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 AUTHOR
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 26
Profile ReviewPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
"Be confidant in your writing "
I don't think so, but then I'm no grammar cop :)
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 27
Profile Review
Posted: 2/6/2015 4:29:48 AM
^^^Rats are great, okay? Only had one but Frank was the best pet we ever had. I kinda have a parrot now who is moving up the ranks to being tied with Frank. There, Merlin, I mentioned you.

earwigs, seems you're being a bit stubborn here. Just seems that way to me. These people are experts. You really should take their advice.

You are a gorgeous young woman. That's a great main pic.

There is another beautiful young woman in ... Australia, I believe. She wasn't getting any mail and it turned out her profile was hidden. She's been on the site a while. I did a user name search of your profile and it came up for me, but not sure it that is a definite that your profile isn't hidden.

I'm concerned about your focus on the weight of your prospective dates.

What is going on with hippies being dirty, etc.? I think tater mentioned that but I can't find any other reference to it. I hope you like the hippie type because that's definitely how you come across in your profile to me and did from the first day I saw you posting here.

What's up with hiding whether or not you have a car? "Prefer not to say" is in most cases simply being evasive. If you meet someone who wants to use you as a taxi driver, take him somewhere and drop him off ... far, far away from wherever you are (and a long walk won't hurt if he's overweight).

Photo 2 is against site rules here. Why is it still up?

I think you're far more creative than your headline.

And this:


My goal is find someone who is local to the tri cities whom isn't overweight

earwigs, you know better than to start your profile off with a negative and a slam against ... well, the majority of the population of the Western world. I think more highly of you than ... Maybe my opinion of you is too high.



I possess a quirky and animated personality and a strange sense of humour.

I think you probably do but none of this comes across in your profile. (And isn't it funny that "humour" in that line is marked by POF's spellcheck as an error?) I saw a post on a profile review the other day, might have been Angelic Devil but not sure. Anyway, someone advised to write the way you talk. Maybe you could try that.

Are you keeping your first name a secret, too, like whether or not you own a car? I like to see a name in that About Me.

Your profile is cold; it's a deterrent to dating. I'm getting the vibe you're scared and not ready.

Help everyone out here and take their advice, earwigs. Hell, I'm still waiting for hunter to have an epiphany.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 28
Profile Review
Posted: 2/6/2015 8:31:36 AM
Your text was great this morning. Hope you put it back the way it was. The last time I saw, you had removed the number of rats you have, so when you restore that text, you could add how many rats.

I didn't think your text was cold.

If you haven't already, answer "no" to the "would you date overweight?" question (it doesn't show in profiles).

Definitely keep the rat photo. Many decent men like the photo.

Your paragraph about the type of man you seek was really good.

In my first post on this thread, I said don't change. Knew people would try to get you to conform.

Agree with the others that a yes or no answer is best for the car, not "prefer not to say".
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 29
Profile Review
Posted: 2/6/2015 9:17:34 AM

confidant
I will never live that one down :)
I was tired...stickin' to that.

Most people here are not trying to make you conform.
Just trying to highlight your positive traits and bring out your personality.
Warm things up and make it friendly..

Don't know why people think hippies are dirty :/
You do give off that vibe. Even with the way you dress and personal grooming.

Your rats are important to you. Write about them in a positive light.
They are great pets. Intelligent, clean, loving.
Anyone who doesn't know that is ignorant and should do some research before judging.
Rescue animals are not disease carrying creatures...any animal can have fleas and there are remedies...
Rescuing and re homing is a noble calling and not easy.

I'm afraid you're trying to please everybody, got frustrated and deleted everything.
You need to please yourself, first of all.
Take what suggestions make sense to you.

Start with your personality and what's important to you.
Talk about what you do in your spare time.
Tell the type of man you seek.

