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 AUTHOR
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 26
Looking for a little feedbackPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
GreenThumbz:

Everybody plays their own game, my game is that if I want to get a woman naked, it's gonna be without alcohol. At least for the first time.

Yeah. All you young guys (and some of you not) listen to this man.

Can we make them all read this before they create profiles? That would be good.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 27
Looking for a little feedback
Posted: 2/9/2015 11:25:26 PM
7andrew

You are recommending he do two things that would work against him and give women pause. One, to meet at night for drinks on a first meet and two, to keep the sunglasses shot. Suggesting that sane, confident women do not want a nice guy is also way off beam. No good advice there.
 7Andrew2
Joined: 6/15/2014
Msg: 28
Looking for a little feedback
Posted: 2/10/2015 8:11:27 PM

You are recommending he do two things that would work against him and give women pause. One, to meet at night for drinks on a first meet and two, to keep the sunglasses shot. Suggesting that sane, confident women do not want a nice guy is also way off beam. No good advice there.


Agree to disagree. Coffee dates are lame, cliche, and happen during the day. Congratulations you just made a new acquaintance. If you want a romantic relationship evening dates are the way to go and coffee just doesn't fit.

Yes you can be nice but I've read articles that suggest men should not be making eye contact with the camera and I agree. A big smile full of teeth and eyes staring directly into the camera can give off an uncomfortable "come hither" vibe which can be very intimidating to woman. I stand by the idea that men should limit their smiles to 1 photo per profile (just to prove they have teeth) and preferably they should not be making eye contact with the camera.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 29
Looking for a little feedback
Posted: 2/10/2015 8:17:20 PM
Seems to be a good profile to me, it isn't boring or full of adjectives that describe nothing. It is descriptive and gives examples of who you are and what you do. You also look young for your age, I get that a lot too. Which shouldn't be a bad thing - it should be a good thing, but it can go either way as a negative or positive trait.

A problem you will have is that you are divorced, and even though that's a natural part of life that a lot of people go through it stigmatizes you. There is this superficial demand with online dating in general - where an unrealistic perfection is required. Still though the truth is better than a lie.

I don't know, you shouldn't have too much trouble as long as the divorce issue isn't an issue.
 7Andrew2
Joined: 6/15/2014
Msg: 30
Looking for a little feedback
Posted: 2/10/2015 8:20:01 PM

Yeah. All you young guys (and some of you not) listen to this man.

Can we make them all read this before they create profiles? That would be good.


Alcohol is not the key. Going out at night is the key. Anything before dinner just gives off a business vibe and should be avoided. You can have 1 or 2 drinks and have a great date...it's not about the alcohol.

I've never had a good coffee date. They're really awkward. Night time is when the magic happens.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 31
Looking for a little feedback
Posted: 2/10/2015 9:19:03 PM
msg 24 - "Coffee dates suck, drinks at night are much better."

msg 32 - "Alcohol is not the key. Going out at night is the key."

So you're claiming that after dark nobody sells coffee, and even if they did nobody would order it, because it's lame? You get Pepsi, right? And a Diet Coke for the lady? Somehow I doubt that.

"I've never had a good coffee date. "
Fine - don't do it.

"Night time is when the magic happens."
You mean like in Cinderella? Does the magic disappear when the sun comes up? I'll bet that can be damn scary!

That's exactly why I don't do it, and I don't advise others to do it. The whole idea of a "coffee date" is that it's a no pressure way to meet someone in person for the very first time to see if you wish to continue seeing them again. That's it.
NO PRESSURE. If you scan these forums you'll read countless tales of liars, cheaters, marrieds, age "irregularities" , people who looked totally different from their photos, and so forth. I want to see them and I want them to see me, with as little pressure as possible.

I met a cute blonde lady last May, from POF, we had a coffee date during the day. It lasted an hour or so, I really liked her, but the next day we had some weird text exchanges , she got real snappy with me and I didn't call her any more. Maybe a month later she changed her main picture and I was looking at her profile and I saw something new. It said at the bottom : I just found out I have herpes, so if that bothers anyone, I understand.
Now consider if we had met at night for drinks instead, would I have got that from her? I don't know, but it did make me wonder. I do what I feel is best for both parties, there is plenty of time for as much night- magic as you can handle, but it comes "after" the initial meeting.
 7Andrew2
Joined: 6/15/2014
Msg: 32
Looking for a little feedback
Posted: 2/10/2015 9:59:52 PM
I mean they do, but we all know caffeine at night is a bad idea and I don't drink soda because well it's disgusting. It's actually a bit of a turnoff if my date drinks coke.

So meeting up for drinks implies pressure? I don't think so. At least not in my book.

Magic does not mean sex. When I say magic I mean spark, chemistry, excitement, romance.

A little off topic; I'm not sure what county you're from but 1 in 6 adults in the US have herpes and 80% don't even realize they have it. I'm sure there's some some really nice girls and guys out there who just fell on some bad luck. My point is you could be in a long-term relationship with a person who's only been with 1 or 2 people their entire life and they could still have herpes and transmit the disease without them or you ever knowing. Yes, playing safe helps but It doesn't protect you from disease 100%

The only way to truly avoid it is to get yourself tested and then demand that your partner get them-self tested as well before continuing the relationship. And we all know that seldom happens. I think it's a mature idea though and I've been thinking about getting myself tested(even though I've never had any symptoms) for that very reason.
 TylerR1-6
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Looking for a little feedback
Posted: 2/10/2015 10:15:23 PM
Getting into the specifics of what kind of date to go on is a bit pointless. No two people are the same. If you're talking to someone(s) on here, or anywhere really it's good to keep the options open. After talking for a bit it's pretty easy to get a feel of what is a good date option. If I feel some chemistry through messaging, going on a coffee date isn't out of the question for me. If two people really connect it could turn into "Hey lets go get a beer somewhere" date as well.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 34
Looking for a little feedback
Posted: 2/10/2015 11:42:01 PM
Andrew7

I was talking about shots in sunglasses, not staring directly into the lens which I agree can be a bit offputting, especially up close.

