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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?      Home login  
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 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 51
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

I just want to mention that I'm a "talker"....
That means that I can pretty much have a conversation with ANYBODY...lol

Which means you reveal a lot and let a lot out there that he doesn't have to ask about. You should expect less questions asked to big talkative people... they already reveal a good amount about themselves, plus, they feel like with questions being thrown at them separately On Top of that, they're asking to not talk and just give you even More of the floor, ya know? Some people don't know how to handle it so well... and again, with an avid talker, the other person's not going to feel so much that natural need to ask them questions when much is already discussed and they're like an open book.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 52
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/11/2015 1:47:54 PM
If you talked to the guy for an hour and a half the first time, and he's calling again later, how much phone conversation do you need before meeting in person over a coffee or drink and continuing the convo or telling him you're not interested? Like it has been said many times here: nothing is real until you meet. If you strictly focus on looking for red flags and reasons not to meet, you will always find reasons to not meet.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 53
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/11/2015 1:48:23 PM

@ Joe...not sure how, exactly any of this has anything to do with wanting a man to "impress me", as that's not the case at all, just want to feel like there's a good back and forth, and that the person is interested in ME and not just in what I can do for them.....


My reply wasn't about your specific situation or you in particular. It was more of a general response. Men have been taught to jump through hoops (probably by their mothers) to impress the women they want to be with. Unfortunately, these same men don't figure out that this is not right until later in life. Take my opinion however you want.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 54
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Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/11/2015 1:55:56 PM

browneyesboo
I'm often surprised at work what strangers are comfortable babbling about. It's not uncommon that after helping someone find a book, I know how old they are, how many members in their family, illness, deaths, vacation plans,
issues with their work...the list is endless. I don't even have to say a thing and people just start blurting things out.
It's not something I want to know (or need to know) but I figure they just wanted to talk and needed someone to
listen. As long as they don't keep me too long, I'll listen and smile and wish them a nice day (when they finally
leave)

There's a lot more babbling going on these days.


I often encounter women who are retired and living alone, thus having no one to talk to. This happens when I meet women through OLD, and when I meet new women through Meetup group functions. I can tell right away if they have no one to talk to on a regular, daily basis. It's like they have all of these words, many different conversations, bottled up inside of them waiting for a chance to get out.

I actually tend to feel sorry for them, and will often sit and listen for an extended period, just as a kindness or courtesy.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 55
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/11/2015 2:48:13 PM
If they talk about themselves and do not show any real interest in you, they are using you as a sounding board I would suggest. Self centred yes and actually rather boring, no?? I have met a few guys like that and I do not see them again. I do not think it is the age necessarily. However if you get to meet this guy then he may display more personal interest. However I am sure you know when a guy just is interested in sex and not in you as a person.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 56
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/11/2015 3:03:02 PM

volkanoking:
What is going on here is that you created a thread that was interpreted by people that you are man bashing. So you're basically going to be verbally thrown against the wall in all directions.


The very Title Question of this Thread was & is 'Gender Bashing'...... The Question could have been asked in a 'Gender Neutral Way', But Dee decided to ask it in this way....... If Dee had Asked, "Are Older People more Self Centered, or is it Just Me?".... Then the Question could be considered, Ageist not Sexist......
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 57
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/11/2015 3:11:20 PM

Why do you both waste so much time talking about unimportant things instead of just using the one initial phone call to set up a RL "first meet"?

Dee, when you do a 1st phone call, preface it w/ that you have only 10-15 mins. to talk & then you have to go_____

IMO, when doing OLD, the phone call is to establish that both parties sound NORMAL & are who they say they are. Set up an IRL meet & then do the real talking then.

DATING is getting to know each other face to face.

Some older people do get more self-centered but it is up to us to establish boundaries that are both respectful & effective.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 58
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/11/2015 3:19:35 PM
onhenryx

If women are retired and living alone there is no reason not to join common interest groups, chat to the neighbours
and generally get out and about. If they are not incapacitated they can do community or charity work. It may be that that they may actually be rather boring and people avoid them. You choose to be the captive audience, so be it.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 59
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/11/2015 5:14:43 PM
I don't get the telephone "foreplay" Why would you tell a stranger on the phone about longest/shortest relationship? Someone asked me I would have hung up. I thought the point of the call was to make sure the voice isn't going to make your ears bleed and to set up a meet up time.
I dislike talking on the phone for longer than 10 mins ( except for my bestie we hate to hang up)
But I am stuck on the fact people are talking on the phone the same reason I avoid the bus/eye contact in elevators.sharing a dressing room, etc.
I like you bunches Dee :) I know you thought he should have asked you Qs but
as the Men have said
Damned if you do, damned if you don't
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 60
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/11/2015 5:52:56 PM
Most women love to talk, so we sit quietly and let you, after a while it's like listening to the teacher on Charlie brown, it's probably how oral sex got started , it was the best way to shut your partner up for a while
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 61
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/11/2015 6:06:04 PM
^^^. Too funny, laughed out loud on that one. And you're probably right. I think that's why they invented Duct Tape...to shut her the hell up.

