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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > the truth when being rejected.      Home login  
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 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 351
the truth when being rejected.Page 15 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)

If silence is such a perfect answer, why is it possible to not be sure if it's not interested or just busy and haven't read it?


You will know because if its a case of them being busy, they will explain that when they eventually respond. If they never respond, then do like Frozen....Let it go....let it gooooooo....

We are not the keepers of others here, or elsewhere. If I send a text / message / email, I send it, and then forget it (unless its work related). If and when they respond, I will act accordingly. If they don't respond, no big whoop. If it's my friend, still no big whoop. When they are ready and able to speak with me, they will.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 352
view profile
History
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/25/2015 6:07:55 PM
Apparently...according to RT....

NO answer ISN'T an answer and an ANSWER really ISN'T an answer.....

So I believe that I have discovered the ANSWER for all of those guys out there who believe that they just can't TAKE any more 'rejection'!!!!

Just subscribe to "RT's Philosophy about Internet Dating"....and SUDDENLY you won't get even HALF the rejections that you previously did.....

Because.....


Unless they are carefully worded and speak only to SPECIFIC reasons that they don't want to go out with you...


Then it's NOT even REALLY a REJECTION!!!!!!
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 353
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/25/2015 10:16:49 PM

I'll buy in to silence is an answer if someone can explain how I know the difference between someone who isn't interested but doesn't respond, and someone who just didn't get around to opening my message yet.


So obviously there is a third possibility for silence and it's called "maybe"...

I always wonder at some regular posters here who change their profile picture all the time because they could be banking on the recipient not remembering a previous "silence" rejection.

It is not a big deal, jeez if I had a dollar for every time I didn't get an answer I'd be going on a world vacation and screw PoF :-)
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 354
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 6:25:09 AM

I'm questioning the claim on here that silence is an answer by giving a perfect example of where silence didn't mean no.

always hound them until you get a clear answer.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 355
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 7:02:42 AM

You will know because if its a case of them being busy, they will explain that when they eventually respond. If they never respond, then do like Frozen....Let it go....let it gooooooo....


But not a single one of you can answer the question. If I stumble onto a profile I've been on before and messaged.... Did she not respond because she wasn't interested or did she never even see that she got the message. Do I message again, or is every single silence that will ever happen a "no?"

I'm calling all of you out on your flawed logic, but instead of actually addressing the flaw, you'll attack me instead. WHy? Because you clearly have NOTHING
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 356
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 7:12:37 AM

Did she not respond because she wasn't interested or did she never even see that she got the message.

who knows? message her again until you get a clear answer.


Do I message again, or is every single silence that will ever happen a "no?"

message her again until you get a clear answer.


I'm calling all of you out on your flawed logic, but instead of actually addressing the flaw, you'll attack me instead. WHy? Because you clearly have NOTHING

well neither do you. pound that thing until it shuts down on you or until you get a yes, whichever happens first.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 357
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 7:16:36 AM

I always wonder at some regular posters here who change their profile picture all the time because they could be banking on the recipient not remembering a previous "silence" rejection.


I change mine around because my weight May increase/decrease depending on what I'm addicted to for the month, so in an effort to avoid misrepresention, I take pictures on a regular basis. Not only do I update pictures, I've stated it in my profile that if they find weight variation to be distasteful, to skip me.

It is never in an effort to deceive anyone or bank on people who have already seen me and didn't message. I lost 17 pounds in the last couple of months, it seems some people who have indeed not contacted me in the past, are doing so now, that's fine, I don't reply. Didn't like me then, don't like me now either. Some people forget they've spoken to before and do their little routine all over again, I let them know it's the same routine as last time, boring conversation about their day, then they propose to meet but can't settle on plans so I'm not interested in wasted my time again. I do give them a chance to prove me wrong, but they don't.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 358
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 7:18:41 AM

I'm calling all of you out on your flawed logic, but instead of actually addressing the flaw


We have addressed the "FLAW" relentlessly, however it appears that there has been a manufacturing defect which is uncorrectible. If a recall were acceptable it would be implemented with extreme predjudice and post haste.

