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 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 113
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Do men just live to impress women?Page 5 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Is it wrong if she takes time out of her day, gets a babysitter, dresses sharply, maybe get her hair done? How is is it just a free meal, if she takes a great deal of time expressing interest in you?


^^
Exactly
This is what many don't realize.
I can recall shuffling my schedule to free up the date night, going shopping specifically for the date to make sure I am presentable and attractive, and money on travel to the meeting place and home. The total cost is way more than a $2 coffee!
Babysitting alone amounted to the price of a dinner.


Many of these things can also apply to men however, its not as if men can get away without putting effort into their appearance. Both genders want to create the best possible impression.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 114
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/1/2015 2:33:06 PM

So we do live for...others, to be with others and for love?
Not necessarily for the opposite sex, since some people are gay and whatnot. ;)


In terms of the big picture it is perfectly acceptable to argue that we are all bound by our inclinations. The inclination being whatever motivates you to succeed. At our most primitive level we are geared to reproduce hunt/gather - now we are geared to have sex for fun. We work/pay-bills to succeed in the world now, society in the US.

And so what motivates us to do this? Well depending on how you're wired, the law of attraction will work for all sexual preferences. Generally - I think this is on a broad spectrum - we first identify the need to have something significant.

Like when I was a nice guy, I would think "all I want to do is cuddle with a girl." Then I realized I needed an apt, a car, and financial security - so that gave me reason to compete. If all I had to compete over were material things, there shouldn't be much moving and pushing to get things accomplished for myself - so that I could have nice things.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 115
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/1/2015 2:37:06 PM

This is what many don't realize.
I can recall shuffling my schedule to free up the date night, going shopping specifically for the date to make sure I am presentable and attractive, and money on travel to the meeting place and home. The total cost is way more than a $2 coffee!
Babysitting alone amounted to the price of a dinner.


Exactly.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 116
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/1/2015 11:45:40 PM
Well I guess only women need to shuffle there schedule as most men spend all day in the coffee shop anyway.
Only women need to make them selves presentable as for us men our natural smell after we didn't wash for a week (sitting in the coffee shop all day every day) is a turn on for women.
I can understand that women need money to travel to meet us at the coffee shop as we stay there all day anyway.
and thank god I don't have kids.. I save a bundle right there while sitting at the coffee shop.
Would you mind sharing my cup of stale tea I been nursing it for the last week.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 117
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 12:02:34 AM
^^I guess that $2 for a cup is too much spend, when meeting somebody in whom you're interested.

And people wonder why they don't meet anybody of quality.

You can have the parting shot.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 118
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 2:12:24 AM

This is what many don't realize.
I can recall shuffling my schedule to free up the date night, going shopping specifically for the date to make sure I am presentable and attractive, and money on travel to the meeting place and home. The total cost is way more than a $2 coffee!
Babysitting alone amounted to the price of a dinner. ]/quote]

Agreed!

Doesn't it make you wonder how people who complain about the injustices of having to pay for coffee or a meal on a first date get quality dates? They don't; and then they opine the injustices of OLD and blame others for avoiding their cheap-skating.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 119
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Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 2:28:06 AM
Another "who pays for the date" thread in the making.

Both parties invest in the dating side of things in different ways. It's not necessarily a one sided issue.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 120
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 2:29:24 AM
Back to the 2.00 coffee again? You folks need to lighten up, it's only a couple of bucks.

I used to go through a Dunkin Donut drive thru for a coffee every morning on the way to work and 3-4 times a week would pay for the car behind me if they ordered a coffee or such. I had that done to me once, pretty nice gesture if I say so and makes for a good start to the day. Try it...makes you feel good.

But back on the coffee, if a couple of bucks pisses you off you don't need to be dating......and I'm begining to think Folgers is behind all these coffee meets anyway.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 121
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Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 7:15:10 AM
I think its pointless arguing over the cost of a coffee. It doesn't cost that much and its the gesture that is more important regardless whether there is potential for a relationship.

For a meal that cost several times that amount however I would ask if they were interested in seeing me again before ordering the bill. If they said yes I would offer to pay, if not I would suggest splitting it. Of course that doesn't mean we would meet again, she could lie or change her mind but at least the date ended positively so would have no problems with paying. If she says no then there is little to be gained by paying for both and its not good to be taken advantage of.

