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 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 165
Do men just live to impress women?Page 7 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Well not the men your having dates with my the sound of it lol.

I cannot speak for them, but I know where I'm going in life, or at least where I'm aiming to go, and making strides to such goal.

In theory, yes, everyone's time is valuable. In reality, you're metering your time and prioritizing what is worthy of your time and what will that time produce. If such were not true, there wouldn't be something called "time management skills".

You are deciding all day long what will garnish your time and attention. From deciding when to shower, what to watch on TV, when to take out the trash, how much time you will spend on this forum, etc. You are choosing one thing over the other, all the time, so you are jugging what is worth your time, all the time.

Every time I get a new message in my inbox, I'm deciding if I'm going to click and open it, or delete and dismiss it without reading. If I open it and it says "hi", I'm deleting it, I'm deciding it is not worth my time. If I get a message from someone I'd never date, it is being deleted without me even reading it, it is definitely not worth writing back "not interested", just don't spend time on it, dismiss/delete it. It's as simply as that, don't try to make it into a foreign concept when this is what we do all of the time.

It is no different from determining such with people. You spend time with whom you want to spend time, versus many others who want to spend time with you. In essence, determining if the other party is worthy of your time.

I've invested a lot of my time into my educational pursuits, career explorations, hobbies, friends, family, and being of service to people, my spiritual growth, etc. I consider my time to be valuable as I am laying the foundation for the future I aspire to have (with or without someone). I have no children, no drama, I live own my own, have 2 (soon to be 4) career paths, am highly educated, have amazing friends and family........................I get to decide who is worth my time independent of how valuable the other person's time is. For all I know, their whole profile is a lie, while mine is not, so the value of their time is looking very subjective at this point in time, lol.


"Nobody's time is more valuable than anybody else"

>>>Seriously, I can type this with a straight face--there are people out there not worth my time.

they may be worth someone else's time. Like their mom's.

but not mine. And that doesn't necessarily mean they suck. They just ain't worth my particular time, so they shouldn't waste their's.

shifting gears...if I decide to compliment a beautiful lady, and resist beginning it with the sentence, "You know why I really want to have sex with you? Its because how you....", I might not be playing games when I decide to not present the compliment so honestly. I might just be resisting my urge for honesty, out of respect.

or to avoid getting slapped :)


I concur.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 166
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Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 12:50:50 PM
For myself it's real simple...
I've learned the value of discretion and having healthy boundaries....

If there's anything that requires me to 'strategize', manipulate and/or consciously decide to say or not say a piece of vital info, I have entered into 'game playing' territory....

Otherwise it's more about not engaging in TMI....

I've NEVER been one of those 'subtle' types and I've ALWAYS been lousy at hiding my emotions or pretending that I don't feel whatever it is that I'm feeling....

If I like you, you'll know it...If I don't, then you'll know THAT....

For me it's about living in integrity with who I AM at any given moment....

One reason I don't play games is simply because sooner or later, YOU will be 'seen' and if the 'you' that comes out bears little to NO resemblance to the 'you' that you presented and that 'won' you the girl/guy....

Then you're engaged in 'bait and switch' and that's not only not fair, but actually counterproductive in the dating scene, imo.

If I want to be loved and accepted for who I AM,then I better be willing to show who that is, otherwise, it's ALL smoke and mirrors and eventually....
You'll be left sitting across from a pretty resentful SO who feels as though they were 'fooled'....No thanks, not for me...
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 167
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Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 4:31:11 PM

I cannot speak for them, but I know where I'm going in life, or at least where I'm aiming to go, and making strides to such goal.

In theory, yes, everyone's time is valuable. In reality, you're metering your time and prioritizing what is worthy of your time and what will that time produce. If such were not true, there wouldn't be something called "time management skills".

You are deciding all day long what will garnish your time and attention. From deciding when to shower, what to watch on TV, when to take out the trash, how much time you will spend on this forum, etc. You are choosing one thing over the other, all the time, so you are jugging what is worth your time, all the time.

Every time I get a new message in my inbox, I'm deciding if I'm going to click and open it, or delete and dismiss it without reading. If I open it and it says "hi", I'm deleting it, I'm deciding it is not worth my time. If I get a message from someone I'd never date, it is being deleted without me even reading it, it is definitely not worth writing back "not interested", just don't spend time on it, dismiss/delete it. It's as simply as that, don't try to make it into a foreign concept when this is what we do all of the time.

It is no different from determining such with people. You spend time with whom you want to spend time, versus many others who want to spend time with you. In essence, determining if the other party is worthy of your time.

