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 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 183
Do men just live to impress women?Page 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)


I don't have a problem with what other people choose to do and if they get a free lunch out of it then awesome. My issue is with the idea that it is a right or entitlement and the notion that said entitlement can be rationalised. I get the attraction in terms of being wined and dined by a gentlemen and if he is offering then great. But likewise nobody should have toempty their account to impress a date; You either like someone or you don't. Time and money is equal on both sides when it comes to dating, getting dressed isn't a gender exclusive task.

Well, maybe some women feel entitled based on gender. I tend to think women don't consider it a birthright as much as a cultural value of wanting to be treated specially, as in courted. You wouldn't know if she feels entitled, unless you clarified your position on who pays (many men don't do that), or if she felt that whomever did the asking should pay, as a matter of etiquette.

Women usually expect to be courted. This does not mean women don't reciprocate, but many do expect a certain amount of generosity in the beginning.

Imo, if that is a big issue, where he cannot stand showing any generosity towards someone he wishes to date and insists on Dutch from the get go, he is not for me. I will pay for myself and not bother with him, but that has never been an issue for me.

I do reciprocate, and would think anybody would find it tedious to pay for everything. My gfs think as I do, and are quite generous to their bfs.

Now that is just me and my gfs, everybody has the right, male or female, to "dictate their terms". Dating is not a democratic endeavor or right.

If you don't care for it, walk away, but do not play the "victim of financial assault" card.

Nobody forced a guy to pay. What usually happened was he thought he was going to get leverage.

When he didn't get it, he wanted a refund on "sunk costs".

Personally, any guy who asked me out, I had attraction to, if I accepted and if I didn't like him, we wouldn't be dating.

So, I do not get this problem of paying for fruitless dates that go nowhere.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 184
view profile
History
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/6/2015 3:05:13 AM
^^^^^^^^
Excellent!!!

And one more thread ends up about the whole "who pays" circuitous and ENDLESS argument...lmao

Simple, he invites me out whether for coffee or a meal, he pays...
I invite him, I pay...If it's mutual then we take turns or each pay our own...

I am SO tired of hearing about this ridiculousness, NOT even funny....

Get over yourselves men, the MAJORITY of women today , are PERFECTLY willing to pay and/or split the bill...and for every guy that you can show me who has been with a gold-digging female I can present an equally gold-digging MALE.

Apparently even women that are MARRIED are more than willing to prostitute themselves for material gain, so at least you're getting SOMETHING out of it.

If you feel that all women are just gold diggers, that's unfortunate...but is, frankly, delusional....The same as ALL men are only after sex, or primarily after sex....

What's happening in Hollywood and the marriages among the 'rich and fabulous' most often is NOT representative of what's going on in the rest of the world...

If you feel that it IS...then I suggest that you lay in a good supply of porn, although THAT will cost you as well....and just live happily ever after with yourself, by yourself...and stop generalizing your personal experience to ALL women...

It'll be a COLD day in Hell before I need a man to pay ANYTHING for me, thanks, I have taken care of myself since I was 13 yrs. old, and at this point wouldn't even CONSIDER dating someone with this, particular 'chip' on his shoulder...I am a generous person and fully expect to be with a man who is as well, rather than one sitting there with his mental calculator always whirring away, ensuring that "balance and fairness" are maintained.
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 185
view profile
History
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/6/2015 12:23:29 PM
Debates like these usually end up as a battle of the sexes where males agree with each other and females likewise.

Most men I think like to be gentlemanly and offer to buy a coffee for the female if its their first meeting/date and while most females prefer some generosity, they appreciate it when its given. Its when it get more advanced than that with expectations and cost that the disagreements occur.
 kasandroid
Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 186
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/6/2015 7:28:18 PM
Geezuz cripes if men in my area live to impress women I'd say epic fail, since the majority look pretty scruffy.