I've often thought that the folks that write long, drawn out posts probably talk a lot too.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 62
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Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/11/2015 6:42:27 PM
Literate Hiker, that's hilarious. "Because Terry is a teacher, years ago I learned to raise my hand when I want to get a word in edgewise. Terry immediately stops and calls on me''
I dated a teacher and it was exactly the same. He would start a monologue that would go on for hours. If I dared to interrupt with an opinion/comment he would look at me stunned. He would then say "Well" and continue on.
I knew every detail of his entire life yet he knew very little about mine and didn't care to know. I was simply there to listen.
Talking too much is not a trait owned by women!
Wish I would have thought to put my hand up when I had something to say.
 IL_Capitano
Joined: 11/23/2012
Msg: 63
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Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/11/2015 7:27:33 PM

Do you find that men in this age group seem to have a certain reticence about asking you questions? If so, why do you think that is?
Do you put it down to simple self-centeredness, or do you think that they just believe that asking questions is too invasive or personal? Maybe they lack social skills?


It's most likely that men of "this age" just know that the more they talk with you, the more ammunition you have to kick them to the curb and move on to the next guy....

...AND, every guy of "this age" knows that women would prefer to talk about herself, in a self-centred way than listen to what he has to say since the more he says will likely get him kicked to the curb.

Men of "this age" likely know that women look for things to eliminate a guy from her dating circle while men look for reasons to keep her around.

 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 64
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Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/11/2015 7:59:31 PM
In my experience older women appear self, cat and grandchildren centered rather than interested in men.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 65
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/11/2015 8:06:33 PM
I find that many people like to talk cause most of the time they are lonely. When someone is willing to listen they just let it all go. If you let them vent enough they stop talking too much. People are really lonely here in LA area even if they try and not show it.
Sometimes when someone mentions a subject I'm passionate about I can talk way to much about it. So I could be guilty for talking way too much. Just wait till I meet a motorcycle rider we can talk none stop.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 66
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/12/2015 4:02:26 AM
Yes, as you can see from the posts. And it seems that they don't actually like women that much. That is why I think that women over 45 should "date" younger men. They will at least try. Why not get the benefits of a young one when just dating? Not saying that you won't meet someone in the over 45 range who is employed, decent and marriable (is that a word?) . But in the meantime.....
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 67
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Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/12/2015 4:12:38 AM
Last post for me, because I've realized that actually trying to have an adult discussion seems to be an impossibility here, these days....With the exception of those who actually ARE trying to be helpful, and I DO thank all of you....you know who you are...

@ Blue...yup, GUILTY as charged on the "gender bashing" count....
I AM a woman who is dealing with MEN, but God-for fvcking-BID, that I actually come on here and say ANYTHING about that, although ENDLESS threads bashing WOMEN, seem to be JUST fine!
I ALSO actually stated VERY clearly not once, but at LEAST twice, that I have experienced the EXACT SAME DYNAMIC with some women as well, but hey, guess that doesn't fit with the "agenda" of certain people, so that was completely ignored....

As for all of those concerned with the actual phone call...well, much as I appreciate the advice, I personally, prefer to talk on the phone for a bit, before meeting someone, as I'm really NOT interested in putting myself in any kind of a position of even MEETING someone unstable and that HAS happened before, well, this is just a better way to go and it works for ME and I'm really NOT asking for anyone's approval here. So thanks for the advice, although I really don't believe that meeting someone without talking to them beforehand is going to accomplish anything more than possibly putting myself into awkward PHYSICAL situations rather than just having to say "No thanks" and getting off the phone, it's been noted, thanks for the input.

As far as personally bashing me, well, frankly I've become very good at "filtering" out the jerks from the decent folk, but I have learned that it's REALLY not a good idea to actually expect reasonable reactions from so MANY of the frustrated and nasty folks on here, who see nothing wrong with attacking complete strangers under the protection of the anonymity of the internet. I sometimes wonder if everyone's address was displayed along with their username just how much people MIGHT think twice about how they talk to other people...at least online, but then again, I see ALL kinds of ass holes out there in the real world, so it's probably just another "pipe dream" of mine....

I think everyone should give some thought to the fact that as much as all profess to "love the forums" many are the exact same people who are slowly and steadily driving people away with the unremitting nastiness and personal criticism ..Just during the course of this thread alone, I have received emails from quite a few good, SMART, interesting people, who have all said that they no longer post on here because of THIS kind of crap, and frankly, I think it's a damn shame....and a real loss for all of us. Too bad people seem to be perfectly willing to believe the absolute WORST about others...and act accordingly without a second thought. I guess giving the benefit of the doubt is just too much effort...

Anyway...just some things that MAY bear thinking about, OR you can go back to bashing the HELL out of me for DARING to ask a question and continue getting some cheap jollies that way.....I know how some of you seem to LIVE for that, or the "pithy" one-liners that you believe make you seem "clever", those are always SO enjoyable...
Sad part is, I have SO little faith in people anymore, at least from my experiences on here, I am fully expecting the latter....so have at it....