I've invested a lot of my time into my educational pursuits, career explorations, hobbies, friends, family, and being of service to people, my spiritual growth, etc. I consider my time to be valuable as I am laying the foundation for the future I aspire to have (with or without someone). I have no children, no drama, I live own my own, have 2 (soon to be 4) career paths, am highly educated, have amazing friends and family........................I get to decide who is worth my time independent of how valuable the other person's time is. For all I know, their whole profile is a lie, while mine is not, so the value of their time is looking very subjective at this point in time, lol.


What you say is correct however those decisions and time issues are also being made by men except that its their decision to send a message rather than reply. What I don't quite get is that I got the impression that you were giving your time in exchange for their money. Well they are also giving their time and for all they know, your profile could be a lie although I personally disagree with that.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 168
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 5:15:05 PM

What you say is correct however those decisions and time issues are also being made by men except that its their decision to send a message rather than reply. What I don't quite get is that I got the impression that you were giving your time in exchange for their money. Well they are also giving their time and for all they know, your profile could be a lie although I personally disagree with that.


Oh, because my argument for them paying for the date, is that I'm giving them my valuable time (independent for how valuable theirs may be). That's how this all ties in, lol. That's how we ended up at this point.

I don't give my time to just any Joe Blow, so when I do, I do expect to be appreciated for such by him sponsoring dating expenses. I am the person I say I am and I update my pictures regularly so there is no deceit in my part. That I don't intend to take things any further...........well that's another story but it is very clearly stated in my profile that such is the case.

We can definitely agree to disagree on the subject at hand.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 169
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 5:57:28 PM
Is your time as valuable when you date a woman? Does Jane Blow have to spend as much money on you as Joe does?
 pacino233
Joined: 10/10/2014
Msg: 170
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Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 6:07:12 PM
If I'm paying for her time and company, doesn't that make her an escort or prostitute? [Devil's advocate]
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 171
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 6:09:52 PM
Ainen,

I do not date women. I can't even say that in the case that I would, then...........but I've never dated a woman and never thought of doing so. I'm speechless, lol.

Edit to add:

And if I f*ck him at the end of the night, doesn't that make him a customer? And if I pay for the whole thing, doesn't that make him a gigolo?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 172
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 6:32:15 PM

Oh, because my argument for them paying for the date, is that I'm giving them my valuable time...


So when you get together with friends, family, co-workers, do you charge them for your valuable time?
 pacino233
Joined: 10/10/2014
Msg: 173
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Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 6:33:07 PM
It does if he has to pay for everything to have any fraction of a chance. It takes two people to go on a date, nobody is being forced and nobody is doing it as a "favour". I don't mind paying for a date unless we go somewhere too expensive, but if it's a matter of entitlement because I should just be oh so grateful that she decided to bless me with her time, sorry but I'm not going to have a positive opinion of that female. I work hard for my wages and saying that means less than whatever she does to earn hers is sexist and pretty arrogant. We can have equality but if a woman thinks she is entitled to a free night out for whatever reason then chivalry is wasted on that person as she simply doesn't deserve it to begin with. If you don't like someone enough to be willing to pay for your meal then you shouldn't be agreeing to the date in the first place. If you can be had because a meal is free then your standards are all kinds of messed up anyway.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 174
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 6:43:57 PM

So when you get together with friends, family, co-workers, do you charge them for your valuable time?


Neither my family nor friends are romantically interested in me, and I often pay more than my share when I'm with them.

Pacino,

You can do whatever you want, it's of no consequence to me what you choose to do and why.

This is the set-up I've been acostumed to, and I see no reason to change it. Have a problem with it? Blame my exes and every man I've dated.

Edit to add:

There is no such thing as free. If he were to mail me a gift card instead wanting to see me in person, then I'd say it's free.
 pacino233
Joined: 10/10/2014
Msg: 175
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Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 6:57:49 PM
I don't have a problem with what other people choose to do and if they get a free lunch out of it then awesome. My issue is with the idea that it is a right or entitlement and the notion that said entitlement can be rationalised. I get the attraction in terms of being wined and dined by a gentlemen and if he is offering then great. But likewise nobody should have to empty their account to impress a date; You either like someone or you don't. Time and money is equal on both sides when it comes to dating, getting dressed isn't a gender exclusive task.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 176
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 7:12:00 PM

Neither my family nor friends are romantically interested in me, and I often pay more than my share when I'm with them.

