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Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 115
Any single parents of disabled children??Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Lavender, I am so very, very, very sorry for what happened with your kids. Are YOU ok? Having an ex who physically, well, does their own kids, having your kids that messed up and then losing your son altogether; hugs to you. I hope your son continues to understand it was not his fault and can get some peace, so he can get back home where it is now safe; where it wasn't before...


How have you found dating? I'm not having much luck. The girl's dad lives in New York and we live in Florida. Guys my age want to be free and travel and party without much responsibility. They have raised their children. I'm finding it hard to find anyone interested- especially after they find out about my daughter.

People who don't have experience with children with exceptionalities don't really understand.

I think there are two things that I keep seeing in this thread. It will be hard for people who don't have special needs children (even adult ones) to understand. Most people who have not lived through it don't. There are stereotypes, misassumptions and some incredibly big generalizaations that people have, who haven't seen the reality in a specific person's own situation. Whenever people hear the word autism they immediatley think rainman; and my son is NOTHING like that (exept his memory and some obsessive tendencies). So understanding is not something that will happen with most.

But I think what most of us want is for them to be accepted for who they are, not what they are feared to be. I tend to not be "in your face" so much about my son because most people don't even know he has issues anymore; if a person talks to him he's just a polite, respectful, very decent young man. But if they ask, I say what he has overcome because I've never seen so much courage in the face of fear as i did him, trying to beat ihs mental hurdles on sheer strength.

Most special needs kids are not only innocent, they are loving, they are loyal, and they are staggeringly brave and accepting.

If people understand that, they will understand they aren't simple. They are, truly special.

and all of us trying to interact with them; thoguh we do need patience, wisdom, understanding, and with some extra time; but we get someone who we are blessed and lucky to be allowed to parent.

I have found people I've dated have not cared. I don't stress his special needs; i just talk about who the kids are in personalities and where they're at in school; throw in the label but talk about what they're doing now; and don't ONLY talk about the kids; and it usually has not raised an eyebrow even. That has been my experience anyways, but mine is older (he was not even 17 when I divorced and I didn't date much the first couple years, so maybe that helped, I don't know?).

Very best of luck to you and all others in here who have that blessing/challenge.
 North Pike
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 116
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 9/21/2009 8:52:23 PM
I have a special need son who is soon to be 18. ,he has done everything the doctor says he wouldn't do My other boy is 16 and he is not special needs who helps with his brother at home and outings. I would like to find a woman out there who I can be with. My sons mother died in 2004. It is so hard to find a good woman who will accept my son the way I would accept her child. I am in Planty of fish under North Pike you can read more about me.
 North Pike
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 117
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 9/21/2009 9:16:42 PM
Hello I know some what of were all you come from. I go to church and they have some singles gals ,but not one will look at me because of my special need child. I do not know why they can look down on a child like him as well as other. God has a blessing for them what we also will recieve for taking care of them. They will look up to them in heven God bless . "We are blessed"
 North Pike
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 118
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 9/22/2009 7:31:17 PM
My son Waylon has autism and he is turning 18 soo . I am going to court to be a pay conservitor for him. He is very smart but needs assistence the rest of his life. His mom had cancer when she was expecting and could not take treatments til the baby was born. Waylon was born with the birth cord wrap around his kneck. The nurse said he is one baby who beat all odds of living. My wife died and left me with some great boys ,or should I say young man. It is so hard I can't date anyone it seems because I can't find a gal near me to date who over look my boy needs. It fet lonely but I have to stay strong for my boys. Austin who is Waylon brother never had a chance to just be a boy. He took on the role of helping me take care of waylon. All I know God gave me this boy and I am so blessed.
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 120
view profile
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 9/22/2009 10:28:10 PM
I've just got one daughter, she's 5 and just started kindergarten. She's got Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, Double Outlet Right Ventricle. Basically she was born with half a heart. She's had three open heart surgeries and now is doing just great with her half a heart doin the job a normal heart does almost better than the regular kids! :) She's my heart and soul, and i've finally gotten full custody from her deadbeat POS mom. Who told the judge at the last hearing that she wasnt going to show up and didn't want anything to do with us anymore. Come to find out it was becasue my lil girl misbehaved on a visit with her mom. Course I also just found out she's got pretty severe ADHD, Depression and ODD.. which could be why she was having troubles behaving in school and with her mom.. but hey.. she's perfect right? :D she is to me.... she sure is a lot of work though, feel kinda lost dealin with things by myself most of the time.. but she's totally worth it!.
 North Pike
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 121
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 9/25/2009 12:27:12 PM
Need advice from any one. I was dating a gal named...... anyway I did not tell her about my special need son Waylon. When I feel things were heating up ,I told her about him. She said I wasn't honest with her. I ask her would she have gone out with me if I told her of my son.She replied and said probley not. She said I should not expect no other woman to come in my life with him. I am having a hard time finding a gal to hold. What can I ?do?
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 123
view profile
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 9/27/2009 11:05:57 AM
I'm a 36-year-old father of a 4-year-old autistic boy. I have 50% custody, and I run my own business. I've never had too much trouble "dating" because of him. I was in a serious relationship late last year with a woman who wanted to get too close too soon (talking about living together a month after we met), and she kind of used my son as an excuse to break up. He cried when he saw her one time, and that sort of set her off, but there were other problems going on.

