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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > the truth when being rejected.      Home login  
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 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 401
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the truth when being rejected.Page 17 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
RT

Why waste time with 50 messages before meeting???? As has been said countless times, a few messages and then a physical meet within two weeks or move on. Otherwise you are contacting time wasters who have no intention of meeting you and just drop out of sight. You wont be doing that again, I trust.
 Robert_77_
Joined: 4/14/2015
Msg: 402
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/2/2015 12:00:51 AM
I don't view it as putting myself in a bad light. I get to be creative and don't have to hurt someones feelings. Win/win.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 403
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/2/2015 12:40:34 AM

Better that they send back an "I don't think we are compatible" or not respond at all than ripping my head off and sending it back to me.

The problem with saying "I don't think/believe we are compatible," to someone else is that it's going to open up a can of worms if they were really eying that person (or frustrated up until that point and pegged that one as an outlet) to ask them further on about it, leading to complications. Many testaments to that. Not sending something back tells the tale. They Lack Interest. Game. Set. Match. Now, you don't know if that lack of interest still had some potentiality to it -- where they think you're cute and all -- or possibly very cute and interesting, but they had their hands full, stepping away from the dating market at the time, etc. But it's the Normal, Common means, and they're strangers you're not even meeting -- just e-messages to e-profiles.

I can handle reasonable rejection, but , jeez, I've gotten more on PoF in the last three weeks than I'd gotten my entire life to this point, and some of it really nasty. Screw this, I'm not initiating messages anymore.

Wow... very interesting. I think a lot of 0-for's are going to be discouraging -- yes. But if they're replying to your initial messages being nasty -- I would assume you're barking up the wrong trees to get outward backlash and stuff. Guys' mailboxes don't get filled with incoming messages, so I can see focus on an off-shoot/blatantly-incompatible person writing them, as opposed to a real cute 25 year old gal with a great job & hot pics looking for a good time -- who has no time or care about 99% of the messages she gets, hence, fat chance of her writing back to civilized but off-shoot guy (let alone nasty reply).

I tend to find that breaking out my bizarre sense of humor is a good way of letting women down, online at least, without having to hurt their feelings. They walk away feeling that they dodged a bullet by avoiding a weird ass wack job.

Yes, I've done that! Now, you don't want to get Too Creative, too often if you're not a great looking guy though. Word gets around over time... after all, most are only 6 degrees from Kevin Bacon, right? lol But yes, it's a great way to come across as not hurting anyone's feelings.

"... So my one buddy got dumped this one time because he was too messy. She claimed it was because Way before they went out, he was having sex with his cousin on video, but I think she was just looking for red flags that weren't there. It's not like he showed the video to others. Anyway, his gf was way too much of a neat freak. I just don't think she wanted to admit to it. I can't stand OCD people like that. My ex gf would get on my nerves.... I don't hate her. I'm not a bitter person... I still have pics of her all over my place. I'm a compassionate guy. But what I'd so is wipe my ass with her bras and put them back in her drawer. I wouldn't make it too obvious though, I'm not that gross. She'd still get So upset -- she can't take a joke. But I think that made her less OCD about the dishes... "
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 404
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/2/2015 1:53:55 PM
No worries, I've done that same thing.

I've written discouraging/distasteful messages to keep someone from ever contacting me again.

There was one time someone sent me a message and I replied "OMG, anyone ever told you you took like Immortal Technique?"

Then another one (with a sexually explicit username in Spanish) sent a message, and I replied:" could you please tell me what your screen name means?, it sounds spiritual in nature.

Never heard back from any of them, lol.

You can always block someone but that's not the same as not having someone write you again by choice, :-)

vvvvvv

Sorry, I'm pressed for time and have a hard deadline of 3 weeks, I'm very sorry, can we reschedule that for like NEVER?

*mottley laugh*
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 405
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/2/2015 2:14:04 PM
^^^
The rare times a gal got testy with me?

I invite her over.

Crickets...
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 406
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/2/2015 7:56:09 PM

RT

Why waste time with 50 messages before meeting???? As has been said countless times, a few messages and then a physical meet within two weeks or move on. Otherwise you are contacting time wasters who have no intention of meeting you and just drop out of sight. You wont be doing that again, I trust.


I just typed a random number that seemed high enough that you can be at the point of "we're having a conversation", to put a separation between that and a first message. 50 is just the first number I thought of.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 407
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the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/2/2015 10:47:31 PM
If you are not a good match, it is that you don't appeal physically. The interests mean nothing. If you are going to expose yourself to online dating you need to be able to take rejection and to reject others, as part of the deal.
Being judged on your pics and stats is the way it is, initially. You need a strong ego and a philosophical attitude to ride the roller coaster.

