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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > the truth when being rejected.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 463
the truth when being rejected.Page 20 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
In response to Bucsgirl
RT has other photos up
Oh, I call someone who keeps hammering a point, wrong as it may be
determined
Didn't say that was a positive did I ? :/
 Autumn924
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 464
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 8:32:13 PM
I've experienced this type of rejection, however I just keep it moving... as the Barber says "next". I can't take it personally because we have not met in person.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 465
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/4/2015 10:41:29 PM
@norwegianguy


Again---you never bothered to look at my bio now did you? I am the last person on this planet who would ever send out mass, canned queries.
___________
RT wasn't accusing you of anything on that (from latest posts anyway) -- as he's referring to the concepts, not targetting users.... and he's talking about canned-robotic responses, not queries (that'd be the guy hitting the gal up in the first place).


You might want to go back a bit farther than the "latest posts". RT started in about canned mass emailings in his comment about my initial posts to men and hasn't shut up since--nor answered the question when I asked if had even bothered looking at my bio. He assumes that all women do this...

Whoa--wait a min--isn't it waaaay more likely that MEN would send our mass emails of PoF?

LOL, omg, he really is a doofus--he is projecting what HE does on everyone else.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 466
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/5/2015 5:37:53 AM

Do you really not understand why saying something with the potential to piss someone off will eventually piss someone off, so there's no reason to be surprised when it happens?

remind me what that 'something' is that has this scary azzed potential.... I forget.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 467
the truth--the best way to avoid being treated like you're an a-hole is to not be an a-hole
Posted: 5/5/2015 8:30:23 AM
well, at least RT gets to feel like someone will listen to his arguments. b/c everyone keeps giving him the opportunity. I can agree with some of his initial arguments, but then he'll go off on a limb and I have to take the other side.

I will agree, if someone decides to state their opinion, they should be ready for the flack from it. they have little control over someone's anger, but standing up for something means some rocks might come your way, and be ready to defend. otherwise, sit down and be quiet like the other sheeple...and blend into the background.

one mistake RT does make, and he ain't alone, is noticing that certain people give the same response/reaction to something he does, and then going ahead to say that everyone's like that. focus on the princesses out there, and how they react, and forget that there are plenty of women out there who are not princesses, who aren't living with their parents, etc, and they would have accepted him back in the days when he wasn't so burned out and angry.

of course, they wouldn't have been arm candy. but, again, if you don't live like Ken, you ain't gonna get Barbie. we guys have to be as realistic as we wish our type of female would be.

(for example, a woman who understands a frugal mindset...ain't blowing her paycheck on breast enhancement surgery. she wants to be accepted for who she is, and that's how she understands a man wanting to be accepted for who he is)
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 468
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/5/2015 8:39:57 AM
remind me what that 'something' is that has this scary azzed potential.... I forget.

-----------------------------------------
The ability to figure that out and utilize it to achieve a desired result is what separates the socially skilled from the socially inept. Apparently, RT recognizes that, but is unable to make use of that knowledge to his advantage.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 469
view profile
History
the truth--the best way to avoid being treated like you're an a-hole is to not be an a-hole
Posted: 5/5/2015 8:48:14 AM
So in that case....

I'm guessing that when I meet up with an old acquaintance who I haven't seen in a while and after catching up we say, "Let's do lunch sometime"...
Then I BETTER be prepared to be confronted in an aggressive manner when they call me up several months down the road and demand to know why we HAVEN'T 'done lunch', yet????

I am all for being considerate towards others but the reality is that there are certain social 'niceties' that people use because they ARE glib and non-confrontational and in-line with the level of relationship in question....

I have never been abusive or deliberately unkind to anyone that has contacted me, or that I have even exchanged a few messages with, but I'll be DAMNED if I'm going to spend more than a minute or two crafting a rejection to someone who has expressed interest in ME, when I have expressed NONE in them....

Again, this is simply a boundary/limit issue, and to even intimate that specific wording or use of specific words in a non-insulting, non-confrontational manner in order to respond to someone's interest when none is returned, as in a 'form answer' along the lines of "Sorry not interested, but good luck in your search", is a justification for someone to come back and be abusive or insulting, well, that indicates an unbalanced individual imo....

I mean seriously????

So if I say that its a nice day to someone, expecting the standard, "Yes, isn't it" answer, I SHOULD be prepared to be LAMBASTED with a diatribe of how it really ISN'T a 'nice day' for that person because their wife just cheated, and they found out and they lost their job, and the car needs a new transmission, etc. ????

Oh! Silly ME!!!!

Get serious man....This is just plain ridiculous imo....

The reality is that for WHATEVER reason the person is NOT interested, no longer wants contact etc. And guess what???