Time for you to " get back on the road again".
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 359
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 7:21:10 AM
Damn straight Ms. Motown! That's what you gotta do! It's what I do.

Now.....Pof needs fix where they put that block button.
Cause I know I've been accidentally blocked when these poor fellas finally found the time to answer my 10th message.
When I think about how many times this has happened to me.....I get fired up!

Sheesh.....I could have been Mrs. Loveyoulongtime12 or Mrs. Ucompleteme69!!!

How unfair is that! :(
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 360
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 8:13:15 AM
Oooooh, he's typing in caps now! He mad!!

His poor cellphone or PC is about to get an ass whoopin'.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 361
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 8:29:32 AM

But not a single one of you can answer the question. If I stumble onto a profile I've been on before and messaged.... Did she not respond because she wasn't interested or did she never even see that she got the message. Do I message again, or is every single silence that will ever happen a "no?"

I'm calling all of you out on your flawed logic, but instead of actually addressing the flaw, you'll attack me instead. WHy? Because you clearly have NOTHING


Here's your answer once again - if they did not respond, assume they are not interested, and DO NOT MESSAGE AGAIN. If they respond several hours/days/weeks/months/years later, then you can choose to respond in kind, ignore it, tell them off, or whatever it is that you prefer to do. Is that clear enough for you? We've answered it ad nauseam, but you seem unwilling to accept anything but "You are 100 percent correct in everything".

Nobody is attacking you (unlike how you have done to others in this and other threads, myself included), but you clearly have control issues. You have become completely unhinged at something that is a matter of taste and preference to others.

You cannot control the actions of others. Whether people respond to you or not, is purely a matter of their own preference or circumstance. The only thing you can control is how you react to it. And if this is how you react to the action of strangers, God help those who actually know you and inadvertently insult your senses.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 362
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 8:30:22 AM
That's right because we have all told you the EXACT same thing
Yet you say we have nothing
IDk, keep hounding them til they take out a restraining order - would that be clearer to you? Or would you think
" hey she liked me enough to call the cops"
 63T
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 363
view profile
History
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 9:01:52 AM
Rockin-trucker82;

But not a single one of you can answer the question. If I stumble onto a profile I've been on before and messaged.... Did she not respond because she wasn't interested or did she never even see that she got the message. Do I message again, or is every single silence that will ever happen a "no?"

I'm calling all of you out on your flawed logic, but instead of actually addressing the flaw, you'll attack me instead. WHy? Because you clearly have NOTHING

Until you actually receive a response, the answer must be "no", as in no response. Any other conclusion is mere conjecture and irrelevant due to many variables that are beyond your control or command.
However, you do possess an imagination.

The "flawed logic" is attempting to discover a reason for the lack of response where one does not exist but only speculation and heightened anxiety.

If/when she does respond, how will you reconcile that you have been climbing the walls in anxious anticipation of appeasement due to your perceived social disruption.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 364
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 9:44:07 AM
OK you people! Stop giving RT such logical responses to his flawed logic!

He's gonna catch on one of these days and then you will have ruined my forum entertainment!

Don't listen to them RT!
I want to hear what other plausible explanations you got rolling around in that head. :)
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 365
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 9:50:20 AM

I want to hear what other plausible explanations you got rolling around in that head.


The only thing rolling around in there are rocks.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 366
view profile
History
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 9:55:41 AM

But not a single one of you can answer the question. If I stumble onto a profile I've been on before and messaged.... Did she not respond because she wasn't interested or did she never even see that she got the message. Do I message again, or is every single silence that will ever happen a "no?"


Well of course NOT every single silence you get will be a NO forever. Just like NOT every reply you get will be an actual interested female .It is too much of a generalization to say otherwise. But it is a number game overall.