Why would anyone welcome being told that they are too short, too fat or whatever??? It only invites abuse from some anyway.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 408
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/2/2015 10:50:58 PM


You need a strong ego and a philosophical attitude to ride the roller coaster.


Amen on that!

Used, Using and repeating is a straight jacket not for the faint of heart.

Cheers!
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 409
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the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/2/2015 10:53:23 PM
justdeb

You have to remember that with a huge membership like POF has that at least some are nuts, rude, stupid
and so on. As a woman I would not bother to initiate contact, leave that to the guys. Women have it all their own way really. If a woman contacts a guy he may immediately assume she has an agenda of some sort such as scamming.
That is about the only reason I can think of that you are getting so many rude responses.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 410
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/3/2015 12:52:12 PM

This is really interesting because I've had messages from guys that have got it into their heads that we're a perfect match.

Will happen when they see someone who's hot in their eyes + thinking "OMG, he's a web developer! Yes, we're a match!"

I often click on their profile and instantly see they're definitely not what I'm after. I'm not talking necessarily about the way they look

Well, looks will rule them out almost every time, let's be honest, right? :) I know people like to be politically correct even to themselves, but, let's just call a spade, a spade. I'm sure that's not the Only thing, sure... but that doesn't mean looks wipes it clean.

I get a lot saying 'I do the same job as you' and get very excited and that is actually the opposite to what I'm looking for.

So if you're at the gym and there's this Hot guy, he has the looks you really like (as do other gals too)... you mingle now and again, it's great... you're hoping he asks you out, and yes -- he does. But oh no -- sh!t! He says he does some kind of work in the generic term "web development". Buzz off, creepo! ;) I don't think that would come remotely close to happening. :) I can understand Ideally a guy would be into something different, sure. Or a pet peeve that a guy you're "ehh, he's kinda cute" comes out with being all excited that you work in "web development" too, etc... but that's entirely different.

I did at first put that I was quite shy to start with too and I got lots of messages from other shy introverts, again the same as me but the opposite to what I want in a man! So having things in common isn't necessarily a good thing!

I agree. Shy people many times, for good reason, have a need for outgoing friends or significant others.

I don't want to talk about my job all day long and I like guys that bring me out of my shell.

First, the guy working generically in 'web development' isn't going to have you talk about your job all day long any more than guy working in something completely different. I think it's more in the initial phase, there's more to draw conversation off of & curiosity. But if you're tasting from the male sampler platter in the dating scene and enjoying it, yeah, you'll have more questions and such about what you're doing when they're familiar with the field and working in something related to it at least. I wouldn't have that make you Run, though.

I tend to not reply to people if I think we're not a match.

If you're not attracted to them or if you are but there's something that blatantly doesn't jive well with you from the profile, good idea.

I've had nasty responses in the past and some guys take any response as good and continue to message.

Well, I couldn't see how a "Sorry, not interested in you," reply could be taken as a Good response. But a mere "Thanks", under the mistaken notion that that should give him the "hint" that you're not interested -- NO, that's not going to work. On POF or in real life when they think you're hot. :)

If I guy wasn't interested in me, I'd be happy with just no response and that has happened many times.

Most people expect that and are fine with that. It's basic common sense. But some people end up getting frustrated that they can't garner any interest, and they complain about the concept of no-reply altogether -- then convince themselves they want a "no thank you" reply. They're just upset that things don't flow their way.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 411
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/3/2015 5:29:59 PM

That is about the only reason I can think of that you are getting so many rude responses.


There's always going to be terrible people. I'm not doubting that there's maniacs out there that will just flip on a girl for no reason. But the scale of these responses just doesn't make sense that this sweet, innocent girl keeps having these guys tear into her like that (that's always what the story is). Almost every time people get mad and flip out on you, it's going to be because of something you did. It doesn't mean it was intentional. Just step back. Ask yourself a question before you send a cliche response: How many times do I expect him to get this same response, word for word, and not call BS on it? How many times is he supposed to see the same response without getting tired of it? How many times is he supposed to open a message just to be disappointed? It doesn't mean you're trying to be mean to him, but you gotta remember, if you're using these same phrases because they're easier, so is everyone else. Back to the "I was busy" again... The first time, yeah, you were busy, but how many people are honestly so busy 24/7 that they barely even have time to stop and take a crap?