I guess Duck Dynasty is the new look for men or something. I swear I might go gay soon.
 pacino233
Joined: 10/10/2014
Msg: 187
view profile
History
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/7/2015 5:38:55 AM
@ Kasandroid

If only you lived where I do, you'd think you fell into the twilight zone! On numerous occasions I've seen people out doing their shopping in onesies and pajamas in addition to those who apparently wear belts but can't pull their trousers up. But the other day I saw the most mental thing I have ever seen in public; I was in Game and a middle aged bloke was stood with what I assume was his fairly young girlfriend, holding her by a chain attached to a collar around her neck and a ball gag in her mouth! I had to leave the shop because my facial expression was stuck on "What in the actual fu....?!"
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 188
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/7/2015 6:05:43 AM
Thank goodness I read that twice, if I hadn't caught the YOUNG girlfriend I'd would have reckoned you saw me LOL. I would have taken a picture. Two.
 pacino233
Joined: 10/10/2014
Msg: 189
view profile
History
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/7/2015 6:10:40 AM
Haha Ouija, I won't lie, I was tempted! There is a picture on Facebook (apparently she doesn't mind having her photo taken) but I won't post it here as it feels like a bit of a nasty thing to do. Although if you are willing to dress that way in public.....
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 190
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/7/2015 6:15:29 AM

if I hadn't caught the YOUNG girlfriend I'd would have reckoned you saw me


Well, isn't that a visual to get the weekend blood a boiling!!!! You always make me smile Ouija,,,,,and not always in the good way. ;)
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 191
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/7/2015 9:18:11 AM

If it weren't because I've explained it to death in prior threads, I'd be more than happy to explain it again. Even I get tired of saying the same sh*t, lmao.

Well then, don't open up a can of worms with merely a "my time is valuable" as a key reason as to why a guy should pay. It's not nitpicking, nor it is about You, as it's a classic, ill-fated reason as to why -- unless there's more to it than just merely boy-and-girl go out on date. There's way more understandable reasons... which IMO, is a case by case basis (where it's known that it's a key point in time where it IS kind of a sacrifice; girl giving a guy a chance when not that into him and he gets the Yes he so wanted; he's fine financially, she's knowingly Not; he asks to Take Her Out; etc).

Women usually expect to be courted.

And I think that becomes a potential issue... yes, many women feel Entitled to be courted. Guys don't "force" anything on girls, girls don't "force" anything on guys. But it's the Entitlement position that bleeds into attitude, as if Any date under any circumstance is like a reality show where "I only have 1 rose to give", and guys are lining up as the contestants, and she is the shining light. Not saying it's so much "pa-dow" like that as some norm, but it too commonly can get a little too much into/around that zone because of the feeling of Entitlement and "You Deserve!" mentality, which when noticed, will turn many guys off.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 192
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/7/2015 9:48:08 AM

Well then, don't open up a can of worms with merely a "my time is valuable" as a key reason as to why a guy should pay. It's not nitpicking, nor it is about You, as it's a classic, ill-fated reason as to why -- unless there's more to it than just merely boy-and-girl go out on date. There's way more understandable reasons... which IMO, is a case by case basis (where it's known that it's a key point in time where it IS kind of a sacrifice; girl giving a guy a chance when not that into him and he gets the Yes he so wanted; he's fine financially, she's knowingly Not; he asks to Take Her Out; etc).


Well then, look at someone's posting history and get to know who you are attempting to speak to. I'm not opening any can of worms, and if you pay attention, you don't see many people trying to harp on what I'm saying because they've heard me talk about it so many times over the years, they know this is how I operate, and nothing they say will result in changing that. While you may be inquiring out of mere curiosity, there are people who have been here for years, threads that have already been done to death, and no matter what anyone says, people are who they are even if it makes no sense to anyone.

So next time you want to quote me (as it seems you often do), look at my posting history as I am likely not gonna explain it again, I've already established who I am and what I'm about long ago. That is the reason I don't reply to most of your inquiries, they are regurgitations of what's been asked and answered before. Stick around and get familiar with the posters and you'll see each one has a set of positions and approaches that remain constant over time. Get your feet wet before you get in the pool.

I'm trying to save myself the impending carpal tunnel, by not explaining everything in detail, I'm trying to keep it short and curt if I've already spoken of such before. It's not you, it's me, lol.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 193
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/7/2015 5:04:27 PM

On numerous occasions I've seen people out doing their shopping in onesies


What? Last I knew Onesies are like one piece underwear for babies to help keep their diapers on, and fasten at the crotch. I don’t want to know any “adult” who would wear something like that in public…is that what you mean?
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 194
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/7/2015 5:29:08 PM
Not the man I had a dinner date with last night.

I turned up well dressed, nice shoes, hair done and make up.
He commented on what I was wearing and that he was in a T shift, jeans and runners.

All through the evening he whined and complained about everything from servers in retail shops to his family, exes etc etc
I asked him at least 6 times to please cheer up and be positive.
At least for 1 hour.

