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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > the truth when being rejected.      Home login  
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 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 51
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the truth when being rejected.Page 3 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
Pretty sure it would piss me off for a man to tell me he's not interested because he thinks I'm too fat or ugly or stupid or whatever for his taste----even if I know that's what it is.

Saying "I dont think we are a match" or "there's no chemistry" , etc....allows the rejected person to save a little face-and that's important.
 pacino233
Joined: 10/10/2014
Msg: 52
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the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 2/28/2015 3:52:41 AM
I'm more sympathetic with women after a recent event actually. I ended up having a conversation with someone which resulted in her giving me her number and texting for a couple of days. But I really wasn't clicking with her and was trying to find a nice way of saying as much. It's much more difficult when you are the one having to do it! In the end I just acted as boring as possible which resulted in her no longer contacting me. Still, I'd rather people think I'm the a** rather than them go away with hurt feelings.
 Onyxbutterflies90
Joined: 10/14/2014
Msg: 53
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the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/1/2015 4:48:41 AM

ever wanted them to just write to you and tell you the honest truth? whether it's "I don't find you attractive" or "you aren't tall enough" or whatever. instead of trying to ****foot around the truth and being nice to avoid hurting someone's feelings?


I don't care enough about a stranger's opinion to want the truth from them. I don't care why a stranger doesn't want to be with me. So no, I never wanted them to tell me the honest truth. Their truth is irrelevant to me if they don't want me in their life.

I've always used the "we're not a match" option because its true and painless. There's no reason to tell a perfect stranger negative things I see about them. Nine times out of ten I just don't find them attractive, and there's nothing they can do about that. Telling them that is hurtful and isn't helpful.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 54
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/2/2015 4:09:52 AM
I told a man tonight, during our first telephone conversation.

'We are at different stages of our lives.
You may be better off with a retired woman similar to yourself rather than someone like me who works full time."

He agreed verbally and then sent me a message agreeing that we are at different stages of our lives but he liked my photos, my blue dress and what was inside it.


 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 55
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/2/2015 10:48:33 AM
OP, rather than DWELL on the "rejection" why not focus on finding a match?

You can't change other people, so why not move forward & find a person who wants to be w/ you as much as you want to be w/ them?
 razors_edge55
Joined: 11/25/2013
Msg: 56
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the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/2/2015 1:24:34 PM
The truth is finding that "soul mate" is not like ordering a pizza ,too many are here in shopping mode ;-(
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 57
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/3/2015 4:07:12 AM

We are at different stages of our lives.
You may be better off with a retired woman similar to yourself rather than someone like me who works full time."

He agreed verbally and then sent me a message agreeing that we are at different stages of our lives but he liked my photos, my blue dress and what was inside it.


I'm guessing this is why most women don't go into detail about why they reject a profile. Personally, the "I'm sorry, but I don't think we are a match." is great because at least she took the time to say no rather than just ignore me. I'll respond by saying "good luck" or whatever and consider the matter resolved.



The truth is finding that "soul mate" is not like ordering a pizza ,too many are here in shopping mode ;-(

Why not? This (and other OLD sites) is just an on line catalogue for people. Nothing more and nothing less.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 58
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/3/2015 6:40:29 AM

But I really wasn't clicking with her and was trying to find a nice way of saying as much. It's much more difficult when you are the one having to do it! In the end I just acted as boring as possible which resulted in her no longer contacting me. Still, I'd rather people think I'm the a** rather than them go away with hurt feelings.


I have no problems telling someone that we're not a match after a few email / text conversations. That way the other person will know and can move on sooner. Another possible solution is a "white lie" such as "I'm taking a break from dating" or "I met someone else". I would prefer either way over the disappearing act or the fade when people gradually decrease the amount / length of conversations.
 matthew83co
Joined: 2/11/2015
Msg: 59
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/3/2015 4:51:09 PM

guess what, I haven't been rejected. THIS IS FOR EVERYONE!.

bugger off


I have a new nickname for you. It is "walking eagle". You are a bird that is so full of shit it can't fly anymore.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 60
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/3/2015 7:00:20 PM

There is no reason to spend any more time communicating with people who don't make the cut

Belle, I wasn't advocating someone always replying, at all. What I was saying is telling a stranger the truth vs telling them lies. But yes, if one can't handle (telling) the truth -- or even if that's not asked of them -- sure, don't respond at all. And yes, I am aware of the amount of emails gals get. I created one for a female friend of mine a few years ago. She wasn't a looker, but she got tons of email. Great, quality ones of course - lol. ;)

He agreed verbally and then sent me a message agreeing that we are at different stages of our lives but he liked my photos, my blue dress and what was inside it.

