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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > time has taken a toll      Home login  
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 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 176
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time has taken a toll Page 8 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
'Never compare your insides...
With another person's outsides...."

Heard that years ago and would love to credit it to someone but don't know who it is and am too lazy to look for it online....lol

It's SO tempting to believe that if we only HAD, this, that or the other, or could be this, that or the other, or.....Well you get the point...
THEN we would be happy, right???

Except "happiness" is right here, right now and we have ALL that we need to experience that....

Now THAT'S a scary thought....
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 177
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/19/2015 4:11:34 PM

Boys didn't give me the time of day, never had a date in school, was harassed and teased by the "pretty girls", who acted like some of the snarky chicks here on the boards. The former beauty queens are now mostly washed up, they had their time in the spotlight, and my time is now, later in life. I'll enjoy it as long as I can.


I am actually sorry about your past. But, in saying that, I would highly suggest to go talk to a professional about how you are living your life today BECAUSE of that past. I mean seriously. Things are really starting to add up. I see it now. And I almost can understand it.

I still won't accept it though.

You were suppose to learn from the past. That's what it was there for, and that's why we call it the past. Instead you are deciding to repeat the actions of the past, and the people that "did you wrong". Doesn't sound very smart does it?
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 178
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/19/2015 4:32:20 PM

Why are you attacking me for "banging" younger guys?

it's not about the age of your sexual partners. it's about your hypocrisy, your willingness to deem others unacceptable for the behaviors you accept for yourself. i thought that point was pretty clear, but i can see i should have added some venn diagrams or stick figure graphics or something.


What is your point? The differnce is, some men will not even consider or look for women their age or older.

so you're saying you automatically reject guys who WOULD date you because there are others who WOULDN'T. gotcha.

and anyway, you weren't talking about those younger-only guys. you were talking about automatically discounting men who would date you or a younger woman. that's identical to your position, thus:

I have dated and will date men my age and older, and yes, I have had sex with those as well.

that's the hypocrisy. now, where's my icon palette?
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 179
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/19/2015 7:32:22 PM
I think she means there is a difference between people who would date older (in addition to younger) and people who wouldn't. She has said she is the former, and does not date the latter, on principle. I get it. In other words, people who won't date their own age is a turn off, a sense of entitlement.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 180
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/19/2015 8:20:32 PM
I think she means there is a difference between people who would date older (in addition to younger) and people who wouldn't. She has said she is the former, and does not date the latter, on principle. I get it. In other words, people who won't date their own age is a turn off, a sense of entitlement.

------

Yes, that is how I meant it. And for the record, I have also dismissed and deleted messages from younger men who stated they were only looking for women younger than themselves. Same deal here - if you think you ONLY "deserve" younger women, but for some reason still write to me, I'm not interested. But mostly it has been guys in their 40s and 50s who wanted to date ONLY women younger than themselves. Even if I fit in to their age range, I still won't date them, because it turns me off. If they are also "willing" to date older women, by more than just a year, I'll talk to them.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 181
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History
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/19/2015 9:11:36 PM
I find it interesting that some people think they didn't date because they were average looking in high school, really? Most people are average looking. I was average looking in high school, I dated quite a lot, as did pretty much all the other people in school. The ugly people dated too. The fat people dated. The skinny people dated. I'm sure there were some who didn't, but it wasn't because of their looks.

Anyone have average or not attractive parents? grandparents? Siblings? Children? Did they find someone? Did they date? I mean this really doesn't make a lot of sense, all kinds of down right butt ugly people date, get married, have affairs, have babies, become successful. Where is all this oh I was too average to be or do anything coming from? That hasn't stopped the majority of people.

There were pretty popular kids when I was in school, a lot of unattractive kids who were popular, a lot of pretty people who were not popular, etc. It wasn't about looks nearly as much as it was about Who's your daddy? in small rural town America. And going by Classmates dot com, many of the pretty people I went to high school with are still looking pretty darn good. And many of the people like me are looking pretty damn rough. That's life.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 182
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/19/2015 9:45:53 PM
I didn't go to school in the US, I grew up in Germany and went to German schools. We didn't have things like prom, or dances, or sports teams or any frills like that. We went to class every morning, studied until our brains were fried, then went home and did hours of homework every day. We never even had a graduation party. All the fun stuff was outside of school, on one's own time and dime. There was not that much time to socialize at school, you had to find time after school or on the weekend.

