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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > time has taken a toll      Home login  
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 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 310
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time has taken a toll Page 14 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Everyone has problems.....one of the great truisms imo....

While I think that it's great to see what can be done to improve a situation and barring that, what can be done to change my thinking about a situation, there's this whole 'culture' of 'positivity' that frankly, makes my stomach just TURN, at times....

Particularly when I see people that have their health and a good job and a decent education who are crying over the fact that they can't find an SO....
I had a friend like that, who is no longer in my Life, for the simple reason that while I was thinking about my next chemo treatment, surgery, or wondering how I was going to EAT this week because I lost yet ANOTHER job due to absences from health crises...She was out there on anti-depressant after ant-depressant for depression and calling ME at all hours of the day and night to 'talk her down' from whatever ridiculous relationship crisis that she was currently embroiled in with whatever inappropriate guy that she had most recently chosen.

Sound judgmental?
It should because it IS.

You know what I do when I start to feel sorry for myself, or am feeling negative about my own circumstances?

I think about the children around the world, right NOW, who are being sold into sexual slavery because their families are forced to make a choice between feeding the REST of the family and their well-being. Or I remember some of the kids whose bedsides that I sat next to, who were SO ill that they could barely life their heads and in SO much pain that they would just sit and silently cry, because they were just too exhausted to scream any more.....Or else I am just simply grateful that I wasn't born into a culture that believes in 'female circumcision', ie. MUTILATION.....

Amazing how QUICKLY my own problems PALE in comparison....

All problems while relative, are NOT equal....

No amount of 'positive thinking' will change the fact that tomorrow I WILL wake up and before my EYES are even fully open, I will feel that familiar agony that feels like my spine is full of broken glass, and that I will HAVE to roll out of bed and fall on the floor on my hands and knees and gradually make my way to an upright position taking anywhere from 10-20 minutes, before I'm able to remain upright for any length of time.

Then I will have to wolf down a bunch of pills on an empty stomach and drink something hot so that they work faster, because I KNOW from 22 YEARS of living this way, that if the pain gets any more of a grip on me, it's gonna take a SH!TLOAD of pills to tame that dragon, before I can even begin to THINK, about starting my day....
There are a MILLION different consequences and realities that I face each and every day that most other people only look at as a 'possibility' and a distasteful one, at that.

All of that for a mere 4 hours of sleep MAX, as that is the limit to both the meds and the endurable pain, before I have no choice but to get up and move around in order to loosen up enough to function at the MOST basic level.

Is it 'negative' to acknowledge my reality that I live with each and every day?
Perhaps....and maybe I should be more pollyanna-ish and just breeze on through with a false smile plastered on my face, for the benefit of others I assume, because it doesn't help ME one bit, but for the most part, I suck it up and get on with whatever I have to do and just hope that I CAN do it.

One of the reasons that I stopped watching Oprah was because I was tired of hearing about how this woman who has EVERYTHING and all of the money and resources in the world, STILL manages to NOT be happy....

While I'm aware that she suffered abuse and poverty as a child, well, all I can say is, join the club!!! Where I come from, sexual abuse, alcoholism, untimely Death, were ALL 'par for the course'....In fact, if you WEREN'T a victim, it was notable!!

So yes, we ALL have problems.....

For me, expecting myself to 'be positive' regardless of how I actually FEEL, is just one MORE burden to place on myself, that I frankly, don't need...
And for those of you who may be thinking, "And how's THAT working for you?"

Well let me put it THIS way....

I was told that I would be in a wheelchair by now...and I'm not. They have since 'revised' that prediction to I will be in one by the time I am 50. I also entered into the Oncology clinic at about the same time, 22 yrs. ago, and many of the women that I met are now dead...yet, here I am....

Do I feel like cotton candy and sunshine and am I farting rainbows? No. But I MUST be doing SOMETHING right....and for me, that 'something' is simply, being REAL, whatever that IS for me, at any given moment, desirable or not by the rest of society....
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 311
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/27/2015 7:03:22 AM
Dee, glad to hear you don't fart. I always assumed pretty women weren't capable.

A survivor you are.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 312
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/27/2015 7:13:38 AM
NO Clooney.....

I don't fart RAINBOWS....... ;-)

As for survivor....I sometimes think I'd like to go on that show and show those babies what 'survival' is REALLY all about!!! LOL

Actually, I'd probably get kicked off quickly...as with so much in Life it's NOT really about surviving the elements, but playing well, (translation:manipulating) OTHERS for your own benefit....

Sort of what REAL Life is like for a LOT of people! lol
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 313
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/27/2015 7:45:02 AM
Well, its true that many people make themselves unhappy for reasons that true life problems will render trivial. I find Dee refreshingly sane on the forums. Its also true however that some people create their depressions because their mental state is in disorder, and can't really self correct. Its very hard to deal with this even when you have a strong connection with the people involved, and no amount of reason appears to help.

The vast majority of forum participants appear to me to be unhappy about relationship development simply because they can't get out of themselves. You can't be us while you are still you, and if you are more important than us, you will never get to being us. They are unhappy with themselves, actually.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 314
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/27/2015 11:20:22 AM
When I was younger and my friends were lamenting their "first" grey hair, or character line around their eyes, I just nodded and went about my day. Never occurred to me that I, too would age. We are so invincible when we are young.