Were you suave and ask him "Well dirty boy, what would you like inside my blue dress?", then following up a response to his answer with "Oh, no... I was referring to what brand of laundry detergent... I thought you were all about cleaning dirty laundry... awwwkward..."

You may be better off with a retired woman similar to yourself rather than someone like me who works full time.

I think for LTR-or-bust, sure -- that Can be a valid stipulation. Although, not always, especially if one's retired but still keeps busy (just not as a paid occupation). But even when it wouldn't be ideal for an LTR, if one's not on the narrow sights of LTR-or-bust mode -- both could still casually date with no expectations to get serious, if both are otherwise mutually attracted enough.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 61
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/4/2015 3:31:55 AM
Norwegian Guy
^^^ ^
That particular man is retired, seeking someone to travel around the country in his motor home.
I work full time and have no interest in motor home travelling.

I like your 'blue dress' comments.
Sometimes I would like to make some 'smart alec' comments.
Rarely do I actually do that.
If someone has a quick wit then we can generally bounce off each other and it can become fun.

But this was not the case.
He had not read my profile nor done anything other than look at the photos.
This became very clear after a few minutes phone conversation.

I actually felt a little sorry for this man as he sounded quite lonely and was not doing anything with his life other than be a dad and granddad till he found a woman to do things with.

To make smart alec comments seemed cruel.
I felt that what I said was the most kind thing I could think of to say.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 62
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/4/2015 10:31:35 AM
I don't want to know the truth.
Wouldn't matter because once I'm rejected
by someone, it's not like I'm going to change
something so they will like me.

I also prefer not to tell someone why I'm not
interested. Sometimes it's just because of something
they said or the way they said it.

IMO no reply to an email is an answer.
I'd rather not get into dueling emails with people
who insist on the why fors.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 63
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/4/2015 8:40:11 PM
On another paid site you can send free 'kisses' to ascertain interest before spending money.

I send out quite a few to men in my age group.
The most frequent reply is as follows:

"Thanks. I don't want to take things further right now as I'm a bit overwhelmed with contact at the moment."
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 64
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/4/2015 10:48:38 PM
People don't always tell the truth because some users (especially men) get angry when told those things. Last time I trolled around this place it was commonplace for people just not to answer a message if they weren't interested.
 matthew83co
Joined: 2/11/2015
Msg: 65
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/4/2015 11:20:16 PM
^^^^ Agreed. ^^^^
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 66
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/5/2015 3:58:44 AM

People don't always tell the truth because some users (especially men) get angry when told those things. Last time I trolled around this place it was commonplace for people just not to answer a message if they weren't interested.


Indeed.
 pacino233
Joined: 10/10/2014
Msg: 67
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the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/5/2015 6:18:32 PM
I don't take offense if women ignore the initial message, I know they are often bombarded with messages and just like when it comes to applying for a job, it's an employer's market. I understand that, no problem. My issue is when someone reciprocates and encourages me to talk to them and THEN ignores me for no discernible reason. As far as I'm concerned that isn't justifiable and is incredibly ignorant and bad mannered for the same reason that I wouldn't walk away from someone halfway through a conversation. Manners cost nothing and if I'm polite to you then you should respond in kind, even if it's just to say "Sorry, I changed my mind" or whatever the case may be.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 68
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/6/2015 6:32:50 AM

Right, a lot of women try that but they give up after getting slammed with a raft of verbal abuse from guys who feel even more entitled to a piece of them than you do.


When the conversations progresse to the point where you had discussed setting up a date / meeting, then I agree with the other poster that is good manners to let the other person that you changed your mind. Thus the other person can know and move on sooner. If / when you get a rude response after that, then block the other person. Besides ignoring messages doesn't always rude responses. Some women ( and men as well ) have told me that they got rude responses because they didn't respond.
 pacino233
Joined: 10/10/2014
Msg: 69
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the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/6/2015 6:50:05 AM
Talk about making a mountain out of another person's molehill, I guess I better clarify....


Why do you get so emotionally invested in a conversation with a woman you've never met? It's kooky.

Not invested, just slightly annoyed and I did explain why. Being polite and expecting the same small courtesy back isn't "kooky" but whatever.


Nah, having a conversation with someone online isn't the same as walking away in the middle of a sentence.... just like failing to pay for the stuff in your shopping cart on Amazon.com isn't the same as filling it up in the grocery store and then walking away because you changed your mind.


See above. A conversation is a conversation whether it's by text, in person or by carrier pigeon. Tortured similes don't change that small fact but if you do want to use that example, even Amazon asks for a reason when you cancel an order...


