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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > time has taken a toll      Home login  
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 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 276
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time has taken a toll Page 12 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

Msg. 290: Oh my, I can hardly do any of the things that I use to so enjoy doing. I use to love to walk, I would walk for hours huffing & puffing up and down steep hills with my Walkman blasting rock music into my ears. I danced, I loved to dance, could dance & dance for hours at a time. Alas it never meant I lost any weight, but for a fat girl, I was quite active, even my last job that I had for 10 years was physically straining, requiring hard work in very hot conditions. I miss just taking off walking or dancing, now I can hardly walk to the car and back. I know it's coming that I will be unable to walk, if I keep living, but I try to do it as much as I can, falling down is a big fear, when I get down I often can't get up on my own. I have a cane but it's awful, it makes my hands/arms/shoulders ached more than the walking does. Even a shower, which I use to also enjoy, it was so refreshing, is dangerous and painful and I have fallen in the tub several times.

Daynadaze, thank you for sharing your story. Many of us will be in a similar situation someday, and I hope we will remember to think of others, as you often do when you share the wisdom you've learned through your experiences. I like reading your posts because you often say what people need to hear and understand. I hope a way is found to ease your pain.

Msg. 288: My last couple of years the ratio of foot chases to captures certainly declined. I did get really good at yelling "I'm turning the dog loose!" before I was winded and they were out of sight and always before I was about to start the hands on the knees....muttering something about "I'm getting too old for this sh!t" Lol

Funny story, Crookcatcher. You have me wondering how much men hide from women. (Sometimes, the things men try to hide make them adorable. If only they knew …)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 277
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/1/2015 7:16:13 PM
Dayna
I hope you have someone close that checks up on you..
meanwhile if I see you MIA here I intend to msg you to check in.
Darn slippery shower :(
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 278
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History
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/5/2015 7:33:55 AM
I can't do what I did when I was 31, as opposed to 61, and I do not apologize for it. Let the young'ins stay up for 48 straight hours......

I need my beauty sleep!
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 279
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/5/2015 8:05:53 AM
What blacklady said - I sure as heck need my beauty sleep too! Heck, this weekend when daylight savings time starts, I'll be groggy for weeks over just one missed hour of sleep.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 280
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History
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/5/2015 8:37:35 AM
Karma...I get messed up, too with daylight savings time. The extra light in the evening is worth the struggle.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 281
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/5/2015 8:37:51 AM
Driving from Vegas straight to work a 12 hour shift?

No effin way. Them days are over.

Dates on work nights are getting tougher too.

3 glasses of wine and I'm yawning already.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 282
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/5/2015 8:41:17 AM
cooldog, yes, it is worth it, but still, I'll be miserable for a while until I get used to having that precious hour of sleep yanked away from me.

Clooney - yes, workday dates are usually a no-go for me. I'm wiped out after work, but it has been extremely stressful over the last several months. I did go out the other night for a trivia night with some of my lady friends, that was fun, but boy was I glad to be home and get to bed afterwards. And the next day at work, I was dragging. Yeah, I prefer doing stuff during the day. Plus I look much better in daylight haha.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 283
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/5/2015 12:09:53 PM
@strings....
I'll validate you here, YES, aging CAN be a tragedy, and often IS for the majority....

Working with the elderly I hear it all the time...Things like "Don't get old, dear..." and "Getting old is God's 'final joke'", etc.

Thing is, I have had debilitating problems with my spine since the age of 26. I had to give up a LOT of the things that I enjoy doing, due to loss of balance, mobility and pain....
I've also been dealing with a rare form of cancer since approx. the same age and have had, to date, ummm, well, over I've lost count how MANY surgeries at this point....
So I have had a "preview" of what aging is going to be all about....

NOT fun...

I would love to say that it's all about "having character' and the 'experience' that comes with age, but the reality is, I would have traded ALL of that for one more year of being able-bodied and without pain.

Here comes the 'but'....