Teenagers would go to dancing schools to learn how to ballroom dance after school, at a private dance studio, which was not cheap either. It was just something that was done, at least back then. When I was 15/16, I would participate in that, but I was not all that popular and hated going. Boys would tell me to my face that they didn't think I was pretty, because I was too skinny (as in no boobs), was very pale (in the 80s when having a deep tan was the thing), wore thick glasses (I got my contact lenses just before I turned 18), wore a retainer (my teeth look great now). I was shy and withdrawn, I would only loosen up around my long-term female friends. Had the same friend since Kindergarten, and she was like me, a late bloomer. She had the same issues as I did, only instead of being too skinny, she was overweight. We both went through a major transformation in our late teens. I never considered myself to be pretty, because I was always told I was not.
 Countryheart1967
Joined: 5/19/2014
Msg: 183
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/19/2015 11:26:44 PM
^^^^

Hmm, same years that I may have been there.

Entschuldigen sie bitte, ein Hofbrau hefe visen... The first thing I learned. :p
 lifeisgrand5
Joined: 12/29/2014
Msg: 184
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/20/2015 2:32:23 AM
Age is but a number. I have lost count of how many times I have been told that I am old. I was insulted at 26, 30, 40, and now. People act like age makes us less of a person. I am not ashamed of my age. I have received emails asking me if my _______ is dried up. I have been called an old hag and the list goes on and on. I was told yesterday online that a lady of my age should just settle for being an easy lay and nothing more.

I think anyone at any age can be beautiful. I view the patients at the nursing home as beautiful. It is truly what's in a person's soul that defines how beautiful they are. Beauty comes from with in.

We are all God's children therefor we are all beautiful.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 185
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/20/2015 2:41:50 AM
LiG:

Age is but a number. I have lost count of how many times I have been told that I am old. I was insulted at 26, 30, 40, and now. People act like age makes us less of a person. I am not ashamed of my age. I have received emails asking me if my _______ is dried up. I have been called an old hag and the list goes on and on. I was told yesterday online that a lady of my age should just settle for being an easy lay and nothing more.

You were insulted about your age at 26 and still remember that? Do you have a long memory for the nice things people have said about you, too?

LiG, some of us here have told you we fear you are attracting the wrong type of attention. Glad you dropped the costumed pics (too many weirdos everywhere) but I think folks remember you. Hard to forget those pics.

My experience has been that when I change my location here, as I have in the past when traveling or just because ... Well, a friend here in Florida asked me to change to an Oklahoma city where he grew up and see what the men were like there.

Just wow. And last year I was in Ohio for a couple months. Those men were so rude, so "old school", so ... entitled ... It wasn't even fun doing my "research" and I switched my zip back in less than a day.

Here is my conclusion (that you may not want to hear): the more conservative the location, the more religious, the more conventional, the more the men sound and think and treat women like ... well, our parents' or grandparents' generations. Yep. Those guys made all my Florida friends here look real good.

Don't know how you're going to find someone outside that mold while holding on to your "beliefs" and staying in the area you live, LiG. It will be interesting to see how that goes for you.

I don't receive messages like the ones you've described here. Oh, in 3 years I've had a few like that, but it sounds as if this is a daily/weekly occurrence for you.

If the fishing is bad, change your fishing spot.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 186
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/20/2015 3:57:31 AM
Interesting thread to read through.

Great first post here Walts :)

I was an ugly duckling in school as well, got bullied and passed over. But once I hit high school, my appearance changed and suddenly the ones who used to make fun of me altered their tune. It was strange, having that level of 'power', when I literally had had none in that sense prior. And now that I'm thinking of it, maybe that's why when guys focus more on my exterior than other qualities I've developed, it irks me soooo much. I was the same exact person that I had been previously, it was revolting for me to be seen so drastically differently based on something so utterly superficial.

Something else that is disgusting to me is how easy it is to take advantage of a man when he thinks you are physically attractive. Am I supposed to respect that? A guy can be extremely physically attractive to me, but if nothing else lines up, no thank you.

And don't even get me started on all of the gym rat types who think you are going to drop your panties because they have a hot/hard body. Lol. I'd much rather a man with some flaws/paunch and a well developed character/intellect/personality than someone who devotes so much time and energy to his ego/exterior. I cannot for the life of me imagine deriving a sense of pride out of that.

As for looking young, I'm actually shocked at the age I normally get guessed at. And while I'm not complaining that my gene pool was at least good in one sense, it can be downright awkward at times. A girl once spit her drink loudly and forcefully out of her mouth in a public place when she found out my age and the age of my kids. And an optometrist attempted to prevent me from accompanying my daughter for her eye exam (rudely) because she thought I was 'just a friend'. I had similar issues at all of their schools. My oldest in particular loved it, she would try to parade me around and still to this day makes a point of saying 'mom' loudly when around strangers because she knows their reaction embarrasses me.