That said of course I wouldn't have a meal for a first date anyway, coffee dates are a lot more straight forward.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 122
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 7:41:24 AM
Heaven forbid if one person expects to be paying and the other one mentions wanting a donut or muffin as well as coffee. That's definitely gold digging territory. (lol)
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 123
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 10:41:22 AM
And there you have it, we have become outcome dependent.

Some women don't think the cost of the date offsets the cost she is incurring in buying an outfit, paying for babysitting, doing her hair and make up, and showing up for the date. If he doesn't offer to pay, he just added that onto the cost of her even coming out of her house to meet him, not worthwhile.

While I do agree with women who have to take all that in consideration to go on a date, I never thought any of that was factored in, in my case. I don't buy outfits for a date, I wear what I already have in my wardrobe (I have more than 3 times the amount of clothes I can tastefully store in my apt), I don't wear make up, and my hair is pretty standard (either straight due to events at work, or curly), none take much effort. I have no children so no babysitting arrangement.

Even when I am only investing my time (and no additional cost), to attending the date, I still expect him to pay for the first date. I chose to give him my time (over many others and many other activities) so he will appreciate that in kind, and pay for the date. When I get older and less desirable, I may be more considerate as I'm sure I won't have as many after me.

If he were to make mutual interest the deciding factor on whether he pays or not, I rather know before I go, so I can decide in 5 minutes if I'm having dinner with him or by myself. I don't want to go through dinner with someone who struggles with conversation, has poor table manners, whom doesn't awaken anything in me, to then find out I'm paying for the torture. For people who operate this way, stick to coffee/drinks meet, don't drag it into dinner, to then split the bill.

I'm only one person and I'm easily satisfied with a hot sausage, a burger, a waffle, a skewer, a cup-o-noodle, an alcapuria, a sandwich, a side salad and baked potato from Wendy's, an egg roll and small chicken noodle soup, etc, all these items are less than $5. If I have dinner on my own, this is exactly what I'd spend unless I'm hungry for something more meaningful. Because dinner doesn't need to be complicated for me, I don't need to go through sitting at a restaurant across from someone, listening to BS, to split a bill after all that. I rather $5 I spend myself and listening to no one. So if I am going to be made responsible for paying my share, let me know in advance, so we can make a trip to Papaya King, it's quick and painless and the subway is a block away. All a win win situation, you get to see me wolf down a hot sausage and cheesy curly fries, I pay for it, and take the subway home. Oh, and don't talk to me while I'm eating, I can only do one thing at a time, lmao.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 125
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 12:07:23 PM

Even when I am only investing my time (and no additional cost), to attending the date, I still expect him to pay for the first date. I chose to give him my time (over many others and many other activities) so he will appreciate that in kind, and pay for the date. When I get older and less desirable, I may be more considerate as I'm sure I won't have as many after me.


The essence of female entitlement. It is seen very clearly in the final sentence as she states she may be more considerate when her luster wears off. Oh yeah, I want to date inconsiderate women; they're soooooo hot!
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 126
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 1:14:36 PM
"Even when I am only investing my time (and no additional cost), to attending the date, I still expect him to pay for the first date. I chose to give him my time (over many others and many other activities) so he will appreciate that in kind, and pay for the date. When I get older and less desirable, I may be more considerate as I'm sure I won't have as many after me."


Ah, the wonder that is all female..get the free grub for a few years, then ignored the rest. Its a wonderful life!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 127
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 1:20:46 PM
^^^That caught me attention too, Joe-that a guy must pay because she's giving him her time. Isn't the guy's time and effort to see her worth anything,. other than as an open wallet? She gets my vote as the Queen of Entitlement.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 128
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Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 2:02:45 PM

"Even when I am only investing my time (and no additional cost), to attending the date, I still expect him to pay for the first date. I chose to give him my time (over many others and many other activities) so he will appreciate that in kind, and pay for the date. When I get older and less desirable, I may be more considerate as I'm sure I won't have as many after me."