BUT....this IS my Life...I can kick and I can scream, and I've done PLENTY of both over the years....

Try explaining when you're 26 to a potential b/f the 'limitations' that you have, if you think it's difficult at this age....Want to talk about feeling 'undesirable' and like it's just NOT worth living through another day?!?!?! Nobody, or at least VERY few people want to have to deal with the consequences of someone else's health issues, as I can see DOESN'T change, even in the 'mature' age group...

Forget about sagging breasts, how about not being able to run, or dance, or even just go out for a long stroll on a summer's night hand in hand with your b/f....Or how about having your Life derailed on a regular, ongoing basis, and having to 'restart' time after time after time after time....Until you WISH that you'd get hit by a bus, just so you can STOP, because you're not really sure that you HAVE one more "restart" in you....

Then keep doing that for the next 22 years while all around you your friends are getting degrees and careers and having kids and getting married , etc. while you wait to even START your Life.

Now, apparently, I have to worry about possibly getting Alzheimer's as well, as my mother was diagnosed fairly young and it's thought to be the hereditary kind....LOTS of fun , that!!!

Well I AM older and wiser, and I know that should that day come, that will be one battle that I will NOT fight....that decision has already been made...

So wrinkles? Sagging breasts? Looks in ANY way, shape or form?...Nah, REALLY not that fvckin' important for ME personally....

For those who have enjoyed so many years of being able to "get away" without pain after doing physical labour and are now having to deal with it, and for all of those who natter on and on and ON about how they're in SUCH good shape and health etc. Hope you're thanking whatever you believe in for having been so lucky in the first place....

There are those of us who would have given literally ANYTHING to be in YOUR shoes....

As far as someone judging me for any of that stuff at this stage of the game? Well I'm pretty much 'bullet proof' in that I have been rejected for it so much ALREADY in my Life, that I honestly couldn't care less....

I'm more concerned with keeping my ass out of the wheelchair that they predicted for me on my 50th birthday, than in whether or not I'm "perfect" enough for anyone....because I no longer look like I'm 20....

People looking for that don't even REGISTER on the radar for me frankly, and I couldn't care less WHAT they or anybody else thinks anymore...
I have fought, struggled and am still here....and that IS enough....
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 284
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/5/2015 12:20:58 PM

my inspirations are find a good
Decent mam and get married for ever and ever
But if you are over weight, no hair, short, with out
Your Own house , over 52 please do not try to contact me
Has to be good looking, told with nice body.


Honesty?

The best policy or a big mistake?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 285
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/5/2015 12:38:27 PM
Mostly I don't have the patience I used to have.
That's a real problem for me. I also used to assume
older people were smarter than me. I was wrong.
Now that I'm older, I think most people around me
are stupid. (is that bad to say?)

People lack social skills, manners, common sense
and common courtesy these days and it wears me out
trying to be nice and not roll my eyes out loud on a
regular basis.

Other than that, I'm good. Still got my health and my
mind, still pretty cute in a "I didn't ask for your opinion"
sort of way and I'm awesomely happy most days.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 286
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/5/2015 12:56:40 PM
I live with my oldest daughter and her husband, back in 2005 when I was at death's door he insisted that I come live with them. I thought it was a horrible idea, who wants their mother-in-law living with them but I was so sick I couldn't put up much of an agreement. I've always been on my own more or less even when sick I wold drive to the doctor or hospital alone, but it got to the point that my youngest daughter had to do that and she had no easy life and very little money. Anyway, my point was that it never occurred to me not to take care of myself as best I could and I sure didn't want to strain my oldest daughter's marriage.

But I've proved useful LOL now my daughter can go with her husband when he's sent overseas or across the country, they do not have children but they do always have cats, and they leave them with me. They check in on me of course, we have a very nice neighbor who keeps up with whether or not I go check the mail but he's not intrusive and he was there for me when I had a flat tire since I can't so that sort of thing anymore. I love my solitude, so it's worked out so far. I house & cat sit and we don't bother each other much, my bedroom and bathroom is upstairs and theirs is downstairs, both big rooms, and on opposite sides of the house. My son-in-law is very sweet, very much a family type man.