I usually attract younger men because of it, but I am tired of that. I am most definitely looking for an older man now. Not that I want to be chosen as a younger model or something, lol.. I'm meaning closer to my own age. I know that some guys see the fact that I do yoga and eat healthy as perhaps being exterior-focused as well, but it's actually more of a symptom of my desire to feel good about myself and life. And I'm probably in better shape now than I have been in many years because of it. I'm also happier and have a way better quality of life, which I would hope means more than merely what I look like.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 187
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/20/2015 7:07:18 AM
Karma, your complaint was that some men that contact you have age parameters set on their profile. The one fellow that contacted you was 45 and was looking for younger than his age, 30 to 44 or whatever it was. You said you wouldn't date anyone that had that type of age parameter set on his profile because that meant he discounted those his age or older.

My point was, some guys just fill that out because its a box to fill out. Some could give a damn, they just filled out a box. Some don't realize it sets a restriction as to who can contact them. Its a box. Yes, lots look for younger. Many of the guys posting on here don't have an age preference posted but I'm sure they prefer younger, even by a year or two. So in essence, you don't mind of someone "thinks" they want younger, you just get pissed off if they actually fill out a box with numbers.

I find this hypocritical as you are always yammering about the young guys you attract and date and if you read between the lines on your profile....you want younger too. I'm sure your mention of the +/- 14 age gap in your profile was not a come on for the guys 14 to 20 years older than you....I'm pretty sure it was meant for those younger.

And please, the vast majority of us were "average" or not butterflies in high school and we haven't let that rule our dating life in our 40s and beyond. We THINK we can make up for lost time or perceived slights....yeah, its not worth it. Even if we stay in that candy store and stuff our faces we're going to end up unsatisfied in the long run.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 188
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/20/2015 7:19:26 AM
bluemoon24_7

And please, the vast majority of us were "average" or not butterflies in high school and we haven't let that rule our dating life in our 40s and beyond. We THINK we can make up for lost time or perceived slights....yeah, its not worth it. Even if we stay in that candy store and stuff our faces we're going to end up unsatisfied in the long run.

So true. You all know I'm not shy, so I'd like to add that we only think we can make up for lost time or perceived slights in the past if we live in the past and not in the present. Simple, isn't it? We have to let those things go.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 189
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/20/2015 7:19:38 AM
Yes, I want younger too, but I also want same age or older. And no matter if they are younger, same age or older, they have to be healthy and in shape. I would pick someone who is in shape and older over someone who is younger but not in shape. But men who have age parameters set to exclude same age or older women to me sound like dinosaurs who state e "woman MUST be younger, cannot be older or even same age". And no, it's not just a box they fill out. If they go through the trouble of setting age parameters they put some thought into it and consciously decided that they only want younger women. They can do what they want, but I'm not into guys like that.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 190
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/20/2015 7:28:19 AM
I filled out that age box too when I first started dating. Then I dumped it and haven't filled it out since. And I think you are over thinking this and, in my mind anyway, most men don't "think" about this...they just fill out a box and it means nothing. They're just looking for a woman, any woman, any woman that looks good to them....I mean, how many actually read a profile? Think about that. How many emails have you got from men that actually referenced your profile or interests. I wish I had a dollar for all the emails that I got that said "hi" or "hi, you into younger guys" or "hi, nice tits". Guys fill out the boxes.....not much thought goes into it.

Guys aren't into detail or the minutia like we women folk in writing a profile. I've learned to not read too much into it.

And this is "some" guys...not all guys. I have read some awesome profiles where a lot of thought and detail has gone into their profile.
 lifeisgrand5
Joined: 12/29/2014
Msg: 191
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/20/2015 7:30:08 AM
I have wonderful memories of my past.

I was only sharing my experience with age being thrown out there like it is a bad thing.

I am proud of who I am. I don't plan on changing any time soon. I love helping others. And yes my area is full of mill rats and hillbillies. The angry men are the ones I shut down or did not respond to.

I talked to a nice man yesterday. He is a widow and I am sure we can at least me friends. I do have my family, friends, & guy buddies, and yes my poodles that I am hiding.

I was only sharing my experience with age being thrown out there like it is a bad thing.

