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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > the truth when being rejected.      Home login  
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 pofuser768
Joined: 2/7/2015
Msg: 76
the truth when being rejected.Page 4 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)

That is a very condescending and rude tone you are choosing to use.

Naw,


Um, yeah. You further validate my point by continuing to level cheapshots at the guy.

I feel like you are trying so hard to make him look bad, but are really just making yourself look bad.
 tgif111
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 77
Groveman is not a good match for most women
Posted: 3/6/2015 6:56:47 PM
I looked back upon the Opening Poster's forums history as groveman 2015.

I advise you to look as well.

the first ten threads he replies to he has a bad attitude, a negative attitude or a combative angry response.

he definitely doesn't take anything well, especially rejection.

I feel he's hell bent for online dating failure. perhaps RW failure as well.
 thecubanbeast
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 78
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/6/2015 10:38:26 PM
Never happened to me. Rejection doesnt even bothers me. I just move to the next one. Dont take this to heart. Good luck
 pacino233
Joined: 10/10/2014
Msg: 79
view profile
History
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/7/2015 5:02:19 AM
^ Correct, I can explain my viewpoint (and have done) so take your own advice and stop trying to twist what I'm saying because you have an axe to grind. For someone who has been pretty adamant about acting like an asshat for two pages now, you seem to have a very hard time handling the slightest bit of criticism yourself. Awfully defensive for someone giving a lecture about being defensive. Anyway, this is the last time I address you seeing as you don't have any contribution to what I've said beyond ad hominem attacks and pulling false assumptions out of your arse. As has been pointed out, you're clearly a try-hard desperately trying to score a few points and I'm not going to clog up the thread for everyone by jousting with you over and over. I'll let you get back to digging that hole....
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 80
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/7/2015 11:37:59 AM

Just because someone responds does not necessarilly mean they are encouraging you.

He wasn't implying that though...

Should I be offended because she decided to keep walking and not engage in conversation?

Nor that. If someone responds and Is encouraging you -- by having conversation in a back-n-forth manner or apparently starting one, then just does the standard Disappearing Act(tm), that will tick the person off. Basically, one shouldn't start a convo "to be nice" or out of boredom on an online dating site -- otherwise, you're just wasting someone's time in a mild leading-them-on sorta way. Don't start conversing with someone if you're not that interested. In fact, just don't reply - lol.

So I migrated to the no response is a response camp. Works better for both parties. :)

That is the best route. There isn't any need to say the silly one liner "I don't think we are/would-be a good match". It only asks for questions of Why, if not out frumpiness for some some people, it'd be out of sheer curiosity for others (hey, you responded and just gave a one-liner!). If they're not going to respond, that says they're not interested and doesn't trigger any Natural responses as to why. IMO, only an obsessive person and/or really low-self-esteem person would Demand cut-n-paste one liner responses.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 81
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/7/2015 11:48:49 AM
As been said countless times before - you have little idea of who you are actually " talking" to in msgs, nothing is real til you meet. Could be a married woman/man/teen boy getting a laugh/someone using the prison puter.
And I learned within weeks of being here that no response is the best. Then I weaken and reply nicely - to get a flood of lame msgs whining or cursing.
Gee like THAT is going to change my mind!
Msging back and forth isn't much of a time investment.
 zwem
Joined: 5/3/2014
Msg: 82
view profile
History
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/7/2015 1:46:00 PM
Don't worry about it man! Being rejected is a part of life. It can be not getting approved for a loan, not getting a job after applying, or getting rejected by a woman. She actually did you a favor by messaging you back instead of leaving you in the wind. You have to remember that she doesn't even know you. You can't take it personally. Just don't message her back and move on to somebody you may match up with! Good luck!
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 83
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/7/2015 1:51:42 PM
See…that’s one of so many problems with OLD. A guy sends a message to a woman, probably cheap flattery, and she being kind and bored at the time, replies “thank you, that’s nice of you.” or something else meaningless and inconsequential. Then the guy deciphers that as encouragement.

Just NO.

So many posts on here from people claiming to have had “relationships” with people they’ve never met. Maybe not responding to a guy after two messages is her “breaking up” with him. SMH
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 84
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/8/2015 7:43:41 PM

For example, the idea that "those women are very rude and inconsiderate" and the feeling of righteous indignation that comes with it. So fukking what if they are


Right, so what if people are rude and inconsiderate? Should I just tell whatever random woman posts next that she's a loser and shouldn't even be thinking about trying to date. Because, who cares if people are rude?