But the point is -- it's about your Valuable time. Whether or not it's agreeing to meet up with someone on a platonic level or non-platonic level -- it's still the same value of time being taken up. So if you're saying "I expect a guy to pay because this is taking up my time," the question then becomes "Okay, if that's the only reason, then do you expect your friends to pay your bill when you agree to go out with them during valuable time? Do you not have a guy pay your bill in the uncommon circumstances when you actually do have a lot of time to kill?"

I don't think it's because someone's taking up a valuable time-slot. That certainly can add Emphasis to it, when it takes up a valuable time-slot, sure. But it's not the core reason -- because as you say, it only applies to non-platonic situations.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 177
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 7:38:14 PM
Norwegian,

If it weren't because I've explained it to death in prior threads, I'd be more than happy to explain it again. Even I get tired of saying the same sh*t, lmao.

So I'm noticing this interesting trend in which you seem to be dedicated to quoting and opening "dialogue" with me, over anything I write, so I've got to ask......is there something you want to tell me? Are you aware that "private messages" exist? I'm inquiring out of sheer curiosity, I could always be wrong.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 178
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 7:40:37 PM

nobody should have to empty their account to impress a date;


Your absolutely correct, no one should have to empty their account to impress a date. I would think that if you felt like you had to do that there are likely reasons why.

Maybe you're way out of your league, you know it, whether conciously or subconciously and are trying to compensate by over extending?

Maybe it's a generational thing. I don't recall ever paying more than I was willing to spend when I asked a girl/woman out in a date. I invariably picked the venue, if she was interested she accepted, if not she did'nt. This isn't rocket science. I never asked a woman to go to a ballet performance and then a black tie dinner. Because chances are the type of woman who would attend those on a regular basis probably would'nt be a good match for me. But a steakhouse and ac/dc concert type woman would be a good match and yeah I'll pick up the tab because I asked her out.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 179
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 7:45:59 PM
Crookcatcher.... you like ACDC - We Aussies are everywhere.


love the beach lifestyle. Pina Coladas, margaritas, hot sand and cool evening breezes.

Sounds like Australia. ^^^^^

I have paid for a man to attend a black tie dinner a few times in my life.
Sometimes even paid for their suit.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 180
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 7:53:35 PM

I have paid for a man to attend a black tie dinner a few times in my life.
Sometimes even paid for their suit.


But the point is, you did'nt spend a dime more than you wanted too right?

And yes I have long been a fan of ac/dc, Guns and Roses and such. My oldest grandson still has that "no way" look when I give him a ride to football practice. Lol
 pacino233
Joined: 10/10/2014
Msg: 181
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Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 8:11:32 PM

Your absolutely correct, no one shouldhave to empty their account to impress a date. I would think that if you felt like you had to do that there are likely reasons why.

Maybe you're way out of your league, you know it, whether conciously or subconciously and are trying to compensate by over extending?

Maybe it's a generational thing. I don't recall ever paying more than I was willing to spend when I asked a girl/woman out in a date. I invariably picked the venue, if she was interested she accepted, if not she did'nt. This isn't rocket science. I never asked a woman to go to a ballet performance and then a black tie dinner. Because chances are the type of woman who would attend those probably would'nt be a good match for me. But a steakhouse and ac/dc concert type woman would be a good match and yeah I'll pick up the tab because I asked her out.


If we are talking personally, I usually offer to pay just because it's good manners and I can afford to do it (depending on the situation). Other times I have over spent because I'm having such a good time with someone that I am already "in" with that I simply get carried away. But that's about it. Thankfully I have never had to carry an entire evening due to a date feeling like she is owed something just because she chose to leave the house and meet up. Some women expect to have everything paid for because that's what their exes did, cool. Just don't make out that it's automatically deserved because it isn't. I could make the circular argument that I am now owed a second date or sex because I paid for said meal but I doubt that little theory would go the same way. As far as "leagues", I don't really understand what dictates that and maybe this is naivety on my part but if you are a good genuine person then you deserve the same regardless of job or looks. I think that the idea of thinking too highly of a potential interest just means you don't think much of yourself.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 182
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/5/2015 9:03:38 PM

But the point is, you did'nt spend a dime more than you wanted too right?


^^ Exactly.

Must live within your means.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 183
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/6/2015 12:10:18 AM


I don't have a problem with what other people choose to do and if they get a free lunch out of it then awesome. My issue is with the idea that it is a right or entitlement and the notion that said entitlement can be rationalised. I get the attraction in terms of being wined and dined by a gentlemen and if he is offering then great. But likewise nobody should have toempty their account to impress a date; You either like someone or you don't. Time and money is equal on both sides when it comes to dating, getting dressed isn't a gender exclusive task.