'I AM BEING POSITIVE... IT IS THAT XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX'

After I finished my meal, that I paid for, (his was untouched as he has been talking and complaining constantly) I stood up, said:

"I do not want to be around all this negativity. Asking 6 times is enough. I thought I was having dinner with a handsome charming man."

Then I left.

p.s. This is with a man I met in real life. Last night was not our first date but it will be our last.


 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 195
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/8/2015 10:56:16 AM

Not the man I had a dinner date with last night.

I turned up well dressed, nice shoes, hair done and make up.
He commented on what I was wearing and that he was in a T shift, jeans and runners.

All through the evening he whined and complained about everything from servers in retail shops to his family, exes etc etc
I asked him at least 6 times to please cheer up and be positive.
At least for 1 hour.

'I AM BEING POSITIVE... IT IS THAT XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX'

After I finished my meal, that I paid for, (his was untouched as he has been talking and complaining constantly) I stood up, said:

"I do not want to be around all this negativity. Asking 6 times is enough. I thought I was having dinner with a handsome charming man."

Then I left.

p.s. This is with a man I met in real life. Last night was not our first date but it will be our last.


I guess there was no reveling in the joy of life.


I thought I was having dinner with a handsome charming man.".


Wherever did you get THAT idea in the first place?
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 196
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/8/2015 12:52:57 PM

you don't see many people trying to harp on what I'm saying because they've heard me talk about it so many times over the years, they know this is how I operate, and nothing they say will result in changing that.

Well, I don't "follow you" so much to know every individual little point. So no, I don't remember that Point exactly by you. Sorry I'm not a huge follower/fan. :) By that rationale, if someone is "known enough" to have a particular view that would stir responses -- anybody who's not new shouldn't respond to it at all because it Should already be known "that's how they feel"?

Again, you can feel that way, that's fine. Someone else can feel that a woman should pay a guy's way every time no matter what... and someone can think that their time is more valuable than anyone they'll go out on a date with (flip hair), thus, the other person has to pay their way Because of that. But if it's "already known" so much that allegedly anyone not new would have that documented in their minds -- why re-iterate again? And expect someone not new to respond to it?

Bottom line, if someone makes a statement that very well may beg question marks, criticism, or even validation -- expect a response -- whether it be someone who's new or not new to it.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 197
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/8/2015 2:15:55 PM

I thought I was having dinner with a handsome charming man.".


Wherever did you get THAT idea in the first place?



^^^ He had been in the past.
Plus I live in hope.

Will say however I am starting to become as jaded as some on here so will take a break.
Wish I could be satisfied with the concept of being single forever.
Would certainly be easier.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 198
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/8/2015 8:15:55 PM

Well, I don't "follow you" so much to know every individual little point. So no, I don't remember that Point exactly by you. Sorry I'm not a huge follower/fan. :) By that rationale, if someone is "known enough" to have a particular view that would stir responses -- anybody who's not new shouldn't respond to it at all because it Should already be known "that's how they feel"?


Following is more an IG or Twitter thing.

I was simply bringing to your attention that I'm noticing your tendency to quote me in almost every thread I post. I am explaining my reasons for not responding to most inquiries, and suggesting that a posting history may reveal a little more detail, prior to quoting someone in such frequency.

You have the right to quote away, and I have the right to overlook it and not respond. I do not quote with the expectation of a reply, I simply contribute my thoughts and whatever happens happens.


Again, you can feel that way, that's fine. Someone else can feel that a woman should pay a guy's way every time no matter what... and someone can think that their time is more valuable than anyone they'll go out on a date with (flip hair), thus, the other person has to pay their way Because of that. But if it's "already known" so much that allegedly anyone not new would have that documented in their minds -- why re-iterate again? And expect someone not new to respond to it?


I do not post with intent to garnish attention or produce shock, I say whatever I want. I'm responsible for what I post, I'm not responsible for what people feel or understand as a result.

Did it ever dawn on you that maybe....just maybe....I don't care about what any particular individual (in the forums) feel or think about what I post? I mean, you are aware that it's a forum right? Like these people do not exist in person in your real everyday life right? I'm pointing it out because this is how I see it, I don't personally know anyone in the forums, so there's this impersonal connection that often results in a lack of sensibility toward another stranger and a sort of sympathy for others.