Don't give up.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 30
Profile Review
Posted: 2/6/2015 10:16:37 AM
"Don't know why people think hippies are dirty :/"
Easy answer: Woodstock
http://www.nerdonomy.com/tag/woodstock/
 earwigs_have_wings
Joined: 10/16/2014
Msg: 31
Profile Review
Posted: 2/7/2015 8:49:43 AM
^^^It baffles me why someone said I thought hippies are dirty. I did say I don't grow out my moustache and beard (which was supposed to be funny because I 'am' quirky and don't have one). Growing out body hair doesn't make a person dirty. It is a preference.

What is interesting is in the past couple of days I've received multiple messages which includes messages from lean defined muscled men. From an earlier post I wrote I am now scared to meet these guys because I fear they'll think my body doesn't measure up to theirs. So, to combat rejection when they speak about any type of athletics I tell them I am terribly out of shape (which I am) and am not toned 'like they are'. One guy messaged me back and said he's not judgemental and to keep in mind that he is half black and half white (I guess this means I should be following the stereotype that many black men don't mind a bit of chubs?).

Anyhow, I'll leave my profile the way it is for now. It seems when I wrote about my passion for animals, my pet rats, and other little critters and made people click on the 'next' button hence the once a day messages. I will try to think of something to write that doesn't make me sound weird but at the same time shows who I am at some point. Some people can take me while others cannot.

Reading responses on POF forums does tangle my brain wires a bit.
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 32
Profile Review
Posted: 2/7/2015 9:27:11 AM

I am now scared to meet these guys because I fear they'll think my body doesn't measure up to theirs. So, to combat rejection when they speak about any type of athletics I tell them I am terribly out of shape (which I am) and am not toned 'like they are'


What a shame you are excluding someone simply based on his physicality. Pre-emptive rejecting shows such a huge lack of confidence. Who knows, maybe when you meet them they won't be as 'toned' as you think they are. Or maybe they'll be all about their looks and too stupid to have a conversation. What possible difference does it make if they are interested in contacting you - for whatever reason? There are ALL types of guys out there and if you are afraid to meet any, why are you here? A coffee date usually doesn't include naming your children. You are WAY overthinking it. Don't be that girl.

Don't believe the stereotypes.
 earwigs_have_wings
Joined: 10/16/2014
Msg: 33
Profile Review
Posted: 2/7/2015 10:05:32 AM
^^^This is based on one experience I had with a guy who had a lean muscular build who was painfully honest that I would be able to find a guy I want if I worked out. To combat this happening again putting it out there how I am built can help these type of guys determine if they are interested in getting to know me or not. The one man I referred to in my op said I am in better shape than his sister (I guess she is 'thick') and I wrote back and said, "just because I appear to be in shape doesn't mean I am - it just means I don't overeat".

Getting rejected based on body type isn't fun and it's natural to not want to have to go through a scenario where this is an issue. Of course I am over thinking which is for self preservation! Furthermore many forum members have made it perfectly clear that since I am not toned I shouldn't expect a toned guy. I am average and therefore should date average. I've listened well.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 34
Profile Review
Posted: 2/7/2015 11:15:21 AM
One interesting aspect of online dating is that it forces us to deal with reality. We have grandiose images of ourselves, but for some reason nobody else sees how wonderful we are, even with digital photos and clever phrases. Such a shame !!
All these posts lead me to believe that our OP has a similar thing going on. She said initially "no overweight guys need apply" so clearly body types are important to her, but then lean and muscular types won't work either, because the fear of rejection is too strong. I wonder has she actually met any of these men, or is this all via messaging?
We have to get real, even if reality isn't so grand, which means being realistic about our own appearance, our lifestyle, our own needs and wants, and find someone who is a "match". Isn't that really what this is about? You may be pleasantly surprised how wonderful average people really are, I know I am.
Since the topic of hippies just won't go away, I want to share with you all one of my own favorite lyrics, and one that the OP needs to take to heart. Some of you may have even heard this when it first came out :)
The song is called Truckin' ,from the Grateful Dead, it came out the year I graduated high school, 1970.
"Most of the cats that you meet on the streets speak of true love,
Most of the time they're sittin' and cryin' at home.
One of these days they know they better get goin'
Out of the door and down on the streets all alone."
I found myself motivated by this phrase - You can't get where you wanna be by sittin' and cryin' at home, you actually have to get out of the house and mingle with people. What a concept, even more amazing when you ponder that this was 25 years before the Internet caught on !!!
And yes, you will get rejected sometimes, and no, you will not perish, and yes, you will go on to succeed.
Below : No risk - NO REWARD !! Ask anyone.
 earwigs_have_wings
Joined: 10/16/2014
Msg: 35
Profile Review
Posted: 2/7/2015 11:33:56 AM
[All these posts lead me to believe that our OP has a similar thing going on. She said initially "no overweight guys need apply" so clearly body types are important to her, but then lean and muscular types won't work either, because the fear of rejection is too strong. I wonder has she actually met any of these men, or is this all via messaging?]