YOU are not going to MAKE anybody do ANYTHING, and that includes giving you a "satisfactory" response to a contact that they NEVER INITIATED....or don't want to continue....

Most adults have reached a point in their lives where their self-esteem is firmly within THEMSELVES and wouldn't be interested in either hearing more, or needing any kind of explanation for something so trivial as rejection from a STRANGER.....
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 470
the truth--the best way to avoid being treated like you're an a-hole is to not be an a-hole
Posted: 5/5/2015 10:37:24 AM

When you say something that can potentially set someone off, it's probably eventually going to happen.

Really? LMAO (evil laugh)


YOU are not going to MAKE anybody do ANYTHING, and that includes giving you a "satisfactory" response to a contact that they NEVER INITIATED....or don't want to continue....


I AGREE!

How a person CHOOSES to react to words, spoken/written, or actions is ON THEM! The receiver chooses his or her own reaction.
NO one can MAKE you react in a negative or positive manner.
Unless you hold a gun to my head, I make the choice to respond one way or another. I am not a puppet, (sock or otherwise, sorry couldn't resist) to allow anyone else to MAKE me mad, sad, happy etc. etc. I CHOOSE how to respond. I CHOOSE my mental /emotional /verbal response.

With that said, I chose to reply to a first message (from the man who is now my BF) late last summer. It was simple, polite and to the point. "Hello, I like your profile. How are you?" I read his profile, liked what I read then replied, "Hi there, Thank you, I'm good. Did you do any long bike rides this past summer?"
Yes it WAS that simple.

Just my opinion. If you make up all these silly azz rules, project a negative attitude and make up all kinds of stupid/ idiotic excuses for not getting a reply to a message, do a little homework.

Who cares what "the truth is when being rejected?"
The TRUTH is, everyone of us has been rejected has some point or another in our life. To wallow in self pity/ blame everyone else, and/or whine about it, is self defeating.

The TRUTH is, IF having a relationship with a SO is your objective with OLD sites, when rejected try, try again!
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 471
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/5/2015 11:48:14 AM

RT started in about canned mass emailings in his comment about my initial posts to men and hasn't shut up since--nor answered the question when I asked if had even bothered looking at my bio. He assumes that all women do this...

He doesn't assume all women send out canned-robotic responses. Too many, perhaps. He has complained (but more recently been more accepting) about gals not replying at all. Obviously you can't give a canned response and no-response at the same time. I wouldn't take "Women do this" / "Men do this" to literally mean All or even virtually all. Was he accusing YOU of sending out canned/robotic responses?

Also, yes -- guys (and girls when doing so) will many times send out canned openers. Sure. Although strategically that may not be the best option, it's not offensive, and it is a different ball of wax than a canned no-interest response (when it's highly questionable to even send a not-interested response in the first place). It's the concept of it being no-interest. If (too many) gals wrote canned initial responses OF interest back to guys, do you think there'd be as much angst? Of course not.

Again, the "I don't think we're a good match. Good luck in your search!" robotic response should be expected to make some eyes roll. It's taken in the same way as "I hope you can find someone who will accept you. Don't give up! Always keep searching -- I'm sure there's someone who's willing to give you a chance!"

One may say "Well, what am I supposed to say then?!" Nothing. Don't respond. Just as they shouldn't get p!ssed off when seeing one's "well, I'm trying to be nice..." cut-n-paste no-interest response, one shouldn't get p!ssed off by him sending a snarky response to it. It's e-messages to e-profile strangers. No response needed.

All an opener is, is "pinging" someone to see if there's interest.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 472
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/5/2015 12:30:07 PM

You might want to go back a bit farther than the "latest posts". RT started in about canned mass emailings in his comment about my initial posts to men and hasn't shut up since--nor answered the question when I asked if had even bothered looking at my bio. He assumes that all women do this...

Whoa--wait a min--isn't it waaaay more likely that MEN would send our mass emails of PoF?

LOL, omg, he really is a doofus--he is projecting what HE does on everyone else.


I read your post wrong, so when I replied to the other guy's post, it was from the perspective of you doing the rejecting, not being the one being rejected. So that's why what I was saying seemed so contradicting. But getting responses like that from sending a first message, that's POF. I've lost count of how many times I've had a girl tear into me because she said hot guys only. You're dealing with the bottom of the barrel, you're going to find people who are single for very obvious reasons.

But from the perspective of the canned rejection response... Read this thread. How many women just in here are saying they're using the same exact line? How many guys have heard it enough to agree that it happens a lot? Clearly, it's a common line if the OP thought to make this thead.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 473
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/5/2015 12:34:46 PM
Reject them first.

Turn the tables on 'em.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 474
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 5/5/2015 12:40:49 PM
Even better....Don't message them at all!

