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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?      Home login  
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 PenelopeLeChat
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 76
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Dee, I have noticed also in the past 4 relationships. I kind of passed it off to the fact that they were in "authorative" and technical type careers. In other words, they needed to lead the conversation in order to let you know what they needed You to know.

Nervous babbler came to mind too. I'm kind of guilty of that.

As Always,
LePew
 lifeisgrand5
Joined: 12/29/2014
Msg: 77
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Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 12:23:50 AM
Yes, Yes, a thousand times yes.

I have lost count of the older men who only talk about themselves. I am wondering why I am so determined to stay in my own age group? I will let a man jabber only about him self for twenty minutes and then tell them I have to call my father. After we hang up I block them from my phone and my dating profile. I am a peace lover and this is the way I handle men who are selfish. He didn't ask about you because he does not care about you. I am sorry OP you are a person who would be worth getting to know.
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 78
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 7:22:10 AM
I try to remain cognizant of how long I'm talking - and it's usually after a question that may require some clarification. But I try to steer it away from me after a while with a "What about you? How do you feel about it?" type of question.

But yes, sometimes I drone on longer than I had too. But at least I try to have my date give her perspective.

One sided conversations are a crashing bore.


I am wondering why I am so determined to stay in my own age group?

You certainly don't have to, but you may encounter the same thing or you may just trade one problem for another.
Or you may just truly enjoy it.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 79
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 7:28:38 AM
I think what people want are conversations, in which they speak AND listen. It's a reciprocation of speaking and listening -- and this happens in good communication in a good relationship. The couple might have communication differences that can be worked out, in time, with patience. (This has been the case in my own relationship.) You'll learn a lot when you don't shape the conversation style that is just reflective of yours.

The problem isn't necessarily with these men -- it's your communication. In relationships, there is a give and take of information. if he isn't concerned about anything that concerns or interests you, then it's your responsibility to stop and find somebody who does.
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 80
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 7:29:24 AM
Never in life, I thought you were not single not looking... What dates are you talking about? Not trying to catch you out, just wondering how relevant your input is if you are talking about dates but not dating?
 Qura
Joined: 8/5/2014
Msg: 81
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Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 8:11:25 AM
OP, a friend dragged me to speed dating--and b/c there were not too many people signed up for the event, we had somewhere close to 15 minutes per partner. I had one man who literally talked the entire time, not a single opening or question for me, and it was just creepy!

In general, though, I don't think men are any more prone to this than women--we are just communicating more with men in a context where we might notice.

I stop communicating with men who never ask me a question in emails exchanged--if they have no interest in me, why bother? It's proven to be a good weeding tool; men who know how to conduct email conversations generally know how to make conversation in person, and those who don't, don't. There may be more of the ones who don't online--and that's just not representative of the male population, generally, IMO. Lots of unpartnered people are unpartnered b/c they don't know how to connect (not everyone, of course, so I am not bashing the perpetually single!! I know there are many other reasons, too, and I don't pre-judge someone just b/c they have never been in a long-term relationship!)

FWIW, I think we all grow a bit more self-centered as we age, or rather it seems that way, b/c we start to have a more clear idea of what we like/want, and tend to be less tolerant of everything else (and of course, we are more skilled in moving on, so "less tolerant" does not mean rude!).
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 82
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 8:56:01 AM
LoL I just had a thought- maybe the AVAILABLE female dating pool in OVER 45 should make a pact for a month to only deal w/ men their age OR YOUNGER...

& see if there is a difference...
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 83
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Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 11:42:38 AM
Older Men are no more self centered than older Women are,especially the ones who indicate in their profile that they are in the "me time" their lives.I have never known anyone male or female who was not self centered,the only difference being how far from the center they were willing to go and for how long.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 84
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 11:52:27 AM

A few days ago an area doctor contacted me on Our Time. His very first question to me was, 'Your profile says sales, please explain your career to me." I was floored, a total stranger wanting personal information from the start. I read his profile and it says he is looking for a woman who is financially set for life. I find the wealthy men are CHEAP.