Meeting women, making friends and hooking up - if that's what you're into - aren't hard. Building a relationship is, but I guess that's true for everyone our age. We tend to be more set in our ways and less open to change. We think that some wonderful man or woman is going to come in and make everything all better when a lot of the time, the opposite is the case.

I try to avoid women dead set on getting married within the next year, or who think that every relationship they're going to have is going to be "the one." If I meet a woman and we become friends, that's a good thing. If we go out a couple of times and it doesn't work, I usually try to remain friends with her.
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 124
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 9/28/2009 11:42:26 AM
My toddler is special needs. She has Mastocytosis. Mastocytosis is a rare, uncurable disease. Some kids outgrow it, some have it as adults. It is an overabundance of mast cells in the body. We all have mast cells in our bodies. With Mastocytosis the cells release too much chemicals that interact with body tissues. This disease is so rare that I can not find a pediatrician that knows how to care for her. I even have to study and bring my findings to her specialists. We work together to come up with treatment plans, well mostly it's me telling them what I want to do. She has red spots all over her body and blisters on occaision. We have been in and out of the hospital many many times a year. I had to quit my job and I am trying to figure out a way to make money at home. It isn't hard to find a man who will accept her condition. However, it is hard to find someone that is willing to accept me now until I find a work from hom job. I was also lost my home due to no income and i lost my car in an accident. We get looks and comments every time we go out in public. That is the hardest part.
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 125
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 10/3/2009 8:09:08 PM
"I had an older man tell me what that boy needs is a good spanking one time"

I have a 5 yr old son with ADHD. His father's answer to the problem was attempting to beat it out of him. Needless to say his father is gone now and i am left with a son who now has ADHD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and an Anxiety Disorder. I can't stress enough how much this perspective makes things even worse cuz my son is living proof. I have a really hard time dating now cuz i'm afraid other men will see things the same way his dad did. I've actually had one guy, when i started to explain the issues with my son but before getting to the details of what happened with my son's father, say "have you tried beating him?" He thought it was funny, i cringed and never spoke to him again. I can't take it when people jokingly say things like that. Maybe everything has made me way too sensitive and scared. But the only thing i know for sure is that i'd rather be single for the rest of my life than chancing something like that happening to my son ever again.
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 126
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 10/3/2009 9:34:57 PM
dude...tough situation. i feel for ya. you're one hell of a man. take care of that little girl. Now i know how lucky i am that my kids are fairly healthy. all of a sudden just taking care of them doesn't seem that hard. good luck man.
Joined: 8/17/2010
Msg: 130
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 8/23/2010 9:49:26 AM
Yes my 4 year old has Mastocytosis.
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 131
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 8/30/2010 7:40:42 AM
My 7yo (almost 8) son is Autsitic (borderline Asp/PDD-NOS), has moderate-severe ADHD/ODD. His father also has ADHD (a age resistent hereditary strand that my son inherited) so i've seen it in both it's adult and child forms. His dad tries very hard to be a great dad, just has issues of his own and we work thru them.
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 132
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 9/4/2010 6:44:54 AM
Yup, my 13 year old is a type 1 diabetic (juvenile onset). She requires constant glucose monitoring and insulin injections. The biggest struggle we've had is educating people on diabetes and how being a type 1 is different than a type 2 (type 2 is adult onset). Yes, she can eat flaming hot cheeto's (and she does), yes, she can enjoy a cupcake, we just have to adjust her insulin accordingly. Her behaviors do change when her sugar levels are out of whack (to low she gets shaky, argumentative, etc. - to high she chatters like a chipmunk)...