Bottom line, if someone makes a statement that very well may beg question marks, criticism, or even validation -- expect a response -- whether it be someone who's new or not new to it.


The bottom line is that you can do whatever you want, and I can do the same.

And on that note, I'm gonna take some time off the forums, before I get really nasty. Just kidding, I don't give a f*ck, lol.

Word to the wise: don't get so s*cked into the forums you forget the difference between your real life, and the virtual one. Let's try to have some fun, it's really not that serious.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 199
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/8/2015 8:40:43 PM
BelleAtlantic? I think we used to pay you for phone service back when we had a rotary dial on the kitchen wall...

As for dumping money on a date, my consensus is its the equivalent of spending money with friends in order to try to buy fun. If you're among the right people, you can spend little money and still have a relaxing, stress-reducing fun time due to their company. Or you might be inspired to dig deep, and not even feel the pinch.

a few men shoot themselves early in the foot, by approaching women with the subconscious attitude of, "I have a burden, would you please relieve me of it? What do I have to do to make it worth your while?". And that burden, of course, is "everyone's getting laid but me, I don't want to feel like an unattractive loser."

Who wants the burden of another person's liberation? If we see having fun, and paying for it, not as the ends, but the means to our favored end (ie, a date is the journey we take to our destination, getting laid town), then we're going to be a burden on our date.

yes, there are some women out there who approach a date as, "let's have fun. see where it leads. maybe we'll be in a mood to ratchet up the fun by holding hands. maybe that'll lead to making out, b/c that can be fun, too." they are accused as being the women who are in control of the dating world, that they are the ones who get to decide who gets laid and who doesn't get past the closed gate of legs.

he knows what his goal for the evening is. he just isn't sure how to convince her she wants to end up with sticky thighs.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 200
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/8/2015 8:59:11 PM

BelleAtlantic? I think we used to pay you for phone service back when we had a rotary dial on the kitchen wall...


Wait...my version of rotary phone may differ from yours, lol. I remember putting my finger in the hole and moving it all the way up, making a sorta pleasant sound each time, then had to wait for the numbers to finish registering before the phone rang.

Oh oh oh, I get it now, lmao. Yes, I purposely maneuvered it like that, I remember the blue emblem and the HUGE building around my neighborhood where the payments were made. :-)
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 201
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/8/2015 9:50:19 PM
Belle, your main photo could almost be used as an advertisement for one of those really old telephone operators.

The ones with the big board of wires and plugs where the customer called the operator, often by winding a handle and asked to be connected to someone else.
She, (the operator was always she) had a fabulous voice, was cheerful and knew everything about everybody as she could listen in to calls.
Many were shared lines so neighbours could listen in to each others conversations as well.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 202
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/8/2015 10:07:23 PM
hmmmm, I like the way you think Oz

I might buy parts to recreate the imagine as a phone operator, just for kicks, lol,
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 203
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/8/2015 10:35:52 PM
Make sure you wear a little black dress.

I think they all wore LBL's
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 204
Do men just live to impress women?
Posted: 3/8/2015 11:15:04 PM

I don't care about what any particular individual (in the forums) feel or think about what I post?

Great then. As I said before, I don't read and/or reply to your every post. And if you don't care, there's nothing to worry about. No need to go carpel! :) I did read your previous posts in this thread before your summary -- which yeah, I understand, regardless of what one's time is worth to others, to ourselves it can be high, medium, low, etc. But my point is, it's not the reason why you expect/demand a guy to pay every time. Otherwise, you'd be applying the same principle to gal-pals who want to hang out with you, just as much as a guy with non-platonic intentions/aspirations. It'd be dependent on the time-frame and the value of your time (kind of like Uber -- Never order Uber on NYE @1:00AM!).

Who wants the burden of another person's liberation? If we see having fun, and paying for it, not as the ends, but the means to our favored end (ie, a date is the journey we take to our destination, getting laid town), then we're going to be a burden on our date.

Sooo... a guy should pay money as the means to complete the journey (date), to get laid as the ends. So to avoid burdening the date and to complete that journey to get to get laid in the end, you should pay for the date. Or an escort (a bit more money; but less time spent - which, if one's time is valuable, can mean a lot to them).

he knows what his goal for the evening is. he just isn't sure how to convince her she wants to end up with sticky thighs.