Could be…or….he wants a woman who is financially set for life to take care of HIM.

Doctors = wealthy simply isn’t always true. And anyone can put “doctor” on a profile. I guess if you know him from the area that’s different but he could have debt up the wazoo, and/or a bunch of ex-wives and kids, who knows.
 PenelopeLeChat
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 85
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 12:30:28 PM
Qura
I stop communicating with men who never ask me a question in emails exchanged--if they have no interest in me, why bother? It's proven to be a good weeding tool; men who know how to conduct email conversations generally know how to make conversation in person, and those who don't, don't. There may be more of the ones who don't online--and that's just not representative of the male population, generally, IMO. Lots of unpartnered people are unpartnered b/c they don't know how to connect (not everyone, of course, so I am not bashing the perpetually single!! I know there are many other reasons, too, and I don't pre-judge someone just b/c they have never been in a long-term relationship!)


This seems to be the week of one and two word replies. I guess I am getting old and intolerant because I have decided if I give them 3 chances to expand the conversation and they don't, I tell them why I am saying good bye and that we are not a match.
The other day I sent a younger man a comment about something in his profile and he replied and referred to me as Goddess. *yup big honkin red flag* I tried to ask what his fave movies were? "Docs". I related a story about Ken Burns. "Cool". Well you get the idea. I finally asked if he ever gave more then two to three word answers? "Yes, of course Goddess". Ok the whole goddess thing was creepy enough.. When I told him to get lost his reply was .... "ouch".
SMH

As always,
LePew
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 86
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 12:56:42 PM
Regarding the poster saying a doctor contacted her and asked her to explain her career (sales), I'm thinking he doesn't want to support someone working the saps counter at Walmart or Starbucks and is maybe looking for more of an "equal", for example, a successful realtor. I "get" that, many just assume the negative when in fact it may be something totally different. Taking this at face value and with limited information...this doctor was just looking out for himself and yes, it may have come across as crass. Many men (and women) seem to be questioned or "qualified" on a first telephone conversation or first meet.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 87
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 2:46:56 PM

Regarding the poster saying a doctor contacted her and asked her to explain her career (sales), I'm thinking he doesn't want to support someone working the saps counter at Walmart or Starbucks and is maybe looking for more of an "equal", for example, a successful realtor. I "get" that, many just assume the negative when in fact it may be something totally different. Taking this at face value and with limited information...this doctor was just looking out for himself and yes, it may have come across as crass. Many men (and women) seem to be questioned or "qualified" on a first telephone conversation or first meet.

I agree w/ ur theory BUT

by playing "Spanish Inquisition" prematurely, he's turned off a quality woman, as other women would be turned off too.

Dr. Feels Good would have been better served by inviting our Pretty Realtor out for a latte at an upscale place & casually worked the question into the convo over a mocha chocha decaf frappe bla bla bla
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 88
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 3:05:12 PM
Do we know she is "quality" woman? She may have turned a way a "quality" man because she misinterpreted his intent. No offence meant to the lady who was questioned by the doctor, just using her as an example. Many "quality" people are discarded daily for preconceived ideas, preconceived red flags or just because they don't take a good photo or are 2 inches too short or have redhair or don't like to read or they don't have a degree or they made a typo on their profile so they must be illiterate or they look fat, their occupation listed doesn't seem high caliber enough.....I could go on.

And I will agree, the doctor (or anyone else on here that seems to have a gazillion qualifiers/red flags/ musts haves/ I'm perfect and you're not b.s.) should take a chance and sit with someone over a Mocha Choca Yaya Yaya Coffee and chat. I simple cannot fathom some of the walls or barriers people put up around themselves.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 89
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Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 4:13:26 PM
The assumption that the woman is a woman of quality is always made....only men,of quality or otherwise,screw things up the wrong approach,manner of communication,photos....doing/saying this or that,not doing/saying this or that.....the list is endless.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 90
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 5:52:33 PM
Is it the province of just older men? I am sure there all age groups that blather on and on about themselves and show no real interest in the person they are with, both sexes.