Be careful with cliche lines. Put yourself in the other person's perspective, not just on the words you say, but what is everyone else probably saying or doing? Were you REALLY busy for 2 months straight, or is it better to just pretend that gap never happened and act like you're starting a new conversation?
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 412
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/3/2015 6:38:15 PM

Put yourself in the other person's perspective, not just on the words you say, but what is everyone else probably saying or doing?


OMG! You mean to tell me that you now feel it necessary that women have to take into consideration the endless possibilities of messages some schmuck may of received from other women to base her response so as to not hurt your damn feelings!?! What she ought to do is delete and block your azz because she's just not frickin interested in you or what you have to say.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 413
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/3/2015 6:44:05 PM


There's always going to be terrible people. I'm not doubting that there's maniacs out there that will just flip on a girl for no reason. But the scale of these responses just doesn't make sense that this sweet, innocent girl keeps having these guys tear into her like that (that's always what the story is). Almost every time people get mad and flip out on you, it's going to be because of something you did.


You're just never going to let up with this bullshit, are you?? Yeah, it's such a STRETCH to think that people are often more brazen online than they would be in real life. Hiding behind a computer is such a RARITY on the internet.



Be careful with cliche lines. Put yourself in the other person's perspective, not just on the words you say, but what is everyone else probably saying or doing? Were you REALLY busy for 2 months straight, or is it better to just pretend that gap never happened and act like you're starting a new conversation?


You hear that ladies?? Avoid cliches and respond in a reasonable amount of time or receive the abuse you deserve!!!

You are one seriously f*cked up individual.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 414
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History
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/3/2015 6:50:59 PM
I WAS going to respond with a nice, long, diplomatic and intellectual post about RT's lack of boundaries, and how people will behave in whatever way they PERCEIVE which often has little to do with, the actual behaviour of others, and yada yada yada....

Frankly...I'm going to forgo all of that and just go with what pig..... said....

Seriously man, get some help there RT, if you REALLY believe this nonsense that you're posting....
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 415
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/3/2015 6:52:57 PM
Some wine and reefer is being sent to New Jersey.

So being so serious RT and have fun.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 416
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/3/2015 6:59:55 PM
Clooney last time you sent that care package you ended up the center of an IG investigation and the recipient disappeared.

Wait.....I see what you're doing. Carry on.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 417
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/3/2015 7:10:28 PM
^^^
Hahahahahahahaha

The men in black deemed my recipients worthy of my care packages, and have given me unrestricted access to UPS.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 418
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/3/2015 7:34:04 PM

You're wrong about looks wiping them out every time too. Of course we all want someone we're attracted to but often their message will have put me off before I've even seen their profile.

I didn't say looks is the only thing -- I said it isn't, but many times it is. Main thing is -- looks is #1 more than we'd like to admit (because it bounces back on us; is non-PC; etc).

I've even had some trying to test me on programming, or even worse ones assuming I can't code because I'm female.

Well, if you were about 60lbs heavier and had a faint moustache, I think they wouldn't have that assumption. ;) Yes, there's going to be stereotypes. BUT, to be fair, there are stereotypes when people say "web developer" and say they do "programming" when all they know is some HTML and a little javascript on the side. I can see how one would be too quick to assume a pretty & fashionable gal would be more on that side.

But what I am trying to say is that whilst you may think in your head you're the perfect match for someone and you can't possibly believe they haven't replied, is that actually to them you were not a match at all.

Some (like RT) will harp on there being a Great Chance you just missed their message. :) Especially if they THINK they're a great match with ya. Now, if you Also ignore the 2nd message, I'd think almost all the pan-handlers will cease their failed attempts.

People don't necessarily look for people identical to themselves.

No they don't. But there can be some key things in common, or complimentary that makes them believe you could be a good match. Many times it's the looks though. :)

Average Joe writes Hot Veronica, not lying about it when he sees her profile:
"Wow, you like horses? So Do I! We have so much in common. I also like to laugh, camp, and travel as well! And I see that you're in web development. I'm actually not lying this time when I say we have something in common here. What kind of development do you do? BTW, I still like horses though. I mean, I'm thinking about horses right now, and for some reason they seem SO cool to me now... same with laughing, camping, and traveling."
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 419
Run Forrest, Run!
Posted: 5/3/2015 9:55:14 PM

justdeb
You have to remember that with a huge membership like POF has that at least some are nuts, rude, stupid
and so on. As a woman I would not bother to initiate contact, leave that to the guys. Women have it all their own way really. If a woman contacts a guy he may immediately assume she has an agenda of some sort such as scamming.
That is about the only reason I can think of that you are getting so many rude responses.

@LetitiaLeGrand: You're such a sweetheart, you and Dee both.

