvoir, or there are some good books on women's history that are used by colleges and Universities..."A History of our Own" is one of my faves, but is somewhat dated now, and Gloria Steinham is always good for a humorous take on the cause, too...
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 146
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/24/2015 4:24:23 AM
Wow this post still arguing about feminism? really?
Okay
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 147
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/24/2015 4:31:41 AM
^^^I know. I keep coming back here, hoping they'll be back OT. I was enjoying the original thread topic.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 148
view profile
History
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/24/2015 4:38:20 AM
Wouldn't be the first thread to go off topic and take a while to meander back, ladies!!! LOL

I'm done now, I think that the exchange of ideas was important and my personal apologies for inconveniencing anyone with our conversation.....

Also thanks for the "back up" earlier in the thread Aradia, I tried to message you but your restrictions wouldn't allow me to get through...:(

And now...back to the topic at hand...on which I have NOTHING more to say...lmao
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 149
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/24/2015 4:44:02 AM

I tried to message you but your restrictions wouldn't allow me to get through...

Oh :( well I have no restrictions now! :)


I'm done now, I think that the exchange of ideas was important and my personal apologies for inconveniencing anyone with our conversation.....

Hehe it's okay, you are very passionate about it, it is a good quality.


Also thanks for the "back up" earlier in the thread Aradia

No problem :) I do consider myself something of a feminist so I will support it when people try to bash it. A lot of work was put in to free women from oppression so I won't turn my back on it.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 150
Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship
Posted: 2/24/2015 4:51:38 AM

Wouldn't be the first thread to go off topic and take a while to meander back, ladies!!! LOL

That wasn't a complaint, Dee. I love that there are no mods and the discussion just flows. I know some folks aren't crazy about that though. I'm not one for a lot of rules.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Curious: Why are you still here if you have a relationship