Well, maybe some women feel entitled based on gender. I tend to think women don't consider it a birthright as much as a cultural value of wanting to be treated specially, as in courted. You wouldn't know if she feels entitled, unless you clarified your position on who pays (many men don't do that), or if she felt that whomever did the asking should pay, as a matter of etiquette.

Women usually expect to be courted. This does not mean women don't reciprocate, but many do expect a certain amount of generosity in the beginning.

Imo, if that is a big issue, where he cannot stand showing any generosity towards someone he wishes to date and insists on Dutch from the get go, he is not for me. I will pay for myself and not bother with him, but that has never been an issue for me.

I do reciprocate, and would think anybody would find it tedious to pay for everything. My gfs think as I do, and are quite generous to their bfs.

Now that is just me and my gfs, everybody has the right, male or female, to "dictate their terms". Dating is not a democratic endeavor or right.

If you don't care for it, walk away, but do not play the "victim of financial assault" card.

Nobody forced a guy to pay. What usually happened was he thought he was going to get leverage.

When he didn't get it, he wanted a refund on "sunk costs".

Personally, any guy who asked me out, I had attraction to, if I accepted and if I didn't like him, we wouldn't be dating.

So, I do not get this problem of paying for fruitless dates that go nowhere.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 184
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Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/6/2015 3:05:13 AM
^^^^^^^^
Excellent!!!

And one more thread ends up about the whole "who pays" circuitous and ENDLESS argument...lmao

Simple, he invites me out whether for coffee or a meal, he pays...
I invite him, I pay...If it's mutual then we take turns or each pay our own...

I am SO tired of hearing about this ridiculousness, NOT even funny....

Get over yourselves men, the MAJORITY of women today , are PERFECTLY willing to pay and/or split the bill...and for every guy that you can show me who has been with a gold-digging female I can present an equally gold-digging MALE.

Apparently even women that are MARRIED are more than willing to prostitute themselves for material gain, so at least you're getting SOMETHING out of it.

If you feel that all women are just gold diggers, that's unfortunate...but is, frankly, delusional....The same as ALL men are only after sex, or primarily after sex....

What's happening in Hollywood and the marriages among the 'rich and fabulous' most often is NOT representative of what's going on in the rest of the world...

If you feel that it IS...then I suggest that you lay in a good supply of porn, although THAT will cost you as well....and just live happily ever after with yourself, by yourself...and stop generalizing your personal experience to ALL women...

It'll be a COLD day in Hell before I need a man to pay ANYTHING for me, thanks, I have taken care of myself since I was 13 yrs. old, and at this point wouldn't even CONSIDER dating someone with this, particular 'chip' on his shoulder...I am a generous person and fully expect to be with a man who is as well, rather than one sitting there with his mental calculator always whirring away, ensuring that "balance and fairness" are maintained.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 185
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Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/6/2015 12:23:29 PM
Debates like these usually end up as a battle of the sexes where males agree with each other and females likewise.

Most men I think like to be gentlemanly and offer to buy a coffee for the female if its their first meeting/date and while most females prefer some generosity, they appreciate it when its given. Its when it get more advanced than that with expectations and cost that the disagreements occur.
 kasandroid
Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 186
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/6/2015 7:28:18 PM
Geezuz cripes if men in my area live to impress women I'd say epic fail, since the majority look pretty scruffy.

I guess Duck Dynasty is the new look for men or something. I swear I might go gay soon.
 pacino233
Joined: 10/10/2014
Msg: 187
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Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/7/2015 5:38:55 AM
@ Kasandroid

If only you lived where I do, you'd think you fell into the twilight zone! On numerous occasions I've seen people out doing their shopping in onesies and pajamas in addition to those who apparently wear belts but can't pull their trousers up. But the other day I saw the most mental thing I have ever seen in public; I was in Game and a middle aged bloke was stood with what I assume was his fairly young girlfriend, holding her by a chain attached to a collar around her neck and a ball gag in her mouth! I had to leave the shop because my facial expression was stuck on "What in the actual fu....?!"
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 188
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/7/2015 6:05:43 AM
Thank goodness I read that twice, if I hadn't caught the YOUNG girlfriend I'd would have reckoned you saw me LOL. I would have taken a picture. Two.
 pacino233
Joined: 10/10/2014
Msg: 189
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Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/7/2015 6:10:40 AM
Haha Ouija, I won't lie, I was tempted! There is a picture on Facebook (apparently she doesn't mind having her photo taken) but I won't post it here as it feels like a bit of a nasty thing to do. Although if you are willing to dress that way in public.....
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