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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > the truth when being rejected.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 451
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History
the truth when being rejected.Page 19 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
"n what universe can you possibly see this as a rational thought?
Any universe that has common sense. So obviously not this one."

Another thing to be thankful for, I'm not in the same universe as RT, not as if it's a big surprise.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 452
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 5:31:46 PM
Actually I don't "expect" anything. That's your problem obviously and that lends itself to that second grade mentality you've been flaunting for a month.


Say whatever you want, but don't act surprised when someone calls you out on the same line that everyone else is using.


Excellent example of why read or unread delete and block is so highly recommended. Thanks for making that clear.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 453
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 5:45:25 PM

Now, now, now, young lady. You need to unblock him, and give him a better explanation. You need to make sure it's "carefully worded" and "polite". Your POF experience is supposed to be all about HIM. Have rockin-trucker read it first before you send it out, so he can give it the official stamp of approval.


*smirk* it probably WAS RT :)))))))))
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 454
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 6:05:05 PM

These guys get the same message, girl after girl.

Oh really? and how many multiple accounts do you have that you can spout out such nonsense with "authority"?

Any random girl on here isn't the first one to say it, and she won't be the last.

I am not any random girl yet you decided to hit me with your seriously pathetic reasoning. I even posted what the subjects had been to those men trashed me in response, yet you are saying I sent out mass, canned queries?

OMG---was one of them another account of yours?
I feel vomit in my mouth....


You're denying the reality that the next guy any girl sends that canned response to can just get that fed up with the same line that he tells her off.

Again---you never bothered to look at my bio now did you? I am the last person on this planet who would ever send out mass, canned queries. You side stepped answering that question when I first asked it, no surprise there.


You keep saying something that can potentially get someone mad and eventually it's going to get someone mad. Say whatever you want, but don't act surprised when someone calls you out on the same line that everyone else is using. When every girl seems to want to use the same line, what do you honestly expect to happen?

Again, I stated what I messaged them about, hardly canned lines and you KNOW this if you had a:

2nd grade reading comprehension and vocabulary skill

RT, you have serious issues. Get help--they often have tutors at most local libraries that can help you learn to READ.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 455
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 6:06:38 PM
^^^ LOL
Rocking Trucker.. please. Just accept the not interested or the no reply and move on
Honest, you are good looking, you clearly are determined
Spend this energy finding what you want
Not what doesn't want you
It is the Jello Universe btw. He is trapped in Grape
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 456
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 6:16:21 PM

Actually I don't "expect" anything. That's your problem obviously and that lends itself to that second grade mentality you've been flaunting for a month.


Let me reword that since I'm pretty sure some of you don't really know what "expect" means. When every girl seems to want to use the same line, what do you honestly think the long-term outcome of that is going to be?




Excellent example of why read or unread delete and block is so highly recommended. Thanks for making that clear.


No, it's an example of why you should think before you talk. I'm amazed that you just can't grasp this concept. But after listening to the things my grandmother says in public, I think it might actually be an age thing. Do you really not understand why saying something with the potential to piss someone off will eventually piss someone off, so there's no reason to be surprised when it happens?




Rocking Trucker.. please. Just accept the not interested or the no reply and move on


I've openly accepted it at least 50 times just in this thread alone. I'm talking about the reaction you get, and how easily it's avoided, and why it's your own fault that people yelled at you for it... Just like someone will do, rightfully, for this post, and hopefully doesn't hold back after reading this.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 457
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 6:20:40 PM

For a lot of you who lack an above 2nd grade reading comprehension and vocabulary skill, that means that I do not support flipping out on a girl just because she doesn't want to date you.


Just a minute. This wasn't about her not wanting to date him. It was about the messages she was was receiving and responding to, to which you stated "Almost every time people get mad and flip out on you, it's going to be because of something you did."

On one hand, you're doing a hell of a lot of blame placing, but on the other you're saying you don't condone the nasty responses they receive. Then you flop around yet again saying they "shouldn't be surprised". (because they "opened the door", of course) Pick a side of the fence and stay on it.

As I said before, if these were "nice guys", they wouldn't get bent out of shape over such trivial bullshit and bother with sending nasty replies to what they THINK is "BS".