To be honest, a lot of guys aren't trying to pork the gal on the 1st date, or even 2nd date, thinking about how to get her thighs sticky that evening. Not to say almost all guys wouldn't mind that! I just think that immediate sense 'goal' isn't necessarily on his mind, unless he isn't that into her, but wants to make the most out of that said 1st or 2nd date to at least get some action in to make up for his 'valuable time' + money. I would say it'd be a goal not to Botch that opportunity when it seems possibly ripe to occur... but a relatively decent guy's main goal for a gal he has Real interest in is to garner her interest & comfort-zone if he's in that section of the dating phase. If he isn't that into her, he'd be willing to sacrifice that to push the envelope on "taking a stab at her"... where if he Is into her, that's not going to be his focal point in-the-moment... garnering her Interest in a solidified way would be.

Essentially, if he just wants to bang -- the goal of the (first) date itself is going to be centered around porking her.
If he is really liking her -- the goal of that date itself is going to be centered around garnering her interest, etc.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 205
putting my finger into the hole and hearing the sounds made
Posted: 3/9/2015 9:45:17 AM
Ah, the rotary phone, where you could listen to the dial ratcheting and guess the number.
My father had ours for over a decade until I was old enough to read the bill and notice he'd been paying $9 a month to rent the darn thing all that time. Probably the most expensive one not gold plated :)

in my own personal experience, my dates that occurred "unnaturally"--that is, there wasn't so much of an attraction/ connection of personalities, but we were able to stand each other and our goal was to just not be so alone in life--tended to result in more money being spent. Like spending money was the cover for the fact that, if we weren't out having a good time at a fun place, we'd probably notice that we could interchange the person next to us for another person. That probably sounds bleak and draconian, but on dates where I spent little money, it usually was b/c we two people really hit it off and could sit on a couch together and still have a great night, doing not a whole lot more than just enjoying the others' presence.

You're right, not everyone's plan is to hook up on the first date. But it might be a "sooner rather than later", while the other person might be seeing sex as a "let's wait and see." their goal is to have a good time making a good connection and feeling that connection...and then, it might lead to sex, or it might lead to friendship. More of an evolution than an oriented path. Speaking generally, some of us fellows may be more goal oriented, and not willing to just hang and talk and not care whether it led to something or not, just enjoying the moment and let Fate decided the future of the relationship.

and don't get me wrong, any finger I might be pointing at others results in three fingers pointing back at me :)
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 206
putting my finger into the hole and hearing the sounds made
Posted: 3/9/2015 12:44:48 PM

That probably sounds bleak and draconian, but on dates where I spent little money, it usually was b/c we two people really hit it off and could sit on a couch together and still have a great night

True... but I would think that's a post-1st-date thing where you already hit it off, if it's on your couch. A coffee shop thing would be good for a 1st date -- nothing taken out of any real funds. Only a Really Poor college kid is going to b!tch about buying even a not-as-good-looking-as-expected gal a coffee or tea.

However, I think more ideal/common 1st date situations for the non-cautious would be going to a bar to get some drinks and an appetizer around happy hour or early evening... which wouldn't be as much as a full-blooded "dinner and drinks" evening on a Saturday night, but it's going to still going to rack up expenses on multiple dates. Enough where a guy, if he's going out on dates that pile up over time -- he's going to want her to Like him, and not be doing that out of back-pocket-option boredom, attention, half-hearted semi-interest, etc. He knows he's going to run into that now and again and can't cry foul (thus, don't make your 1st date too much)... but just as much as one should say to a guy "Be more selective when going out on a date," one should also say to a gal "Don't go out on a date with a guy just to get your feet wet in the dating circuit, unless you actually Mean to contribute a good amount to the bill if you're not that into him (which is to be likely)... and don't go out on a 2nd outing/date if you're not that into him, if you want him to pay. Coffees or ice cream or meanial things don't apply, though -- but there's still the don't waste his time or yours if it's past the 1st outing/date."

Guys though can't b!tch IRL about it, or let it get to them that much... but they should be aware of situations where he's going out several times and if those bills are piling up from non-fancy outings... as too much expenses over time can be an indicator he's going about things the wrong way (landing dates with gals who aren't that into him walking into it, or after meeting him if blind from online).
 carleyrenee1
Joined: 12/13/2014
Msg: 207
impressing the woman!
Posted: 3/14/2015 12:22:16 PM
if he starts out trying to impress me he better keep doing it long after we do the mattress dancing or i'll have to have a firm talking to his "boys". hee hee
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