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 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 101
pictureless profilesPage 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

I won't meet without a picture from experience.



But even WITH a pic, the actual girl I would meet may look way worse in real life.


So, how many women would you meet who looked worse than their pictures, before experience would tell you to stop messaging women WITH pictures?


If I, as a woman can put up pics, then so can any guy,


It's not a case of whether one "can" or not, it's a case of whether one WANTS to, or not, since the POF site, and most sites, gives the members a free choice of whether they want to post a pic or not. This attitude of, "If I do it, everyone else has to do it", takes away everyone else's free choice, the same free choice that they exercised when they chose to post their photo, rather than not. I can publish my home phone number in the local phone book, too, but I choose not to. Just because I have a phone number doesn't mean I need everyone to have full access to it any time. Some people choose to have their home phone published, and some people don't. Some people post their photo, and some people don't.
It's so amusing, on these forums, that so many people expound the philosophy that "nobody owes anybody anything", and yet that doesn't seem to apply to having photos on the site, which are fully optional. Like, "You OWE me photos on your profile, or I won't even send you one single email."


There can be all kinds of reasons why a person doesnt have a pic. Yes, many of those reasons would be red flags...but not always.


Exactly.
 mrgorton
Joined: 3/20/2014
Msg: 102
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/2/2015 12:25:31 PM

So, how many women would you meet who looked worse than their pictures, before experience would tell you to stop messaging women WITH pictures?


I already stopped messaging women on POF as far as dating them. Which you can clearly tell if you see my profile in which I make fun of all the cliche crap I see on peoples profile.


It's not a case of whether one "can" or not, it's a case of whether one WANTS to, or not, since the POF site, and most sites, gives the members a free choice of whether they want to post a pic or not.


Fair enough. However it's more a question of not that you can or can't but if you are a guy (which you are) and are here to find a mate (which I assume you are) then it would be that you have to put up a picture for any type of success at all.

As you are picked by looks alone when you message somebody, that little thumbnail pic that is next to the message is the deciding factor if your email is going to be read or not. Without it there, the odds of a reply would be close to zero. Even with a pic, for the average looking guy like myself the response rate is extremely low even with a well written profile.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 103
view profile
History
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/2/2015 2:54:15 PM
I want to be attracted to the person I meet on here and I state that in my profile,if a woman were to contact me without a picture she is sending the message that what I stated in my profile doesn't matter and that she is in charge and will be running the show based on what she thinks is important and not a mutual understanding of what is important to both of us.....no need or desire for such a woman.
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 104
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/4/2015 11:02:41 PM
I don't but only because I don't want to be catfished or etc. I have answered messages from people without pictures if I liked the rest of their profile.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 105
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/5/2015 5:11:58 AM
FullMoonGuy
It's not a case of whether one "can" or not, it's a case of whether one WANTS to, or not, since the POF site, and most sites, gives the members a free choice of whether they want to post a pic or not.


And with that choice comes the responsibility of accepting that people can and do freely choose not to associate with people with pictureless profiles.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 106
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/13/2015 2:53:37 PM
People hate to admit they are so shallow and small minded that they wouldn't talk to someone with no picture, so they invent speculative reasons justifying their refusal to interact with the pictureless.
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 107
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/13/2015 3:33:34 PM
^^^ take someone's word and drive an hour to see them and find out they lied about their appearance, and then judge...the way I see it is I have a picture, so they should too, if they choose to remain anonymous, that's their choice, and you can meet them instead. ;)
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 108
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/13/2015 3:49:38 PM

And with that choice comes the responsibility of accepting that people can and do freely choose not to associate with people with pictureless profiles


This:
vvvvvvvvv


they invent speculative reasons justifying their refusal to interact with the pictureless.



^^^ take someone's word and drive an hour to see them and find out they lied about their appearance, and then judge...


Are you not also taking someone's word that the pictures they have posted show what they currently look like?

If you drive an hour to see them, and find out that they posted 10 year old pictures and lied about their age (which does seem to happen according to some of the posts here) and now weigh 50 pounds more
and look 10 years older, do you get THAT hour back? Or is time wasted, time wasted, no matter what wastes it?