Pansy ass guys who need to be coddled through their POF experience seriously need to get the f*ck off the site. All the bellyaching and playing victim is sickening.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 458
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 6:24:13 PM

Now, now, now, young lady. You need to unblock him, and give him a better explanation. You need to make sure it's "carefully worded" and "polite". Your POF experience is supposed to be all about HIM. Have rockin-trucker read it first before you send it out, so he can give it the official stamp of approval.


LMAO
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 459
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History
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 6:28:29 PM
"Honest, you are good looking, you clearly are determined"

Good looking? How could you tell, I don't find a cigar and a hat attractive, personally. As far as determined I could come up with a big list of adjectives and adverbs and "determined" would not be on either.

I don't know he looks like without a fat (eww...yeah said it) stub of a cigar, and any picture that shows him without a hat, sunglasses, honestly, I couldn't or care to, even identify him should he come up to me, approach me (another thing to be grateful for).

To speak to my own experience, I haven't met anyone (yet) who didn't recognize or know who I was the first time meeting. The only comments I've gotten is about my hair. It's longer, it's shorter....in the pics I liked it was down...really? At the moment my hair is elbow length and I wear it up and pinned back. Whoo...any day I could decide to cut it down to shoulder or chin length. Seriously, it that's something that's even a topic of conversation before and'or during a first meet...my interest is pretty much shot. Hard to recover from that, I can say it's never happened...yet.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 460
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 6:37:33 PM

I'm amazed that you just can't grasp this concept.


What I'm grasping are the ramblings of a whiner who in all likelyhood has never received a message from a woman on here, messages many and gets no responses. If you do it's a no thanks and that just chaps your ass because you already know why, but want them to give you some plausible excuse other than you just don't cut it.

Then you have the nerve to say women should expect to get snotty azz messages if they use the "we're not a match" cliche, because the guy's get them all the time. You can't really be this stupid.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 461
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 6:57:26 PM

EVERYONE knows that when you said "Sorry, I don't think we're a match" that it REALLY means "Sorry, but I think you're ugly."

It's the most popular real reason -- but no, not The reason. It'd be exaggerating that that's virtually the only reason. There's plenty of other issues in a few general categories. As we both know, many girls have their hands full -- he doesn't have to be Ugly to her, for her to send him a canned "return to sender" response. Now, if he's hot, yes, the attributes that would turn her off from the average Joe wouldn't so much with him (without her necessarily consciously realizing it). But there's a large gap between ugly & hot. Just because hot guys who don't have damning profiles get a lot of women, doesn't mean every gal who denies a guy thinks he's actually Ugly. Especially due to the POF gender ratio, she could do that to a guy who she thinks is kinda cute if seen IRL -- but he's not the only guy filling up her box. :)

The words she typed and sent were 10000000000% by her own choice. I'm not saying she deserves to get yelled at, I'm not saying it's her fault, I'm saying that it's not surprising. When you say something that can potentially set someone off, it's probably eventually going to happen.

I dunno. If a gal sends out canned responses, I think she does deserve to get the occasional annoying or rude responses. Should teach her that that's not the wisest thing to do. Now, me saying that -- before a gal gasps and says "Wha-wha-what??" -- if a guy shouldn't get at all upset 1% about a robotic-canned response from a gal (it's understandably rude but it's just a little msg!), then she shouldn't really get upset about a mere annoying or ticked response back anyway. I think the occasional guy saying something off-the mark in response will make a gal rethink the whole "Writing a robotic response is polite because it's polite for famous people to do that to regular people" idea. :)

Say whatever you want, but don't act surprised when someone calls you out on the same line that everyone else is using. When every girl seems to want to use the same line, what do you honestly expect to happen?

True. That's what gives it the robotic feel, which can understandably be a slap (hence, just don't reply). But a lot of it is What is said. If a robotic response that caught on was "I'm sorry, I don't find you attractive. Thanks for the complimentary message," -- there is no fuzziness or "why" being drawn out of a reasonable mind of the receiver. Problem is, it's going to be rude -- bam! Hence, they're not going to say that. Other things like age differences, having kids under 18, recently divorced / separated, living distance, etc -- those can be said, and I think those come across with less bad responses because it's going to be less canned.

Again---you never bothered to look at my bio now did you? I am the last person on this planet who would ever send out mass, canned queries.