She has an appointment with a pump educator and dietician this month to get her started on an insulin pump which will help moderate her sugar levels more.

Since I don't date, there's no issue with it. Though when I did most people took it in stride.
Joined: 1/28/2011
Msg: 133
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 3/26/2011 2:56:04 AM
Hi SunnyMommy,
Im a single mom with Tyler, 15 Down Syndrome and Autism and his father rarely visits him. I cant even keep a dating relationship going. Its a lonely life but Tyler is great and I love him so much. His sister is getting ready to leave for college this fall and that will be hard on us. Ty's dad also cant deal with his disability. We ve been divorced 15 years.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 134
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 3/28/2011 1:24:46 PM
So many special children with special parents :)

I have four children; the oldest was diagnosed as 'gifted' when he was four... the youngest was born a month preemie and a few months later diagnosed as having CP - she now walks with braces on her legs and doesn't use her left arm - around the time she was diagnosed my third child was diagnosed as being autistic (PDD-NOS.) About two years ago, my eldest, 'gifted' child was also diagnosed as being autistic (asperger's.)

The oldest is now 19 and doesn't live with me - all three of the others do. The main thing for me is that they are all healthy most of the time and all able to communicate - we share many times of laughter and fun together. Eventually all should be able to live away from home (my third child may need to live in an independent-assisted living facility/similar) and I may just wait until that happens to seriously consider any romantic relationship; I can go straight to the 'holding hands in our rocking chairs' phase :)
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 135
view profile
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 4/30/2011 9:24:03 AM
I joined plenty of fish hoping to meet someone who had experiences as myself. It is hard to relate to parents who do not have children with special needs. I too am a parent much like yourself, wanting to enjoy the company of someone who shares my passion & zest for life, but who also can appreciate my commitment to my son. I was browsing the internet and found a site called specialintroductions that allows parents like myself to meet other parents who have commitments. I signed up and did find someone who was compatible with me, however the relationship did not last long. But I hope providing the site will help others.
Joined: 6/13/2011
Msg: 136
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 7/11/2011 10:03:47 PM
I have a little boy with Spina Bifida. He rocks! Swear to god, every time we go out we get stopped so ppl can gawk at how cute he is. I'm usually pushing him in his little wheelchair (he's 21 months) and ppl tend to think it's a cool little stroller. He'll sit there sucking his thumb taking it all in with stride.

He had two life saving operations within hours of his birth. He is a super trooper! Your life really does change when you have kids. We are blessed in so many ways, it's almost surreal.
Joined: 6/23/2011
Msg: 137
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 7/12/2011 6:42:41 PM
My son has not gotten a formal diagnosis yet, but he has OCD, anxiety, ODD (this one drives me nuts), and is "somewhere" on the autism spectrum --possibly. He has autistic like characteristics, but none of the professionals seem to think he is autistic. Neither do I.

Before my son was adopted, I worked at a developmental facility for kids and adults for 8 years. I also coached Special Olympics for 5. In college I worked at a group home for adults with developmental delays, too.

I wouldn't change adopting my son for anything. He was meant to be with me, even if it is difficult at times. But if there were a way I could make him "typical"....I would do it in a heart beat. Little kids shy away from him--they know he is "different". That breaks my heart.

It certainly does add a twist to the whole dating thing, not that dating post divorce is easy anyhow. There are good people out there that won't think twice about a special needs child. I know that I'm worth it....and so is my son.

Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 138
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 7/12/2011 11:02:22 PM
YES. I have a 10 yrs old son with PDD- NOS and maybe tourettes we dont know yet. He got diagnosed at age 3 and its been a very very long road. He lives with my ex MIL now becasue hes a very very dificult child to manage and thrives on quiet and being NUMBER 1. His grams lives all alone, and my son doesnt have to compete with his siblings, and I swear he has doc appt therapy hosp appt sometimes 3 times a week and its IMPOSSIBLE to be a single mom, work, and make it to all these appointments!!!! She was my saving grace, and my son is thriving and content. I see him all the time and so does my ex, so it works.