I always find it amusing when someone says, " I once met someone without a picture, and never again", and someone else will say, "I met someone and they looked 10 years older because they used an old picture", but they never follow it up with, "I'm never contacting anyone with a picture again". A bad experience with no picture turns them off "no pics" forever, but a bad experience WITH pictures still keeps them going.
 Hands of gold
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 109
view profile
History
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/14/2015 6:31:47 PM
There are many people on here who are bombarded by messages. Sometimes attractive women have to hide or be railroaded. That's my story......
 antirepublican
Joined: 12/31/2014
Msg: 110
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/14/2015 6:58:50 PM
I don't know about women but I do know that pictureless profiles can work for men, if the profile or first email are provocative enough. Not all women are paranoid forum prigs. There is a small but still considerable minority of women who are adventurous and who look for the unconventional. "Honest" guys and beach walkers won't do for that kind. Profile Review can't help you with them either. Best way to them is to describe yourself as you actually are. No embellishments. There is every chance that there is someone out there sick enough to actually like you.
 WhoamI_46
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 111
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/14/2015 7:46:54 PM
Fullmoonguy:::: Thank you ,,, I agree 100% with what you said. Just couldn't get the words out.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 112
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/14/2015 7:48:20 PM
Who knows for sure how to have no public pic and keep private images?
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 113
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/16/2015 8:56:27 PM

People hate to admit they are so shallow and small minded that they wouldn't talk to someone with no picture, so they invent speculative reasons justifying their refusal to interact with the pictureless.


The weird thing, though... You remember when meeting people online was its most successful? Back in the days of AOL chat rooms?

It's not 100% the people's fault. Advertising is a billion dollar industry (climbing closer and closer to hitting that "trillion") for a reason. It's really interesting stuff when you actually do the research and see exactly what's going on. And these little things that they do that basically take free thought away from you and make you think exactly what they want you to think. (I hate to say it, but there's a reason that a lot of the smartest people tend to not really watch TV, there is an actual relation there)

From the second you see an ad for a dating site, they're leading you towards this constant failure, online and off (Honestly, how many of you had a drastic drop in dates you get offline since you started on these sites?). You're shown people who, no offense to all of us on here, would NEVER turn to a dating site. Have you seen the people in the Match.com commercials? Yeah, that thin blonde is getting asked out by 0 guys? REALLY??!!?! They're professional models. And profiles with pictures get 10x the response rate. The same exact response rate on every single dating site in existence. But who are we? We're not models, we don't have the looks to be on these ads. We're all conscious of this difference (well, most of us, there are some pretty big egos in here on personal looks). So why models? Because that's what you're going to expect to find. They're in the ad, so they're on the site. Rational thought says they're not on the site, but your first instinct when you see the ad is that those are people on POF. But there's also an emotional response to it. None of us look that good. Sorry, you're not that hot, neither is the next random poster, neither am I. I don't mean it as an insult, it's just reality. If we were that attractive, our situations would be VERY different right now. This response comes from the testimonials, the marriage stories. How come the girl with a moustache and the guy with a combover are never one of those stories? Only the attractive people seem to be meeting someone and living happily ever after. None of us want to be the ugly person who can't date the hot person. They get no success at all from these sites. In our heads, we're all equal to the models in the ad, and we should get nothing less than those models.

You're told about how for your safety you shouldn't put any contact info in your profile (because apparently you can hurt someone through email or text message). Meet in a well lit place. Drive separate cars. Keep the date to something short where you can get out. Make sure somebody knows where you are. Bring a friend to keep watch. Is it any surprise that the first thought of no picture is that they're hiding something? Do we need even more reasons to not trust each other shoved down our throats?

We're conditioned to fail. Every single aspect of online dating is designed for failure. Step back and REALLY look at every detail of this site, and try to figure out why it's even there. Yeah, people do meet and get married off of these sites. Basically the old AOL chat room way. They didn't care what each other looked like and they talked and built a natural interest. But pictures get more responses, so we all add a picture, and then we expect other people to have pictures. Why? Because people without pictures get less responses. We're not told that to inspire us to put a picture up, we're told that to make us less likely to respond to someone without a picture.