RT wasn't accusing you of anything on that (from latest posts anyway) -- as he's referring to the concepts, not targetting users.... and he's talking about canned-robotic responses, not queries (that'd be the guy hitting the gal up in the first place).

When every girl seems to want to use the same line, what do you honestly think the long-term outcome of that is going to be?

She's likely to get the occasional bad response to her robotic response, yes. Many of which she shouldn't get and many times the guy's going over the line (which you pointed out), and also proving that it's not a great idea for her to send it out. IMO, unless it's some threatening or out-of-this-world droning response by the bitter guy -- she should let it roll off her back, just like the guy should have when he got the canned-robotic response in the first place.

But for argument's sake, no -- not a good idea for a guy or gal to send a canned-robotic response like "I'm sorry, we're not a good match. Good luck in your search" (which you could almost Hear as if read from an index card), but at the same time -- it's going to happen unfortunately... as is mild quips back like "Oh, my apologies, I didn't mean to you write you -- wrong person! But thanks, I've met several great matches. And I hope you can find someone who will accept you. Don't give up! Always keep searching -- I'm sure there's someone who's willing to give you a chance!" lol
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 462
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History
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 6:59:41 PM
Actually this thread wasn't started by RT. Yeah it was a mild surprise perhaps, but I'd bet he has posted more than anyone else. (which honestly, makes me wonder why I'd post again). It really is like the proverbial train wreck, thankfully I've never driven past a train wreck, but I have been stuck in traffic with the flashing lights and emergency vehicles all around. Initial thoughts (for me) thank GOD it's not me, and I have somewhere to go and time to BE there. It's still hard to drive past/through and not want to see whatever can be seen.

There I confessed, I can be just as subject to the train wreck. So the truth when being rejected...really whatever page this has gotten to, RT wasn't even the OP, but I'd wager he has posted more than anyone else.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 463
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 7:30:17 PM
In response to Bucsgirl
RT has other photos up
Oh, I call someone who keeps hammering a point, wrong as it may be
determined
Didn't say that was a positive did I ? :/
 Autumn924
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 464
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 8:32:13 PM
I've experienced this type of rejection, however I just keep it moving... as the Barber says "next". I can't take it personally because we have not met in person.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 465
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 10:41:29 PM
@norwegianguy


Again---you never bothered to look at my bio now did you? I am the last person on this planet who would ever send out mass, canned queries.
___________
RT wasn't accusing you of anything on that (from latest posts anyway) -- as he's referring to the concepts, not targetting users.... and he's talking about canned-robotic responses, not queries (that'd be the guy hitting the gal up in the first place).


You might want to go back a bit farther than the "latest posts". RT started in about canned mass emailings in his comment about my initial posts to men and hasn't shut up since--nor answered the question when I asked if had even bothered looking at my bio. He assumes that all women do this...

Whoa--wait a min--isn't it waaaay more likely that MEN would send our mass emails of PoF?

LOL, omg, he really is a doofus--he is projecting what HE does on everyone else.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 466
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/5/2015 5:37:53 AM

Do you really not understand why saying something with the potential to piss someone off will eventually piss someone off, so there's no reason to be surprised when it happens?

remind me what that 'something' is that has this scary azzed potential.... I forget.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 467
the truth--the best way to avoid being treated like you're an a-hole is to not be an a-hole
Posted: 5/5/2015 8:30:23 AM
well, at least RT gets to feel like someone will listen to his arguments. b/c everyone keeps giving him the opportunity. I can agree with some of his initial arguments, but then he'll go off on a limb and I have to take the other side.

I will agree, if someone decides to state their opinion, they should be ready for the flack from it. they have little control over someone's anger, but standing up for something means some rocks might come your way, and be ready to defend. otherwise, sit down and be quiet like the other sheeple...and blend into the background.

one mistake RT does make, and he ain't alone, is noticing that certain people give the same response/reaction to something he does, and then going ahead to say that everyone's like that. focus on the princesses out there, and how they react, and forget that there are plenty of women out there who are not princesses, who aren't living with their parents, etc, and they would have accepted him back in the days when he wasn't so burned out and angry.

of course, they wouldn't have been arm candy. but, again, if you don't live like Ken, you ain't gonna get Barbie. we guys have to be as realistic as we wish our type of female would be.