So yeah, I'm taken care of and yet let to be as productive as I can and still fell some independence. Also I've told them that I'm open to assistant living facilities if like my mother's side of the family, I lose myself to dementia.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 287
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/5/2015 1:25:46 PM
@dayna.....

You are VERY lucky to have that type of situation....

One of THE most difficult things in my Life has been the challenge of continuing to work, whether or not to 'reveal' my health problems and when, etc. for fear of not being hired and/or not being eligible for insurance plans etc. or worse, having to explain why I DIDN'T want the insurance...

I have had some help over the years from friends and family, but always had to manage on my own.....

The knowledge that I would have to face yet another surgery or treatment or whatever that would take me out of the game, albeit temporarily, would FILL me with dread....knowing that what little ground I gained would once again be lost....

Knowing that you have a 'safe place' to be and being taken care of, must be wonderful....

Obviously you did a good job with your kids and they have turned into fine people....I'm happy for you as that can make ALL the difference when in health crises....
 Szaszaspasz
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 288
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History
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/6/2015 6:51:26 AM
I admit that I am actually in better physical condition than I was five years ago, due to my job being physical and varied.
My short-term memory is a struggle.
I know that I am lucky I can do what I want, when I want.

I worry sometimes about mobility or agility issues when I get older because I am on my own.
Between parachuting, long marches with equipment, wiping out on ice in winter, sports mishaps and mainly being a walking coordinationally-challenged disaster, I worry that my pain dues may one day come in....
I try to remember to be thankful for each day these issues don't confront me.
But for the Grace of God go I....

On a lighter note, I am told by others that I seem younger than my true age...mentally. XD
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 289
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/6/2015 4:45:00 PM
Dee...I have a cousin who will be 64, who is in a similar situation as you, and has been for twenty years. I watch her struggle, too, and admire her courage in the face of adversity.

As for you....I wish you all the best because I believe you to be a kind and thoughtful lady.

Peace and Blessings
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 290
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History
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/7/2015 1:57:09 AM
Thanks BL, that's sweet of you to say...one thing I've learned in all of these very difficult years....is that MANY , many, courageous people, like your cousin, get up everyday and go about their lives under conditions and in circumstances that would make the majority of the population just CRINGE...and you never hear about them on the news.

I think sometimes that's almost MORE difficult to deal with, the fact that people just can't REALLY understand especially when you're a young person, what it's actually like....kind of like how we can't relate to the person with the flu even though we've HAD it ourselves! I mean, we KNOW it was pretty miserable, but we tend to forget the ACTUAL feeling as quickly as possible...
But you work with the hand you're dealt....even if it's a crappy one and hope for the best...

Some days are good, some, not so much...

It's gotten MUCH easier in many ways since my early forties when I FINALLY accepted, once and for all, that I will NEVER have a 'normal life' , that my days will always be marked by chronic pain, inability to sleep and certain other restrictions...Also, KNOWING your limitations, for me, rather than 'discovering' them the hard way, makes it easier, too.

Surprisingly, the thing that STILL ambushes me sometimes is the negativity in my own head, it can paralyze me completely!, which is when I have to just hold on tight and wait for it to pass...Sometimes I feel SO angry and sorry for myself that I could fight WITH myself!!! lol Those are the days that I avoid other people as a 'public service'...lol

Sometimes 'fighting' all of the time is exhausting as well as depressing...

But I'm NOT in a wheelchair YET, and if it's up to me, I never will be....I am ALSO in much better shape than MANY people who are suffering MUCH more than me....

And really....just staying in today, dealing with what's in front of me and trying to stay positive and be grateful for what I DO have, helps me to cope the best and only way possible for me right now...
 Grl_next_door
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 291
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/7/2015 7:39:30 AM
I love this thread, ...