We are talking about a first meet where you are strangers. Even the site recommends that strangers meet in daylight where there is no alcohol for the first meet. Of course many do not adhere to that advice, it is their prerogative. If there is a connection, then make plans for a romantic dinner at night, by all means. A proper date that the couple have mutually agreed on. The magic chemistry of night time that you mention, is created by who you are with and that can happen in broad daylight or any time. We all look better at night and it is best to see each other in stark daylight so as not to ruin any illusions and without the glow that alcohol can produce. lol!

If there is going to be only one photo on the profile it better be full length, smiling and clear. Men only get one chance to make a first impression on sites like this and so that one shot better be the best he can muster, not of the kids, the car or the dog, just him.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 35
Looking for a little feedback
Posted: 2/11/2015 10:08:49 AM
"We are talking about a first meet where you are strangers."
Exactly, and this is what Andrew doesn't seem to care about. Yeah, I have read all kinds of love/dating gurus who have all kinds of strategies. All fine and well. I just don't play that.

"So meeting up for drinks implies pressure? I don't think so. At least not in my book."
I've read your book many times., from many different authors. You want to meet different women, bang around some, not waste your time, I get it. You don't CARE what they look like in sunshine because you don't ever intend to see them in sunlight, unless one of them turns out to be gorgeous in a bikini. OK, we get it.

It's a drag to keep meeting women, especially on the web, and getting them "compliant" , and having sex with them a few times, then moving on to the next. Maybe that seems glamorous or manly for a while, then it becomes like living in a different motel every night - it's OK but no sense of permanence. It' gets old. And it is risky. It's way better to find someone to share experiences, do things together, fall in love, have a future, and measure your time together by months and years instead of hours.

Meeting up for drinks as a first date? Here's what it means in MY book: "Hi, we are strangers, we have never seen each other, never smelled each other, observed body language, can't tell how we treat others (like waiters, other guests ,etc.) and that's why I don't want to see you in the daylight, and I don't want you to see me either. It's much better that we meet at night and have a few "drinks" , (coffee is lame, soft drinks are gross, so what's left?) that way you'll look better and I won't bore you, we can slide right by the tedious aspects of reality and move into the magic of the night."

I was born in Los Angeles, spent most of my life in the car business. I don't recommend you buy your next used car at night, but hey, I won't stop you, either :)
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 36
Looking for a little feedback
Posted: 2/11/2015 12:07:51 PM
GreenThumbz:

It's a drag to keep meeting women, especially on the web, and getting them "compliant" , and having sex with them a few times, then moving on to the next. Maybe that seems glamorous or manly for a while, then it becomes like living in a different motel every night - it's OK but no sense of permanence. It' gets old. And it is risky. It's way better to find someone to share experiences, do things together, fall in love, have a future, and measure your time together by months and years instead of hours.

^^^That.

That's all. Just that.
 DK860
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 37
Looking for a little feedback
Posted: 2/11/2015 2:51:10 PM
Coffee vs. Drinks on a first date.

I've done both and I've come down in favor of coffee. It's been my experience that a first date is often a last date as well. Actually it's hardly a date at all. More like a sort of mutual interview to see if you even enjoy being at the same table together. I like 1 - 2 hours of conversation with an easy out. If it goes badly...easy out. If it goes great...excellent, arrange drinks the very next evening. No problem. Plus it's cheap. Too many times I've dropped 40+$ on a boring 2 hrs with crap conversation. It is a different (and more conducive to romance) vibe at night, but that's a big part of why I don't want that vibe before I know if I even dig the chick ( < still not a misogynist). It's awkward enough if I'm met with someone looking NOTHING like the pics for coffee. It's worse with drink.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 38
Looking for a little feedback
Posted: 2/12/2015 5:31:13 AM
Here it comes. I'm ready:

I don't do coffee dates. I can't get to know anyone on a coffee date. I don't frequent coffee shops and don't care for the "atmosphere"; hell, I don't even drink coffee.

I think GreenThumbz is a very wise man.

On one of the countless "who pays" threads, a man posted he couldn't afford to buy dinner because he spent around $100 for dinner and drinks where he lives and his bills were running around $1200 a month.

I posted an entire profile on that. Yeah. That's approx. 10-12 new first dates a month. Don't go cheap on your dates because you're doing coffee-shop interviews for bed-companion-of-the-night 10-12 times a month. I mean, really? No other interests? Someone like that is going to date someone other than me because I'm onto these guys.

Drive me crazy having 10-12 "first dates/coffee-shop interviews" a month. Who needs that? Are people so desperate to avoid being in their own company that ... Well, yeah, they are. I sure am glad I'm not one of those people. It's my opinion those people need to do some work on themselves because they're not dating material, not for me.

Good luck, Deezz.
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