(for example, a woman who understands a frugal mindset...ain't blowing her paycheck on breast enhancement surgery. she wants to be accepted for who she is, and that's how she understands a man wanting to be accepted for who he is)
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 468
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/5/2015 8:39:57 AM
remind me what that 'something' is that has this scary azzed potential.... I forget.

-----------------------------------------
The ability to figure that out and utilize it to achieve a desired result is what separates the socially skilled from the socially inept. Apparently, RT recognizes that, but is unable to make use of that knowledge to his advantage.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 469
view profile
History
the truth--the best way to avoid being treated like you're an a-hole is to not be an a-hole
Posted: 5/5/2015 8:48:14 AM
So in that case....

I'm guessing that when I meet up with an old acquaintance who I haven't seen in a while and after catching up we say, "Let's do lunch sometime"...
Then I BETTER be prepared to be confronted in an aggressive manner when they call me up several months down the road and demand to know why we HAVEN'T 'done lunch', yet????

I am all for being considerate towards others but the reality is that there are certain social 'niceties' that people use because they ARE glib and non-confrontational and in-line with the level of relationship in question....

I have never been abusive or deliberately unkind to anyone that has contacted me, or that I have even exchanged a few messages with, but I'll be DAMNED if I'm going to spend more than a minute or two crafting a rejection to someone who has expressed interest in ME, when I have expressed NONE in them....

Again, this is simply a boundary/limit issue, and to even intimate that specific wording or use of specific words in a non-insulting, non-confrontational manner in order to respond to someone's interest when none is returned, as in a 'form answer' along the lines of "Sorry not interested, but good luck in your search", is a justification for someone to come back and be abusive or insulting, well, that indicates an unbalanced individual imo....

I mean seriously????

So if I say that its a nice day to someone, expecting the standard, "Yes, isn't it" answer, I SHOULD be prepared to be LAMBASTED with a diatribe of how it really ISN'T a 'nice day' for that person because their wife just cheated, and they found out and they lost their job, and the car needs a new transmission, etc. ????

Oh! Silly ME!!!!

Get serious man....This is just plain ridiculous imo....

The reality is that for WHATEVER reason the person is NOT interested, no longer wants contact etc. And guess what???

YOU are not going to MAKE anybody do ANYTHING, and that includes giving you a "satisfactory" response to a contact that they NEVER INITIATED....or don't want to continue....

Most adults have reached a point in their lives where their self-esteem is firmly within THEMSELVES and wouldn't be interested in either hearing more, or needing any kind of explanation for something so trivial as rejection from a STRANGER.....
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 470
the truth--the best way to avoid being treated like you're an a-hole is to not be an a-hole
Posted: 5/5/2015 10:37:24 AM

When you say something that can potentially set someone off, it's probably eventually going to happen.

Really? LMAO (evil laugh)


YOU are not going to MAKE anybody do ANYTHING, and that includes giving you a "satisfactory" response to a contact that they NEVER INITIATED....or don't want to continue....


I AGREE!

How a person CHOOSES to react to words, spoken/written, or actions is ON THEM! The receiver chooses his or her own reaction.
NO one can MAKE you react in a negative or positive manner.
Unless you hold a gun to my head, I make the choice to respond one way or another. I am not a puppet, (sock or otherwise, sorry couldn't resist) to allow anyone else to MAKE me mad, sad, happy etc. etc. I CHOOSE how to respond. I CHOOSE my mental /emotional /verbal response.

With that said, I chose to reply to a first message (from the man who is now my BF) late last summer. It was simple, polite and to the point. "Hello, I like your profile. How are you?" I read his profile, liked what I read then replied, "Hi there, Thank you, I'm good. Did you do any long bike rides this past summer?"
Yes it WAS that simple.

Just my opinion. If you make up all these silly azz rules, project a negative attitude and make up all kinds of stupid/ idiotic excuses for not getting a reply to a message, do a little homework.

Who cares what "the truth is when being rejected?"
The TRUTH is, everyone of us has been rejected has some point or another in our life. To wallow in self pity/ blame everyone else, and/or whine about it, is self defeating.