That will show those unimaginative, lazy, entitled princesses you mean business!

Hope that helps! :D
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 475
the truth--the best way to avoid being treated like you're an a-hole is to not be an a-hole
Posted: 5/5/2015 1:32:05 PM
"I'm guessing that when I meet up with an old acquaintance who I haven't seen in a while and after catching up we say, "Let's do lunch sometime"...
Then I BETTER be prepared to be confronted in an aggressive manner when they call me up several months down the road and demand to know why we HAVEN'T 'done lunch', yet????"

>>>OK, I won't be the one who gets all huffy...but...when someone acts friendly then blows me off in the way you describe, that is sand in my shorts. I can understand they may have had a reason, but if someone has no interest in seeing me, but tells me they will....I mean, why say it at all? it just seems like fake friendliness to me, and diminishes the impact when I say the same thing to a real friend, whom I totally mean it when I say, hey, I want to see you again. your company matters to me. I enjoy it.

for the record, I think men should be men, and handle rejection gracefully. but then, I also ask out women not in my league, so I get a lot of practice. I think a lot of guys ask out the woman who will make them feel good about themselves, not the woman they have a chance with. i'm also the type who asks, how's it goin' and many times, wait for an answer. which I can say from experience, is how you get the weirdos to talk to you, b/c you come off as someone who'll actually stop to listen to their rant. so I don't recommend it for everyone :)
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 476
view profile
History
the truth--the best way to avoid being treated like you're an a-hole is to not be an a-hole
Posted: 5/5/2015 2:32:06 PM

>>>OK, I won't be the one who gets all huffy...but...when someone acts friendly then blows me off in the way you describe, that is sand in my shorts. I can understand they may have had a reason, but if someone has no interest in seeing me, but tells me they will....I mean, why say it at all? it just seems like fake friendliness to me, and diminishes the impact when I say the same thing to a real friend, whom I totally mean it when I say, hey, I want to see you again. your company matters to me. I enjoy it.


Sometimes it really IS a desire on both parts to see each other again, I know it is when I, personally say that,....But it is also understood, that we ALL have lives, and if it was easy for you to get together in the first place, then you probably would have already done so, no?

Are you telling me that you have NEVER had that kind of interaction with someone? That you think would be a good addition to your Life, but for whatever reason, sometimes even just different schedules or priorities, you can never quite fit into your own schedule?

I get what you're saying about how it may appear to be kind of 'fake', but for me any way, those are just common social niceties that I've learned to not take too seriously over the years, understanding that though the desire may be there, sometimes, the means remain elusive....

For the sake of this argument or discussion, my point is that I'm NOT going to wax poetic about my reasons for not being interested to a total stranger, but I will reply, because they are a person that deserves at least a reply....

I have never been one of those poor unfortunate souls who is "burdened with HUNDREDS of emails that I can barely keep up with", so I do take the time to say that "No I'm not interested and /or don't think we are a match, but thanks for the interest, and good luck in your search"....

It's the truth insofar as I'm willing to take MY time to go into it with someone who I never asked to contact me in the first place....Are there men out there who would prefer no response at all???

Apparently so.....lol And guess what?
What it comes down to is that is NOT my problem, in any way, shape or form....I was not born to ensure that some random guy who decided I was cute, is not going to feel angry or uncomfortable or even devastated, when I don't respond to him in the way in which he thinks I SHOULD.....
And that doesn't give him the 'right' or even gain my understanding should he respond in any kind of abusive manner....If anything, that just tells me loud and clear that this is an immature individual who is not even a consideration as far as my dating radar goes....

Adults have learned how to control themselves and behave in an appropriate manner that is not abusive towards others....very simple concept.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 477
the truth--the best way to avoid being treated like you're an a-hole is to not be an a-hole
Posted: 5/5/2015 2:34:09 PM

Reject them first.

Turn the tables on 'em.

Ahhh, good idea. The 'ol preemptive strike! I like it! When a really cute girl looked at your profile...

"I see that you looked at my profile. I find that flattering, but I have to say that we're not a good match. I'm sure you'll be able to find someone who will be willing to be a match for you. Don't give up, don't be discouraged, and always remember that there's thousands upon thousands of single people within a reasonable distance. I'm sure there's at least one who you will match quite well with. I'm rooting for ya. Good luck in your search! (pat on head)"

for the record, I think men should be men, and handle rejection gracefully.

I agree. Women, too. That's why if a guy gets a snarky reply from a preemptive strike message (see above), he should just tell her she needs to handle rejection gracefully... and to offer her some insight like "But then again, I also ask out those who are out of my league too, so I get a lot of practice." That will make her feel at ease.

This SO makes me want to run an experiment, to see what the results would be like.
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