It's called fear even though I've met quite a few toned men in person who didn't complain about my average-ness. I am not refusing to meet these types of men currently, but am warning them if they seek the same body type that they are, I am not the one for them.

I am not overweight and would prefer to date someone who is the same. Why do I get flack for this? Most of the men I date do have average builds. Where does it say anywhere that I would not date someone with an average build? Average means not overweight/husky and not skinny. Lots of men fall into that category. They don't have toned abs and I am okay with that but will admit they are handsome.

I am also not whining but rather being careful so no misunderstandings happen as well as disappointment. Being cautious can be a good thing! It is true many people have grandiose images of themselves. Where does that come from? I've read it's also called being delusional and I have tried to read up on this topic but haven't found much written on it. Maybe I am entering the wrong key words in my searches.

BTW I see myself as a 5.5 out of 10 and hope that I am not being delusional. I am considered average to slightly above average in appearance to most (it depends who is looking) as the majority of the population is.
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 36
Profile Review
Posted: 2/7/2015 8:05:16 PM

I am average and therefore should date average. I've listened well.


Ok, you win - self-defeat seems to be your comfort zone. I am chunky and dated hot, lean, buff and average guys. It's all about your attitude. The tall, muscular babe I married didn't really care that I had my 'baby fat' (my son was 15 when we started dating) but whatever. Eventually you'll get it. Good luck.
 midnite_icecream
Joined: 12/27/2014
Msg: 37
Profile Review
Posted: 2/8/2015 3:59:01 AM
While it's good you got rid of that long article on earwigs, if I lived with a guy who had a fascination for them and whose habit was to release them out the door to fly to freedom, while I suppose it is good in a way, I'd not be happy for these "invasive pests" , as somebody called them, to return to re-infest the house. I suppose they're similar to****oaches..they have wings too.. but I'd squish them. Boy, you were talking about maggots and fleas before in your profile? Lucky you dropped by here. I see you're still obsessing over body type (the mans and your own). Just doesn't seem a big deal if a guy is athletic and I myself am thin (like you are). Unless he specifically requests an athletic woman, I personally wouldn't even care except to find out how sporty (ie active) he is to determine compatibility. Great profile pic.
 earwigs_have_wings
Joined: 10/16/2014
Msg: 38
Profile Review
Posted: 2/8/2015 7:58:39 AM
[Ok, you win - self-defeat seems to be your comfort zone. I am chunky and dated hot, lean, buff and average guys. It's all about your attitude. The tall, muscular babe I married didn't really care that I had my 'baby fat' (my son was 15 when we started dating) but whatever. Eventually you'll get it. Good luck]

I think a point is being missed here. When my profile said I was seeking a man who was slim/slender POFers said because I am not slim/slender I don't have the right to put this in my profile (it was 'drilled' into my head). I then changed it to 'not overweight' which describes other body types. However, this is not my belief because not everyone is attracted to their own body type.

[ I see you're still obsessing over body type (the mans and your own). Just doesn't seem a big deal if a guy is athletic and I myself am thin (like you are). Unless he specifically requests an athletic woman, I personally wouldn't even care except to find out how sporty (ie active) he is to determine compatibility. Great profile pic.]

Read my comment above. I am not obsessing but rather following a moral code stated by other online daters which has already tangled the wires in my brain.