There are a lot of courageous people around us, but we'd never know it because they have learned not to discuss their challenges for fear of being labelled a negative person.

Reality for a lot of people is struggling day to day to keep a proud face so that no one has even a clue that they are not like everyone else. Whether they are facing financial hardships or physical or emotional pain...

The irony is that we all get a turn to be vulnerable, but without this kind of conversation, you feel that it's just you.

We all know attitude is everything and it makes a huge difference in what the outcome is, but it's also a huge challenge just to stay positive some days.

It's great to hear how other people manage that.
 Fire_and_Ice4_You
Joined: 10/28/2014
Msg: 292
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/7/2015 8:57:18 AM

We all know attitude is everything and it makes a huge difference in what the outcome is, but it's also a huge challenge just to stay positive some days.

@Dayna....You are one classy lady....Your posts are always positive, sensible and non-blaming.
We all have had challenges in life....personnel, mental, family, divorces, physical.....but to keep an upbeat attitude towards others and not to be bitter and blame......lash out...is hard for a few of us!


Mostly I don't have the patience I used to have.
That's a real problem for me. I also used to assume
older people were smarter than me. I was wrong.
Now that I'm older, I think most people around me
are stupid. (is that bad to say?)

Hello twin!
Me in a nutshell....I don't claim to be the smartest but damn.....some people are dumb/annoying.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 293
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/7/2015 10:14:57 AM
Y' know, for all this talk about aging, how people look, men want younger women, women want younger men...bah.

I am just thankful to have my health.

Some of my work colleagues have already passed away from cancer, people I used to work alongside...barely into their 50's, and already gone.

Thank god I can get up every morning, take a drive in the mountains, hang out at the beach, call and talk to my parents who are both still alive and healthy, work on projects, challenge myself (maybe TOO much at times!) at work..I don't have the "perfect" body but so what...I can hike, laugh, come up with fun stuff, enjoy great food, travel the world, think, do, be...and hope to for many more years to come.

My "shell" has served me well. It's average, but sturdy.

One day, we will all be gone. All the hashing around, arguing, debating about how crappy women are, how shallow men are..we'll never know any of it. Gone to dust for others to thrash around with.

All the more reason to stop being so hard on yourself, worrying about how great other people's lives are, how come people don't want to date me, whatever. Everyone is struggling with something. People that I thought had pretty near perfect lives I've seen suddenly implode from affairs, divorces...anything can happen.

If you can get up in the morning and greet the sunshine and at least say to yourself "I am going to TRY to make the most of this day" you've got more than half the battle won. There are people who would kill for your health, abilities and opportunities...don't waste them.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 294
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/7/2015 10:34:07 AM
Wow VK, that is the most profound thing I think you've ever written in these forums.

Daynadaze, you've always been a favorite poster, but sharing the things you have about your health just impresses me all the more. I know you didn't tell for attention so please forgive me for gushing, it can't be helped. I can be weird. Very.

Edit: oh H3ll, there are just some amazing people here.
 Grl_next_door
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 295
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/7/2015 3:21:34 PM
Since we're on this topic of keeping our balance when things are bleak or when life gets "iffy" ...

I had a very difficult year last year. I chose to be angry at others, mostly strangers...people turning left that held me up in traffic, things like that. I had a whole list of behaviours in other people that drove me nuts...like people who let their kids ride in shopping carts, ( I still find that pretty disrespectful...)

That was during the most stressful time in my life...most of it has subsided and I now count my blessings instead. It's a lot easier to be grateful than to be angry, IMO.