I do not know what is worse, the blathering bore, talking about their families, the women in their past or just talking about what they want sexually or the guy that sits there and never opens his mouth. Either way, delete and block. No second date. Conversation is a two way thing and if it is not enjoyable then why bother again??

As for the doctor, who knows that he was a medical doctor in truth?? on the dating sites, looking for an equal in income or status, I am sure that if a really hot woman comes along who only works at the local jewellery store, his ideas might change.

Seen it happen and in my family. Men may say they want a career woman of status but are often really quite intimidated by them or complain when they do not want to play the domestic servant as well as bringing in the big dollars.

 Countryheart1967
Joined: 5/19/2014
Msg: 91
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Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 6:27:19 PM
I'm a little confused...

Where does "self centered" fit into this? O_o
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 92
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 6:38:18 PM

Do we know she is "quality" woman? She may have turned a way a "quality" man because she misinterpreted his intent. No offence meant to the lady who was questioned by the doctor, just using her as an example. Many "quality" people are discarded daily for preconceived ideas, preconceived red flags or just because they don't take a good photo or are 2 inches too short or have redhair or don't like to read or they don't have a degree or they made a typo on their profile so they must be illiterate or they look fat, their occupation listed doesn't seem high caliber enough.....I could go on.

And I will agree, the doctor (or anyone else on here that seems to have a gazillion qualifiers/red flags/ musts haves/ I'm perfect and you're not b.s.) should take a chance and sit with someone over a Mocha Choca Yaya Yaya Coffee and chat.
I simple cannot fathom some of the walls or barriers people put up around themselves.


I think the OP Dee, & Life Is Grand & many others in here are quality women.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 93
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 6:51:30 PM
^^^ Yes, I agree, there are many quality women on here. No one is arguing that. But some of these "quality" women are discarding "quality" men as well. That's all I'm saying.

And with your quoting and bolting, you missed the most import sentence....the last one in my post.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 94
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 7:06:38 PM
^^I would love to quote you BlueMoon & start a thread, but...I agree & I LOVE the ya ya coffee LoL!
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 95
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 8:54:46 PM
With so many older women showing so many entitlement issues , do not try to blame men for your own faults . It is not the men that are self centered . We just choose not to put up with the infantile drama any more .
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 96
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 9:06:47 PM

With so many older women showing so many entitlement issues , do not try to blame men for your own faults . It is not the men that are self centered . We just choose not to put up with the infantile drama any more .



Infantile huh?
How about this. How about the man and the woman together hold themselves accountable for their own part in their relationship.
No more one-sided He's this or She's that.
Nothing is ever going to work out and no one will ever be with anyone long enough with that kind of thinking.
Accountability. Equal... accountability. That's where it's at.




I simple cannot fathom some of the walls or barriers people put up around themselves.


For some, those walls and barriers is also called common sense. ;)
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 97
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 9:10:57 PM
"How about this. How about the man and the woman together hold themselves accountable for their own part in their relationship." I agree with that 100% , unfortunately that is seldom the case .
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 98
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 9:13:31 PM
Sorry Charmin, I disagree. Common sense also seems to be lacking in some. If you had common sense, you would have no need for walls or barriers. Walls and barriers don't allow for common sense, communication, compromise, give/take, new experiences, or the simple "let's give it a shot ...it's just coffee".

You're bang on your other response. Accountability.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 99
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/22/2015 9:45:46 PM
If you've met some of the ones I've met, you'd understand it is common sense to get that damn wall up as high as possible! lol

sidenote: I said for some. Just as you've said some also lack common sense.
Each person has something that helps or not help them. c'est la vie
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 100
Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?
Posted: 2/23/2015 3:44:44 AM

Never in life, I thought you were not single not looking... What dates are you talking about? Not trying to catch you out, just wondering how relevant your input is if you are talking about dates but not dating?


I'm not looking, but that doesn't mean I don't remember what I did. I just framed my response in such a way it didn't sound like , "Back in the old days when I had dates......"
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Older men more self-centered, or is it just me.....?!?