Of course your time is more important than his time I guess and going on a date with you is his only option on the things to do list lol. They must feel deeply honoured to even be in your presence.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 129
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 2:50:48 PM
As my ex boyfriend said all the time "don't hate the player, hate the game"

Joe, you already had an inconsiderate wife (according to you), so you're very familiar with the mechanism.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 130
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 4:30:18 PM
The point is not the $2-$5 coffee, Or who pays for dinner. Its not even the money really. Even if money is talked about so much.
The point is the reason that so many women give as to why a man must pay for the date.
It's that a woman would judge if a man is worthy of her time by how much he pays as well.
We men do need to shower and get hair cuts just like women do, We buy the gas to drive to a date. There is no difference in between the men and the women.
If a woman come out and says outright . I'm not old fashioned but I still only date a guy who would pay for dates.
I can respect that and the ball is in my court if I want to take her out or not.
But to listen to some of the childish excuses that they have to pay for gas or actually pencil in the date into there over booked schedule so now the men have to pay for the trouble we put them thru.
There was a woman in CA forum who said if the man didn't spend at list $500 on the first date then he was not interested in dating her..
I never cared to impress a woman or jump thru hoops for one. Now it don't mean I would show up for a date dirty or not put my best foot forward.
But some of the demands that I seen just to get that first date are way out of whack.
 WhoamI_46
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 131
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 5:53:08 PM
^^^^ agree with this.

I sometimes wonder if this really is an adult forum. Are these real adults making real choices to date real people?

Choices should not be thrown back at another person.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 132
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 5:58:20 PM

The point is not the $2-$5 coffee, Or who pays for dinner. Its not even the money really. Even if money is talked about so much.
The point is the reason that so many women give as to why a man must pay for the date.
It's that a woman would judge if a man is worthy of her time by how much he pays as well.


But some of the demands that I seen just to get that first date are way out of whack.


Whew.

I'm NOT the only one who sees the bigger picture after all.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 133
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Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 6:04:58 PM

There was a woman in CA forum who said if the man didn't spend at list $500 on the first date then he was not interested in dating her..
I never cared to impress a woman or jump thru hoops for one. Now it don't mean I would show up for a date dirty or not put my best foot forward.
But some of the demands that I seen just to get that first date are way out of whack.


Pretty much all of my first dates were Dutch style, and sometimes the women bought me coffee. Who would spend $5oo on a first date? You could buy 30 ounces of silver for that and it would probably be a better investment. Maybe some rich people in L.A. like to throw money around on a first date to impress people, but it's pretty foolish in my humble opinion. Almost as cringeworthy as paying money for telephone psychics to read off a screen to you.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 135
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 8:01:33 PM
I agree, who would pay $500 for first date??. And even worse, what sort of woman would expect it? The guy could get a stunning hooker that he would be sure to get his rocks off with, for an hour.

However a guy who has invited me out again, i.e. first date, I would expect him to pay for a meal. If he would expect me to produce my wallet and split the bill, not going to happen. That is for strangers and platonic friends.

It is one thing to buy one's own coffee on a first meet, but to buy one for the guy and for him to accept it? Not on.
It is not the money, it is the principle.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 136
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 9:36:57 PM

^^Is it wrong if she takes time out of her day, gets a babysitter, dresses sharply, maybe get her hair done? How is is it just a free meal, if she takes a great deal of time expressing interest in you?

Ahhh -- here's the thing. Here's the issue. It's the one-sided way of thinking. Sure, there's date situations Like that. Where the guy chases the gal, the gal agrees... he's the contestant, and she's the panel of judges. Certainly when she's out of his league and 'giving him a chance'. And when both parties know this, no, the guy can't complain, nor will he. That is a knowingly one-sided endeavor by him -- to bend over backwards for an "interview" of sorts. Happens. Is cute. Etc.

Now, why is that one-sided thinking? Because HE also has to take time out of his day, possibly get a baby sitter, dress sharply (or are guys allowed in their PJs now? what? nobody told me I could!), etc. It's a poor argument because take a gal who doesn't take much time getting ready going to go out with a metro-sexual guy, and suddenly the roles are reversed on this front. :) All in all, it's pretty much a wash -- both parties are going to have to just as potentially cancel other plans or squeeze existing ones into more inconvenient time slots, not be in R&R mode as far as unwinding after work during the week, or ixnaying on going out with friends, finding a sitter, etc on the weekend (yes, many ex-couples swap weekends).

The one-sided thinking is about MY TIME, "what can you do FOR ME", and "If I'M GOING to get ready, YOU should make it worth it." Now again, in those situations where it Should be kinda one-sided because in the "catch" department, it's also one-sided (she's out of his league and/or he's been chasing her and she ends up giving him a chance) -- sure, it's understood, no attitude-problem there, really. But aside from those pocket situations...