Keep in mind I had a ltr with a man who stood 5'2", was overweight, bald, with a big nose and small chin. I loved him at one point and had a child with him. We were mismatched, but I didn't care. I now realize that his body type is not one I am attracted to. It's not my fault just as it's not the fault of men who don't like mine. It is what it is.
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 39
Profile Review
Posted: 2/8/2015 8:17:35 AM

I think a point is being missed here


No, it's not. You are pre-emptively rejecting men based on what you assume will be their impression of you. Putting a preference in a profile is fine as those that actually read it may decide to pass or not, but at least they've been warned. If you are concerned about noting a preference for body type, then don't. Just don't respond to men you don't find attractive.

It's really not rocket science. smh...
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 40
Profile Review
Posted: 2/8/2015 8:55:41 AM
"Keep in mind I had a ltr with a man who stood 5'2", was overweight, bald, with a big nose and small chin. I loved him at one point and had a child with him. We were mismatched, but I didn't care. I now realize that his body type is not one I am attracted to. It's not my fault"
Yeah, I know, it is what it is. Do you have any idea how silly this reads? So here's your fat, short, bald lover dutifully putting a baby in you, and you realize that you're not attracted to him? How many years did it take to figure that out? 5, maybe 10?
This thread and your other posts have a recurring theme, I'm not sure if you picked up on it: scared, indecisive, self-defeat , naivete, don’t trust yourself, self-doubt ,and these didn't come from me, either.
"following a moral code stated by other online daters" - I'm not sure what that would be, but I have my own, which is "be honest", and "enjoy your life". I'm not feeling that you are complying with either of these, you dance around issues of truth , like body types(who cares? just find a man to date already) and your children being mentioned in your profile. (I have 2 and their photos are posted for all to see).
As to enjoying your life, that is up to you and you alone. No magic profile will do that if your self-defeat, self-doubt, indecisiveness, etc. places a barrier between you and "him". I think you have constructed your dating profile to fail so that you avoid the tough decisions that lie ahead, all the while telling yourself how bold you are, moving forward. Rat photos, earwigs, all very effective tools. You ask for help, help is offered, yet you retreat.
You wanna prove me wrong? Go ahead, I dare you!.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 41
Profile Review
Posted: 2/8/2015 11:08:11 AM

When my profile said I was seeking a man who was slim/slender POFers said because I am not slim/slender

earwigs, not all of us said that and I thought enough people here said the reverse that I don't think I weighed in on that.

You're thin/slender to me.

Don't give up on your profile. You have a great main pic now and you've kept the rat (good, good).
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 42
Profile Review
Posted: 2/8/2015 9:37:20 PM
Green Thumb hit it perfectly.

Why are you sabotaging yourself?

Why do you blame these other POFers for the choices you are making?
Nobody in this forum has told you what body type you are allowed to date.

Do you have similar rules for socioeconomic status?
Can't date someone out of your class, someone more attractive, more muscular, etc?
Why are you assuming the average, above average, and below average in whatever are allowed to only date similar?
Aren't we all free to choose what we like?
You could go on indefinitely with these silly rules and may miss out on the man perfect for you.

Why are you pre guessing and second guessing who you are allowed to or willing to even talk to before the dating process even starts?
Have you been recently burned or rejected?

Write about yourself honestly and positively.
Don't say things to drive the men away in order to insulate yourself.

We all use the bathroom but do we discuss our bowel habits, ear wax accumulation, nose hair removal?
Of course not, and it's not dishonest to exclude it.

If you are not flooded with mail, why can't you just screen incoming for pics and traits like almost everybody else does?
You're making it far more difficult that it needs to be....