You have to make gut wrenching decisions based on what the CHILD NEEDS not you, and thats what I did. I KNEW things had to change to make him happy, and that it was IMPOSSIBLE to give my son a quiet, calm and serene home PLUS make it to sometimes 4 appt a week. Its insane.

GOD chooses us as thier parents, and we have to make the best of it, love them as much and hard as possible, and make sacrifices for them and advocate and be tiger moms for them AND DADS TOO.

kudos and hugs to all the parents out there!!!!!!

Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 139
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 8/6/2011 9:36:08 AM
hello,wowo i didnt know there was forums on here?well,my 2 yr.old has septo optic displaysia,and nystagmus.wich means she is legally blind,and she is missing a small piece of her frontal lobe in her brain.she also has siezures,a thyroid disorder.she cant walk,or crawl.she just recently started scooting around on her bottom she is 70pds due to being imobile.its so hard to find ppl to talk with let alone a single guy who is willing to step in.i cant say i blame them,but if they would just give it a shot.she is the sweetest girl,will maqke ya smile in a heartbeat.sooo,hope to hear back from ya guys or gals..just need some emotional support ppl to vent with
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 140
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 3/10/2012 12:16:41 AM
my son is nine yrs old. he is autistic and add. his "sperm" donor doesn't even know what autism is! what an idiot!


My children are better with one parent who is mommy and daddy then a sperm donor who will hurt them, not be consistent, and fuk up their emotions and their lives.

My children are very happy, well loved children in a stable home.

As an adult, as a mother, as a woman, I PRIORITIZE. Selfish is not a pleasure that I can indulge in myself. My family comes first.

That comes with being a "GROWN UP".
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 141
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 3/10/2012 8:01:46 AM
I have to say I am blessed to have 2 kids without any serious disabilities. But, I know what all you parents are going through. I have a sister who is 6 years younger then me that has a plethora of things she is diagnosed with. My mom left us when I was 16 and she was about 10, so that left my dad and us to take care of her.

She has the mind of a child, so she will never be able to live on her own. She also has epilepsy and takes pills to calm fears that practically take over her day. Now, when my mom left-my dad had to work, so my other sister and I split the care of our baby sister. Until eventually we got her in a group home. 3 years ago, our dad passed away so she has my other sister as her legal guardian (even though she is 25 now, she is still a child in her mind and actions) so she needs somebody to make sure she gets the meds she needs, and sign for things though the group home, etc. I am the alternate in case something happens to my other sister. There has to be so many things in place with a special needs person, and I can sympathize with all the other parents, helping raise my sister taught me a lot.
Joined: 3/2/2012
Msg: 142
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 3/10/2012 11:49:33 AM
i am a single parent of two sons. my oldest will soon be 9 years old and he has Autism. his father and i broke up before he was born. i've had the support of my family in raising him. i was in my second year of college when he was diagnosed.. he is completely nonverbal and needs me for most of his daily needs. i love both of my children equally they are my world! lol.. and i'm so thankful for my family and friends who have been there to help when i needed it :)
Joined: 2/25/2012
Msg: 143
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 3/12/2012 10:16:23 PM
I am a single parent to 2 great boys Tanner is almost 16 he has Duchennes Muscular Dystrophy and lives in a wheelchair and only has the use of his hands, and Baeley is almost 12 and has Bi-Polar and Asburgers. I seperated from their father 7 months ago after 17 years of marriage but it probably should have been about 3 years ago. We went though many medical crisis's with our oldest including a 3 month hospital stay for spinal fusion surgery where I stayed with him in the hospital, last year Since the split the visitations have been very few and far between and I may as well be "the only parent". I am blessed to have an incredible extended family who is always there for me and a couple of incredible caregivers who help me in every way possible so it all works out, and my babies are fantastic. I was stunned to see how many posts are on this thread. Good luck to everyone Bright Blessings and Blessed Be!!
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 144
view profile
Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 3/18/2012 3:29:34 PM
I am blessed with a six year old son with autism, and a 14 year old girl. It can be challenging being a single parent. My sons father helps out every two years or so. I am SO happy to have my kids. I miss dating sometimes, but my kids give me so much love. I am so happy to find this thread. Thanks for starting this OP.
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