Hopefully, you realize how stupid that sounds.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 85
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/8/2015 8:23:05 PM

A guy sends a message to a woman, probably cheap flattery, and she being kind and bored at the time, replies “thank you, that’s nice of you.” or something else meaningless and inconsequential. Then the guy deciphers that as encouragement.

Uhhh, yeah, he should take that as encouragement to keep talking to her. Same as in real life. That's why I say don't say "nice things" back online when someone approaches you if you don't want to converse with them. Your example's actually worse than a cut-n-paste one-liner like "I don't think we're a good match," for a solution. Best just not to respond.

Let's compare to Real Life. Bob's at a bar with his buddy Mike, and he goes up to the bar to wait for the bartender and gets his drink, as he notices there's a cute gal sitting next to where he's standing:

Bob: Hi, I like your dress. You look really great in it... (smile)
Sally: Thank you... that's nice of you.
(Bob walks away)
Mike: Bob -- you just walked away from that girl!
Bob: Yeah, she wasn't grabbing my crotch or nuthing! All she said was "Thank you, that's nice of you to say." F that...
Mike: Well, it was rude for you to just bolt. I mean, you could have at least nodded or said "Have a good night," but even that would implied you weren't into her...
Bob: Oh, dude -- she wasn't interested. That's all she said? She didn't talk about how hot I am? No touching? See ya! I waste no time!

In other words, what would you expect a guy to do online? Take a "Thank you, that's nice of you," as a sign you're not interested? Not interested = no response, or a response stating that they're not interested. It would take more than a 1st message response to "hint" not-interested. Don't get guys' hopes up by responding how one normally would if there was some interest or possible potential interest -- just don't respond!
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 86
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/9/2015 6:50:36 AM

See…that’s one of so many problems with OLD. A guy sends a message to a woman, probably cheap flattery, and she being kind and bored at the time, replies “thank you, that’s nice of you.” or something else meaningless and inconsequential. Then the guy deciphers that as encouragement.


For the 1st email, this is not a strong or obvious hint that she's not interested. If he emailed her a few more times and she kept giving short and generic answers without asking any questions, then he will probably realize she's not interested. For the initial email, either say "No thanks"or don't respond. Responses like the one in the above quote might give a man a sense of false hope.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 87
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/9/2015 6:42:59 PM
Probably because it IS rude and inconsiderate?

Next time you're talking to your mother, just get up and walk away in the middle of the conversation. Don't say anything at all, don't give any sign of what's going on. Just turn around and go into another room while she's talking to you.

Just because you're online, it doesn't mean that these aren't people too. The example above is exactly the same thing you're doing when you just vanish mid conversation. Whether the guy is ok with it or not is completely irrelevant. In modern US socializing, it's considered rude to just walk away in the middle of a conversation. Even if he doesn't call you out on it, even if he just immediately moves on like it never even happened, would you do it to your mother?
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 88
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/9/2015 7:16:40 PM



Next time you're talking to your mother, just get up and walk away in the middle of the conversation. Don't say anything at all, don't give any sign of what's going on. Just turn around and go into another room while she's talking to you.

Just because you're online, it doesn't mean that these aren't people too. The example above is exactly the same thing you're doing when you just vanish mid conversation.


That's just absurd. You may as well be saying that looking at a woman's profile pictures is the same as staring at her in person. I guess I'm one of those weirdos who doesn't consider messaging back and forth an actual face to face "conversation".

How much longer are you going continue with your one man mission to guilt women into replying when they don't want to? I can guarantee you that you haven't changed a single woman's methods with your rants.
 midnite_icecream
Joined: 12/27/2014
Msg: 89
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/9/2015 8:02:55 PM

ever wanted them to just write to you and tell you the honest truth? whether it's "I don't find you attractive" or "you aren't tall enough" or whatever. instead of trying to ****foot around the truth and being nice to avoid hurting someone's feelings?

I realize that some people on here, both men and women do not take rejection well and can become enraged and angry but that's life, it may happen in real life as well some day.