I would love to hear some of these great posters share HOW they manage to stay positive? Do you think we all have the ability to see the pony hidden behind the manure pile?
Do you think there is hope for the negaholics and those who think life is hard and unfair, and that it's just going to end in painful death? :)
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 296
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/7/2015 3:50:14 PM
Well, one thing I have chosen to do is just *accept* the fact that I am negative..and use it as a positive. Being critical and seeing the problems before the good can be a useful skill. Can save you time, money, and the headache of dealing with pinheads. You can cut things off at the pass faster. You just have to learn to temper that negativity and don't let it dominate your "self talk" and how you talk to others. I've thought about some of the negative cracks and remarks I've made in passing and it brings me to pause at times, to think about hey..maybe I *don"t* have to play this role ALL the time, and make ALL of my humor and jokes something negative. I challenge myself to find something GOOD to say about stuff, and you find people warm up and react better when you toss in something happy. Sort of like a game, to see if you can balance things out.

Life is a big ol' pile of manure, but the ponies can be big. As annoying and irritating as people and life can be, I have had my champions who have afforded me some great opportunities professionally. Always be gracious, and sincere with your thanks and appreciation. When you have a chance, do favors for others..give back to the universe, so to speak. These things give you the boots you need to much thru the manure. You'll feel more engaged in life, more satisfied, even if it's temporary.

I've also had to learn to not *catastrophize* everything. Like, everything is going to be a disaster, doom and gloom, I'm going to fail..etc etc. Life is a series of crisis and calm...crisis and calm....don't make a mess out of things you don't have to. Allow yourself to enjoy the small moments.

I make a note to get something done every day, some little thing that will get me closer to my personal goals..be it a phone call, and email, just something..it was this way I started and ran a successful side business. And when your head hits the pillow at night, you can say at least I didn't waste this day...I got something done, that at least I can feel good about.

Which gives you a little sense of *control*. This is what you need in an unfair world! To know you whipped that sucker into shape..whatever it is..your messy house, your garden, the stuff you wanted to get gone..you whipped it, man.

Whipped it good.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 297
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/7/2015 9:37:32 PM
VK my hat off to you..
I always start my day by getting up walking to a window and looking outside. It is so beautiful out side. It always gives me that extra kick in the butt to get out there and do something.
Tomorrow its geocaching day should be a great day outdoors.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 298
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/7/2015 10:01:27 PM
My outlook is the same as Volcano's . That's the only way I can live. When you have crap thrown your way, you have two choices...wallow in it or live. I choose life. We are all going to die and we are dead for a long time so enjoy today and tomorrow...however long tomorrow is. The last things I'm going to concern my self about are wrinkles and a not so flat stomach and silly things like that.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 299
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History
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/7/2015 10:22:36 PM
I used to be very negative about myself, but I've never been one to spend too much time on it even at my worse, it's just I grew up hearing only negative things about myself, I thought that was normal. What helped me get out of the self-absorption was a professor telling me I wasn't that powerful (to have such an effect on things that I blamed myself for) a friend telling me straight up that I was full of it and when was I going to stop doing the same things expecting a miracle, and going through some intense therapy, it all kind of collided and I'd had enough, I wanted out, I was sick and tired of myself. LOL Seriously, I had reached the point of where I'd hear my own voice rambling on and thought STFU!, but I needed professional help to crawl out of that. I wish I'd known all of this when I was young, gawd I wasted most of my life ruining my own life and wondering...Why me..and lots of boohoohooing. Once I pulled my head out of my butt and heard that POP! it was enlightening. Not that I'm anywhere near worthy of all the nice comments, I have enough wrong with me to feel quite humble, but it's so much better than when I was blind to most things because I was in my own way. It's also when I opened my eyes and looked around and found that being hot didn't make your life easier, anymore than being not hot made your life hard, that's just hysterical blindness many use to not have to do the work of enjoying yourself as you are.

Have you ever seen the movie Hysterical Blindness? Boy watching that was embarrassing, talk about been there/done that. No wonder life was hard when I was always running it off the rails.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 300
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/8/2015 11:49:10 AM
Another thing the chronically melancholy might want to check out..one of my favorite movies and probably my favorite scene from any movie...from Woody Allen's Hannah and Her Sisters. This really says it all.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftiIPJky_Vs
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