I did fall prey to believing the age stereotype and thought I was going to become some ugly, wrinkled, little old loveless lady, so I did the plastic surgery thingie. It was a phenomenal change in my appearance and I would not change what i did for anything but not for the reasons most would think. When I apparently dropped 20 years+ off of my face, younger men became very interested in me, which is flattering and yeah, I did a little serial dating but the one thing that I'd always valued about men my age was missing. There was no "common ground". Younger men in their late 20s to thirties were charming, horney (always a plus with any man) but compared to men in their 50s-60s, kinda shallow and awkward and, sorry if any are reading this, not as worldly or talented in loving the entire lady (body and mind) as men almost twice their ages.

So I tried again to date men my own age, but, they shied away from me! I'd tell them my age, chat them up but I honestly had worse luck dating them than I'd had before I'd changed my appearance. One in particular whom I still believe walked on water and who knew me before surgery said he felt self conscious dating me because my appearance had changed so much (he was ten years my senior).

I guess we all have to learn what is important and sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone. My perspective has changed. My surgical changes are fading but I do not fear aging, looking forward to it, and my focus now is remaining healthy, fit,and financially solvent.

I also massively appreciate men my age now, you guys rock :)
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 315
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/27/2015 8:21:15 PM
Time?

As in AGE? One of the things people are way too concerned about especially on Dating sites. People will claim one thing when typing, but Reality in the RW is actually quite different. In fact I asked here at these very Forums. Over 75 responses and not one person "got it".

None of us can do anything about our genetics. Same applies to athletes. "Athletic" parents usually greatly increase one's odds of being/becoming a "great" athlete. So choose your parents wisely!

While we can't do anything about our genes, there are a few very simple keys [scientifically well documented] to the "fountain of youth" for Humans. Regular exercise, a "decent" diet, reasonable weight and a stress free lifestyle. Three of these will be FULLY within the control of most adults. IF they choose to utilize them. Priorities. DO you want to live longer, feel better and look better?

Or NOT?

I have met some "marvelously" preserved women both in one on ones and multiple hundreds more at Fish events. Got pics of a ton of them posted to Fish images and/or Photobucket. Most people could easily be 10 or 15 years off in judging their age by looking at their pics and none of these pics have been "digitally enhanced".

Me? I am looking for a "compatible" woman [in a few key areas] that I find attractive and I don't care what year she was born.

Undoubtedly, time takes a toll on everyone but there are some very simple ways to greatly decrease that toll for people that choose to utilize them.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 316
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/28/2015 3:50:07 AM
Dee, honestly, you're a wonderful human being and you deserve the world. I wish you the best. :)
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 317
time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/28/2015 3:51:42 AM

a stress free lifestyle


A pipe dream. To achieve all of these wonderful things and enhance these wonderful attributes, one has to pay for for its upkeep; most people have to work for it and stress comes along with it.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 318
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 3/28/2015 5:10:06 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Agreed.....

And thanks Eternity....I wish the same for you..... :-)
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 319
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 4/9/2015 9:54:47 PM
It is kind of annoying to me that I don't have a "Dee" in my life to hang out with. That would be just lovely.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 320
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 4/9/2015 10:08:10 PM
Omg!!!

That is one of the SWEETEST things that anyone has said to me in a while...BL...thanks!

You actually brought a TEAR to my eye!!! ....

In fact, and I'm not saying this to blow smoke up your nether regions, but...when I saw that you had posted...I came over to see right away, because I think you're a pretty cool lady, too.... ;-)

Have a wonderful day/night.....
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 321
time has taken a toll
Posted: 4/9/2015 10:33:32 PM

It is kind of annoying to me that I don't have a "Dee" in my life to hang out with. That would be just lovely.


Wow, my heart is made of charcoal, and even I melted a little bit over this.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 322
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 4/9/2015 10:40:52 PM
Don't get discouraged there pig, with your 'charcoal heart', someday someone's going to come along and rub all your 'fur off' and make you 'real'....;-)
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 323
time has taken a toll
Posted: 4/10/2015 12:10:19 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^
It's going to take awhile to get that mental picture out of my head :P
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 324
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 4/10/2015 3:02:34 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^

They have medication for that..... 0_0


P.S. It's actually a literary reference....a kind of mixed up one,...but there it is!
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 325
time has taken a toll
Posted: 4/10/2015 4:30:00 AM
Dee, your words resonate with me. very thoughtful and meaningful.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 326
time has taken a toll
Posted: 4/10/2015 9:29:01 AM


rub all your 'fur off' and make you 'real'....;-)


This Ernest Borgnine stuff is giving me furry palms.

Make the fur go away!!!!
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 327
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 4/10/2015 9:59:14 AM
Think ...."rabbit"....

I'll say no more..... ;-)

Thanks Eternity...very nice of you to say.....
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 328
time has taken a toll
Posted: 4/10/2015 10:22:25 AM
" Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand. But once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

One of my all time favorite stories...ever! :o)
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 329
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 4/10/2015 11:45:11 AM
^^^^^^^^^^

And we have a WINNER!!!! LOL

Mine, too..... :-)
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 330
time has taken a toll
Posted: 4/11/2015 11:51:37 PM
The Velveteen Rabbit?
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 331
time has taken a toll
Posted: 4/12/2015 3:11:03 PM

" Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand. But once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."


I am way too dumb to understand this.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 332
time has taken a toll
Posted: 4/12/2015 4:37:13 PM
^^ child's book from 1922. He wanted to be real
through the love of a owner
Sharknado would have made short work of him :)
I prefer The Point
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