Right, a lot of women try that but they give up after getting slammed with a raft of verbal abuse from guys who feel even more entitled to a piece of them than you do.


Yes, because all men are the same. Why even bother doing anything here if you think all men are out to abuse you? What are you talking about "entitled to a piece of them"? How melodramatic, I already said I just find it bad mannered but that's all. Taking a "piece of them" would be expecting sex or something like which would obviously be ridiculous. Just close the gate on the way out is basically what I'm saying.


So be pissed off then. Go ahead and feel all put upon with your "issue" because somebody you don't know and will never meet stopped talking to you and, OMG, they didn't even give you a proper stroking on the way out.

Really? REALLY?


And I'm the one accused of being sensitive.... I'll say it one last time but I don't care if someone changes their mind and for whatever reason, I'm a good sport and just wish them luck. I just said it annoys me when someone starts a conversation and then ignores me, I don't really see the point in doing that. I'm not going to lose sleep over it, but it's not a hardship to type three words. And considering every profile I see has "NO TIMEWASTERS!!!" somewhere on it, how exactly am I the bad guy for finding the same thing annoying?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 70
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/6/2015 6:58:45 AM
Some typos in the previous post.

When the conversations progress to the point where you had discussed setting up a date / meeting, then I agree with the other poster that is good manners to let the other person that you changed your mind. Thus the other person can know and move on sooner. Plus (s)he would have more time to make other plans for that particular time / day the date was supposed to happen. If / when you get a rude response after that, then block the other person. Besides ignoring messages doesn't always prevent rude responses. Some women ( and men as well ) have told me that they got rude responses because they didn't respond.
 pofuser768
Joined: 2/7/2015
Msg: 71
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/6/2015 7:22:22 AM

So be pissed off then. Go ahead and feel all put upon with your "issue" because somebody you don't know and will never meet stopped talking to you and, OMG, they didn't even give you a proper stroking on the way out.


That is a very condescending and rude tone you are choosing to use. And that's even more ironic considering you are giving a pointer here on "manners". Not choosing to lead by example I guess.

I think , generally, a little bit of manners and kindness goes a long way; both in real life, and online dating.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 72
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/6/2015 7:49:33 AM

My issue is when someone reciprocates and encourages me to talk to them and THEN ignores me for no discernible reason.


Just because someone responds does not necessarilly mean they are encouraging you.

If I pass a woman in the store and compliment her on something and she says "thank you, nice of you to notice"

Should I be offended because she decided to keep walking and not engage in conversation?

And it doesn't matter what the truth really is. Most people don't want to come across as cruel and mean and don't care to have things turn confrontational.

I've had more than my share of 1st messages I responded back to with the "thanks, but I don't think we're a match" and the return response was more often than not a scathing remark concerning my heritage, family, my inability to see past superficial things. etc.

So I migrated to the no response is a response camp. Works better for both parties. :)
 pacino233
Joined: 10/10/2014
Msg: 73
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the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/6/2015 8:12:27 AM

Just because someone responds does not necessarilly mean they are encouraging you.

I agree but I'm talking in terms of content. For example, if someone ends a message with "I would love to get to know you better! xx" I don't think I can be blamed for being a little confused when I subsequently get the silent treatment. It's the exception rather than the rule though and I am no means having a stress about it or pursuing anyone, but it has happened occasionally. It just seems a little redundant at that point. I do agree as far as initial messages and things like that though. Hopefully I won't get any of the BS you've obviously had to tolerate.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 74
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/6/2015 8:26:21 AM
^^You must factor in that when you speak to somebody -- casually and fleetingly -- without an established rapport of any kind and no commitment of interest people don't follow up on anything that was said, in _that_ context. You'll become less confused.
 pacino233
Joined: 10/10/2014
Msg: 75
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the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/6/2015 9:00:45 AM

If you weren't invested, you wouldn't be slightly annoyed. You would simply would move on without giving it another moment of pained thought or taking time to call women rude because they chose to stop talking to you without giving you a psychological soft landing on the way out.


I've explained my viewpoint, if you can't keep a civil tone then that's your problem not mine. And I didn't specify it as a gender exclusive issue, I said it's bad mannered which in my opinion it is. I haven't had a go or harassed anyone, I simply posted my thoughts here. And plenty of things annoy me, it doesn't necessarily make me invested them. Anyway, if you want to condescend and get irrationally snarky over a topic related opinion on a public forum then be by all means carry on. Just do me a favour and don't piss in my pocket and call it rain.
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