... THAT is where the issue comes about. It's not so much about paying, it's the Attitude. It's the one-sided "I Deserve" mentality that guys don't like. Heck, it doesn't even have to be about the money, but about a waste of time -- as seen in examples of a gal indirectly/sort-of using a guy for company getting her feet wet in the dating scene, to feel wanted, and feeling she 'deserves' that. It's an attitude/expectations issue that will understandably turn a guy off, when it's not a situation of "guy Convinces girl to go out with him."

The point is not the $2-$5 coffee, Or who pays for dinner. Its not even the money really. Even if money is talked about so much.

True. If it was "just $2" (the price of a vending machine item), then a woman shouldn't be any more upset/turned-off having to get it herself (It's just $2!), than a guy groaning about having to pay hers.

I agree -- it's not about the money, it's about the principle of the matter... the attitude/mindset that will turn either party off. Just as some guys will get p!ssed no matter what if a gal is turned off by splitting bills starting at 1st date due to his bad experiences on paying (not a good idea for the guy), some women will get p!ssed if the guy takes her up on a (unknowingly) Fake offer to split/contribute to a bill, or taking her out to some place that is just not that impressive/date-like in her mind to be "courted".
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 137
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 9:47:29 PM

"don't hate the player, hate the game"


I can hate both the game and those who choose to play it.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 138
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/2/2015 10:31:14 PM
Who pays? Who cares? Either party is free to be offended and walk away. All for the best.

All the posting in the world doesn't matter, as people do what their values dictate. It has however, explained certain behaviors by men acting all awkward and buying their own coffee.

That happened to me once. I was new to town, an old friend insisted I meet his pal, as we had a bunch in common. Since I respect this friend, I was willing to be polite, but I wasn't that enthused...why, I wasn't sure...perhaps I couldn't figure out why we were meeting, if it was my friend's idea or this guy who I was meeting. So, said guy calls and we get together. I got a certain vibe. He asked me to hang out again so we did but he got really awkward on the next meet when he went to get coffee. He was ahead of me. He kept hesitating but I had no idea what his issue was.

I am from a traditional culture, but raised here so I just thought it bad form but remained friendly. I would have paid for both our coffee. Supposedly, this guy had a high powered job, but couldn't make a simple gesture I would make to a co worker.

This guy actually was very socially clumsy and I realized I was glad to not be friendly with him anymore. I think he just didn't like or trust women. I had a vibe like something was my fault but I never figured out what I did.

It was a just a past of resentment, suspicion towards any perceived entitlement that any female had, and social awkwardness which I encountered.

It never made sense that at the time he seemed flummoxed by who paid for coffee, that he could actually be concerned about anything that petty. I paid for gelato or drinks with people I never saw again. It was a few bucks. I never thought of gender. In some cases, I felt I was the host, in others I figured I'd make the gesture.

Technically, this guy invited me. He did not spend one dime, all from some weird principle I wasn't "better than him". I noticed this is a thing with Americans. It's as if by being hospitable, someone is servile, a patsy, always a political power dynamic. I just view it as fostering good relationships, and it never used to be a problem in the past.

As time marches on, these little things come up...like never buy dinner, do not offer anything to drink, no relationships, do not call her by name, just dumb little degradations to show who is more valuable. I am not going to complain, just walk away. Then, they wonder why nobody is interested in their essentially robotic, petty nature.
 pofuser768
Joined: 2/7/2015
Msg: 139
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/3/2015 1:48:11 AM

Is it wrong if she takes time out of her day, gets a babysitter, dresses sharply, maybe get her hair done? How is is it just a free meal, if she takes a great deal of time expressing interest in you?


^^
Exactly
This is what many don't realize.
I can recall shuffling my schedule to free up the date night, going shopping specifically for the date to make sure I am presentable and attractive, and money on travel to the meeting place and home. The total cost is way more than a $2 coffee!
Babysitting alone amounted to the price of a dinner.


The thing that gets to me about this, is, how does that not also apply to men? Let's not forget there are plenty of single fathers out there. What about them?

Generally, both genders make an effort to look good/ presentable on a date. All the things you mentioned, as far as I can tell, apply to men just as much as they could apply to women. I don't get how any part of that (in general) explains why a man should pay for a date.
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