BTW, to the posters who want Earwigs to remove the rat pic, this makes no sense. They are her pets and not something she should hide! The man is going to find out eventually that she's passionate about them.
Would you also tell a snake or lizard owner to suppress that info too?
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 43
Profile Review
Posted: 2/8/2015 9:58:17 PM
"BTW, to the posters who want Earwigs to remove the rat pic, this makes no sense. They are her pets and not something she should hide! "
How many men out there want put their mouth on the lips that kiss that rat? Sure, go ahead and have the pets, but don't gross me out on your profile.
As far as "earwigs" are concerned, this is my only knowledge: http://www.hulu.com/watch/58794
Caution , this is scary stuff.
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 44
Profile Review
Posted: 2/9/2015 4:39:39 AM

BTW, to the posters who want Earwigs to remove the rat pic, this makes no sense. They are her pets and not something she should hide! The man is going to find out eventually that she's passionate about them.
Would you also tell a snake or lizard owner to suppress that info too?

I think the picture is fine. The rat is cute in the pic - certainly doesn't look like the disease infested stereotype people think of. But I'm generally not a fan of pet pics - they remind me of guys with fish, motorcycles etc. If you mention your pets in your bio that should be enough and potential suitors will get a sense about your pet preferences and decide from there.

And if anything, it will weed out more closed minded men.
 midnite_icecream
Joined: 12/27/2014
Msg: 45
Profile Review
Posted: 2/9/2015 4:55:39 AM
From the other thread you made that I posted in, I surmised you had deeper insecurity/self-esteem issues but you're presenting these insignificant body issues as a smokescreen to avoid facing them. This also tallies with all of the unusual things you said that others referred to. Setting yourself up for failure and looking to the forumites to pull you up and make you feel better? That despite it all, we still love you sorta thing. Idk, I'm no psychologist.
Though, I also had look at Body Dysmorphic Disorder.....

Body dysmorphic disorder (also known as BDD, body dysmorphia, dysmorphic syndrome, or dysmorphophobia), is a disorder that involves belief that one's own appearance is unusually defective and is worthy of being hidden or fixed.[1] This belief manifests in thoughts that many times are pervasive and intrusive.

I noticed in your posting history a post that might indicate you have an anxiety disorder..probably advisable for you to deactivate your account and get whatever issues you have sorted out before venturing out again.
Has this really been about you seeking validation in the forums all along? At least be honest with yourself, if not with us.
 midnite_icecream
Joined: 12/27/2014
Msg: 46
Profile Review
Posted: 2/9/2015 5:05:47 AM
.....And validation from men since you're using the dating side of the site.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 47
Profile Review
Posted: 2/9/2015 11:57:35 AM
"Write about yourself honestly and positively.
Don't say things to drive the men away in order to insulate yourself."
Exactly.
Should I put on my profile that I fart a lot when I eat Brussels sprouts? Or that I snore? Is that being deceitful? Of course not.
When you meet someone you start off at the base level, then you move up to security clearance "A". then when you feel comfortable, move then up to "level B" , and so on, until they know every single thing you want them to know. BUT, this needs to be off your profile, which is written for general consumption.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 48
Profile Review
Posted: 2/9/2015 12:03:03 PM
earwigs, much as I love rats, I've changed my mind about your rat pic after discussion with a few folks here. They're right; I've been wrong. It detracts from your credibility and the credibility of the website. If you won't dump it for you, dump it for the good of POF society. How's that?

Fine to mention rats in your profile and please let everyone you date know you kiss rats before they find you kissing one (especially before dinner; some folks are so ... squeamish and phobic). To me it's no big deal; I kissed my rat. :))

There goes my credibility.
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 49
Profile Review
Posted: 2/9/2015 4:49:17 PM


Should I put on my profile that I fart a lot when I eat Brussels sprouts?

haha


Makeup is not me. I am looking to attract someone who isn't going to try to change my appearance as I am comfortable in my own skin and do take care of myself. But I do get your point.


I've been told that too, not just by a couple people on here, but by my own dear family (perfectly happy we live in different cities). I'm the same as you, just never grew up with it feel so awkward and uncomfortable in it. And I agree with you...you should stick to who you are.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 50
Profile Review
Posted: 2/9/2015 6:27:48 PM
^^^
I've been told that too, not just by a couple people on here, but by my own dear family (perfectly happy we live in different cities)

Right. That ^^^. lol

Where have you been? Haven't seen you lately.
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