My sister lives in Boca Raton perhaps I should move there.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 192
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/20/2015 7:50:02 AM
I have actually responded to men with age parameters set, but only to ask them why they will only date younger but not older, but expect me to go older and date them. Most of them gave BS excuses, and a few were honest and said that they are just "used" to being with younger women and that women their age (late 40s, 50s, 60s) were not up to their standard. In other words, they thought they were hot studs who "deserved" younger,hotter models, when in reality, they were nothing special. And they probably expected me to be all flattered that they considered me beautiful or whatever, but no, I'm not flattered, more insulted actually, because it tells me that he only or mainly likes my age and nothing about me specifically.
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 193
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time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/20/2015 8:59:25 AM
Having given up on OLD (a highly descriptive acronym considering the amount of lying women do about their ages in their profiles) I only date women whom I meet IRL. Furthermore I only date women whom I find attractive and who find me attractive as well. At age 62 I find myself dating women who are in their late thirties to mid forties. I do not plan it that way. It is simply the way it works out.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 194
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/20/2015 10:06:43 AM

Msg 206: I have actually responded to men with age parameters set, but only to ask them why they will only date younger but not older, but expect me to go older and date them.


What exactly was the real reason to contact guys who have age restrictions you don't approve of, and who you would never date because of that? Were you scolding them like little children? Do you think your "holier than thou" attitude is going to change them? Did they immediately update their profiles to claim they are interested in older women, since they saw the light after you lectured them? If I see a profile that has an age restriction, my attitude is "I don't care". It's not my job to convince anyone to change their profile to meet my personal standards. If I see a profile I don't like or don't meet their standards, I ignore it and move on.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 195
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/20/2015 10:14:40 AM

Boo has a very kissable face :)


Thank you Mr. Clooney! It's the nicest thing I've heard all
week...and I'm pretty sure I'm blushing enough to melt the
snow of my front steps! :o)

I miss the sun and my sand chair.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 196
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/20/2015 10:55:28 AM

What exactly was the real reason to contact guys who have age restrictions you don't approve of, and who you would never date because of that? Were you scolding them like little children? Do you think your "holier than thou" attitude is going to change them? Did they immediately update their profiles to claim they are interested in older women, since they saw the light after you lectured them? If I see a profile that has an age restriction, my attitude is "I don't care". It's not my job to convince anyone to change their profile to meet my personal standards. If I see a profile I don't like or don't meet their standards, I ignore it and move on.


I took her saying "responded" to mean just that - responded. Had she inquired with a first message then you'd be on target. A couple of years ago I received an email from a man 3 yrs older than me who had his limit set about 4 yrs younger than me. I responded with "sorry I'm too old for you".
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 197
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History
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/20/2015 11:05:12 AM
Blue moon gives the guys a pass for not checking age boxes correctly and ASSUMES karma doesn't go by her profile of plus or minus whatever years.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 198
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/20/2015 11:11:46 AM
Like2dance

Having given up on OLD (a highly descriptive acronym considering the amount of lying women do about their ages in their profiles) ...

That would have been very funny if you'd removed the gender there and ... Can't we stop the gender wars? You think men aren't lying about their ages/height/weight/cars/boats/planes/ad nauseam? That really is a very funny line but I'm so tired of all this.

Why can't we all just get along? (Where's Eric?)
theforumfiend

A couple of years ago I received an email from a man 3 yrs older than me who had his limit set about 4 yrs younger than me. I responded with "sorry I'm too old for you".

Call me lucky (?). I live in the land of geezer dating and get a lot of mail. I've done this many times.

It's funny how outraged most of those guys become when I explain why it's a huge no. Sometimes it takes more than one message. I've learned to use Block User more frequently.

You know what? I think these guys are more likely to express that outrage via message because their egos have been "hit". Yeah. They're the type that think they ought to be dating younger women.

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air ...
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 199
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/20/2015 11:13:24 AM
oMG, I don't contact them, I respond when they sent me a message and want to meet me or are interested in me. I tell them, that I am NOT interested in getting to know guy who will only bother with women that are younger than them. I don't care if they're going to change their ways, I just let them know what my problem with them is. for the record, I never contacted guy first, I respond to messages. I can count the times I have actually contacted a person online first on one hand. It is not generally what I do.

and sorry for the many typos in this post, I'm doing this on my cell phone with voice command.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 200
time has taken a toll
Posted: 2/20/2015 12:28:34 PM
^^^
You dont like older men and I cant remember how many times you have made very sweeping generalizations about older men.Just admit that you like to trash older white men....
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