If the VAST majority aren't ever going to respond to your second message, what is the point of sending one? Only you could go and decide that. No question in the forum can answer that for you because your results will decide that. Results will depend on variables including location, your message, who you are, and who the people you message are.

Did it work for me when I tried it? Yes, but there were different variables , like those listed above. For one, it was after Hurricane Sandy when people had BIG issues, and it was also the Holiday season which means many people are busy and running late. Also 36% of NYC is foreign born. Many of the cultures expect to be pursued and actually will show increased interest to those that show them increase interest. I am sure that influenced the outcomes.

But since you might get blocked by many, which leads to a ban, it might not be worth it for you! In any case it is mostly speculation in your case because you actually haven't tried it to get a result % one way or another.

Talk is cheap! If you thought it worked, you would be doing it SUCCESSFULLY without raising the question in the forum. :)
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 367
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 9:57:10 AM
^^^^^^

Funny.....pig

If RT is religious I'm sure God is banging his head on the wall when he prays.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 368
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 9:59:06 AM
Dude...

Get a paid account!

Then you can really spin your wheels over

UNREAD DELETED

Lmao
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 369
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 9:59:54 AM
Joe: You can be blocked an infinite number of times without ever getting banned. Don't ask me how I know that, I just do ;)
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 370
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 12:39:59 PM

UNREAD DELETED


I love those, especially when they are upgraded too, so I know they will see I didn't bother to read their BS, lol

RT, please splurge on the upgrade, when you go to someone's profile, you can see if you've contacted that person on the past, so you can avoid reaching out again. It's really cool, you can also see your stalkers (the people who repeatedly view you but don't message you, lol.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 371
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 12:59:20 PM

If I stumble onto a profile I've been on before and messaged.... Did she not respond because she wasn't interested or did she never even see that she got the message. Do I message again, or is every single silence that will ever happen a "no?"

Chances are very high that she saw she got a message from [insert thumbnail here], and you could have been (too?) swiftly weeded out without given a "fair chance" for various reasons like her bullpen being full of her actual interests at the time -- all the way to she giving you a decent look when she was bored and "nope". Chances are VERY LOW she Completely skipped over you and Would have been interested At The Time. You can pretty much rule out that that happened and it was an interest that would have gone Beyond a mere in-the-moment interest resulting in a date where she had interest after that and you two start dating, too.

Now, with that said -- nothing's 100%. Every single instance? No. Given enough tries, you could write a gal who you saw Deleted your message and Viewed your profile -- and wrote her back x weeks later, and you could squeeze out a response with her expressing some interest. You can do that IRL, too. Why do some guys, after they been denied, still talk/flirt with the same gal who gave him the clearest signal in the world a couple weeks ago? Because it CAN happen. Sure, most girls will find it annoying and think of the guy as a bit weird/creepy, some will like the attention at certain times but it's a mixed bag -- but once in a great while, a gal buzzed him off because he had good prospects when he initially did it, her esteem's a bit low at the time, she's had a few drinks, and yeah -- game on! They do it because tenacity will get more points on the board -- when you Don't count "fouls" (annoying gals who've already given you the signal or more).

Point is -- is it Worth it? I guess of the very few gals you look at who are like "Wow", sure. As another poster pointed out, change your primary photo when you do. IMO, let a little time roll by, too to increase your chances. Maybe a "once a week" alternate-primary-photo timeframe to re-write some gals -- one of them being the "wow" factor. The other type -- the ones who have fruitful profiles who seem like a great match that don't come around very often. She's not out of your league, even when you lean on being self-critical. Okay, them too. But in the end, there shouldn't be that many that pile up. And more importantly -- don't expect anything to really come from it, any more than changing the channel to a live baseball game and right then, someone getting a homer.

It also brings up the question -- "Wait, what about my 2nd message? How do I know she took a real good look at it, and fully assessed me? Maybe a 3rd time!" Well, even as you know, your statistics DROP even further, from what was Real Small the 2nd time around. So really, this is all about % chance of wasting your time, and pissing off others piling up. Much like the guy in the bar who keeps talking to Suzy, even he's not a cha-chi and is an otherwise normal guy.