That said. I think pictureless profiles are the best approach to these sites. The odds are stacked against us from the second we sign up. Breaking from that mold is really helpful. There's still a lot working against you, but by talking to someone with no picture, possibly with no picture yourself, that conversation has absolutely nothing to do with how each other look. It's 100% interest in the other person. The challenge is that we're all instantly conditioned to this idea that you have to have a picture and be physically attracted to each other to have any interest in dating. Meanwhile, we see every day in the real world that those rules are very commonly bent.
 delilah624
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 114
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/17/2015 8:07:17 AM
Not sure if this has been mentioned or not as I have not read all replies...but the reason I had no pics for a long time (since added but keep private) is because upon browsing the gentlemen of the site, I came to realize I know a bunch of them already in my city lol And this made me uncomfortable. I have seen 2 exes on here as well as some male friends. It is awkward. I don't want anyone to know I am on here. One ex is kind of relentless when it comes to messaging me when he knows I am single. So I hide my pics. My username is not my real name either, just a fave song and an important anniversary for me.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 115
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/17/2015 9:30:32 AM
pictureless profiles are fine as long as they attach images upon messaging someone. Otherwise we're just talking to talk, with no intent at all, as one cannot establish intent with someone who refuses to let the other see them.

I do accept messages from people without pictures but I won't go past the 2nd message without them sharing their images. This is a dating website, and I'm sure they wouldn't have written to me if they were not interested in what I look like, so why make theirs a mystery if they are sending a message to me.
 Cdan1957
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 116
view profile
History
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/17/2015 10:15:01 AM

People hate to admit they are so shallow and small minded that they wouldn't talk to someone with no picture, so they invent speculative reasons justifying their refusal to interact with the pictureless.


I don't hate to admit it at all...if I am not attracted to you I am not going to go out with you, period!. Hows that? Talk to you ? sure but hows this for a scenario...talk for a few days, getting along great, things in common, interests jive, location is workable and then after a week of talking you exchange pictures and he/she is unattractive, not just unattractive but butt frikken ugly. So what do you do now? Of course the people that are cruising on that higher plain of existence are going to meet anyway because after all they are deep and big minded and theyn see past physical traits. For me being shallow and small minded, I need a level of chemistry and assuming the person I have been communication with is a nice person I do not want to say "hey you are a sweetheart but I think you are ugly." Even if you do not say that cutting off communication after seeing a picture is pretty much saying that. So...I never contacted people without a picture if I did I needed one in the first email. You know what is even worse than having to say that to somebody? Having them say that to you. So, my picture was always out there, if you didn't like what you see, feel free to move on.
 mrgorton
Joined: 3/20/2014
Msg: 117
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/17/2015 11:03:19 AM
For women it's different. Men play the numbers game and send to every single profile regardless of how the person looks or has a picture or not simply because he has to. They can't be picky and only go for the top best profiles otherwise the response rate will be close to zero. Personally I am the type of guy (in the minority) and would rather have nothing than somebody out of desperation. If a female put a picture of her pet goat up as her main, the emails will still come in. Of course women that do put pictures up get many many more emails. Ones that look like a 5 or better may get an overwhelming response if they live in a major metro area.

Now for men it's a different story. A man without a pic on his profile is like a car without a steering wheel...

Useless.

Note: I was one of the original POF members when it first came out, so I do know a thing or two.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 118
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/19/2015 12:35:05 AM

People hate to admit they are so shallow and small minded that they wouldn't talk to someone with no picture, so they invent speculative reasons justifying their refusal to interact with the pictureless.


Oh, get out of here with this horseshit.

If being mysterious and trying to win people over with a bunch of text is your thing, good for you. But that's no reason to try and make anyone feel guilty for wanting an idea of whether or not there's some physical attraction beforehand.

Shallow my ass. I bet when you envision your dream woman, you fantasize about it being someone you're NOT attracted to, right?

Please.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 119
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/19/2015 3:02:07 AM

Men play the numbers game and send to every single profile regardless of how the person looks or has a picture or not


No they don't.


I was one of the original POF members when it first came out, so I do know a thing or two.