Instead of your desire for the "truth" isn't it more concerning that you think somebody who is enraged by rejection as being almost acceptable.
 Organization13
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 90
view profile
History
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/9/2015 9:26:36 PM
The biggest lesson here is to internally and externally control your anger. If not internally then externally... as it causes less issues down the road then anyone can understand.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 91
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/9/2015 9:29:18 PM
I swear some people in here , fit this video........

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ne56PCUFKDs
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 92
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/10/2015 7:07:53 AM

Don't worry about it man! Being rejected is a part of life. It can be not getting approved for a loan, not getting a job after applying, or getting rejected by a woman. She actually did you a favor by messaging you back instead of leaving you in the wind. You have to remember that she doesn't even know you. You can't take it personally. Just don't message her back and move on to somebody you may match up with! Good luck!


This is the most sensible response in the entire thread---and it's equally applicable to both genders. In the online dating world, no one owes you a reply if they are not interested in you. By the same token, they have the right to stop communicating with you if they lose interest in you during the conversation. You are not owed an explanation. The rules for rejecting someone online are different than the rules for rejecting someone face-to-face.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 93
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/14/2015 8:52:29 AM

That's just absurd. You may as well be saying that looking at a woman's profile pictures is the same as staring at her in person. I guess I'm one of those weirdos who doesn't consider messaging back and forth an actual face to face "conversation".

How much longer are you going continue with your one man mission to guilt women into replying when they don't want to? I can guarantee you that you haven't changed a single woman's methods with your rants.


Is online NOT an established conversation? If it's not face to face, then just hanging up on someone during a phone call because you're bored of them is OK then?

Where do you draw the line? Where exactly is it ok to just suddenly stop talking to someone? Hell, the girl sitting at the bar is a complete stranger to the guy she just met 10 seconds ago. Is it considered to not be rude for her to just turn around mid conversation and start talking to someone else instead?

I'm not trying to guilt anyone. I just actually walk out into the real world once in a while and realize that people who don't turn to POF act NOTHING like the people on POF. And I have complete faith that it's in no way a coincidence.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 94
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/15/2015 7:10:42 AM

Is online NOT an established conversation? If it's not face to face, then just hanging up on someone during a phone call because you're bored of them is OK then?

Where do you draw the line? Where exactly is it ok to just suddenly stop talking to someone? Hell, the girl sitting at the bar is a complete stranger to the guy she just met 10 seconds ago. Is it considered to not be rude for her to just turn around mid conversation and start talking to someone else instead?


The fact that you think of messaging on this site as the equivalent to real time face to face conversation thoroughly explains a lot of your frustration. You really don't see the difference?? You are not "talking" to anyone. You are not "conversing", either. You're writing each other letters electronically.

If you want to continue choosing to feel like a victim, and believing someone not writing you back is the same as them turning their back on you in a face to face conversation, I guess I can't stop you. But those of us with common sense and a grasp on reality understand the difference.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 95
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/15/2015 11:11:21 AM

Is online NOT an established conversation?

No. Online isn't an established conversation, no. Just because you write them, doesn't mean there's a convo. Or maybe there's one that looks to be started or kinda started, but doesn't get there to being an established convo... but yes, you can also have established convos, sure.

If it's not face to face, then just hanging up on someone during a phone call because you're bored of them is OK then?

Not the same analogy -- voice to voice and our engrained ways about the phone isn't a good analogy. If you were voice-talking via some new POF method, okay, sure. Better analogy: TEXT. Yes, if you're not interested and you just merely texted a couple times? Yeah, don't have a hissy fit if they didn't reply to a text of yours. The rude level, or lack thereof, depends on what has been established (which starts at being established as nothing).

Hell, the girl sitting at the bar is a complete stranger to the guy she just met 10 seconds ago. Is it considered to not be rude for her to just turn around mid conversation and start talking to someone else instead?

If her gal pal comes back from the bathroom, yeah -- that happens A LOT. ;) Yeah, mildly rude. Depends on the seriousness of the convo, but if he just met in her 10 seconds, pretty much no -- it's not really that rude. Another dude coming up, too: "Hey, Stacy -- how are you?" "Oh, hi Bill!" -- and they chit-chat. Yeah. Not a problem. Now, if it was mid-SENTENCE, or the original dude/stranger was about to say something as his ramblings suggested that was really important -- YES, it would be impolite to not let him finish that soon after the other person comes up to her (or her pointing out Bill, in that case).