For a nominal fee on all the sites, you can see if they read your message. But is that going to answer all the questions one would want on a virtual crush? No. Did she read it thru and thru? What's there not to like about me for even consideration and being a back-burner option? I want to know! ;)

You don't "deserve" them giving you a full review -- or even a relatively quick, honest review. Know when to punt the ball. Keep the fake punts to a minimum. :)
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 372
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 1:21:50 PM
RT.....could be that some of them are smart enough to avoid their inbox like me.....when it's.....you know.....that time of the month. So your message just gets buried and then system deleted.

Oooh! Could be the opposite, too! Oh the possibilities!

If I was you.....I would send them a message and ask them. Be careful how you word it though. ;)


OK. ...so....that's all I got for now....but I'll keep thinking.


You and me....RT.....we're gonna get to the bottom of this mystery. :)
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 373
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 1:55:51 PM

RT, please splurge on the upgrade, when you go to someone's profile, you can see if you've contacted that person on the past, so you can avoid reaching out again. It's really cool, you can also see your stalkers (the people who repeatedly view you but don't message you, lol.


I only use two sites, and around here, this one is dying fast, the other one, I can see any past messages I sent and where any convo ended.

This got out of hand though, and a lot of assumption that I'm gonna stalk girls or be this creepy ass, all because of just believing that if you're going to say something, say something honest. And it's something I see a lot. Me and a few friends used to go out a lot, and the one girl would always complain about some guy won't leave her alone, he keeps asking her out... Every time, one of us always immediately asks her if she told him no. And almost every time it was some stupid response like "I told him I'm really busy with work."

The thing about silence, POF forums only exist in the first message. Not replying to the first message, yeah, everyone knows that odds are, you don't want to talk to them. But the 50th message? We're not mind readers. There's going to be a period of time where the assumption is going to be that you're busy. And initially before the mess I was mainly talking about those points down the line when we stop talking on POF and start texting / calling. I send you a text and ask if you want to do something, an hour goes by with no response, do I assume that's a no and make other plans, or are you just too busy to answer right now? So if silence is a response, where does that line exist? Where does it go from busy to avoiding? After 1 hour? 6 hours? A day? There's just that constant variable of literally anything else can be going on causing the other person to not respond. Over any short-term period of time, it can be any one of those. The first message it's easy, if there's never a reply, it's usually pretty obvious. But explain the text I sent my friend 2 hours ago asking if he wants to go ride... Is it a no, or has he just not gotten around to reading the text?
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 374
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 2:12:12 PM

But explain the text I sent my friend 2 hours ago asking if he wants to go ride... Is it a no, or has he just not gotten around to reading the text?


Lord love a duck. It's like an airplane circling the runway, but can't seem to quite make a landing.

Rockin-trucker, it shouldn't matter to you. If he can respond, he will. There are a zillion reasons why he has not responded within an hour, many of which are not meant to be insulting to you. If you have messaged your friend to meet you at 4:00 at XYZ pub, and it takes you 1/2 hour to get there, if he hasn't responded by 3:30, then make other plans. Unless you want to make them earlier, then guess what? You can make them earlier if you want. When your friend contacts you at 5:00 or tomorrow, he will likely explain that he was otherwise occupied and could not answer. Then the world will be back on its axis and everything will be righted.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 375
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/26/2015 2:16:37 PM
Oh....RT......let me try.....just once.


"So if silence is a response, where does that line exist? Where does it go from busy to avoiding? After 1 hour? 6 hours? A day?"


There is no way to determine this with 100% certainty . Usually with friends, you can ascribe what is likely to be occurring.....avoidance vs. busy......by their past behavior. Past behavior is good indicator in predicting future behavior with those you know well. Does not work so well with strangers for obvious reasons. You decide how long you want to wait for a response. :)
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