I still think this website is possessed though. Not exactly demonic, but with so many man suddenly posting vitriol against women and vice versa, it eventually has to trickle into private messages--and it has with many that I've sent. I *do* like to initiate messages, particularly if there is something really beautiful or profound that a man says on his profile and/or his forums (you all know who you are !) because it isn't easy approaching a perfect stranger, even under the relative emotional safety of internet anonymity, and I don't think it should be solely one sex who is stuck initiating. I'm still taking a sabbatical though, until whatever squirreliness on PoF calms down.

. . . just doesn't make sense that this sweet, innocent girl keeps having these guys tear into her like that (that's always what the story is).

*BLINK*

Almost every time people get mad and flip out on you, it's going to be because of something you did.

oh rubbish.

Ask yourself a question before you send a cliche response: How many times do I expect him to get this same response, word for word, and not call BS on it?

@ RT: ROFLMAO !!

--and in case you didn't get that, its Roll On Floor Laughing My Azz Off !!

Seriously. Before you wrote that, did you bother to look at the profile of the person you are blasting? I am the last person on this planet who would send batch, generic, cliched or trite messages.

I've stayed out of your diatribe with others. You really do not want me to join in.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 420
Run Forrest, Run!
Posted: 5/4/2015 1:12:21 AM

oh rubbish.


Rubbish indeed.

Isn't it amazing that he doesn't need any information about a woman's experiences with messages from men or even the woman herself, he just KNOWS they did something to deserve to have the men flip out? It's also funny how he's rambled on endlessly about how people online act so much worse and differently than they do offline, but I guess he's changing his tune for the sake of this thread.

If these were true well mannered, SANE "gentlemen" sending out messages, they wouldn't throw a childish tantrum over trivial shit like this.

I don't even think he's realizes just how much he sounds like a f*cking psychopath. But hey, I'm sure these crazy words from him are just more "slips" like the beached whale comment.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 422
Run Forrest, Run!
Posted: 5/4/2015 5:50:36 AM
RT - you prove by your words it is the Man's fault, not the women for refusing to respond.
You should take your battle cry to those Men who
Cannot control their emotions
Who are so fragile they plan a Life around some photos and words on a profile
Cannot accept any form of rejection. And the list can go on..
Be the day I have to sit and wonder " gee I best respond politely to this message as he might snap like a cracker"
When I have received a gem like
" Hey Sexy let me spoil you"

I can read it now " Dear Mr. Spoiler,
Thank you for the kind words. Although spoiling is high on my list of wants I regret that presently I am seeking adulation.
I wish you luck in your search, please feel free to contact me again should you need to vent"
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 423
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 6:14:48 AM

Ask yourself a question before you send a cliche response: How many times do I expect him to get this same response, word for word, and not call BS on it? How many times is he supposed to see the same response without getting tired of it? How many times is he supposed to open a message just to be disappointed? It doesn't mean you're trying to be mean to him, but you gotta remember, if you're using these same phrases because they're easier, so is everyone else.

nobody here owes you any kind of a response, much less one that passes muster according to you.
oh you called BS on their response? wow just think of all the other bullets you've dodged by never meeting them.
'they are all doing it wrong'.... OMG how fukked up must they be in real life.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 424
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 7:59:18 AM

OMG! You mean to tell me that you now feel it necessary that women have to take into consideration the endless possibilities of messages some schmuck may of received from other women to base her response so as to not hurt your damn feelings!?! What she ought to do is delete and block your azz because she's just not frickin interested in you or what you have to say.


Do you ever wonder why you're single? Seriously.

There's certain things that you just don't say and do. I can go on a rant about why I believe old people shouldn't be allowed behind the wheel of a car. Why don't I? Because you just don't do these things.

You're free to do it, but at some point you need to be an adult and take responsibility for your actions. You keep saying a cliche line, don't be surprised when someone calls you out on it. If I started telling you why you shouldn't be allowed to have a car, am I in any position to be surprised if you get mad? No? Then why the hell is it any different when someone is just repeating the same canned bs line that everyone else is using?

Seriously, reading some of your replies, it's no surprise why any of you are single and on here. I've seen brick walls that are more socially competent.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 425
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 8:25:47 AM
Oh my delusional friend......I can date every day of the week if I chose too. So don't be worrying about my social life.

I'm not the one who has to have someone give them a hanky when they get their feelings hurt when the woman doesn't acknowledge their cry for attention.

Socially competent? Your analogy of a brick wall is a testament to some self reflection no doubt, because you've described yourself with absolute perfection.


Try this cliche on for size gear grabber because it has you written all over it........ you can't fix stupid .
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