I don't care if you've been here since Moby****was a minnow. How does this make you the expert in everyone else's online dating experiences


Personally I am the type of guy (in the minority) and would rather have nothing than somebody out of desperation.


So normal is a minority? Only here I guess.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 120
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/21/2015 8:19:27 AM

Men play the numbers game and send to every single profile regardless of how the person looks or has a picture or not simply because he has to.


That's not true for me. I'm sure that's not true for other men as well.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 121
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/21/2015 8:23:47 AM

That's not true for me. I'm sure that's not true for other men as well


I have turned down women due to various reasons. Obesity / looks, negative profile / personality, lack of common interests, age, distance, having multiple children, heavy smoker etc.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 122
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/21/2015 9:26:10 AM

Shallow my ass. I bet when you envision your dream woman, you fantasize about it being someone you're NOT attracted to, right?


What does the word "Shallow" mean? The Merriam-Webster definition is: having little depth. Now, when you're basing these decisions on looks, you're only going by what's on the surface. You're not looking at what the person really is on the other side of looks. You're only going skin deep. There's a reason that the word "shallow" is used. And most people are afraid to admit to it. It's only a bad thing because you see it as a bad thing. Being shallow is what drives a lot of sex that happens every day.

And, do some reasearch on love and attraction. You'll quickly learn that they're two entirely different, unrelated things. The girl of your dreams doesn't necessarily have to be hot, it just depends what you're looking for. Do you want arm candy, or do you want a stable responsible mother to future kids? Do you want the girl that gets dressed up and goes to the club every week, or do you want the girl in sweatpants sitting on the couch with you?

You guys gotta stop with this whole "you need looks" thing. Because you don't. Your future wife or husband is based on your companionship needs, not reproductive. Even having kids with that person is based on companionship, and our drive to form families. The only time looks matters is when you're thinking about sex NOW and not after the emotional attachment happens. It's 100% physical and 0% emotional. It's 2 entirely different thought processes involved.

And this is a part of why dating fails so much today. It's not the fact that so many people demand the hot person, it's that they confuse that for the other person being who they want to marry. Then a year later, the sex becomes stale and they realize "wow, I really don't like this person." The best thing everyone can do is step back and really understand what you're looking for with your long-term plan (do you want someone to marry, do you want to stay single and just date, do you want to try to be Barney Stinson?) and then approach your dating life from there. It won't just help you find what you're actually looking for, but it'll also stop wasting a lot of people's time.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 123
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/21/2015 1:35:27 PM

And, do some reasearch on love and attraction. You'll quickly learn that they're two entirely different, unrelated things. The girl of your dreams doesn't necessarily have to be hot, it just depends what you're looking for. Do you want arm candy, or do you want a stable responsible mother to future kids? Do you want the girl that gets dressed up and goes to the club every week, or do you want the girl in sweatpants sitting on the couch with you?


Sounds like u r saying u have to have one or the other? The ole Madonna-Whore Complex...

What about BOTH? a partner who is also ur play mate?
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 124
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/21/2015 2:21:50 PM

What does the word "Shallow" mean? The Merriam-Webster definition is: having little depth. Now, when you're basing these decisions on looks, you're only going by what's on the surface.


If you're making decisions based SOLELY on looks, then yes, I can see where "shallow" may come into play. However, I don't believe ANYONE male or female envisions their dream woman or man without some sort of visual of what they find physically appealing.

If Kate Beckinsale and a frumpy average looking girl possessed identical personalities, values, and characteristics you find appealing, who are you going to choose? You can give me a four paragraph explanation on why you would pick the frumpy woman, but I won't believe it.

And hell, I'm not saying I would never meet anyone without a picture, because I did many years ago, and it wasn't a bad experience. But it's 2015, not 1996. The "sorry, I don't have a scanner" shit just doesn't fly today.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 125
pictureless profiles
Posted: 3/21/2015 3:49:11 PM

Hi there yes people with no pics on their profile could be hiding something
I find them strange people, because we all want to find the right person so why not have pics~~~ then people can see who they are talking too

On a site a profile with no pic is a Red flag:




Did you type that with a straight face?
Did you? Really?
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