The TRUTH is, IF having a relationship with a SO is your objective with OLD sites, when rejected try, try again!
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 471
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/5/2015 11:48:14 AM

RT started in about canned mass emailings in his comment about my initial posts to men and hasn't shut up since--nor answered the question when I asked if had even bothered looking at my bio. He assumes that all women do this...

He doesn't assume all women send out canned-robotic responses. Too many, perhaps. He has complained (but more recently been more accepting) about gals not replying at all. Obviously you can't give a canned response and no-response at the same time. I wouldn't take "Women do this" / "Men do this" to literally mean All or even virtually all. Was he accusing YOU of sending out canned/robotic responses?

Also, yes -- guys (and girls when doing so) will many times send out canned openers. Sure. Although strategically that may not be the best option, it's not offensive, and it is a different ball of wax than a canned no-interest response (when it's highly questionable to even send a not-interested response in the first place). It's the concept of it being no-interest. If (too many) gals wrote canned initial responses OF interest back to guys, do you think there'd be as much angst? Of course not.

Again, the "I don't think we're a good match. Good luck in your search!" robotic response should be expected to make some eyes roll. It's taken in the same way as "I hope you can find someone who will accept you. Don't give up! Always keep searching -- I'm sure there's someone who's willing to give you a chance!"

One may say "Well, what am I supposed to say then?!" Nothing. Don't respond. Just as they shouldn't get p!ssed off when seeing one's "well, I'm trying to be nice..." cut-n-paste no-interest response, one shouldn't get p!ssed off by him sending a snarky response to it. It's e-messages to e-profile strangers. No response needed.

All an opener is, is "pinging" someone to see if there's interest.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 472
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/5/2015 12:30:07 PM

You might want to go back a bit farther than the "latest posts". RT started in about canned mass emailings in his comment about my initial posts to men and hasn't shut up since--nor answered the question when I asked if had even bothered looking at my bio. He assumes that all women do this...

Whoa--wait a min--isn't it waaaay more likely that MEN would send our mass emails of PoF?

LOL, omg, he really is a doofus--he is projecting what HE does on everyone else.


I read your post wrong, so when I replied to the other guy's post, it was from the perspective of you doing the rejecting, not being the one being rejected. So that's why what I was saying seemed so contradicting. But getting responses like that from sending a first message, that's POF. I've lost count of how many times I've had a girl tear into me because she said hot guys only. You're dealing with the bottom of the barrel, you're going to find people who are single for very obvious reasons.

But from the perspective of the canned rejection response... Read this thread. How many women just in here are saying they're using the same exact line? How many guys have heard it enough to agree that it happens a lot? Clearly, it's a common line if the OP thought to make this thead.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 473
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/5/2015 12:34:46 PM
Reject them first.

Turn the tables on 'em.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 474
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/5/2015 12:40:49 PM
Even better....Don't message them at all!

That will show those unimaginative, lazy, entitled princesses you mean business!

Hope that helps! :D
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 475
the truth--the best way to avoid being treated like you're an a-hole is to not be an a-hole
Posted: 5/5/2015 1:32:05 PM
"I'm guessing that when I meet up with an old acquaintance who I haven't seen in a while and after catching up we say, "Let's do lunch sometime"...
Then I BETTER be prepared to be confronted in an aggressive manner when they call me up several months down the road and demand to know why we HAVEN'T 'done lunch', yet????"

>>>OK, I won't be the one who gets all huffy...but...when someone acts friendly then blows me off in the way you describe, that is sand in my shorts. I can understand they may have had a reason, but if someone has no interest in seeing me, but tells me they will....I mean, why say it at all? it just seems like fake friendliness to me, and diminishes the impact when I say the same thing to a real friend, whom I totally mean it when I say, hey, I want to see you again. your company matters to me. I enjoy it.

for the record, I think men should be men, and handle rejection gracefully. but then, I also ask out women not in my league, so I get a lot of practice. I think a lot of guys ask out the woman who will make them feel good about themselves, not the woman they have a chance with. i'm also the type who asks, how's it goin' and many times, wait for an answer. which I can say from experience, is how you get the weirdos to talk to you, b/c you come off as someone who'll actually stop to listen to their rant. so I don't recommend it for everyone :)
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > the truth when being rejected.