@LAgoodguy...I think that you have hit on something there...with both men and women I see that people are SO busy and we are all SO wrapped up in technology these days, that many ARE missing the "human connection"...everyone is becoming more and more isolated....and yes, LONELY....So sometimes a "listening ear" can be tantamount to a life preserver....Good observation....something I do try and keep in mind....
@Dee...(It's like talking to myself!!! lol)...Yes, that IS one way to go, but maybe it's just one more criteria that needs to be "on the list", no self-absorbed men, no matter HOW old they are!!! lol
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 68
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/12/2015 4:19:28 AM

Not saying that you won't meet someone in the over 45 range who is employed, decent and marriable (is that a word?) . But in the meantime.....


That's incredibly magnanimous and gracious of you. Thank you.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 69
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/12/2015 7:18:41 AM
Dee darlin, not a slam...but the question was asked "Older men...."

I just find that some guys aren't all that interested in the finer details of someone's life, they're just sort of good with "she's single, she's of a good age, she looks nice....yup, I could date her" . They seem content to let the finer details of a person's life come up in casual conversation as opposed to rattling off a bunch of life stats or asking endless questions.

Now us gals, especially some of us that can talk to anyone (I am like you), many want the finer details. If you went out with this guy, for example, the next day he may tell his guy friend "I had a nice dinner with a redhead last night" and that's the end of it. If you were talking to your gal pals the next day they would want to know "How tall was he, was he bald, what does he do for a living, is he divorced, what was he wearing, ewww loafers?, how many kids does he have, what kind of car does he drive, was he sexy, did he hold the door for you, what colour was his sweater, where does he vacation, does he like hunting......" You know this is true and so do I. We women ask all sorts of things and are prepared to answers all sorts of questions....guys, not so much....generally speaking.

I love my guy friends but I have found that I have to watch and pick the timing of personal type questions. I like that in guys, its easier and not so intense. And with guys, there's no drama, I like that too. But these are my friends. A date - I give him room to breath too and just let him open up at his own pace because I know that its just as uncomfortable for him on the first few dates as it is for me, more so the first one or two times we get together.

And guys aren't the only one like this fellow you talked to. And yes, some "older" people have become self-centered, some as a means of protection, some build a wall around themselves because their blinders aren't enough and some have given up while others shouldn't be dating at all.

Good topic.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 70
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Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/12/2015 8:30:29 AM
Thanks blue and I can see your point about men may be not needing to "know as much" as women...the reality is that for me, there is an underlying pattern there for me, which probably makes me feel a bit hypersensitive to that kind of stuff...Frankly some of the folks here who gave thoughtful answers have helped me to see and consider some other reasons, which is why I started the topic.....
THAT is the "good" side of this double-edged sword called the forums....lol
I HAVE gotten some good feedback as there are a LOT of pretty smart, creative and articulate people on here....Just wish we all could use those powers for "good" rather than EVIIIL...lmao

Update....
I did speak to him again, as I work AS A LIVE-IN CAREGIVER and cannot go out four days/eves/week and am usually sleeping on the other one and trying to catch up on my Life on the next two, so unfortunately there's very FEW "quick meets" for me these days, although I normally DO that.....one of the reasons that I decided to hide my profile in the first place was my ridiculous schedule!
And yes, we had more of that back-and-forth kind of connection that VK mentioned....and had a good conversation....We actually have a lot in common, value-wise and interests, as well...

So maybe I jumped the gun on this one...I ADMIT IT!!!!!
LOL

We ARE going to meet asap and I AM looking forward to it....

Thank you for your response, it was thoughtful and considerate of you and I DO appreciate it.....
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 71
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/12/2015 9:25:27 AM
five-marie:

Literate Hiker, that's hilarious. "Because Terry is a teacher, years ago I learned to raise my hand when I want to get a word in edgewise. Terry immediately stops and calls on me.''

I dated a teacher and it was exactly the same. He would start a monologue that would go on for hours. If I dared to interrupt with an opinion/comment he would look at me stunned. He would then say "Well" and continue on.
I knew every detail of his entire life yet he knew very little about mine and didn't care to know. I was simply there to listen.
Talking too much is not a trait owned by women!
Wish I would have thought to put my hand up when I had something to say.

Thanks, five_marie! I grin every time I raise my hand and Terry stops his monologue to call on me.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 72
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/12/2015 9:55:41 AM
Il capitano #66

This about sums it up.Listening to some of my single gal friends,the list of things they will disqualify a guy for is truly amazing.
 SeainaStorm
Joined: 2/7/2015
Msg: 73
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/14/2015 1:03:29 PM
I was having a conversation with a lady I met outside of POF. She was talking on her phone while I excused myself to the men's room. I overheard her say "no, it's going ok, but it's like playing 20 questions every time to this guy. I feel like I'm applying for a job *laughs*.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 74
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/14/2015 4:18:56 PM
LAgoodguy brought up very good points. It's also possible that he's a nervous babbler. I do it sometimes when talking to a new person that I think I might be attracted to. In my head there's the warning to shut up, but my mouth seems disconnected. Talk to him again if you think he might be someone you could be interested in. If things don't improve he's not for you.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 75
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Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/14/2015 5:42:29 PM
Better to have a "nervous babbler" than some "passive-aggressive" type who is silent, and then comes out with a "zinger."
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