Online, it's even to a lesser extent. You have some chit-chat exchange thru POF messages with some new gal you never talked to, then she doesn't respond. OK. Why is there more leg-room for That, than say, if you two were Texting? Because you would have something established Between the Two of you, if you exchanged #s for texting, so you're not complete strangers anymore. But if the convo lulls and she just ends up not responding after you sense some lack of interest -- OK, not rude enough to have any gripes about Her -- you never met the woman or spoke with her. Kinda the same way as if you met some gal at a bar, got her # after some chit chat among she and her friends, etc -- and it just didn't pan out. Don't expect any formal "Hey, not interested". Now, in the MIDDLE of a convo just Dropping like a pissed off person dropping the mic? Yeah, that's rude. But over-eager people will take most passive rejection situations that way, unfortunately, so it's good to Objectively know the diff.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 96
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 3/16/2015 11:10:02 PM


I'm not trying to guilt anyone. I just actually walk out into the real world once in a while and realize that people who don't turn to POF act NOTHING like the people on POF. And I have complete faith that it's in no way a coincidence.


Oh, and I must ask, did you question all of your new found paragons of virtue about whether they've been on POF, and not replied to messages?

If you did, that's pretty f*cking weird, and if you didn't, you've made an enormous assumption about them, haven't you?
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 97
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/3/2015 4:22:03 AM

Is online NOT an established conversation? If it's not face to face, then just hanging up on someone during a phone call because you're bored of them is OK then?


The response I got from a man on PoF yesterday evening --whose unsolicited message I didn't return immediately after reviewing the message and his casual dating/no commitment profile -- was "please give me a response." Well, I did.. I told him I wasn't going to respond to him because he wants a hook up and I want a relationship. I also told him that it's a privilege -- not a right -- to get a response. He wasn't happy and he responded with an illegible screed about my snotty-****iness and so on. I'm glad it pissed him off.

I blocked him, thereafter.


Where do you draw the line? Where exactly is it ok to just suddenly stop talking to someone?


Any time.


Hell, the girl sitting at the bar is a complete stranger to the guy she just met 10 seconds ago. Is it considered to not be rude for her to just turn around mid conversation and start talking to someone else instead?


She can do whatever she likes. What are you going to do about it?


I'm not trying to guilt anyone. I just actually walk out into the real world once in a while and realize that people who don't turn to POF act NOTHING like the people on POF. And I have complete faith that it's in no way a coincidence.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 98
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/3/2015 6:57:38 AM

Where do you draw the line? Where exactly is it ok to just suddenly stop talking to someone?



Any time.


Yes. A person can do the "disappearing act" at any time. But it can be rude in some situations. For example, a woman agrees to go out with me. When I contacted her to finalize plans, she doesn't respond. I still think it's good manners to tell the other person so that (s)he will know and can move on sooner. Even a white lie such as "I'm a taking a break" or "I met someone else" ( if that wasn't the actual reason ) would be okay. This is worse when 2 people had been dating for a while.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 99
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/3/2015 5:26:30 PM

I still think it's good manners to tell the other person so that (s)he will know and can move on sooner. Even a white lie such as "I'm a taking a break" or "I met someone else" ( if that wasn't the actual reason ) would be okay.


But for some reason, too many people see it as a better idea to let you avoid making other plans so you can go out with her, and then that night when all your friends are out somewhere, she's a no show. Now you CAN go meet your friends, but who wants to face their friends with "she stood me up?"

Honestly, I wonder what these people are like in relationships. What happens after the two of them have their first fight?
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 100
view profile
History
the truth when being rejected.
Posted: 4/4/2015 8:38:32 AM
I'm going to have to agree with rockin-trucker that people on dating sites act differently than those in the real world. Lot's think it's okay to be rude, ignore someone, suggest intimate activities. I once asked a man if he would ask a woman in the real world he just met to go to his house and "cuddle". I'm betting no.
I've been here forever and used to reply to every message unless it was crude. Now, I'm just as inclined to ignore a message from someone who lives too far away or isn't a good match. It's rude. I am not corresponding with an electronic device, I'm corresponding with a person.Takes a few seconds to say we're not a match.
I think we become immune to the fact that there are real people on the other side of these messages. People have feelings on here as well as in the real world. Manners count everywhere.
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